Jump to content

Recommended Posts

In tribute to the late Dr William McBride.

 

Three women were waiting at the obstretician's office and they were all knitting.  The first puts down her knitting and takes a tablet and the other two ask, "What's that?"

"It's a calcium supplement so my baby has strong teeth and bones."

The second lady puts down her knitting and takes a tablet and the others ask, "What's that?" 

"Its a folate supplement so my baby won't get spina bifida." 

The third lady puts down her knitting and takes a tablet.  "What's that?" ask the other two.

"Thalidomide, I can't knit sleeves."

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

And in tribute to another recently departed Australian.

 

An elderly man and an elderly woman would meet in the park every day.  They did this for a few months and then the old guy says, "We've been meeting here every day for a while now and no-one pays us much attention.  How about while we sit here, you hold my penis?"

The old girl thinks about it for a while and agrees, so after that they would meet in the park every day and while they sat there watching the world go by, she would hold his penis.  And every day for a couple of years they did this.

One day, the old man wasn't sitting on their bench and the old girl panicked thinking the worst.  She raced (as best she could) around the park and eventually found him sitting on another bench with another old lady and she was holding his penis.  She was livid.

"How dare you come here to our park and sit on the bench with this woman with her holding your penis.  What's she got that I haven't got?"

The old bloke smiled and looked her in the eye and said, "Parkinson's disease."

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This morning I made my hamster an extra strong espresso coffee and crushed some caffeine pills up in his food ...

I'd hate for him to fall asleep at the wheel.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting that feminists are never feminine.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"He used me for sex"

No, you used sex to get something else out of him and it didn't work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man is poaching turtles to sell to the local restaurants, when a police man catches him .
The cop says  "it's illegal to poach turtles out of this river, they’re an endangered species”?
The man says to the officer, “no this is my pet turtle. I bring him down here everyday and let him go for a swim. He swims across the river and back”.
“Bullshit” the officer replies. So the man places the turtle in the water and says “watch this”. The turtle swims out and the two men are standing there waiting.
Ten minutes goes past and the officer says “well where’s the turtle?”.

The man replies  ...“what turtle”?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

During the recent hot weather I have had trouble sleeping, so last night I drank 10 pints of stella, and I slept like a baby.

I was sick twice and shat myself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

3035fa52d4170d34dfe9d6e1a3ef8e6f.jpg

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

too much humming for my liking

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

9911E011-3646-4FA2-BA0A-0F002C377957.jpeg

  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sitting somewhere between Geneva and Naples as we speak.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Which group sang "Baby Love"?

 

A: The Supremes.

 

Which group sang "Egg Love"?

 

A: The Chicken Supremes.

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would an all-gay male Supremes tribute band call themselves "The Meatlovers"?

 

 

 

(I hope the pizza names translate from Australian otherwise it might be a bit cryptic).

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Usain Bolt tries to join a golf club but the receptionist says; "To be honest we don't encourage black members here - but there is a club ten minutes down the road that's okay with that"

 

Bolt says - "Do you know who I am, I'm Usain Bolt."

 

"Oh right," says the receptionist "in that case the other club is only five minutes down the road."

  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6592.jpg

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

56A189BA-17DC-4239-BC6B-6F1B02CC833A.jpeg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×

Important Information

Your use of this forum is subject to our Terms of Use