Brinsworth House Baiter 12 Posted January 11, 2006 Did you hear about the Dyslexic- Agnostic -Insomniac, he layed awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog?. That's not the same dyslexic who went to a toga party dressed as a goat is it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BobTheChicken 0 Posted January 13, 2006 This is possibly the worst joke I have ever heard: Q) What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying on a beach? A) Bob I'm not surprised it's the worst joke you've ever heard because whoever told you it got it wrong. It should be "what do you call a man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool"..... More crap........ Q. What do you call a man with a slice of ham on his head? A. Hammed. Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head? A. Mohammed. Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head and a vibrator up his arse? A. Sheik Mohammed. Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head and a vibrator up his arse shagging a sheep? A. Sheik Mohammed Haslam. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted January 13, 2006 What's the difference between apathy and ignorance? I don't know and I don't care 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,641 Posted January 13, 2006 What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuck to a wall? Art What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted January 16, 2006 The Funniest Blonde Joke ever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Crossed 33 Posted January 16, 2006 The Funniest Blonde Joke ever. I don't get it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted January 16, 2006 My reputation of telling bad jokes shall continue with this Joke which I was recently told: 'I heard that there are no ashtrays in the Celebrity Big Broher House this year. Michael Barrymore says that he'll just throw his fags in the pool.' I bet you didn't see that comming. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 110 Posted January 16, 2006 My reputation of telling bad jokes shall continue with this Joke which I was recently told: 'I heard that there are no ashtrays in the Celebrity Big Broher House this year. Michael Barrymore says that he'll just throw his fags in the pool.' In America a cigerette isn't really known as a fag\ fags around here are the 2 happy men who now are able to get married. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted January 16, 2006 My reputation of telling bad jokes shall continue with this Joke which I was recently told: 'I heard that there are no ashtrays in the Celebrity Big Broher House this year. Michael Barrymore says that he'll just throw his fags in the pool.' I bet you didn't see that comming. Er..wasn't that the joke? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 110 Posted January 16, 2006 My reputation of telling bad jokes shall continue with this Joke which I was recently told: 'I heard that there are no ashtrays in the Celebrity Big Broher House this year. Michael Barrymore says that he'll just throw his fags in the pool.' I bet you didn't see that comming. Er..wasn't that the joke? I take it as pretty much all that is said in this thread is a joke. Infact what you just said Godot could be a joke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted January 16, 2006 You've lost me there BS. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,641 Posted January 16, 2006 QUOTE (Anubis the Jackal @ Jan 16 2006, 09:45 AM) The Funniest Blonde Joke ever. I don't get it... Star Crossed, the joke is.......there is no joke. Only a thicko - like a blonde - would keep clicking round in circles without spotting the pointless chase for what it is. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Crossed 33 Posted January 16, 2006 QUOTE (Anubis the Jackal @ Jan 16 2006, 09:45 AM) The Funniest Blonde Joke ever. I don't get it... Star Crossed, the joke is.......there is no joke. Only a thicko - like a blonde - would keep clicking round in circles without spotting the pointless chase for what it is. Oh! NOW I get it... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brinsworth House Baiter 12 Posted January 16, 2006 Okay, there's this guy, called Hunter, who owns a nail business that has fallen upon hard times. His accountant warns him that he needs to do something quick before the business goes under, so Hunter decides to act. He enlists the services of an advertising firm, who send a new, dynamic representative to see him. 'Don't worry,' says the ad rep, 'leave it to me & I'll sort you out with an ad for the telly.' 'The telly?' 'Yeah, slap bang in the middle of Coronation Street. Your business will tenfold- trust me!' And trust him Hunter does &, a week later, he's settling down in front of the box with his wife eagerly waiting for his advert. It comes on, as promised, during the Corrie break & the screen shows a crowd scene. Gradually the camera lifts over the crowd & pans in on what is quite obviously Jesus Christ on the cross. The camera hovers on the Messiah's grimace & then moves onto the wounds at his wrists, as a voiceover announces 'Hunter's Nails won't let you down!' 'Bloody hell!' Hunter exclaims, exchanging a horrified glance with his wife as he grabs the phone & rings the ad rep. 'What the bloody hell was that!' 'Did you like it?' 'Like it? It was way too controversial! This'll finish me!' 'Too controversial eh?' Says the ad man. 'Okay, here's what I'll do. I'll do you another advert, at exactly the same time next week & make it less controversial. I'll also waive the fee, okay? Trust me.' And so Hunter does &, the following week, he's settled down with his wife to watch Corrie. The ad break comes on & the screen is filled with flowing grass & Hunter begins to relax, until the camera pans in on Jesus running for his life. Then the camera switches to the two Centurians chasing him & one turns to the other & pants 'this wouldn't have happened if we'd used Hunter's Nails!' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Oates 21 Posted January 18, 2006 The thought-police (or perhaps the Met) will probably get me for this but here goes, anyway. Read at your own risk. An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night, having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says: "In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice." The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says: "Well mate, in Straaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says: "In London we have so many f**king South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted January 18, 2006 'Hunter's Nails won't let you down!'[snip] 'this wouldn't have happened if we'd used Hunter's Nails!' The Dutch version has the punchlines in rhyme: "Met spijkers van Van Leeuwen hangt-ie er al eeuwen" and "Jezus van het kruis gepleurd: met spijkers van Van Leeuwen was dat nooit gebeurd!" This joke didn't go down very well with one of my former bosses, named Van Leeuwen and a bit of a evangelical Xtian. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
in eternum+ 22 Posted January 18, 2006 The Dutch version has the punchlines in rhyme: "Met spijkers van Van Leeuwen hangt-ie er al eeuwen" and "Jezus van het kruis gepleurd: met spijkers van Van Leeuwen was dat nooit gebeurd!" This joke didn't go down very well with one of my former bosses, named Van Leeuwen and a bit of a evangelical Xtian. regards, Hein 'Former', you say? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted January 18, 2006 'Former', you say? Yes, former. As in: someone who's not my boss anymore. I can name quite a few of them. A few of them were sacked. One died. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
in eternum+ 22 Posted January 18, 2006 'Former', you say? Yes, former. As in: someone who's not my boss anymore. I can name quite a few of them. A few of them were sacked. One died. regards, Hein Yeah, got the meaning of 'former'. It was more the linking of it to the first part of that sentence. Sorry, things go on in my head that no one else gets. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 110 Posted January 18, 2006 You've lost me there BS. I bet you didn't see that comming. - Not a joke Er......Wasn't that the joke? - Godot creates a joke See my point Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted January 18, 2006 You've lost me there BS. I bet you didn't see that comming. - Not a joke Er......Wasn't that the joke? - Godot creates a joke See my point Not exactly. But let it lie, let it lie. People have died during this exchange. Some may have died because of it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted January 19, 2006 A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: " Make 'em all ugly again." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted January 19, 2006 I've noticed you really have a vicious streak in you LD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted January 20, 2006 I've noticed you really have a vicious streak in you LD Thank you. I take that as a compliment. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
