Room 101

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Because everyone else is an arsehole.

In Fraserburgh, possibly.

 

Windsor's certainly an arsehole, not sure if he's representative of Fraserburgh in general?

 

Harsh! He may be Scottish, but that doesn't necessarily make him an arsehole

[Windsor 2,233]

Anyway...

 

I've tasted Cravendale...and it just tastes like milk.

Rather disappointing when you consider their adverts...

[Rotten Ali 600]

The UK's Department of Transport has to be sent into Room 101.

It is said, (by me, 'cus I've worked there) that the Train works in Derby (currently run by Bombardier) is a very fine place to buy a new set of trains for the Thames Link service.

Shame the DoT don't wish to support British manufacturing when the Tories say industry as now "vital" in putting the country back to work.

 

BULLSH!T!NG T0RY ARSEH0LES

[Toast 16,137]

Jo Whiley. Simpering smug cow.

 

And all of those brainless wastes of space that the BBC wastes our licence money on sends to Glastonbury. They have nothing of interest or intelligence to impart. I just want to see the bands.

[Windsor 2,233]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

Families, eh? There's always one member that needs a good slap.

[Guest guest]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

[Windsor 2,233]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

[welshman 31]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

It was me. But really why would you need to know who called you on such a pathetic (and give your past record misogynistic) post though? You should just accept that you have been rightly called on such stupidity and learn from it and not draw further attention to it.

[sympathyforthedevil 11]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

It was me. But really why would you need to know who called you on such a pathetic (and give your past record misogynistic) post though? You should just accept that you have been rightly called on such stupidity and learn from it and not draw further attention to it.

 

hmm not sure who to support here as I'm not a fan of either of these posters.

 

Maybe best to just sit back and watch the futility of a holier-than-thou Welshman battle a grumpy Scotsman.

[welshman 31]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

It was me. But really why would you need to know who called you on such a pathetic (and give your past record misogynistic) post though? You should just accept that you have been rightly called on such stupidity and learn from it and not draw further attention to it.

 

hmm not sure who to support here as I'm not a fan of either of these posters.

 

Maybe best to just sit back and watch the futility of a holier-than-thou Welshman battle a grumpy Scotsman.

Why join in for such a lame post, nothing better to do with your life. Idiot.

[Windsor 2,233]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

It was me. But really why would you need to know who called you on such a pathetic (and give your past record misogynistic) post though? You should just accept that you have been rightly called on such stupidity and learn from it and not draw further attention to it.

 

hmm not sure who to support here as I'm not a fan of either of these posters.

 

Maybe best to just sit back and watch the futility of a holier-than-thou Welshman battle a grumpy Scotsman.

Why join in for such a lame post, nothing better to do with your life. Idiot.

 

I just like to know which of you has decided to insult me.

[sympathyforthedevil 11]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

It was me. But really why would you need to know who called you on such a pathetic (and give your past record misogynistic) post though? You should just accept that you have been rightly called on such stupidity and learn from it and not draw further attention to it.

 

hmm not sure who to support here as I'm not a fan of either of these posters.

 

Maybe best to just sit back and watch the futility of a holier-than-thou Welshman battle a grumpy Scotsman.

Why join in for such a lame post, nothing better to do with your life. Idiot.

 

And a touchy wee Welshman too!

[Guest David]

My step-niece.

 

She has decided to get back with her ex-boyfriend, the father of her bastard child.

 

Not six months ago she split up with him saying he was a possessive bully, who stopped her seeing her family, who also put her kid at risk by not strapping her into a baby seat whilst driving, who also apparently took drugs. My brother-in-law has spent hundreds of pounds in solicitor bills to prevent the boyfriend from hassling his daughter (at her request) and to get maintenance from the said then ex-boyfriend.

 

Now, on a whim, she has decided this boyfriend is the love of her life, and I daresay my brother-in-law is soon to be unfairly laden with the blame of splitting them up. This means he probably won't get to see his granddaughter, even though he has brought her up over the last few months while his daughter abdicates her responsibilities to go about drinking and shagging a succession of young men. When I say succession, I mean succession. She was never single, and in the last instance the ex-boyfriend didn't even know he was dumped until he read on facebook that she was in a relationship with someone else. He should have expected it, because she was still shagging another ex-boyfriend when she started shagging him.

 

In short, my step-niece is a spoilt, attention seeking slut who is a poor excuse for a mother. Quite frankly I hope her newly re-beloved gives her a really hard time, and that her father doesn't intervene to help her when she isn't getting it all her own way in the relationship.

 

In short - she needs a good battering. The whole situation is contrived for attention.

 

You really wish for violence to be inflicted on a relative? You are sad.

 

You really can't sign into your account to criticise me? You are sad.

It was me. But really why would you need to know who called you on such a pathetic (and give your past record misogynistic) post though? You should just accept that you have been rightly called on such stupidity and learn from it and not draw further attention to it.

 

hmm not sure who to support here as I'm not a fan of either of these posters.

 

Maybe best to just sit back and watch the futility of a holier-than-thou Welshman battle a grumpy Scotsman.

Why join in for such a lame post, nothing better to do with your life. Idiot.

 

And a touchy wee Welshman too!

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

[Magere Hein 1,400]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

If you're going to be REALLY fucking stupid enough to discharge an air rifle in a public park, then you deserve to be fucking JAILED, not fined. PRICK!!!!!

[Guest David]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

If you're going to be REALLY fucking stupid enough to discharge an air rifle in a public park, then you deserve to be fucking JAILED, not fined. PRICK!!!!!

There was only me and my cousin in the park when I shot the bird.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

If you're going to be REALLY fucking stupid enough to discharge an air rifle in a public park, then you deserve to be fucking JAILED, not fined. PRICK!!!!!

There was only me and my cousin in the park when I shot the bird.

 

Why did you have a gun with you while visiting the park with a seven year old? Would you call yourself a positive role-model? And how did you manage to hit a goose on the ground while shooting "in the air"? Are you extremely uncoordinated? Your statements certainly are.

And who fined you if there were only the two of you there? Did, as if by magic, a park keeper appear?

 

I put it to you that you are a shite-talking utter dickhead.

[Guest David]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

If you're going to be REALLY fucking stupid enough to discharge an air rifle in a public park, then you deserve to be fucking JAILED, not fined. PRICK!!!!!

There was only me and my cousin in the park when I shot the bird.

 

Why did you have a gun with you while visiting the park with a seven year old? Would you call yourself a positive role-model? And how did you manage to hit a goose on the ground while shooting "in the air"? Are you extremely uncoordinated? Your statements certainly are.

And who fined you if there were only the two of you there? Did, as if by magic, a park keeper appear?

 

I put it to you that you are a shite-talking utter dickhead.

I put it to you that you are a lippy German thug who wants a good smack. The goose was flying when I fired my gun. I often go in the park - but I don't usually take my gun. Canada geese are very aggressive - and it is a known fact that gunshots scare them off. I got fined when I went to the police station. I wasn't arrested - I went of my own accord.

[Godot 149]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

If you're going to be REALLY fucking stupid enough to discharge an air rifle in a public park, then you deserve to be fucking JAILED, not fined. PRICK!!!!!

There was only me and my cousin in the park when I shot the bird.

 

Why did you have a gun with you while visiting the park with a seven year old? Would you call yourself a positive role-model? And how did you manage to hit a goose on the ground while shooting "in the air"? Are you extremely uncoordinated? Your statements certainly are.

And who fined you if there were only the two of you there? Did, as if by magic, a park keeper appear?

 

I put it to you that you are a shite-talking utter dickhead.

I put it to you that you are a lippy German thug who wants a good smack. The goose was flying when I fired my gun. I often go in the park - but I don't usually take my gun. Canada geese are very aggressive - and it is a known fact that gunshots scare them off. I got fined when I went to the police station. I wasn't arrested - I went of my own accord.

Just catching up with this thread I'm intrigued by the goose-shooting incident. There must have been something that happened between the shooting of the goose and the visit to the Old Bill. I can't quite picture this scenario:

 

David: "Officer I've come to hand myself in."

 

PC: "Oh yes."

 

David: "I shot a goose."

 

PC: "Where?"

 

David: "In the park."

 

PC: "Why?"

 

David: "It went for my cousin here."

 

PC: "Did he shoot at the goose?"

 

David: "No, he was feeding it. It was me. I shot the goose."

 

PC: "You know that's an offence?"

 

David: "Yes officer, I want to make a clean breast of it. I just wanted to frighten it."

 

PC: "A likely story."

 

 

So David, is that about the long and the short of it? Or is there something you haven't told us? Maybe your cousin snatched the air gun off you and shot the goose and you decided to take the rap for him knowing your uncle would kick seven bells out of you if anything happened to your cousin. Was that it? Or did somebody see you and threaten to report the incident and you went to get your version in first? We need to tie up all the loose ends here? Can you help?

[Guest David]

I would like to put Canada geese in Room 101. Glasgow has a lot of them now and they are a very aggressive pest. I took my seven - year - old cousin to the park last week and a goose attacked him when he was feeding it. I shot my air rifle in the air to scare it away - but I hit the bird. The goose was unharmed - but I got fined for the bird I shot. Where's the justice in that?

Dunno. Was the goose armed and dangerous?

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

If you're going to be REALLY fucking stupid enough to discharge an air rifle in a public park, then you deserve to be fucking JAILED, not fined. PRICK!!!!!

There was only me and my cousin in the park when I shot the bird.

 

Why did you have a gun with you while visiting the park with a seven year old? Would you call yourself a positive role-model? And how did you manage to hit a goose on the ground while shooting "in the air"? Are you extremely uncoordinated? Your statements certainly are.

And who fined you if there were only the two of you there? Did, as if by magic, a park keeper appear?

 

I put it to you that you are a shite-talking utter dickhead.

I put it to you that you are a lippy German thug who wants a good smack. The goose was flying when I fired my gun. I often go in the park - but I don't usually take my gun. Canada geese are very aggressive - and it is a known fact that gunshots scare them off. I got fined when I went to the police station. I wasn't arrested - I went of my own accord.

Just catching up with this thread I'm intrigued by the goose-shooting incident. There must have been something that happened between the shooting of the goose and the visit to the Old Bill. I can't quite picture this scenario:

 

David: "Officer I've come to hand myself in."

 

PC: "Oh yes."

 

David: "I shot a goose."

 

PC: "Where?"

 

David: "In the park."

 

PC: "Why?"

 

David: "It went for my cousin here."

 

PC: "Did he shoot at the goose?"

 

David: "No, he was feeding it. It was me. I shot the goose."

 

PC: "You know that's an offence?"

 

David: "Yes officer, I want to make a clean breast of it. I just wanted to frighten it."

 

PC: "A likely story."

 

 

So David, is that about the long and the short of it? Or is there something you haven't told us? Maybe your cousin snatched the air gun off you and shot the goose and you decided to take the rap for him knowing your uncle would kick seven bells out of you if anything happened to your cousin. Was that it? Or did somebody see you and threaten to report the incident and you went to get your version in first? We need to tie up all the loose ends here? Can you help?

I had to go to the police station anyway as I was hoping to get my licence for my air rifle renewed. While I was there, I told them I'd shot the bird to scare it away from my cousin. The goose was unharmed anyway. My cousin is seven and can't fire a gun. My auntie was actually the one who said I should scare the geese away - as her garden is plagued with them. The policeman said I won't have trouble getting my licence renewed - but I mustn't shoot geese again.

[Godot 149]

Goose stuff.

I had to go to the police station anyway as I was hoping to get my licence for my air rifle renewed. While I was there, I told them I'd shot the bird to scare it away from my cousin. The goose was unharmed anyway. My cousin is seven and can't fire a gun. My auntie was actually the one who said I should scare the geese away - as her garden is plagued with them. The policeman said I won't have trouble getting my licence renewed - but I mustn't shoot geese again.

I wouldn't want to encourage dishonesty but was it a good idea to have mentioned the goose? Couldn't you just have filled in the form and walked away with the new licence? I can't see how the Old Bill would have twigged otherwise. Even in Glasgow the cops aren't savvy enough to spot a goose shooter when one walks through the door. How did the charge come about? Is there somewhere on the licence form that asks for the intended target? Perhaps you just put "goose" in the box and the Old Bill smelled a rat so to speak.

[Guest David]

Goose stuff.

I had to go to the police station anyway as I was going to get my licence for my air rifle renewed. While I was there, I told them I'd shot the bird to scare it away from my cousin. The goose was unharmed anyway. My cousin is seven and can't fire a gun. My auntie was actually the one who said I should scare the geese away - as her garden is plagued with them. The policeman said I won't have trouble getting my licence renewed - but I mustn't shoot geese again.

I wouldn't want to encourage dishonesty but was it a good idea to have mentioned the goose? Couldn't you just have filled in the form and walked away with the new licence? I can't see how the Old Bill would have twigged otherwise. Even in Glasgow the cops aren't savvy enough to spot a goose shooter when one walks through the door. How did the charge come about? Is there somewhere on the licence form that asks for the intended target? Perhaps you just put "goose" in the box and the Old Bill smelled a rat so to speak.

Godot, I believe in honesty at all times. I had to let them know I had shot the goose - but told them it was unharmed. I was already aware that my application for my air gun licence had been successful. I wasn't summoned to court - the policeman fined me 30 quid.

[Madame Defarge 21]

David, this has gone on long enough. Now, tell us who you really are, and what really happened.

I think it went down something like this:

 

One Day in the Emergency Room.......

 

"Dave": AAAAGGGGHRRRGGG, my FOOOT......AAAAH! Help!

 

A Nurse: What happened here?

 

"Dave": I- I- shot myself in the foot. Ow!!! Don't touch it!

 

A Doctor: We have to touch it in order to examine it. Now, why did you shoot yourself in the foot?

 

"Dave" : It was an accident. I was aiming for the goose...!

 

A Nurse: You were aiming for a goose? Why?

 

"Dave": I mean...uh...the GRASS, yes, I was aiming for the grass!

 

A Doctor: You look familiar. I know I've seen those squinty eyes , thin lips and sagging jowls somewhere before.

 

A Nurse : It's against the law to shoot a goose in the park. You were in the park, right?

 

"Dave" : Yes, yes , but the damn thing rushed at my crotch. I thought he was going to bite off my co...."

 

A Nurse: Bite off your what did you say?

 

"Dave" : Errr....my COUSIN! I thought he was going to bite my little cousin!!!!

 

A Doctor: OK, Nurse, patch this guy up and send him down to Psychiatric, stat. In the meantime, I'll call the American

 

Embassy and tell them that we have Dick Cheney in custody.

 

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

I'd be more impressed if you'd shot a cat up the arsehole.