Room 101

[Body Snatcher 44 107]

Hi, Time. I actually meant to write that I'd given my girlfriend an expensive locket for the birthday she's just celebrated - her 21st. Every time Lord Fellatio posts now, I'll just ignore him.

 

Mate...a word of advice, guests on this forum are generally viewed with contempt...mostly they bring it upon themselves through trolling etc.

 

If you want some cred - you should register and not post as a guest.

 

P.S. teaching is alright, but there are times when you wish the Hunger Games were real.

[Guest David]

All right, I'll sign in proper if I can have some civil replies.

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

The problem with "partner" is it's a word that's been hijacked (like "gay" was). It's only in recent times that it's come to mean "the person whom one is shagging having a sexual relationship with".

 

It used to mean someone you did stuff with, but its meaning was far more wide-ranging, it could be a person you were in business with or the person you danced with (memories of primary school teacher clapping hands and saying briskly "Now find a partner!"). It was a neutral sort of word, devoid of emotion. The trouble is there's nothing else to use instead, whereas everyone seems to have abandoned perfectly usable words like husband, wife, girlfriend, spouse (now that's a useful one) other half, 'er indoors etc etc and all have been replaced by "partner".

When we were in Vegas a few years ago, My wife asked a 'Vulcan' female if she could have a photo with my other half, the reply was 'the other half of what my dear? Oh I see, you mean your mate?'

 

What's a 'Vulcan' female? Is it something American?

Not a star trek watcher then?

 

Not really, no. Were you at some sort of Star Trek convention?

No. One of the hotels we visited had a star trek theme. Quarks bar, (Quark is a Ferengi) (Pretty strong stuff at that bar) and a couple of virtual rides that were pretty good. Shame they finished it and all the gear just got dumped. (No doubt there will be a few trekkies/trekkers bursting into tears now)

 

Was there a Neelix to kick the shit out of?

I didn't see Neelix when I was there. There was a couple of Borg as well as a Romulan

[CarolAnn 926]

All right, I'll sign in proper if I can have some civil replies.

 

You gotta have a thick skin around here, dear. Tell people to f*** off.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

All right, I'll sign in proper if I can have some civil replies.

 

You gotta have a thick skin around here, dear. Tell people to f*** off.

You suffering with heat stroke or summat, C.A?

"Hug a C**t"? doesnt work.

Kick him in the nads and tell him to fook off!

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Bloody fucking teenagers.

 

My daughter (16) has just split up today from her boyfriend of one year (a long time when you're 16) - she is distraught, and worse, it's prom next week. I just know the little bastard will do what all men do and rub her nose in it with another girl and what should be the best night of her life (apart from wetting her trousers at One Direction) will turn out to be the shittiest ever.

 

What's worse is that we really liked him, he is/was a good lad - I think I'm more upset about this than when I got divorced

 

I fucking hate men of all ages.

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

Don't tar us all with the same brush

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Don't tar us all with the same brush

 

Oh, I don't really hate all men, I just did last night - hers and mine!

[CarolAnn 926]

Bloody fucking teenagers.

 

My daughter (16) has just split up today from her boyfriend of one year (a long time when you're 16) - she is distraught, and worse, it's prom next week. I just know the little bastard will do what all men do and rub her nose in it with another girl and what should be the best night of her life (apart from wetting her trousers at One Direction) will turn out to be the shittiest ever.

 

What's worse is that we really liked him, he is/was a good lad - I think I'm more upset about this than when I got divorced

 

I fucking hate men of all ages.

 

That's when you go and find some knockout gay guy no one knows and convince him to take her to the prom and act all attentive and shit. Friend of mine's mother did that when her boyfriend dumped her just before prom. It was hilarious. She walked in with this knockout older guy and swept past the ex without even looking. She made it all mysterious and stuff, too.

 

Of course, it helps if the young lady has the makings of Mata Hari to pull it off.

[CarolAnn 926]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

 

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

[time 8,597]

Andy Bush, or 'Bush' as he seems to style himself these days.

 

One of life's pleasures used to be an hour or so listening to Dave Gorman on the radio before heading off to work. Some months ago, he packed it in. Now we get the puerile immature toss from this clown.

 

Imagine Dick and Dom from Da Bungalow, then dumb down a lot.

 

Yes, I know there are other radio stations available - it doesn't make him any less of a tosser though.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

 

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

Anyway, yappy shit faced dogs. The kind of dogs that you never see but can fucking well hear from several doors down.

The kind of dogs that have an inability to bark in any cohereant fashion nor bark like "proper dogs".

To wit, dogs that yap and half yap with a whiney useless utterly shit bark that slowly but surely aggrivates the shit out of you to the point that, even though it would be cruel, wrong and evil, you would gladly jump the umpteen fences between your garden and the dogs, grab a broom, ram it up its arse till it comes out of its mouth then bludgeon it with a hammer until it could never bark again.

That would teach the fucker.

Maybe I should just go and rod the owners with a broom handle and bludgeon them with a hammer. Its not like they are responsible owners or owt.

Then again, I could just go into the garden and, once again, shout " SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It usually works but Id prefer a more long term solution.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Fat fucking cunts with fat fucking girlfriends in their top-down BMWs that think it's acceptable to undertake you in order for them to get A WHOLE CAR LENGTH in front of you to get in the queue going into Tesco's. I was only going in there for juice and lemonade, I'm sure he was in such a hurry so he didn't miss out on buying a FUCKING MONTH'S WORTH OF BURGERS for his FAT FUGLY BITCH, who was wearing shorts far too short for somebody of her considerable girth - and he also insisted on keeping his shades on indoors.

 

Also, inconsiderate little CUNTS that modify the exhaust on their fucking hair dryer mopeds to fucking FOG HORN PROPORTIONS, and then start that moped up RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR BEDROOM FUCKING WINDOW at half past midnight - whoever you are, you owe me a pint because I stopped you being MURDERED WITH A HAMMER by the half drunken fat man in my bed that you woke up.

 

Now, if everyone will stop fucking me off, I am settling down on this lovely sunny day, with my lounge full of flies, to watch the Superbikes.

[Toast 16,133]

Anyway, yappy shit faced dogs. The kind of dogs that you never see but can fucking well hear from several doors down.

The kind of dogs that have an inability to bark in any cohereant fashion nor bark like "proper dogs".

To wit, dogs that yap and half yap with a whiney useless utterly shit bark that slowly but surely aggrivates the shit out of you to the point that, even though it would be cruel, wrong and evil, you would gladly jump the umpteen fences between your garden and the dogs, grab a broom, ram it up its arse till it comes out of its mouth then bludgeon it with a hammer until it could never bark again.

That would teach the fucker.

Maybe I should just go and rod the owners with a broom handle and bludgeon them with a hammer. Its not like they are responsible owners or owt.

Then again, I could just go into the garden and, once again, shout " SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It usually works but Id prefer a more long term solution.

 

We have one of those dogs

 

What causes it in his case is this. He'll be playing with his ball and the ball will get stuck somewhere. Usually in a stupid pointless little box hedge which said dog is trying, successfully, to kill by continually pissing on it. Anyway he gets frustrated and cross with the ball and starts yapping at it. This continues until I go outside and start trying to retrieve the ball, at which moment dog manages to seize ball himself. The indoor variation of this routine is getting the ball wedged somewhere in the fireplace.

 

I still love the little fucker though.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Anyway, yappy shit faced dogs. The kind of dogs that you never see but can fucking well hear from several doors down.

The kind of dogs that have an inability to bark in any cohereant fashion nor bark like "proper dogs".

To wit, dogs that yap and half yap with a whiney useless utterly shit bark that slowly but surely aggrivates the shit out of you to the point that, even though it would be cruel, wrong and evil, you would gladly jump the umpteen fences between your garden and the dogs, grab a broom, ram it up its arse till it comes out of its mouth then bludgeon it with a hammer until it could never bark again.

That would teach the fucker.

Maybe I should just go and rod the owners with a broom handle and bludgeon them with a hammer. Its not like they are responsible owners or owt.

Then again, I could just go into the garden and, once again, shout " SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It usually works but Id prefer a more long term solution.

 

We have one of those dogs

 

What causes it in his case is this. He'll be playing with his ball and the ball will get stuck somewhere. Usually in a stupid pointless little box hedge which said dog is trying, successfully, to kill by continually pissing on it. Anyway he gets frustrated and cross with the ball and starts yapping at it. This continues until I go outside and start trying to retrieve the ball, at which moment dog manages to seize ball himself. The indoor variation of this routine is getting the ball wedged somewhere in the fireplace.

 

I still love the little fucker though.

Could you not wedge the ball so its sticking out of its arse?

Dogs are always licking their arseholes so your doggie would ALWAYS know where the ball is and it would never need to bark.

Problem solved!

[Toast 16,133]

Anyway, yappy shit faced dogs. The kind of dogs that you never see but can fucking well hear from several doors down.

The kind of dogs that have an inability to bark in any cohereant fashion nor bark like "proper dogs".

To wit, dogs that yap and half yap with a whiney useless utterly shit bark that slowly but surely aggrivates the shit out of you to the point that, even though it would be cruel, wrong and evil, you would gladly jump the umpteen fences between your garden and the dogs, grab a broom, ram it up its arse till it comes out of its mouth then bludgeon it with a hammer until it could never bark again.

That would teach the fucker.

Maybe I should just go and rod the owners with a broom handle and bludgeon them with a hammer. Its not like they are responsible owners or owt.

Then again, I could just go into the garden and, once again, shout " SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It usually works but Id prefer a more long term solution.

 

We have one of those dogs

 

What causes it in his case is this. He'll be playing with his ball and the ball will get stuck somewhere. Usually in a stupid pointless little box hedge which said dog is trying, successfully, to kill by continually pissing on it. Anyway he gets frustrated and cross with the ball and starts yapping at it. This continues until I go outside and start trying to retrieve the ball, at which moment dog manages to seize ball himself. The indoor variation of this routine is getting the ball wedged somewhere in the fireplace.

 

I still love the little fucker though.

Could you not wedge the ball so its sticking out of its arse?

Dogs are always licking their arseholes so your doggie would ALWAYS know where the ball is and it would never need to bark.

Problem solved!

 

You're going to enjoy this true story.

 

The ball in question is a "treat ball", that means it is hollow and has a hole in it for the insertion of dog treats. We have never bothered with this. Dog loves the ball because he can pick it up by hooking a tooth into the hole (the ball is too big for him to pick up any other way). The ball is made of very hard thick plastic and is virtually indestructible.

 

The current ball is not the original one. Over a period of years he gradually nibbled the hole larger. One day I noticed that he had been carrying the ball around for an inordinately long time. On examination I found that he had got the lower part of his jaw rammed tight into the hole. Long story short, it would not come off. A trip to the vet followed, where he was sedated and they had to saw the ball into pieces to free him. And yes, I bought him another because he pined for the ball (by then in three pieces).

[CarolAnn 926]

You're going to enjoy this true story.

The ball in question is a "treat ball", that means it is hollow and has a hole in it for the insertion of dog treats. We have never bothered with this. Dog loves the ball because he can pick it up by hooking a tooth into the hole (the ball is too big for him to pick up any other way). The ball is made of very hard thick plastic and is virtually indestructible.

The current ball is not the original one. Over a period of years he gradually nibbled the hole larger. One day I noticed that he had been carrying the ball around for an inordinately long time. On examination I found that he had got the lower part of his jaw rammed tight into the hole. Long story short, it would not come off. A trip to the vet followed, where he was sedated and they had to saw the ball into pieces to free him. And yes, I bought him another because he pined for the ball (by then in three pieces).

This is the part he'll really love - those treat balls are called Kongs.

[CarolAnn 926]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him.

 

Good God.

 

I know a man named Kevin, middle name Wayne. He had a son, named him Wayne, middle name Kevin. Suffice to say, they are a pair of cunts.

 

In other news, I have a job interview today that my whole entire life depends on. Being a grown up sucks.

[Bibliogryphon 9,571]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him.

 

Good God.

 

I know a man named Kevin, middle name Wayne. He had a son, named him Wayne, middle name Kevin. Suffice to say, they are a pair of cunts.

 

In other news, I have a job interview today that my whole entire life depends on. Being a grown up sucks.

 

Good luck with the interview but if you are applying to be an Angliacan Bishop there are a couple of things that will go against you.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him.

 

Good God.

 

I know a man named Kevin, middle name Wayne. He had a son, named him Wayne, middle name Kevin. Suffice to say, they are a pair of cunts.

 

In other news, I have a job interview today that my whole entire life depends on. Being a grown up sucks.

 

Good luck with the interview but if you are applying to be an Angliacan Bishop there are a couple of things that will go against you.

 

If only you knew what line of work I was really in!

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Anyway, yappy shit faced dogs. The kind of dogs that you never see but can fucking well hear from several doors down.

The kind of dogs that have an inability to bark in any cohereant fashion nor bark like "proper dogs".

To wit, dogs that yap and half yap with a whiney useless utterly shit bark that slowly but surely aggrivates the shit out of you to the point that, even though it would be cruel, wrong and evil, you would gladly jump the umpteen fences between your garden and the dogs, grab a broom, ram it up its arse till it comes out of its mouth then bludgeon it with a hammer until it could never bark again.

That would teach the fucker.

Maybe I should just go and rod the owners with a broom handle and bludgeon them with a hammer. Its not like they are responsible owners or owt.

Then again, I could just go into the garden and, once again, shout " SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It usually works but Id prefer a more long term solution.

 

We have one of those dogs

 

What causes it in his case is this. He'll be playing with his ball and the ball will get stuck somewhere. Usually in a stupid pointless little box hedge which said dog is trying, successfully, to kill by continually pissing on it. Anyway he gets frustrated and cross with the ball and starts yapping at it. This continues until I go outside and start trying to retrieve the ball, at which moment dog manages to seize ball himself. The indoor variation of this routine is getting the ball wedged somewhere in the fireplace.

 

I still love the little fucker though.

Could you not wedge the ball so its sticking out of its arse?

Dogs are always licking their arseholes so your doggie would ALWAYS know where the ball is and it would never need to bark.

Problem solved!

 

You're going to enjoy this true story.

 

The ball in question is a "treat ball", that means it is hollow and has a hole in it for the insertion of dog treats. We have never bothered with this. Dog loves the ball because he can pick it up by hooking a tooth into the hole (the ball is too big for him to pick up any other way). The ball is made of very hard thick plastic and is virtually indestructible.

 

The current ball is not the original one. Over a period of years he gradually nibbled the hole larger. One day I noticed that he had been carrying the ball around for an inordinately long time. On examination I found that he had got the lower part of his jaw rammed tight into the hole. Long story short, it would not come off. A trip to the vet followed, where he was sedated and they had to saw the ball into pieces to free him. And yes, I bought him another because he pined for the ball (by then in three pieces).

See? A Dog pines/howls and gets what he wants!!

If I pine, will I get a 60s American muscle car? A lottery win? Kept as a sex slave by a middle aged nympho? No

Id get a sore fuggin throat......

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him.

Was Dads surname Kerr by any chance?

[CarolAnn 926]

No one has posted in Room 101 since June 22nd? Wow.

I'm putting life itsownself in here. Company laid off two people integral to my existence, my best friend has breast cancer and I'm heading back to freaking California in two weeks.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A.

These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat.

Fucked if i know.

I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him.

Was Dads surname Kerr by any chance?

 

I don't think so, but I will say that she was one of most masculine straight women I've ever known.

[Toast 16,133]

DHL.

 

No, not delivering, but collecting for a change. Had to stay in today and wait for DHL to pick up a letter (not mine).

 

When the charmless DHL driver finally arrived (late), he demanded to know what was in the envelope. I said I did not know, because I didn't. And the fucker RIPPED IT OPEN and LOOKED AT IT! Is this normal?!!! (It was a letter from a bank)

 

He explained that they "weren't allowed to carry credit cards and things like that". Well, pardon me, but it was obvious that there was nothing more than a single sheet of paper in that envelope. Outrageous.