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My husband when he's got a cold.

 

Anyone'd think he's suffering pneumonia or something. Grrr. :D

No no no, you've got it all wrong. He hasn't got a cold, he's got man flu. Much more severe than a cold. Show some sympathy in his hour of need, and stop being so heartless.

 

:D

 

Sorry, I forgot about ' Man Flu '. Yes, I'll mop his fevered brow, tuck him up warm with many blankets and feed him grapes by the dozen. Poor, poor old Mr Six... how sad for him eh?

 

Is that more to your liking Bald Rick?

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My husband when he's got a cold.

 

Anyone'd think he's suffering pneumonia or something. Grrr. :D

No no no, you've got it all wrong. He hasn't got a cold, he's got man flu. Much more severe than a cold. Show some sympathy in his hour of need, and stop being so heartless.

 

:D

 

Sorry, I forgot about ' Man Flu '. Yes, I'll mop his fevered brow, tuck him up warm with many blankets and feed him grapes by the dozen. Poor, poor old Mr Six... how sad for him eh?

 

Is that more to your liking Bald Rick?

 

Oh, well if it's 'Man Flu', well, flu, that's nasty. You'll need to get the poor soul's temperature down, so I'd suggest stripping him off and plunging him into an icy bath. That should sort him out, may even bring on a miraculous recovery.

 

He'll thankyou for it later.

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I've also been warned that they will shrivel up in no time at all because I didn't invest in the 15 euro tub of shoe cream. Grrrrrr :D

 

Just say "why, are they that poorly made? Maybe I won't buy the shoes after all!" and see what reaction you get!

 

Being a typically stroppy French shop assistant, she would have delighted in flouncily taking them away from me (and I'd just spent an hour choosing them!). Unfortunately, the customer is always wrong in French shops which I greatly prefer to fawning but can be a bit trying when you want some help.

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Paris, France....here's me looking like a scruff, in a boutique, trying to buy a dress for a night out in a casino in Monaco....all the shop assistants are dressed better than me and are looking down their very French noses with loathing at me....reluctantly, one of them comes over and says, "Madame?", archly...madame, in very bad French, tells this bird what I want, and before I know it, all the shop assistants are all over me like a rash, I was trying on heaps of dresses and being told "Madame looks tres jolie" in every one of them, and, before you could say Jack Robinson, voila, I was out in the street with the most expensive dress in the shop in a bag, and wondering what the hell had just happened!

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:D

 

Sorry, I forgot about ' Man Flu '. Yes, I'll mop his fevered brow, tuck him up warm with many blankets and feed him grapes by the dozen. Poor, poor old Mr Six... how sad for him eh?

 

Is that more to your liking Bald Rick?

If the grapes are peeled (or preferably replaced with a gourmet meal, cooked by your own fair hand), that should be fine. Chop chop - he may be deteriorating whilst you dally on the Death List.

 

(He's not famous is he - do you think he'll last until next year?)

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:D

 

Sorry, I forgot about ' Man Flu '. Yes, I'll mop his fevered brow, tuck him up warm with many blankets and feed him grapes by the dozen. Poor, poor old Mr Six... how sad for him eh?

 

Is that more to your liking Bald Rick?

If the grapes are peeled (or preferably replaced with a gourmet meal, cooked by your own fair hand), that should be fine. Chop chop - he may be deteriorating whilst you dally on the Death List.

 

(He's not famous is he - do you think he'll last until next year?)

If I get the least kind of sniffle I like a whisky, honey and lemon drink made just right and accompanied by lots of soothing noises. Lack of sympathy is a no no.

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People who say "haitch" and people who don't hold a knife & fork properly.

 

Brilliant, Lady Die, I totally concur, wholeheartedly....and people who water their b****y gardens when our country is on water restrictions!

Ditto!

 

And parents who go to the supermarket together and take their children. One parent could stay at home with the kids....

 

Double ditto!!

 

And people who park opposite your driveway so you can't get out of your own *bleeping* driveway without hitting them!!

Hitting them would be a great solution if it wasn't for the fact that you'd probably damage your own car.

 

Absolutely.....One day, I'm going to buy a big truck and run over them....

A steamroller would be ideal.

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People who say "haitch" and people who don't hold a knife & fork properly.

 

Brilliant, Lady Die, I totally concur, wholeheartedly....and people who water their b****y gardens when our country is on water restrictions!

Ditto!

 

And parents who go to the supermarket together and take their children. One parent could stay at home with the kids....

 

Double ditto!!

 

And people who park opposite your driveway so you can't get out of your own *bleeping* driveway without hitting them!!

Hitting them would be a great solution if it wasn't for the fact that you'd probably damage your own car.

 

Absolutely.....One day, I'm going to buy a big truck and run over them....

A steamroller would be ideal.

Would you two ladies like some privacy? Room 102 is free...

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Oh, well if it's 'Man Flu', well, flu, that's nasty. You'll need to get the poor soul's temperature down, so I'd suggest stripping him off and plunging him into an icy bath. That should sort him out, may even bring on a miraculous recovery.

 

He'll thankyou for it later.

 

What an absolutely excellent suggestion! I will be doing that very shortly. Thank you SttG, you have a superior intelligence and I bow to you! :sick:;)

 

I'll mop his fevered brow, tuck him up warm with many blankets and feed him grapes by the dozen.

If the grapes are peeled (or preferably replaced with a gourmet meal, cooked by your own fair hand), that should be fine. Chop chop - he may be deteriorating whilst you dally on the Death List.

 

(He's not famous is he - do you think he'll last until next year?)

 

I'm much more inclined towards SttG's suggestion actually, but it was worth a try... He's only Z-list famous, and not even a celebrity, so he's no use in this area either.

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People who say "haitch" and people who don't hold a knife & fork properly.

 

Brilliant, Lady Die, I totally concur, wholeheartedly....and people who water their b****y gardens when our country is on water restrictions!

Ditto!

 

And parents who go to the supermarket together and take their children. One parent could stay at home with the kids....

 

Double ditto!!

 

And people who park opposite your driveway so you can't get out of your own *bleeping* driveway without hitting them!!

Hitting them would be a great solution if it wasn't for the fact that you'd probably damage your own car.

 

Absolutely.....One day, I'm going to buy a big truck and run over them....

A steamroller would be ideal.

 

Good point....I was thinking of an F100, but a steamroller would be much more effective.

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People who say "haitch" and people who don't hold a knife & fork properly.

 

Brilliant, Lady Die, I totally concur, wholeheartedly....and people who water their b****y gardens when our country is on water restrictions!

Ditto!

 

And parents who go to the supermarket together and take their children. One parent could stay at home with the kids....

 

Double ditto!!

 

And people who park opposite your driveway so you can't get out of your own *bleeping* driveway without hitting them!!

Hitting them would be a great solution if it wasn't for the fact that you'd probably damage your own car.

 

Absolutely.....One day, I'm going to buy a big truck and run over them....

A steamroller would be ideal.

Would you two ladies like some privacy? Room 102 is free...

 

And where would you get your jollies then, "Mr. Hopkins"? This is much cheaper than phone sex...

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Adverts that SHOUT AT YOU!!! Especially on the radio. Do they really think I'm more likely to buy something if they tell me I've got to HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! I don't bloody like hurrying, and I'm even more inclined to take my time just to piss the bastards off if someone who sounds like Shane Richie's less talented brother is SHOUTING HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! at me. I don't care if they've ONLY GOT A LIMITED STOCK!!! of whatever it is, they should have got more in in the first place, stupid W**nkers!

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... oh, and Terry Wogan (again).

 

I know I put him on here before, but "Children in Need" is nearly upon us.

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Tom Hodgkinson, editor of The Idler, mentioned something yesterday that I agree with: awareness days. Aintchya just sick of 'em?

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Tom Hodgkinson, editor of The Idler, mentioned something yesterday that I agree with: awareness days. Aintchya just sick of 'em?

Maybe we should have a "Some people are sick of Awareness Days" Awareness Day?

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Tom Hodgkinson, editor of The Idler, mentioned something yesterday that I agree with: awareness days. Aintchya just sick of 'em?

Maybe we should have a "Some people are sick of Awareness Days" Awareness Day?

I agree and today's the day.

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Tom Hodgkinson, editor of The Idler, mentioned something yesterday that I agree with: awareness days. Aintchya just sick of 'em?

Maybe we should have a "Some people are sick of Awareness Days" Awareness Day?

I agree and today's the day.

 

Yes, but what color is our ribbon?

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The way the time seems to be f**ked up, as I don't think its 9.26 AM!

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Small yappy dogs.

 

Gerbils.

 

Parrots that don't talk.

 

Hairless cats.

 

Goldfish.

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People who don't dip their headlights until their vehicle is a matter of feet from my own, causing me to be dazzled and crash. Again.

 

And those extra bright headlights that looked like they are on full beam even when they are dipped.

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People who don't dip their headlights until their vehicle is a matter of feet from my own, causing me to be dazzled and crash. Again.

 

And those extra bright headlights that looked like they are on full beam even when they are dipped.

 

Amen to that.

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  • Fridge magnets.
  • Tiny collectible non-functioning teapots.
  • Spyware and Spam.
  • People who crap on about being discriminated against for being such-and-such. But they're really being discriminated against for being a complete tosser. People like this always put it down to them being whatever minority they see themselves as, but their fellow minority chums recognise them as tossers and treat them accordingly. Meanwhile, tossers think they're being even more discriminated against and complain even more.
  • Charlatans of any faith, creed or persuasion.

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And those extra bright headlights that looked like they are on full beam even when they are dipped.

And SUVs which have those extra bright headlights which are also mounted so high up that they blind you even more.

 

I've said it before, but it bears repeating. SUVs are ugly, space consuming, unnecessary and just plain idiotic.

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