Crap Poetry Corner

[Memento Mori 12]

Post your wittiest ditties here!

[Tuber Mirum 125]

I believe we already have poetry threads here, here and perhaps most disturbingly here.

 

Oh yes, and here.

[time 8,611]

I believe we already have poetry threads here, here and perhaps most disturbingly here.

 

Oh yes, and here.

 

Yes but are they Crap poetry threads?

 

Aren't we about due for another poetry competition?

[Memento Mori 12]

I believe we already have poetry threads here, here and perhaps most disturbingly here.

 

Oh yes, and here.

 

Yes but are they Crap poetry threads?

 

Aren't we about due for another poetry competition?

The crappier and more irreverent - the better. Potential Laureates need not apply. This thread is dedicated to the profane!

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

I believe we already have poetry threads here, here and perhaps most disturbingly here.

 

Oh yes, and here.

 

Yes but are they Crap poetry threads?

 

Aren't we about due for another poetry competition?

The crappier and more irreverent - the better. Potential Laureates need not apply. This thread is dedicated to the profane!

Yep, erm, yes, I think it needs to be pointed out that, generally speaking, when somebody creates a thread, they usually start it off by making a statement, contribution, summary or start the discussion regarding their aforementined creation.

What they dont normally do is create a thread and sod off expecting everybody else to start chipping in.

Perhaps you would like to start the ball rolling by posting a crap poem?

[Magere Hein 1,400]

Perhaps you would like to start the ball rolling by posting a crap poem?

I know she can...

 

regards,

Hein

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Perhaps you would like to start the ball rolling by posting a crap poem?

I know she can...

 

regards,

Hein

 

Are you saying that you have prior knowledge of the thread-starter's poetry prowess? Whatever could that mean..........

[Magere Hein 1,400]

Perhaps you would like to start the ball rolling by posting a crap poem?

I know she can...

Are you saying that you have prior knowledge of the thread-starter's poetry prowess? Whatever could that mean..........

It's reasonable to assume that KK is able to write crap poetry. I deny all further knowledge.

 

regards,

Hein

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Perhaps you would like to start the ball rolling by posting a crap poem?

I know she can...

Are you saying that you have prior knowledge of the thread-starter's poetry prowess? Whatever could that mean..........

It's reasonable to assume that KK is able to write crap poetry. I deny all further knowledge.

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

 

 

There once was a poster

Who thought they'd be clever

And post under two names

But thought that they'd never

Get caught out by admins

But Oh what a mess!

Methinks that they've checked out

Her IP address!

[Windsor 2,233]

And so we were made aware of the scandal,

More details to come from the Lady Grendel?

Or was the tell tell the one from Amsterdam?

Who lifted the lid on such a despicable sham!

 

I for one am left without much of a clue,

To whom am I talking? Yvonne or Sue?

Whats going on you really must tell,

Or if not you can all go to hell!

 

Read these lines of my terrible rhyme,

I must say sorry again for wasting your time.

So let me know what the hell is this tale,

PM me soon or else this poem will be a fail.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

What a shame that someone had to post a poem here!

 

But at least it's a crap one.

 

Correction: two.

[Godot 149]

Well no, Lardy's scans nicely. Only Windsor's is suitably crap.

[Windsor 2,233]

Well no, Lardy's scans nicely. Only Windsor's is suitably crap.

 

Bite ma shite.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Well no, Lardy's scans nicely. Only Windsor's is suitably crap.

 

Bite ma shite.

 

Haha! That's the best rhyme on the thread! I will have to remember that one for future colleague-abusing opportunities!

[Tuber Mirum 125]

Well no, Lardy's scans nicely. Only Windsor's is suitably crap.

Sadly true. Particularly since Windsor's last poem, (wishing, if memory serves, death on some poor soul doubtless undeserving of same), was actually quite good. I was disappointed to see this not becoming a trend in his work.

 

I wonder if I should try writing a crap poem myself? The last poem I wrote was certainly not well received, but no amount of humility can convince me that that is not more a refelection on dedsox's taste than on the quality of the piece itsself.

 

What are the prerequisites for a crap poem? Does it have to be cloyingly sentimental or are boringness and bad technique enough? Perhaps it's time we laid down some rules?

[Magere Hein 1,400]

What are the prerequisites for a crap poem? Does it have to be cloyingly sentimental or are boringness and bad technique enough? Perhaps it's time we laid down some rules?

The ultimate judge of that is one's taste, which doesn't always follow rules.

 

Bad technique is part of it. With farfetched rimes and scanning poorly, lots of half-rimes work OK.

 

Yet there is more to it; Ivo de Wijs (poet) researched the topic and got to the core. One of his books on things versificational (yes, he wrote several) tells us some more. He claims that part of the work of the crap maker lies in his turning his hurts to clichés. Then on the other side crap poem readership turn the clichés back to hurt and some pay.

 

regards,

Hein

[Madame Defarge 21]

What are the prerequisites for a crap poem? Does it have to be cloyingly sentimental or are boringness and bad technique enough? Perhaps it's time we laid down some rules?

 

yes it has to be

cloyingly sentimental my dear notapotato but sappiness is simply not enough

a crap poem

must also be completely devoid of rhyme or rhythm

and authored by

a w***er

Who once experienced an emotion and

Was so surprised by it

that he or she as the case may be

Immortalised it for all the world to see in an outburst of prose separated arbitrarily by

Line breaks

 

and paragraphs

 

And called it a poem

 

( bonus points awarded if family values or patriotism are mentioned )

[Gunjaman5000 30]

What are the prerequisites for a crap poem? Does it have to be cloyingly sentimental or are boringness and bad technique enough? Perhaps it's time we laid down some rules?

I think Windsors second attempt;

Bite ma shite.

fits the criteria best so far in that it features crap as a subject.

 

Although I'm not sure how well a thread featuring poo poetry would go down. Surely there's already considerable acreages of the internet devoted to that sort of thing?

[maryportfuncity 10,647]

When you fart

On a plastic chair

The vibrations go

F***in' everywhere.

[Memento Mori 12]

Been up and about since dawn's early light,

then had to contend with a shedload of shite.

Got soaked to skin, lost my wallet again, and

didn't get home until well after ten.

 

Wish I could say I'd been out getting pissed,

but my social life has been crossed off the list.

With so much to do and with so little time,

this is the first shot I've had at a rhyme.

 

So apologies to everyone for beginning this thread

and then having to run.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Been up and about since dawn's early light,

then had to contend with a shedload of shite.

Got soaked to skin, lost my wallet again, and

didn't get home until well after ten.

 

Wish I could say I'd been out getting pissed,

but my social life has been crossed off the list.

With so much to do and with so little time,

this is the first shot I've had at a rhyme.

 

So apologies to everyone for beginning this thread

and then having to run.

Put this ditty to the Football anthem "Your not singing anymore"

"You are Yvonne, you are Yvonne, you are Yvonne in disguise"

"You are Yvonne in disguise....."

Appologies for any spelling mistakes, its the Bacardi wot did it guv.

PS; Can we not just copy and paste all of Ted Hughes old chod on here?

At school, we all thought his poetry was utter shite.

[Memento Mori 12]

Been up and about since dawn's early light,

then had to contend with a shedload of shite.

Got soaked to skin, lost my wallet again, and

didn't get home until well after ten.

 

Wish I could say I'd been out getting pissed,

but my social life has been crossed off the list.

With so much to do and with so little time,

this is the first shot I've had at a rhyme.

 

So apologies to everyone for beginning this thread

and then having to run.

Put this ditty to the Football anthem "Your not singing anymore"

"You are Yvonne, you are Yvonne, you are Yvonne in disguise"

"You are Yvonne in disguise....."

Appologies for any spelling mistakes, its the Bacardi wot did it guv.

PS; Can we not just copy and paste all of Ted Hughes old chod on here?

At school, we all thought his poetry was utter shite.

You think I'M Yvonne!!!??? Are you friggin' nuts? Jesus H Christ, I read all of that woman's posts and wondered if she was playing with the full deck or just playing the vapid idiot. Unlike your mate Yvonne, I have no intention in engaging in childish behaviour or penning love sonnets to ailing celebs.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Been up and about since dawn's early light,

then had to contend with a shedload of shite.

Got soaked to skin, lost my wallet again, and

didn't get home until well after ten.

 

Wish I could say I'd been out getting pissed,

but my social life has been crossed off the list.

With so much to do and with so little time,

this is the first shot I've had at a rhyme.

 

So apologies to everyone for beginning this thread

and then having to run.

Put this ditty to the Football anthem "Your not singing anymore"

"You are Yvonne, you are Yvonne, you are Yvonne in disguise"

"You are Yvonne in disguise....."

Appologies for any spelling mistakes, its the Bacardi wot did it guv.

PS; Can we not just copy and paste all of Ted Hughes old chod on here?

At school, we all thought his poetry was utter shite.

You think I'M Yvonne!!!??? Are you friggin' nuts? Jesus H Christ, I read all of that woman's posts and wondered if she was playing with the full deck or just playing the vapid idiot. Unlike your mate Yvonne, I have no intention in engaging in childish behaviour or penning love sonnets to ailing celebs.

Put a shite poem up? Thats Yvonne..........

[Memento Mori 12]

Been up and about since dawn's early light,

then had to contend with a shedload of shite.

Got soaked to skin, lost my wallet again, and

didn't get home until well after ten.

 

Wish I could say I'd been out getting pissed,

but my social life has been crossed off the list.

With so much to do and with so little time,

this is the first shot I've had at a rhyme.

 

So apologies to everyone for beginning this thread

and then having to run.

Put this ditty to the Football anthem "Your not singing anymore"

"You are Yvonne, you are Yvonne, you are Yvonne in disguise"

"You are Yvonne in disguise....."

Appologies for any spelling mistakes, its the Bacardi wot did it guv.

PS; Can we not just copy and paste all of Ted Hughes old chod on here?

At school, we all thought his poetry was utter shite.

You think I'M Yvonne!!!??? Are you friggin' nuts? Jesus H Christ, I read all of that woman's posts and wondered if she was playing with the full deck or just playing the vapid idiot. Unlike your mate Yvonne, I have no intention in engaging in childish behaviour or penning love sonnets to ailing celebs.

Put a shite poem up? Thats Yvonne..........

It is called the crap poetry corner for a reason! I think Yvonne would feel right at home on this thread!

[Godot 149]

The heading is a little ambiguous. Is it a poetry corner that's crap or a corner for crap poetry? It's important to know when considering one's possible contribution.