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Curse Of The Eurovision

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Jan Malmsjö got eliminated, the song was shite, but him not collapsing on stage is something that I take as a positive.

 

 

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Sometimes I wish....and I wish really really hard...that Mike Batt could pen a new number for The Wombles and we could get them to the Finals.

 

It would be awesome.

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I listened to all the songs for this year's contest.

 

The UK do not stand a chance.

 

There seems to be a lot of attention being paid to Iceland & The Netherlands.

 

Norway and Belarus are very catchy.

 

Don't quite get why Russia is causing a stir.

 

The Czech Republic has gone full Ed Sheeran and what is the deal with Australia

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1 hour ago, Bibliogryphon said:

I listened to all the songs for this year's contest.

 

The UK do not stand a chance.

 

There seems to be a lot of attention being paid to Iceland & The Netherlands.

 

Norway and Belarus are very catchy.

 

Don't quite get why Russia is causing a stir.

 

The Czech Republic has gone full Ed Sheeran and what is the deal with Australia

Haven't had a chance this year to stroll through.

 

I'll be back sometime....

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Good evening Tel Aviv!

 

Here is the usual review of the contestants for this year's competition, imho. So far I have watched the first semi-final competitors. Here we go....

 

Worst efforts (barring the wtf songs, I'm coming to them):

Poland - like an annoying song sung by annoying little girls having a game of skip rope in a playground.

Slovenia - singer looks like a heroin addict, song sung possibly while on heroin. Slow, sad, goes nowhere.

San Marino - poppy little number, definitely got something, however, we are so over repetitive song titles that bear no actual relation to the rest of the song, right?

 

Those WTF did I just watch? songs:

Portugal - left me speechless. I guess it's art. What it's not is a song. A collection of noise which is all shitshow and no substance.

Iceland - right, I'm old enough to remember when kids' drama used to have their characters form a band for the school disco or some event. This was like watching that, but with some overt sado-masochism thrown in. It's shouty, weird and will probably advance. But there's little merit in it.

 

Fairly poor efforts:

Georgia - takes far too long to get going, one of those could have been great but it isn't numbers.

Czech Republic - let themselves down this year imo after Joszef's great number in 2018. This year's song is like an average early 1980s pop number that would have scraped the top 20 then. Not now, time has passed for that frivolity.

 

Best of the rest:

Belgium - understated solo, guess it needs a build, a proper key change or a twist at the end to make it stand out.

Greece - pretty good, doesn't take too long to build, very similar to the Cyprus entry, but Greece edges it on the song quality stakes.

Serbia - it's a bit of a shame really. I mean this should have everything - at one point I thought her uterus was going to fall out with the effort. But the song's a bit meh, and actually goes into English a wee tiny bit. Commitment deffo there. It will do well though.

Hungary - this is an excellent choon, and beats Georgia in the man bun stakes. Bloke and his guitar singing a song with meaning. Just fell short of my personal top 3.

 

My top 3 from this heat:

 

3. Montenegro - I wasn't expecting this. Got that local ethnic sound thrown into a pretty decent pop song. The kind of song I like a lot. Simple, melodic, shows off the country well. (Unlike their football supporters, same the world over, eh?).

2.  Estonia - Instantly hated this and then....changed my mind. Showing Royaume-Uni how to properly sing about Storms. Again, simple message, grand voice on the bloke, hoping it's a shoo-in for the final.

1. Australia - the staging, the song, the performance. It's never going to be everyone's cup of shrimp, but it has the right level of quirkiness, difference and imagination. Blew every single other performer in this semi out of the water. Possible winner.

 

Back soon for the second semi later.

 

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Right, despite the hard going and going hard, part 2 review, the second semi-final!

 

Worst efforts:

Armenia: so, the heroin made its way from Slovenia over here. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but this was just ears bleeding hateful.

Romania: this sounds like the songwriters couldn't speak English, but decided to write a song in English. So here's some words that rhyme. If you like the sound of the letter A, you will like this. I didn't.

 

The WTF did I just watch? song:

Norway - a trio singing what can only be described as a trio of songs. At the same time. And no amount of handsome bald man in leather trousers gonna make me vote for it. It doesn't hang together, but the songwriters should.

 

Fairly poor efforts:

Latvia - you know, it's ok but it isn't a Eurovision song, it really goes nowhere and says very little.

Russia - Sergey Lazarev is back! The guy who walked up the set backwards and nearly and probably should have won that year. However, with this, the song is pretty plain and it's going to need some outstanding staging just to rescue it from less than mediocrity.

Austria - goths will love this, however they will have topped themselves by the second minute in so won't have a chance to vote. A miserable little number, sadly.

 

Best of the rest (not much I liked so...):

Ireland - in a post-apocalyptic post-Adele kind of way, this is alright, but it's a far too personal song that has little message for anyone bar the singer and her mates. Needs posting back.

North Macedonia - similar message of female empowerment to last year's winner. Came within a smidgen of going all out "What have you done today to make you feel proud?". It's perhaps just too overtly political to win, and it's hardly cheery.

Netherlands - not sure what the hell this is supposed to be saying. I didn't connect with it at all, and the message - "Loving you is a losing game" - really?! I'm sure I've heard that somewhere before. Yikes.

Denmark - set a metronome going, then write some words about love. A lot of words about love, in fact. Toytown effort but what it lacks in effectiveness it makes up for in simplicity.

 

My top 3 from this heat (by a country mile):

 

3. Croatia - he's an angel! No really, go and look at the national final. He doesn't fly, but the song does. Yeah, it sounds like a hundred other Euro entries, but I came over all a flutter when he came over all bi-lingual! Again a surprise that this is a decent effort.

2. Sweden - this might have been my number 1, but it's a bit stop and go. Just as it gets going, he shuts it down. 3 fucking times! But it's a great number.

1. Switzerland - first out the trap on the night might do it some damage, but this has the right balance of Euro sounds and latin rhythms, probably a great dance number and the voice is like chocolate and honey on a warm May day.

 

Biggus Sixus soon!

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Big Six then, in order I liked them from worst to best:

 

6. Germany - worst effort by the Merkelites in a long time, I'm sorry to say. This sounds like a song about two sisters who are having their first period, their first migraine and their first tax bill all the same time. Utterly dreadful and if it's not near the bottom on the night, there is no justice. Am I being harsh? Perhaps....

 

5. United Kingdom - it's a decent pop song, but it is as frilly as Jon Pertwee's shirt and needs a slightly older performer to deliver the message, not the new intern. Average at best, Europe will deliver its message clearly on the night - NON!

 

4. France - selfish little number, smacking us round the face with some attention seeking PC. Delivered with all the panache of a Gauloise burn on your brain. Be nicer. From Nice.

 

3. Spain - PAAAAAAAAAAARTTTTTYYYYYY! Listen, it's not Spain unless their song is one of three things - hand-wringing emotional introspection, or operatic outlandishness, or in this case, down to the beach for a barbeque and some naked volleyball. Yes, it's got classical guitar, brass (could have done with more), a likeable singer who is quite clearly your best mate - what is not to like?

 

2. Italy - disaffected yoof choon, kinda reminds me of early The Streets. The lyrics are quite frankly not my mocha latte, but this guy's delivery is heartfelt and from his own place, you know, blood? Deffo one for the newer Eurovision crowd.

 

1. Israel - best chance of a back to back win in the longest time. I cried. Openly wept. Because it was so good, so simple, so effective. This could really win the whole thing. Tel Aviv 2 - The Sequel?

 

Right, that's yer lot, I'm knackered.

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On 31/03/2019 at 21:54, YoungWillz said:

Big Six then, in order I liked them from worst to best:

 

6. Germany - worst effort by the Merkelites in a long time, I'm sorry to say. This sounds like a song about two sisters who are having their first period, their first migraine and their first tax bill all the same time. Utterly dreadful and if it's not near the bottom on the night, there is no justice. Am I being harsh? Perhaps....

 

5. United Kingdom - it's a decent pop song, but it is as frilly as Jon Pertwee's shirt and needs a slightly older performer to deliver the message, not the new intern. Average at best, Europe will deliver its message clearly on the night - NON!

 

4. France - selfish little number, smacking us round the face with some attention seeking PC. Delivered with all the panache of a Gauloise burn on your brain. Be nicer. From Nice.

 

3. Spain - PAAAAAAAAAAARTTTTTYYYYYY! Listen, it's not Spain unless their song is one of three things - hand-wringing emotional introspection, or operatic outlandishness, or in this case, down to the beach for a barbeque and some naked volleyball. Yes, it's got classical guitar, brass (could have done with more), a likeable singer who is quite clearly your best mate - what is not to like?

 

2. Italy - disaffected yoof choon, kinda reminds me of early The Streets. The lyrics are quite frankly not my mocha latte, but this guy's delivery is heartfelt and from his own place, you know, blood? Deffo one for the newer Eurovision crowd.

 

1. Israel - best chance of a back to back win in the longest time. I cried. Openly wept. Because it was so good, so simple, so effective. This could really win the whole thing. Tel Aviv 2 - The Sequel?

 

Right, that's yer lot, I'm knackered.

If isreal have another back to back win history may well repeat itself and Israel would decline hosting as the host broadcaster has struggled to pay for this contest.

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First semi-final tonight.

 

Opening with that fucking shite winner from last year. Let's move on...

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Still waiting on a Palestinian rocket strike.

 

Australia made their performance even better than their national final. And it's likely to win imho. Also, possible fatality if it all goes wrong!

 

If you haven't seen it please have a look, even through your fingers if needed.

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It begins...

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Madonna is murdering her songs on the Eurovision right now, though I suppose that is not the kind of death we are suppose to be talking about on the death list

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Say what you like about Madonna, but she really does make you realise just how amazing an invention Autotune is.

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2016: dull ballad

2017: dull ballad

2018: 

2019: dull ballad.

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Iceland were robbed, frankly. If any act should've won Eurovision, it's their excellent conveyance of hatred.

 

 

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I think I preferred Norway in a fairly even field.

I was glad to see the jury's rejection of their song being ..rejected... by the public. 

An interesting new procedure.

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On the night I still think Australia smashed it. Italy's live performance certainly appealed even more than my original watch.

 

Feel for Sweden and Switzerland though, was thoroughly talent heavy at the end.

 

North Macedonia? Yikes, professional musos liked that? I'm kind of happy that Czech Republic did well for the second year in a row, but I maintain their song was as dated as fuck.

 

As for the UK, someone needs a shake. We'd have done better with the song that came second in the national selection. If Australia and Ireland can't bring themselves to like our song enough to give us a point, we are doing something wrong. I'll say it again - Mike Batt + Wombles = winner.

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Germany getting zero points from the public, yet yielding last place to the very deserving United Kingdom was a perfect outcome, all things considered. 

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3 minutes ago, gcreptile said:

Germany getting zero points from the public, yet yielding last place to the very deserving United Kingdom was a perfect outcome, all things considered. 

I have to say even though I really didn't like the German entry, I almost inhaled my coffee when they got zero from the public.

 

Also, has Europe gone somewhere with their music I haven't heard about? Slovenia's incestuous bro/sis combo, Iceland and others BDSM look, bald old fella down the disco, etc? And a woman singing opera from a swinging pole can't win?

 

Pays-Bas - I mean it still left me cold, the message was trite and showed no exceptional difference. I'm old enough to remember Ding-A-Dong, which was that year a deserved winner. Bookies' hook up with Russian bots and Chinese gambling dens?

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23 hours ago, YoungWillz said:

Pays-Bas - I mean it still left me cold, the message was trite and showed no exceptional difference. I'm old enough to remember Ding-A-Dong, which was that year a deserved winner. Bookies' hook up with Russian bots and Chinese gambling dens?

 

Didn't follow the Eurovision (not my thing) but the news that we won was unavoidable.

 

I seriously am not happy with it.

First off, this is a tiny country and hosting an event like this will bring an insane amount of tourists to a very small space (especially if it's held in Amsterdam).

Also who are paying for it. The gevernment? Does that mean there will be less budget left for the rest of the cultural branche?

 

Not looking forward to next year and am secretly hoping they are holding it in Maastricht as some newssources are claiming (Nice and far from where i live).

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1 hour ago, Vaagheid said:

 

Didn't follow the Eurovision (not my thing) but the news that we won was unavoidable.

 

I seriously am not happy with it.

First off, this is a tiny country and hosting an event like this will bring an insane amount of tourists to a very small space (especially if it's held in Amsterdam).

Also who are paying for it. The gevernment? Does that mean there will be less budget left for the rest of the cultural branche?

 

Not looking forward to next year and am secretly hoping they are holding it in Maastricht as some newssources are claiming (Nice and far from where i live).

Was held in The Hague last time in 1976 (Brotherhood of Man win!).

 

Would that suit?

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9 hours ago, YoungWillz said:

Was held in The Hague last time in 1976 (Brotherhood of Man win!).

 

Would that suit?

It was held in the Hague in 1980 after the consecutive Israel wins.

 

Johnny Logan won that year.

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3 minutes ago, Bibliogryphon said:

It was held in the Hague in 1980 after the consecutive Israel wins.

 

Johnny Logan won that year.

I did mean last time Netherlands won, but good spot Biblio.

 

The Hague seems to be the place, but maybe discussions over there are looking for a modern venue? Sleepy Maastricht seems odd.

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