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Everyone thinks pandas are cute but they can fuck off, with their funny eyes and eating bamboo and pretending not to shag for years. Attention seeking little cunts.

All pretty funny, except 1997 was 16 years ago now. Are you in denial about your age or did you just forget to edit it from wherever you copied it from?

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband! ------------------------------------ A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor. --------------------------------------- Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession. ---------------------------------------- A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?" The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient". ------------------------------------------ In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort". The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's. ---------------------------------------- 63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed.. The police are blaming AL IKEA . ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Police stop a Pakistani in his transit on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that - 3 of you have got to get out!" ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them.. "Bugger that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"

Is there no way we can permanently banish this cretin, perhaps track him down and block this site from his computer...or perhaps just kill him

Mick Jagger sang Start Me Up at the beginning of the 1936 Olympiad and sat in Hitler's royal box as a guest. 7 years before he was born - how clever of him!

Not sure this is the right place to post this but I am going to propose Tatoos. Before those of you adorned with body art protest I am not damning all tatoos but particularly those where an "inspirational" phrase is tatooed on the body in a prominent position. These may read great to the individual getting the tat but they should think how else this could be construed. I saw a young lady on the tube who had the phrase For every man his hour on her upper arm. Fortunately I was too polite to ask whether there was a booking form that needed to be completed or whether the hour could be taken whenever it was convenient. At least it wasn't on her thigh. I do hope said young lady is not a Deathlister as she will be very upset about her really cool tatoo.

Will Fidel Sharon be next?

When Parsons does finally pass on, do you reckon he'll have instructed his eulogy to be delivered for exactly one minute without repetition, deviation, or hesitation? His funeral will be broadcast "Live from Norwich"

When Parsons does finally pass on, do you reckon he'll have instructed his eulogy to be delivered for exactly one minute without repetition, deviation, or hesitation?