maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 6, 2020 Ryanair are set to axe 2,400 jobs. An Irish spokesman said, "We need to save money and the company, so first to go will be the pilots because they earn the most." 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 6, 2020 I was at a comedy show the other day and the cast wanted the audience to start making sex noises, You shoulda seen the look on everyone's face when I started screaming...."No Uncle Pete, Stop!!!" 2 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sewermaintenance 7 Posted May 6, 2020 Someone asked if they could borrow my clone. I told them, I like to keep myself to myself. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Skinny kiltrunner 553 Posted May 6, 2020 Can the admins please merge these threads? 1 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
One shot Paddy 1,206 Posted May 17, 2020 Who eas the sexiest woman in history? Medusa, one glance and you were HARD!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted May 17, 2020 I can't beleive Timsons isn't open They are literally key workers 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 17, 2020 Good one-liner in the online lockdown quiz from last night Q - What is the native dish of South Africa Someone's rapid reply - Fuck knows, but I bet they cook it inside a burning tyre! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
One shot Paddy 1,206 Posted May 17, 2020 I asked the wife to put on a nurses uniform, she said oh are you feeling horny? No I said, we need bread and milk! 1 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted May 17, 2020 When is the best time to break up with your significant other during the lockdown? Thursday at 8pm. That way while you're throwing their stuff on the driveway the entire neighbourhood comes outside clapping. xD 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219 Posted May 17, 2020 51 minutes ago, Kenny McCormick said: When is the best time to break up with your significant other during the lockdown? Thursday at 8pm. That way while you're throwing their stuff on the driveway the entire neighbourhood comes outside clapping. xD Admit it, you made that one up all by yourself, didn't you! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted May 17, 2020 20 minutes ago, Lord Fellatio Nelson said: Admit it, you made that one up all by yourself, didn't you! I heard it from my Dad, not sure whether he made it up or he heard it from someone else. Either way I found it quite funny. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,109 Posted May 18, 2020 9 hours ago, Lord Fellatio Nelson said: Admit it, you made that one up all by yourself, didn't you! 9 hours ago, Kenny McCormick said: I heard it from my Dad, not sure whether he made it up or he heard it from someone else. Either way I found it quite funny. One of our ex posters cracked something similar on her Facebook page about 3 weeks ago. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
philheybrookbay 439 Posted May 18, 2020 Today's work Zoom Meeting...... 1 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,155 Posted May 18, 2020 10 hours ago, Paul Bearer said: One of our ex posters cracked something similar on her Facebook page about 3 weeks ago. Was it that touchy Canadian bint? 2 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,109 Posted May 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Toast said: Was it that touchy Canadian bint? No. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted May 19, 2020 Why did the guitar teacher get fired? He had his finger in a minor. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 19, 2020 News: US woman, 96, speaks Welsh for first time in 40 years. Or so they thought. Turns out she just had a stroke. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted May 19, 2020 What do you call a gay dinosaur? Megasaurass What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotopuss Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted May 19, 2020 A more PC joke than the last ones I posted: A piece of rope walks into a bar and the barman says 'wait didnt you come here yesterday?' And the rope says 'no I'm a frayed knot'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 21, 2020 Not at all PC and - tbh - this made me wince, so obviously I thought to share it here: My mate Dave said, "My wife's gone on a diet this week." I said, "Mine lost 2 pound last week." He said, "I didn't know she was on a diet." I said, "She's not, she shaved her minge" 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted May 21, 2020 1 hour ago, maryportfuncity said: Not at all PC and - tbh - this made me wince, so obviously I thought to share it here: My mate Dave said, "My wife's gone on a diet this week." I said, "Mine lost 2 pound last week." He said, "I didn't know she was on a diet." I said, "She's not, she shaved her minge" What time will you be home for your tea, love? 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 21, 2020 3 hours ago, Lard Bazaar said: What time will you be home for your tea, love? Got back about three hours ago - been dodging flying crockery ever since 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted May 24, 2020 Oh, here's another un-PC one that made me wince, once I'd stopped laughing Ali from the corner shop was prosecuted for choking and trying to poison his wife. Apparently, she wasn't quite ready for solid foods. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
