Rotten Ali 600 Posted February 19, 2010 Just bought an Alexander McQueen shirt! Bit tight round the neck......... but it hangs well Naturally, he hung himself in a wardrobe. It doesn't say if he ironed himself first. Irony-ed? He really had trouble "coming out of the closet". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 49 Posted February 25, 2010 Two for the price of one Paddy goes to confessions, "Bless me father, I had sex with Fanny Green every week for last month!". Priest gives him 5 Hail Marys for penance. Murphy goes in next, "Bless me father, I had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past month!". He gets 10 Hail Marys! Priest enquires who this woman is and is told she is new in town. Next morning at mass a beautiful woman sashays up the aisle wearing a green mini skirt and matching green shiny shoes. She sits in the front seat, her long slender legs slightly apart - Sharon Stone style! The priest and altar boy cannot take their eyes off her.The priest composes himself and whispers to the altar boy "Is that Fanny Green?" "No", he says "I think its just the reflection off her shoes!" --------------------------------------------------------------- A man staying at the Ritz hotel in london removes a card offering sexual services from a phone box. Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of any assistance. The man says "I'd like a blow job, a missionary shag, doggie style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a tit wank. Is that ok?" The lady says "it sounds interesting sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line firs Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,639 Posted February 26, 2010 What's black, white and red all over? The fish tanks at SeaWorld. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,100 Posted February 28, 2010 What's worse than your dog chewing up your slippers? A whale eating your trainers Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted February 28, 2010 What's worse than your dog chewing up your slippers? A whale eating your trainers Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted March 1, 2010 Not really a joke, but it made me splurt my coffee... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madcow 6 Posted March 2, 2010 Not really a joke, but it made me splurt my coffee... iSore? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 2, 2010 iBeam? PS: Note the colour matching the tram in the previous entry. Is that an Amsterdam tram, BTW? regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 125 Posted March 2, 2010 (edited) i_It_is Edited March 2, 2010 by Magere Hein Link fixed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madcow 6 Posted March 2, 2010 Damn, sometimes we're so funny it hurts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 2, 2010 i_It_is iSee. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,100 Posted March 2, 2010 i_It_is iSee. regards, Hein Owww! iM oota here Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 2, 2010 i_It_isiSee.Owww! iM oota here Where to? iCeland? regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,586 Posted March 3, 2010 i_It_isiSee.Owww! iM oota here Where to? iCeland? regards, Hein This is the sort of thing iJoineddeathlistfor. In fact, Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted March 3, 2010 Must be time for some iSnack 2.0 on toast. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted March 3, 2010 iBeam? PS: Note the colour matching the tram in the previous entry. Is that an Amsterdam tram, BTW? regards, Hein Well, yeah. It's Van der Valk! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted March 3, 2010 Must be time for some iSnack 2.0 on toast. I see in the story they said it was an iCon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 3, 2010 Is that an Amsterdam tram, BTW?Well, yeah. It's Van der Valk! Strange as this may seem, till yesterday I wasn't aware of the existence of that series. As far as I know it wasn't aired on Dutch TV and in those years there was no way of receiving British TV in the Netherlands, as cable and satellite TV weren't invented yet. Besides, I see it was broadcast by ITV, which isn't distributed by Dutch cable networks to this day. That picture accidentally hit one of my joys in life: trams and metros. When I was a child I went to school in trams like this: (Note that the colours are modern, they were painted in a shitty brown then, like the one on the right.) I loved trams then, I love them still. Wherever I am, I won't give an opportunity to ride one a miss. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madcow 6 Posted March 17, 2010 This is from one of my fave websites: http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society...n-201003172568/ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,639 Posted April 8, 2010 I'm so skint this month all I have to live on is some herbs my mate lent me. You might say "I'm living on borrowed thyme" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,639 Posted April 9, 2010 ............ A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to aintree races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.' 'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What costs a tenth today of what it cost yesterday? Lenny Henry's shopping bill. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted April 17, 2010 The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "Okay," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?" "You old devil, that sounds like a crazy but very good idea!" There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. After about 10 minutes, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching decides he's got to ask them what their secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was amazing. You obviously have had a fantastic sex life together. It's good to see nothing's changed in the last fifty years." "Bullshit," the old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,639 Posted April 17, 2010 Ash cloud leaves British tourists stranded on holiday in sunny exotic countries and prevents immigrants from entering the country Carlsberg don't do volcanic eruptions.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
