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Just bought an Alexander McQueen shirt! Bit tight round the neck......... but it hangs well

Naturally, he hung himself in a wardrobe. It doesn't say if he ironed himself first.

 

Irony-ed? :lol:

 

He really had trouble "coming out of the closet".

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Two for the price of one

 

Paddy goes to confessions, "Bless me father, I had sex with Fanny

Green every week for last month!". Priest gives him 5 Hail Marys for penance.

 

Murphy goes in next, "Bless me father, I had sex with Fanny

Green twice a week for the past month!". He gets 10 Hail Marys!

 

Priest enquires who this woman is and is told she is new in town. Next

morning at mass a beautiful woman sashays up the aisle wearing a green

mini skirt and matching green shiny shoes. She sits in the front seat,

her long slender legs slightly apart - Sharon Stone style!

 

The priest and altar boy cannot take their eyes off her.The priest composes

himself and whispers to the altar boy "Is that Fanny Green?" "No", he

says "I think its just the reflection off her shoes!"

 

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

A man staying at the Ritz hotel in london removes a card offering

sexual services from a phone box. Back at the hotel he rings the

number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be

of any assistance. The man says "I'd like a blow job, a missionary

shag, doggie style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a tit wank.

Is that ok?" The lady says "it sounds interesting sir, but you might

like to dial 9 for an outside line firs

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What's black, white and red all over?

 

The fish tanks at SeaWorld.

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What's worse than your dog chewing up your slippers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A whale eating your trainers

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What's worse than your dog chewing up your slippers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A whale eating your trainers

 

 

:lol:

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Not really a joke, but it made me splurt my coffee...

NjjkM.jpg

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Not really a joke, but it made me splurt my coffee...

NjjkM.jpg

Katie_Price_signing_71b9.jpg

 

iSore?

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000fa051_medium.jpeg

 

iShadows?

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simon_park_eye_level.jpg

 

iLevel?

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ibeam7.jpg

 

iBeam?

 

PS: Note the colour matching the tram in the previous entry. Is that an Amsterdam tram, BTW?

 

regards,

Hein

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Damn, sometimes we're so funny it hurts. :lol:

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iSee.
Owww! iM oota here

Where to? iCeland?

 

regards,

Hein

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iSee.
Owww! iM oota here

Where to? iCeland?

 

regards,

Hein

 

This is the sort of thing iJoineddeathlistfor.

 

In fact,

Carmen_Miranda_in_The_Gang

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Must be time for some iSnack 2.0 on toast.

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ibeam7.jpg

 

iBeam?

 

PS: Note the colour matching the tram in the previous entry. Is that an Amsterdam tram, BTW?

 

regards,

Hein

 

Well, yeah. It's Van der Valk!

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Must be time for some iSnack 2.0 on toast.

I see in the story they said it was an iCon.

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Is that an Amsterdam tram, BTW?
Well, yeah. It's Van der Valk!

Strange as this may seem, till yesterday I wasn't aware of the existence of that series. As far as I know it wasn't aired on Dutch TV and in those years there was no way of receiving British TV in the Netherlands, as cable and satellite TV weren't invented yet. Besides, I see it was broadcast by ITV, which isn't distributed by Dutch cable networks to this day.

 

That picture accidentally hit one of my joys in life: trams and metros. When I was a child I went to school in trams like this:

 

tram5.jpg

(Note that the colours are modern, they were painted in a shitty brown then, like the one on the right.)

 

I loved trams then, I love them still. Wherever I am, I won't give an opportunity to ride one a miss.

 

regards,

Hein

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I'm so skint this month all I have to live on is some herbs my mate lent me.

 

You might say "I'm living on borrowed thyme"

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............ A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to aintree races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

 

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

 

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

 

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

 

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

 

'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15.'

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

What costs a tenth today of what it cost yesterday?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lenny Henry's shopping bill.

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The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

"Okay," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?"

"You old devil, that sounds like a crazy but very good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. After about 10 minutes, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching decides he's got to ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was amazing. You obviously have had a fantastic sex life together. It's good to see nothing's changed in the last fifty years."

"Bullshit," the old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

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Ash cloud leaves British tourists stranded on holiday in sunny exotic countries and prevents immigrants from entering the country

 

Carlsberg don't do volcanic eruptions....

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