Drunken Deathlisters

[Canadian Paul 97]

Not that I would ever drink, but let's just say that I'm really glad that girl got her camera stolen so that no one will ever have to hear my "special" rendition of Oh Canada! with my roommate.

[Banshees Scream 110]

[*]I got the sack when I arrived at the office straight from a all-night boozer and told my boss what I really thought about him.

Go on, tell it! speak it! scream it! ...............

I don't think it's a good idea to repeat it here. This is a family forum.

 

You wouldn't understand the Dutch anyway.

 

regards,

Hein

 

Google provides enough online translators. Of course since this is a faimly forum your comments would be considered outrageously inappropriate.

[TLC 9]

During a festival many years ago I drunk far too much Special Brew and this combined with "other substances" caused me to run around foaming from the mouth.

 

Ah, happy days.

I think you'll find you were given some dud 'substances' there DDT, Special Brew does that all by itself.

 

Overall, I'm pleased to hear the amount of drunken shennanigans people get up to, it makes me feel much better. Sometimes I get treated like I'm the only person who's ever pissed in an inappropriate place (and I'm not talking watersports) whilst under the influence. People who drink Tramp Juice and get into fights every Friday are accepted as ok and normal, whereas I used to get loads more grief for falling asleep.... and one or two other (non-violent) things.

 

Story for today, nice & short this one.

 

Apparently (I have no recollection of this) whilst out with a group of friends many years ago, I was overheard having the following exchange with a rather splendid young lady: -

 

Rather splendid young lady, "Can I come back to yours for a cup of coffee?"

 

TLC, "Sorry, I've only got beer at home."

 

I was told this by my friend after the lady in question had emigrated shortly afterwards, which was probably for the best. I still like to think that the two events were entirely unconnected.

 

What's even worse is, I very probably did have coffee.... so looks like I missed out on an evening of caffeine-fuelled yet delightful conversation.

[Six 23]

Disgraceful, the lot of you!

 

To have been so drunk that you fell asleep in a public place!

To be so drunk that you can't remember what you did?

To be so drunk that you slept with people/peoples whom you didn't know and much regretted it afterwards?

 

I'm glad I've never done any such things when I've been under the influence.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Disgraceful, the lot of you!

 

To have been so drunk that you fell asleep in a public place!

To be so drunk that you can't remember what you did?

To be so drunk that you slept with people/peoples whom you didn't know and much regretted it afterwards?

 

I'm glad I've never done any such things when I've been under the influence.

 

Come off it, Six, I've seen the photos...

[One shot Paddy 1,204]

Got drunk in a club one night and went home with an "older woman" and did the dirty deed. About 2 years later I was in the same club with my new girlfriend ( now wife!!!), when we ran into said older woman who it turns out was her former teacher!!!

 

Have you ever wanted the ground to open up?

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

Have you ever wanted the ground to open up?

 

On balance that's probably a safer way of gaining satisfaction while drunk, although even during a dry spell you would probably have to bathe afterwards.

[Gunjaman5000 30]

A mate and I got pissed and went to Australia for the night. It was raining in Auckland and the nice lady at Qantas assured us it was lovely in Sydney so seven hundred dollars later, there we were drinking up large in dear old Sydney town.

Twenty one hours later (less than 24 hours out of the country) at Customs in Auckland I learnt a few things;

Don't open your duty free booze and drink it in the 'closer inspection needed' line because things aren't moving as quickly as they should.

Don't try to chat up the customs officer, they have worse senses of humour than policewomen.

They're not impressed by repartee of any kind, when asked "What kind of drugs do you use Mr Gunjaman?", "What have you got?" is not the correct answer.

And finally, sometimes it's best not to tell the truth when ringing up sick for work, "Can't make it in today, I got pissed and went to a different country and I'm all jet lagged now" was the message I left on the answer phone. They didn't believe me and I got a written warning (serious warning that is) for not showing up.

 

Nearly ruined my little holiday that did.

[Six 23]

Disgraceful, the lot of you!

 

To have been so drunk that you fell asleep in a public place!

To be so drunk that you can't remember what you did?

To be so drunk that you slept with people/peoples whom you didn't know and much regretted it afterwards?

 

I'm glad I've never done any such things when I've been under the influence.

 

Come off it, Six, I've seen the photos...

 

Damn. You can't trust anyone these days. The blackmailer said he'd destroy them after I'd paid... hang on... are YOU my blackmailer?!?

 

 

 

 

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Damn. You can't trust anyone these days. The blackmailer said he'd destroy them after I'd paid... hang on... are YOU my blackmailer?!?

 

No, just a Sun reader.

 

I was momentarily confused and thought you were Heather McCartney

[Windsor 2,233]

I don't need to be drunk to want the ground to fall from under me.

 

About a year ago I was speaking to a work friend about a new female employee. I had been told a few storys about her and, in short, she was a whore. Indeed, I used the word slut many times.

Anyway the next day I was working with someone else and again began to spread this gossip to other kitchen employees when I was duly informed that this new impployee was, infact, the girlfriend of the guy I was talking to the day before.

 

I then grovelled the next time I worked with him.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Hang on, I have to spend tenners at a time to get like that, yet you seem to have some natural, in-built 'I'm gonna tell it how it f****n' is' reflex.

 

Kudos, Windsor. I'm jealous.

 

Any chance of chucking a bit of your marrow this way and saving me a few quid?

[Lady Grendel 139]

I have also skidded down my friend's stairs from top to bottom. Wine glass aloft, I didn't spill a drop. So much for the self-preservation instinct. It must have different priorities when you're down to the last bottle..

 

Respect, Boudicca. I am very good at knocking drinks over when I've had too much to drink. I went to visit friends in their new house, they had just decorated their living room, I put my hand out to lift my glass of red wine and promptly knocked it over, spilling the whole lot down their lovely cream coloured wall. They had to repaint the following week, I was persona non gratis for a while. My friend got me back though, we took our wedding party to our favourite Italian restaurant for a meal before the reception, she missed hearing the speeches as she was being sick into a champagne bucket during them in full view of everyone.

[Windsor 2,233]

Hang on, I have to spend tenners at a time to get like that, yet you seem to have some natural, in-built 'I'm gonna tell it how it f****n' is' reflex.

 

Kudos, Windsor. I'm jealous.

 

Any chance of chucking a bit of your marrow this way and saving me a few quid?

 

I think it has something to do with a) Having a big mouth or Speaking before thinking.

 

Just like the time I laughed at my friend when he said he nearly died the week before. I thought he was joking but I forgot the minor detail that he suffers badly from diabetes. He did actually nearly die in his sleep.

 

So that was a big wups.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

I think it has something to do with a) Having a big mouth or Speaking before thinking.

 

You? No, I can't imagine that, mate.

 

Certainly haven't noticed any evidence of such in your posts...

 

<crowd cheers!>

 

<motty says, 'England 1 Scotland 0>

 

<Lawro says, 'That can't be right, Scotland didn't qualify>

 

<crowd cheers again>

 

Sorry, couldn't resist...

 

[Windsor 2,233]

I think it has something to do with a) Having a big mouth or Speaking before thinking.

 

You? No, I can't imagine that, mate.

 

Certainly haven't noticed any evidence of such in your posts...

 

<crowd cheers!>

 

<motty says, 'England 1 Scotland 0>

 

<Lawro says, 'That can't be right, Scotland didn't qualify>

 

<crowd cheers again>

 

Sorry, couldn't resist...

 

 

Don't worry about it.

Us Scots can still look forward to see England's dreams shatter before their eys as they lose the World Cup after getting so far. I don't actually follow football anyway...

[BrunoBrimley 86]

I have had to at lestat for now give up drinking even bloody mary's and bloody marty's and even visiting places where alcohol is served (blasted doctors claim cocern for my health and well being).

 

 

Looking back on my occasional drinking binges, I recall one horrifying incident several years ago in 1980 when I awoke in the morning in strange surroundings and completely naked at the time I still had my now dearly departed leg. Things got worse, much much worse. Somehow I had landed in the bed of my boss and (here is the worst part) his wife. Fortunate for me, his wife was out of town. He fired me a week later.

 

Then there was the time in 1985 when I found myself being stripsearched at the Tombs.

 

Not to mention 1986 when I was out of money and offered to... never mind this is a family site.

 

 

Then in 1990 I awoke in a bed with 4 men who I didn't remember meeting before

 

Once I got drunk and made the mistake of going home with a drunkard who had an extremely untidy apartment.

 

A few times I have had a few drinks and wound up in strange cities.

[Boudicca 702]

It's never a good idea to apply fake tan whilst drunk.

 

Same goes for plucking one's eyebrows, or fringe-trimming*

 

* That's "bangs" in American.

 

Which sounds dirty in BOTH languages!

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

I don't actually follow football anyway...

 

Ah, the standard North of the border cop out when it comes to a World Cup summer...

 

But you're probably right about our dreams shattering after getting so far. A boy who's never even played Premiership footy and a granny prozzie botherer with one foot...it doesn't bode well.

 

But hey, WTF, England are in Germany right now and the Scottish aren't, so that's almost as good as winning the Cup, isn't it?

 

Isn't it?

 

Of course it is, seeing as we haven't really got a hope in hell.

 

Have we?

 

I could go on all night.

 

<have faith, says God>

 

<okay God>

 

I have voices in my head. I think I'm peaking way too early. They haven't even had the opening ceremony yet.

 

Which I will miss, because I stupidly agreed to go and watch Bon Jovi on Friday with Mrs BHB.

 

Bugger.

[Lady Grendel 139]

It's never a good idea to apply fake tan whilst drunk.

 

Same goes for plucking one's eyebrows, or fringe-trimming*

 

* That's "bangs" in American.

 

Which sounds dirty in BOTH languages!

 

or shaving an imaginary moustache

[Paul Bearer 6,099]

I don't actually follow football anyway...

 

>snip<

 

Which I will miss, because I stupidly agreed to go and watch Bon Jovi on Friday with Mrs BHB.

 

Bugger.

 

Would you like me to take your place?

[Windsor 2,233]

I don't actually follow football anyway...

 

Ah, the standard North of the border cop out when it comes to a World Cup summer...

 

But you're probably right about our dreams shattering after getting so far. A boy who's never even played Premiership footy and a granny prozzie botherer with one foot...it doesn't bode well.

 

But hey, WTF, England are in Germany right now and the Scottish aren't, so that's almost as good as winning the Cup, isn't it?

 

Isn't it?

 

Of course it is, seeing as we haven't really got a hope in hell.

 

Have we?

 

I could go on all night.

 

<have faith, says God>

 

<okay God>

 

I have voices in my head. I think I'm peaking way too early. They haven't even had the opening ceremony yet.

 

Which I will miss, because I stupidly agreed to go and watch Bon Jovi on Friday with Mrs BHB.

 

Bugger.

 

I must admit that I'm looking forward to seeing the 'Barmy Army' getting beaten up by the German police. That will be my World Cup highlight.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

I don't actually follow football anyway...

 

>snip<

 

Which I will miss, because I stupidly agreed to go and watch Bon Jovi on Friday with Mrs BHB.

 

Bugger.

 

Would you like me to take your place?

 

No thanks, she's promised me fellatio without gag reflex.

 

I don't know what it means either, I've only just read about the syndrome over in the 'docter docter' thread, but it sounds good.

 

I'm living on a prayer, but it looks as though I might be going out in a blaze of glory!

[Six 23]

...

I'm living on a prayer, but it looks as though I might be going out in a blaze of glory!

 

' Slippery When Wet ' springs to mind.

[Handrejka 1,903]

I don't drink but it hasn't stopped me having shameful moments. Had one today at work. I was talking about age gaps in relationships and she said there's 17 years between her and her fiance.

"Which way round?" I asked

She looked at me horrified "You're not suggesting I'm engaged to a 10 year old?" she asks

"You're only 27?" I ask. I honestly thought she was about 40. Ooops