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Paul Bearer

Unofficial world records?

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Thinking back on my life, realising I might only have about 15 - 30 (hopefully the latter) years left on this mortal plain, I thought what can I legitimately claim as a claim to fame but can't prove it.  (Hope that made sense). 

 

My claim is I managed to have an amazing fart** that lasted over 30 seconds. (Started counting at about 7 seconds). Mind you, I started to control it after the 7 seconds and counted to about 30-32 before it came to an end. 

 

Do you have a legitimate unofficial world record claim?

 

**for the record, this happened about 30 years ago.

 

 

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I probably have the most shitty posts in a 3 year period on the Deathlist forums...

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I love the tonal shift from a serious-toned reflection on one's mortality to letting out a massive fart. :D

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0OHalnH.jpg

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I'd have said it was reasonably difficult to go downhill from Pauls starter.

How wrong can one be?

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Surely the right attitude to this would be to find a world record that nobody else has managed yet and create it (if it's accepted by Guinness).

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8 hours ago, Clorox Bleachman said:

0OHalnH.jpg

Was that you?  :lol:

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30 seconds? Ah soddit, I had to stop one I conjured up in the office the other day at about 20 seconds through fear of it becoming a shart, so fair play.

 

My fart was, however, so utterly disgusting it deserves a record for most destruction to the nasal passages caused by one rectal tremor. It was so noxious and inhumanly foul, it's standing as a candidate for the Brexit Party in the European elections.

 

As for non-fart-related record activity, I'm struggling to think...I drove from Billericay to Spalding in 1hr 14mins once? Would Guinness accept a record as menial and largely illegal as that?

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I had a friend -- well actually he was my best buddy who died last August -- he drank an entire beer while at the urinal ance.
Gotta be a record for recycling the fastest.
SC

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Most Llasa Apso mixes raped by a single man. (1)

Oh, this isn't the direction you intended this thread?  Damn shame innit.

SC

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Just carried on a continuous FB Messenger conversation from 8:48am CST 01 May 2019 to 5:23am CST 02 May 2019.
That's 20 hours and 35 minutes long.
Only two people who suck at sleeping could pull that off!   
SC / Notorious B.O.U.

 

[Edit:  “Haha at DL Unofficial World Records. It was pretty impressive. Could put messenger / Facebook call as there were at least three in that time” - Bou]

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I'm quite proud of my record of once staying awake for just a few hours short of a week.  (Was at a techno festival and wanted to get my money's worth) :blink:

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A doctor who had studied my patient history told me: "I have worked over 30 years as a MD, and you're the craziest creep I ever met! Are you stupid or what? Your brain should be X-rayed!"

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I've just gone two whole weeks without wearing anything purple , not a world record but a personal  best. 

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