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Further apologies For Lou the Beale tolls

Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tight as the day went on. That night, after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles retired back to their room. Camilla flopped on the bed and said "Please remove one's shoes darling, one's feet are killing one." Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour. But it wouldn't budge. "Harder!" yelled Camilla. "Harder?" Charles yelled back. "I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'" "Come on give it all you've got," she cried. Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed, "Oh god, that feels so good !" In their bedroom next door, the Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, "See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that." Meanwhile back in the other bedroom, Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out,"Oh god, darling, this one's even tighter." At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen: "That's my boy; once a navy man, always a navy man!"

Apologies for this one: For whom the Beale tolls

Read that condescending piece on Dan Brown this morning in the i and laughed when Clive also made a bit of a schoolboy error; claiming Jessica Ennis as a Pentathlete. Jessica Ennis-Hill (as she now is) competes in the Heptathlon. Not sure if it's evidence of the normally accurate Clive losing a few marbles or simply not caring enough to follow up all facts in the final check. I think he'll mock our decisions to pick him this year; but on the evidence available I think 1 Jan 2015 is a day he won't see. I read it this morning and thought it funny in a warm and mocking way. It made me miss the TV show he used to do on the BBC. I still like him.

or Alice Who the fuck is Alice?

Rivaldo fell over, and Mick McCarthy made a face For some reason I retconned Rivaldo's collapse to 1998. Now I'm in my 30s, I worry I'm going to lose the ability to map changes in my life to World Cups (1990 was the first I remember, 1994 was the first I was anticipating before it started, 1998 was when hormones were kicking in, 2002 I was at uni, 2006 was my first year in the Real World of work, 2010 was when I had a career and shit). As said upthread, if you take out the first round and the finals, 2010 would probably be one of the best, but it started like a corpse and ended like one as well. 2014 will probably only be palatable if Argentina win and Brazil goes into mass rioting as a result. With any luck Messi will find time to call Tiradentes a "homo" before the tourney starts.

Learned the hard way that you can only use so much BBCode in a post.... so opted for periods instead of the white "I" marks this time whilst tidying up.

or Alice

I am going to rant about the heat because I pay the bills for the extra water for showers and the extra electricity for running fans, and for the fly-spray which is choking us. And because we have duelling stereos, and the children can't sleep or function but especially not when the windows are open and Dean is loudly debating whether or not his mate is cunt etc. And because my neighbours think that the best way to spend a broiling hot day is to stand in front of an open fire and clog what air there is with smoke. I went to my son's school today for an outdoor event which started at 1 p.m. The children had already been out for the best part of an hour because of lunchtime and were expected to play games until three. I left with my (blond, fair) child an hour early when several children despite hats, sun-screen and water bottles were being carried inside due to faintness and nausea. The car external temperature registered 40 Celsius yet outdoor activities are routinely cancelled due to the threat of drizzle. I'm going back tomorrow for sports day and will do the same thing if need be. "Sun precautions" are all very well but they don't cut it unless children are near a sea-breeze or a pool. People just don't know how to behave in this weather, that's the problem. Mad dogs and Englishmen...

On July 20 at 3 am eternal or at 9 pm (til I come).