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I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit!! Still I suppose its my fault for marrying her.

Dear all, Please accept without obligation...express or implied... these best wishes for an environmentally safe...socially responsible... low stress...non addictive...and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice ...(but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others...or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful...personally fulfilling... and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year ...(including... but not limited to... the Christian calendar...but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race...creed...colour...age...physical ability...religious faith...choice of computer platform...or s*xual preference of the wishee(s). Very best regards, Perfect Passing If offence is given in any of the above, by error or omission, you can go and f**k yourself!!

You wouldn't say that about a Dalek - no legs, limited mobility, yet some time masters of the universe.

With all due respect, I think I have more chance of showing up on the 2014 Deathlist than Carla Laemmle... & why would you be famous enough to be on the list, how're you more famous then the heiress & niece of the founder of Universal Studios? My point - I see you've walked into it!

My contributions for 2013 are: January Michael Winner February Richard Briers March Kenny Ball April Margaret Thatcher May Paul Shane June Henry Cecil July Burt Trautman August David Frost September Joyce Jacobs October Phil Chevron (Pogues) November Paul Walker December David Coleman

"Only 37 more sleeps to Christmas" said the excited narcoleptic.

Runners? Ina Scott was a fucking horse

Well, there are many things wrong with that idea. Firstly, just the idea that I (or anyone else here) would club together with you on anything. And it wouldn't really be a mainstream newspaper if its only purpose was to report all deaths. Then it would just be Death Weekly or whatever. Plus, even if it was somehow mainstream it would probably be disqualified from consideration just because it was deliberately set up to cheat the DDP. And also, unless you're The Mail, running a newspaper these days is about as economically viable as trying to sell a self-help book in Liverpool called "Getting Over Tragedies".

Hey, buddy, I'm sorry dude but look at this way, Jack, you just gotta be sure to pick guys who's famous enough to get obits here, son!! Ok seriously, that's not as limiting as it sounds. Or even as hard to gauge as it sounds. You just have to play it by ear. Sometimes your NFL players or whatever will be famous enough to get an obit here (I mean, obviously someone like John Madden). And their chances increase if they die in tragic circumstances (which, obviously, happens a lot). But generally they probably won't. And don't, like, expect former state governors or anything like that to get obits as a matter of routine. Strangely a lot of wrestlers will get obits because The Sun covers WWE because there's lots of inbred morons like me who grew up watching WWF and they cater to us. Although I don't watch that boring bullshit any more, a lot of people do. But it's generally best to limit it to musicians and actors and high-level politicians, and really well-known academics/writers/authors because generally we don't give a shit about your sports. And don't forget your criminals obviously, serial killers/rapists who are fairly famous will have a good chance of getting a report here.

Keep going, Vera, 'til you go over the white cliffs of Dover.

Couldn't really follow that show myself, I was plastered!

Who wants to looks at old japs eyes?

The "Red Devils" theme team of 1958 were high performers, I think. Though Bill Foulkes' survival ruled out a clean sweep! Derby dead pool existed in 1958?