The Deathlist Kitchen

[Godot 149]

I've been thinking about cod roe these past three months. It's hard to get but you still see herring roe in the shops except it's not usually roe but milt - yes the stuff that male herrings ejaculate. For years I had been eating it happily as roe but when I found it was milt it kind of put me off. I wonder how many people would buy it if it was labelled: herring spunk? I suppose the issues are the same with sweetmeat.

 

I may have said something about this before but my mind has been going for some time.

[Godot 149]

Apologies, have just reread this post and found it unusually tasteless for one of my contributions - which is more than I could say for the herring milt.

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

I can't deal with the directions but I've heard of these high minded foods which relatives of this are salmon, sun flower seeds and certain vegetables. I'm no chef 'To bad' but if possible I would invite Rachel Ray over for the evening so she could cook this for me. I can't stand her and she has the most annoying voice on the face of the planet, but her cooking skills are pin point professional.

 

oh c'mon Banshees, I don't think anyone watches Rachel Ray for her cooking skillz or her voice.

 

 

The good thing is she upholds all of the noble traditions of the fine art of cookery, without for a moment objectifying herself.

 

Hubba hubba

[Monoclinic 39]

I think someone's mentioned Crumble previously in this thread, but I couldn't find it*

 

4 ingredients, 4 instructions, 40 minutes. 0 bullshit

 

1 medium sized casserole dish

 

2 measures plain flour (Wholemeal is great too)

1 measure butter

½ measure sugar (I used brown but white is fine)

3 measures [pride] freshly-picked blackcurrants from my garden [/pride](or virtually any other fruit).

 

1) Mix the flour, butter and sugar with your fingers for a few minutes until they are of breadcrumb consistency.

2) Put the blackcurrants in the casserole.

(Things went a bit Carmen Miranda at this point; I decided to add a chopped-up banana. I thought about adding half an onion just to see the look on Mrs SC's face when she ate it, but decided I'd rather have the crumble than a good laugh.)

3) Place the crumble in an even layer on top of the blackcurrants.

4) Pop it all in the oven, roughly just-above-medium heat for roughly 30 mins.

 

If you've a sweet tooth, take it out half-way through baking and sprinkle some more sugar on top

 

Eat it on its own or serve with custard, or vanilla ice cream, or fresh cream, or evaporated milk, or toffee-flavoured yogurt or pretty much anything else, possibly including gravy, if that's your bent.

 

*I used to the search function for the word "crumble"; it couldn't find it. Not believing that nobody had mentioned crumble, I began to read the whole thread but got bored after the first 5 pages.

 

Out of curiosity what is banana crumble like? Crumble has been the UK dessert of choice to show off to the Belgies.

 

Unfortunately I fear this may have backfired. One person has gone away and replicated it using bananas instead of the spiced apple variety I made for them. I think they now want to replicate it for me yet the idea of banana crumble conjures up the funeral scene in four weddings and a funeral. Thankfully no ducks were killed in the making of said crumble.

 

 

As for tasty salad - usual greenery plus roquefort, pears and walnuts is delightful if you like sucré-salé (sweet and salty). Another Belgian speciality (no, not chicons) is tuna with peaches (though usually it's in a baguette with tomato and lettuce). I thought the idea of this absolutely repulsive at first but after undergoing the when in Rome approach I actually found I quite like it. I think it is only mayonnaise with the tuna if anyone is brave enough.

[Banshees Scream 110]

oh c'mon Banshees, I don't think anyone watches Rachel Ray for her cooking skillz or her voice.

 

Rachael Ray gets the kitchen boiling every now and then, there is no doubt about it but sometimes she almost looks like a different person. I think she lost weight or something and now she is one of the first dream wives for the Food Network. I mean only if you knew Ronnie how depressing girls of my generation are, the future is probably ten dollar instant meals. Even as I don't like her voice, At least Rachael can make quality thirty minute meals, and look hot doing it. God it's not worth the trouble. Mas well just blow fifty bucks at a upper class restaurant.

[Slave to the Grave 26]

Out of curiosity what is banana crumble like?

 

Never had a crumble with banana on it's own, but try apple, pear, banana, cranberry and mincemeat (I mean christmassy mincemeat, not minced beef). Yum!

[Guest fries with that?]

Rachael Ray ... lost weight ... and now she is one ... depressing ... ten dollar ... thirty minute ... hot ... trouble. Mas well just blow fifty bucks at a upper class restaurant.

Fifty bucks? Classy... I would imagine that one can even have one's burger "your way" for that sort of money.

[Banshees Scream 110]

Fifty bucks? Classy... I would imagine that one can even have one's burger "your way" for that sort of money.

 

Fine 200. That's classy for a good evening. Who the f**k counts.

 

Cracking me up. Would you like fries with that?

 

(Standing up and clapping)

[Real Madron 6]

Fifty bucks? Classy... I would imagine that one can even have one's burger "your way" for that sort of money.

 

Fine 200. That's classy for a good evening. Who the f**k counts.

 

Cracking me up. Would you like fries with that?

 

(Standing up and clapping)

do some people sign out to start an argument?

[Banshees Scream 110]

do some people sign out to start an argument?

 

I guess not man enough to face me. I admit all in all it gave me a great laugh, (Fries With That Brilliant ) but I'll have the IP address checked out.

[Handrejka 1,911]

Can anyone think of an alternative to tomatoes? I made a vegetable bake last night and substited tomatoes with aubergines as I hate tomatoes, but it didn't really work. Any ideas what else I could use - no dead mammals please I'm going veggie again.

[Guest Jamie Oliveoil]

Can anyone think of an alternative to tomatoes? I made a vegetable bake last night and substited tomatoes with aubergines as I hate tomatoes, but it didn't really work. Any ideas what else I could use - no dead mammals please I'm going veggie again.

You may have used some of these already in the mix, but here's a few I've used:

 

Parsnips, sliced into tomato-sized slices?

Parsnips and Swede?

Sweet Potato (quite expensive here though, I imagine on IOM too)?

Ragwort (don't, it's poisonous)

Squash of some type (see above)?

Radish?

Orange (peeled)?

Grapes (halved)?

Peppers?

Melon?

[Slave to the Grave 26]

Can anyone think of an alternative to tomatoes? I made a vegetable bake last night and substited tomatoes with aubergines as I hate tomatoes, but it didn't really work. Any ideas what else I could use - no dead mammals please I'm going veggie again.

 

In France you can get a white pizza which doesn't have any tomatoes on. They're usually made with creme fraiche in place of the tomato and they're rather jolly nice .

[Monoclinic 39]

Can anyone think of an alternative to tomatoes? I made a vegetable bake last night and substited tomatoes with aubergines as I hate tomatoes, but it didn't really work. Any ideas what else I could use - no dead mammals please I'm going veggie again.

 

First you had your lactose intolerant soya milk fetishists, then came along gluten free products but is there really a market for tomato based products with er the tomato taken out?

 

http://www.nomato.com/

 

As for a replacement it needs to be something very very wet to help the pasta to go soft (assuming you've got dried pasta). If cream based sauces aren't to your tastes you could always put some veggie stock with the vegetables I guess . This is the chemist and not the cook in me suggesting this, I have never tried it and am unlikely to do so as I love tomatoes, except of course those insipid Dutch ones that never ripen!

[Godot 149]

Can anyone think of an alternative to tomatoes? I made a vegetable bake last night and substited tomatoes with aubergines as I hate tomatoes, but it didn't really work. Any ideas what else I could use - no dead mammals please I'm going veggie again.

Herring milt Han, good for virility.

 

G

[Godot 149]

Is it OK to eat oysters if you're a veggie? I read somewhere that the cut off point in animal cruelty laws was somewhere between the shrimp and the oyster. The oyster doesn't have a complex nervous system so, I assume, doesn't mind being eaten much. I like oysters but am thinking of becoming a vegetarian (again), preferably an oyster-eating vegetarian.

[Dave to the Grave 11]

Is it OK to eat oysters if you're a veggie? I read somewhere that the cut off point in animal cruelty laws was somewhere between the shrimp and the oyster. The oyster doesn't have a complex nervous system so, I assume, doesn't mind being eaten much. I like oysters but am thinking of becoming a vegetarian (again), preferably an oyster-eating vegetarian.

Godot, I would say yes.

 

I would add that I am a cow eating vegetarian, who is also fond of oysters.

[honez 79]

I like oysters but am thinking of becoming a vegetarian (again), preferably an oyster-eating vegetarian.

The last time I looked, oysters weren't vegetables. Nor gravy, so you might struggle Mr G.

 

Come to think of it, neither is tomato sauce, given the allowable mushed caterpillars/litre ratio.

[Banshees Scream 110]

http://www.nomato.com/

 

Have you ever bought 'the fake tomato sauce?' Do you know any living\breathing people that buy fake tomato sauce? I mean some people might like it! I don't buy 'the fake tomato sauce'. I think fake tomato sauce is an outrage.

 

Who would create fake tomato sauce? That's f****n nuts to do that.

[Godot 149]

Is it OK to eat oysters if you're a veggie? I read somewhere that the cut off point in animal cruelty laws was somewhere between the shrimp and the oyster. The oyster doesn't have a complex nervous system so, I assume, doesn't mind being eaten much. I like oysters but am thinking of becoming a vegetarian (again), preferably an oyster-eating vegetarian.

Godot, I would say yes.

 

I would add that I am a cow eating vegetarian, who is also fond of oysters.

 

The last time I went vegetarian I was a game-eating vegetarian, so anything wild was OK. If it had been shot like pheasant, grouse or woodcock, or hooked like a salmon or trout - that was OK. But I had issues about animals that had been kept in sheds and fish that had been dragged up from the sea bottom. The vegetarianism slipped to sheep, then cows and finally pigs when I started to see them in the field. Funnily enough there remain a few vegetarian enclaves in old Godot's black heart - I don't eat fresh yellow fin tuna (well,occasionally) and never eat battery reared chicken (if I know about it). I feel a bit sorry for oysters. I mean what does a shrimp have that an oyster doesn't? I wonder if people would like them as much if they were cheap. I suspect not. Cow-eating oyster-partial vegetarianism seems ethically sound to me Dave.

[One shot Paddy 1,209]

I mean what does a shrimp have that an oyster doesn't?

 

Eyes?

[Godot 149]

I could give up sugary drinks, even cut down on alcohol, but give up bacon sarnies just to live longer? That's going too far.

[Lady Grendel 139]

Menu à la Virgin Atlantic.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226]

Menu à la Virgin Atlantic.

That has to be one of the finest letters of complaint I have ever seen.

Total genius.

[Windsor 2,235]

1. HERRING AND ORANGE JUICE

 

Don't eat much fish, and I prefer apple juice.

 

2. VEGETABLES

 

I don't eat many vegetables.

 

3. CUSTARD CAKES

 

If custard creams count - occassionally.

 

4. ALCOHOL

 

I don't drink alcohol.

 

5. SAUSAGE IN BREAD

 

Every morning when I get into Uni I have a bacon roll for my breakfast. Does that count?

 

6. BREAD, DRIPPING, SALT

 

Never.

 

7. PORRIDGE

 

Never.

 

8. BOILED RICE AND CHICKEN

 

Occassionally

 

9. COTTAGE CHEESE

Don't like it.

 

 

10. DONKEY MILK

 

Haven't tried it.

 

 

 

If this is the diet that gets you to 100, I don't think I'll be getting my telegram.