A Joke

[Amanda 3]

Shouldn't you be aiming slightly in front of the clays?

I don't know? Should I? Is this something that I can pick up in a day or am I going to make a total arse of self? I've never even held a gun. But I have been told that my left eye is my dominant eye. This is important apparently. Is there any shooting etiquette I should be aware of?

Don't shoot your fellow clay pigeoners.

I wish.....

[Josco 49]

Shouldn't you be aiming slightly in front of the clays?

I don't know? Should I? Is this something that I can pick up in a day or am I going to make a total arse of self? I've never even held a gun. But I have been told that my left eye is my dominant eye. This is important apparently. Is there any shooting etiquette I should be aware of?

Never ever point a gun at anyone under any circumstances unless the gun is 'broken' (bent in the middle). I saw someone escorted from the shoot for doing that and they have been persona no grata ever since.

[Lady Die 63]

Shouldn't you be aiming slightly in front of the clays?

I don't know? Should I? Is this something that I can pick up in a day or am I going to make a total arse of self? I've never even held a gun. But I have been told that my left eye is my dominant eye. This is important apparently. Is there any shooting etiquette I should be aware of?

Don't shoot your fellow clay pigeoners.

I wish.....

Is this a work jolly?

[Tuber Mirum 125]

How about "don't shoot anyone"?

 

Also keep an eye out for who is behind you with a gun. Charlton Heston is a bugger in that respect.

 

And if you have to walk anywhere with the gun, make sure it is open and not loaded.

I heard somewhere you don't aim a shotgun, you point it, but I'm sure there'll be someone there who can guide you better than we can.

 

[Amanda 3]

Is this a work jolly?

No, I expressed a polite interest in a would-be boyfriend's hobbies & it's come to this.

[Lady Die 63]

Is this a work jolly?

No, I expressed a polite interest in a would-be boyfriend's hobbies & it's come to this.

I hope he's worth it. If not at least you you can shoot him

[Amanda 3]

Thank you Mr Notapotato, I must admit to being a little worried. Presumably in the daytime there will be less people about to watch me make a tit of self. I actually feel sick with nerves at the prospect. The coffee I've just drunk feels like it's eaten a hole in my stomach lining. It's not very pleasant. I assume these shoots have toilet & beverage facilities?

[Amanda 3]

Is this a work jolly?

No, I expressed a polite interest in a would-be boyfriend's hobbies & it's come to this.

I hope he's worth it. If not at least you you can shoot him

Brilliant! My thoughts exactly!!

[honez 79]

I've never even held a gun.  But I have been told that my left eye is my dominant eye.  This is important apparently.

It sure is.

If you are left eye dominant, then you must pull the trigger with your left and hold the gun barrel with your right. Even if you're right handed.

If you don't then you'll never hit a damn thing.

[VileBody 11]

I may be too late for this but pull the gun very firmly into your shoulder when you fire. First (and last) time Mrs VB fired one, it kicked so hard she dropped the gun. To the alarm of many...

[Windsor 2,233]

C L A Y P I G E O N S H O O T I N G

 

Hi, I don't want to start a new topic for this, but please can someone help me? I'm going clay pigeon shooting for the first time today & is there any advice or anything that anyone can offer me? I've got a 12 bore to use (is that OK for beginners?). Is there anything I need to know? Aside from aim at the clay pigeons of course... thanks.

Here's a crazy motion.

Why not search 'clay pigeon shooting' on google and find an actual clay pigeon shooting site?

[Tuber Mirum 125]

C L A Y  P I G E O N  S H O O T I N G

 

Hi, I don't want to start a new topic for this, but please can someone help me?  I'm going clay pigeon shooting for the first time today & is there any advice or anything that anyone can offer me?  I've got a 12 bore to use (is that OK for beginners?).  Is there anything I need to know?  Aside from aim at the clay pigeons of course... thanks.

Here's a crazy motion.

Why not search 'clay pigeon shooting' on google and find an actual clay pigeon shooting site?

Sounds like a good Idea in principle, but I tried it, and given the dearth of useful information on the web, asking us wasn't such a bad idea actually.

 

What sort of coffee do you drink Amanda?

 

There is nothing worse for your guts than bad coffee.

[maryportfuncity 10,657]

Re coffee, a good way to state your preferences is to drink Michael Jackson coffee. Basically rating the strength and - therefore - colour of your coffee by his skin colour on various album covers.

 

Strong - very brown = Off The Wall coffee

 

Weak - almost white = Bad coffee

 

etc

 

I'm off the wall every time.......as far as the coffee's concerned.

[Lady Grendel 139]

C L A Y  P I G E O N  S H O O T I N G

 

Hi, I don't want to start a new topic for this, but please can someone help me?  I'm going clay pigeon shooting for the first time today & is there any advice or anything that anyone can offer me?  I've got a 12 bore to use (is that OK for beginners?).  Is there anything I need to know?  Aside from aim at the clay pigeons of course... thanks.

Here's a crazy motion.

Why not search 'clay pigeon shooting' on google and find an actual clay pigeon shooting site?

[themaninblack 2,112]

And in honour of the late Ronnie Barker:

 

What is the difference between a malopropism and a spoonerism?

 

 

Knuck Fows!

[scsibear 4]

I'm going to put on a wash on later......can anyone advise me whether I should use washing powder OR washing liquid and ohhh what about conditioner ??

 

Also I wanna take up Knitting.... does anyone know what size of needles I should use for a Tea Cozy ??? hmmm...this is difficult my teapot needs a new hat badly.

 

 

regards

scsi

[Boudicca 702]

I'm going to put on a wash later......can anyone advise me whether I should use washing powder OR washing liquid and ohhh what about conditioner ??

 

Also I wanna take up Knitting.... does anyone know what size of needles I should use for a Tea Cozy ???   hmmm...this is difficult my teapot needs a new hat badly.

 

 

regards

scsi

 

Nice to have you back!

[Tuber Mirum 125]

George W. Bush is sitting in the Oval Office, and in saunters Dick Cheney.

 

Dick: Hey George, three Brazillian soldiers were killed in Eye-raq today.

 

George: Gee, that's kinda bad isn't it?

 

Dick: Yeah, Kinda.

 

George: (Goes back to examining his Buster Annual)

 

(Pause) Hey Dick, I guess those soldiers gettin' killed is just the way the cookie crumbles, right Dick?

 

Dick: Yeah, I guess so George.

 

George: (Goes back to his book)

 

(Pause) Hey Dick?

 

Dick: Yeah George?

 

George: Remind me again, exactly how many millions is a brazillion?

[Lady Grendel 139]

I'm going to put on a wash on later......can anyone advise me whether I should use washing powder OR washing liquid and ohhh what about conditioner ??

 

Also I wanna take up Knitting.... does anyone know what size of needles I should use for a Tea Cozy ???   hmmm...this is difficult my teapot needs a new hat badly.

 

 

regards

scsi

I think it may depend on the type of wool you are using, different plys etc... perhaps someone else can enlighten you? I myself can't knit to save myself and was banned from the primary 3 knitting group at 7/8 years old. I am sure there are a few people on here who would be willing to help you out, after all other posters ask these sort of questions and get copious replies.

[football_fan 42]

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

 

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

 

"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.

 

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

 

"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

 

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

 

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

[Banshees Scream 110]

Here's a joke that hasn't come to mind in a while..

 

A man is constantly getting nasty emails from some random

woman on the internet. He becomes so angry after a while

he saids he wants to meet her in person. She accepts.

 

He meets her and only does he find that this woman has

no arms or legs. He then feels bad. He decides he will

be nice to this woman. They start a small conversation

and the woman told this man that she wanted to meet

him at the same time again the next day. He had no plans

so he figured he would meet her again. When he was about

to leave she said "give me a hug" he said why not gave the hug

and left.

 

That night he received more nasty emails from this same

woman. He met her the next day and was still somewhat upset.

She said she was sorry and this time she said "Give me a kiss" At first he hesitated and mumbled no but he did give her a kiss on the cheek. She wanted to

meet him again the next day. She said that she had something to give him.

 

 

 

 

That night this mans girlfriend got strange phone calls about rumors

on how her boyfriend was cheating on her. This woman also was insulting

this mans girlfriend and rudely hung up. She later called him that night

and broke up with him thinking it was some cruel joke. His computer was

also hacked beyond belief and he knew it was all in the works of this

disabled woman.

 

The next day he met her and she said this is what i have for you!

She waved her head towards her pocket. She said pull it out. He

pulled out a condom and she then said "F**k Me" He said allright

let's get in the car and i'll take you somewhere speacial for the occation.

He showed up at the nearest lake and said it's a suprise! Let me put

this blindfold on you. She agreed and he placed her on a couple sturdy

logs that were tied togeather. He set her to sail in the lake and quicky said

Are you ready! She replied yes and as he pulled the blindfold away from her

eyes she then yelled o am i f**ked!

 

I think this is a good joke but like many others

is told better in person. I feel here i may have

overated it. "To long"

[Guest Mr Magoo]

The voices tell me to wipe my ass with ham, am I mad?

[Gunjaman5000 30]

Santa didn't have time to stop in Indonesia this year so he just gave them a wave on the way past.

 

Yes, I am going to hell.

[in eternum+ 22]

This is a bit long, and not so much of a joke per se, but it's really funny so I thought I'd share. I don't know how 'authentic' they are, but I think they're hilarious regardless:

 

They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

 

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

 

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

 

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

 

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

 

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

 

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

 

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

 

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

 

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

 

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

 

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

 

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

 

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

 

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

 

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

 

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

 

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

 

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

 

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

 

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

 

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

 

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

 

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

[Harvester Of Souls 40]

Yes, I am going to hell.

Don't worry I'll keep the bar open and wait for your arrival