A Joke

[Josco 49]

5 guys are waiting for there dealer to show.

 

Only 3 guys can go to meet him - otherwise he may feel like he's getting jumped.

 

The buyer and "Jay's" best friend' are about to go

 

2 of the guys decide to stay back but there is a confrontation between the other 2.

 

One of them happens to be slighty disabled having 2 disorders.

 

The opposite guy is picked and the guy "AJ" with the disorders throws a fit.

 

He wanted to meet Jay because he feels in the future he may really get hooked up!

 

He then says F**k Jay. I could get better deals...

 

Jays best friend "Chris" speaking in a fair way says well if you can go ahead?

 

Chris repeats this several times and AJ finally says starts cursing at Chris

 

Since he often brags about smoking with Jay and being around so much "Magic"

 

AJ calls him a fagget and says to go F**k Jay

 

AJ storms out of the house and leaves the party.

 

Everybody laughed and knew that wasn't true. That AJ flipped because he couldn't get his way.

 

Chris has a grin but then slowly whispers to the buyer - Well so what if I F**k Jay?

 

Atleast I get more ass then AJ does.

I don't get it.

[Paul Bearer 6,102]

Um................................................ me neither

[Phantom 2,533]

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

 

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln."

The teacher said "That's right Susie, you can go home."

 

Johnny was MAD that Susie had answered the question first.

The teacher asked another question, "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King".

The teacher said, "That's right Mary, you can go."

 

Johnny was even madder than before.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John F. Kennedy".

The teacher said, "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

 

Johnny was BOILING mad that he had not been able to answer to any of the questions.

Then the teacher turned her back and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turned around and asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

[Banshees Scream 110]

Um................................................ me neither

 

I can't go any further to explain - You may have read the joke wrong, perhaps don't understand, or just simply have no taste in comedy.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Two queer cowboys:

 

One said yup.

 

The other said yep.

 

No, no, no!

 

One sez: 'Y'up?'

 

the other sez: 'Yup!'

 

You're absolutely right...no wonder nobody's been laughing all these years....it's the way I mis-tell 'em!

[honez 79]

Um................................................ me neither

You may have read the joke wrong, perhaps don't understand, or just simply have no taste in comedy.

I don't think those are the only options, BS, my good chap.

Perchance they are confounded by your stylistic use of American grammar? [sic]

[MyBrainHurts2 4]

Two pub regulars are enjoying a pint and talking it up after a day at the office. Midway through their first pint, an afternoon regular at the pub, not looking much better than a middle aged homeless man, walks out of the pub, smiling, with 2 tall, statuesque blondes, one on each arm.

 

First man: "I just don't get it. If a short, bald, middle aged wank who smells like a garbage heap can walk out of here regularly with a beautiful woman on each arm, then why am I single?"

Second man: "The man doesn't have a regular job, and by the look of him, he's not a rich man."

First man: "No kidding there, his apartment is a disgusting little hole in the wall but the roaches seem to like it."

Second man: "He's, what, close to a foot shorter than you, a good 50 pounds overweight, is missing almost half his teeth and wears the same dirty clothes just about every day. I don't get it either."

First man: "Yeah, all he does is sit at the end of the bar, have a couple pints and lick his eyebrows."

[Banshees Scream 110]

Um................................................ me neither

You may have read the joke wrong, perhaps don't understand, or just simply have no taste in comedy.

I don't think those are the only options, BS, my good chap.

Perchance they are confounded by your stylistic use of American grammar? [sic]

 

American grammar Honez?

 

More like drug dealing slang. I forget some of the british might not fully understand that...

[TLC 9]

American grammar Honez?

 

More like drug dealing slang. I forget some of the british might not fully understand that...

I have re-read it several times as I hate not getting jokes, whether they're funny or not.

 

The best I can manage is that AJ gets annoyed because he can't go & see the dealer with the others, tells Chris to f**k Jay (the dealer) and storms out with out scoring. Then: -

Chris has a grin but then slowly whispers to the buyer - Well so what if I F**k Jay?

 

Atleast I get more ass then AJ does.

My whole potential understanding of this joke relies on ass being slang for crack.

 

Am I even close??

[Six 23]

American grammar Honez?

 

More like drug dealing slang. I forget some of the british might not fully understand that...

I have re-read it several times as I hate not getting jokes, whether they're funny or not.

 

The best I can manage is that AJ gets annoyed because he can't go & see the dealer with the others, tells Chris to f**k Jay (the dealer) and storms out with out scoring. Then: -

Chris has a grin but then slowly whispers to the buyer - Well so what if I F**k Jay?

 

Atleast I get more ass then AJ does.

My whole potential understanding of this joke relies on ass being slang for crack.

 

Am I even close??

 

Oh dear. I decided to check this thread as I needed a laugh.... my head hurts now.

 

The joke makes no sense to me either, but TLC's guess at it's punchline makes some sense, so thanks again TLC!

 

I'm going to pull my fingernails out now, it should be less painful than this thread!!

 

 

[Phantom 2,533]

one day Pope John XXIII was walking around Rome and developed a hole in his shoe. A shoemaker named Abraham Cohen repaired it for free, and the Pope, by way of reward, told him who he was. Cohen proudly put a notice in his shop window saying "Cobblers to the Pope." The following day, his Catholic neighbours put up signs saying "Bollocks to the Chief Rabbi."

[Windsor 2,233]

Q)What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of the Ocean?

A) A start.

__________________

 

"I got someone sacked the other day. I was shopping in BnQ when a worker asked if I wanted decking. Luckily I got in the first punch."

___________________

 

Q) What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A) Finding half a worm

Q) What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple?

A) The Holocaust.

____________________

 

Q) Why was Cinderella crap at football?

A) Because her coach was a pumpkin and she ran away from the ball.

 

___________________

[Magere Hein 1,400]

Q) What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

A) Finding half a worm

I know that one as:

 

A) Finding half a worm in half your apple.

 

I think that's funnier.

 

regards,

Hein

[beebee 1]

what's a chav?

[Windsor 2,233]

what's a chav?

 

This is a chav:

 

Note the chains round this chavettes chins:

 

Chav Army:

 

The way ahead:

 

Here ends the introductory course on chavs and neds.

[Magere Hein 1,400]

This is a chav:

Ah yes. Ours don't wear burberry baseball caps, but otherwise the streets of my home town are full of the buggers.

 

regards,

Hein

[beebee 1]

two men walked into a bar.

 

the third one ducked.

 

 

 

p.s. so a chav is a what? a goofy looking person? i think i need the remedial chav course.

[in eternum+ 22]

p.s. so a chav is a what? a goofy looking person? i think i need the remedial chav course.

Well, you're right on the money there! Perhaps you don't need a course after all.

[maryportfuncity 10,647]

Gene Pitney's widow goes to the undertakers and says; 'I want the best, my man needs an oak coffin.'

 

'Okay,' they say, 'But we'll have to season the wood, it'll be about three weeks.'

 

'Isn't there any way we can do it more quickly?' she says.

 

'Change the type of wood,' says an undertaker, 'It's only twenty four hours from balsa.'

[Lady Die 63]

Gene Pitney's widow goes to the undertakers and says; 'I want the best, my man needs an oak coffin.'

 

'Okay,' they say, 'But we'll have to season the wood, it'll be about three weeks.'

 

'Isn't there any way we can do it more quickly?' she says.

 

'Change the type of wood,' says an undertaker, 'It's only twenty four hours from balsa.'

[VSBfromH 74]

 

Is that the cast of the new musical "Seven Chavs for Seven Slappers"?

[Bald rick 9]

Gene Pitney's widow goes to the undertakers and says; 'I want the best, my man needs an oak coffin.'

 

'Okay,' they say, 'But we'll have to season the wood, it'll be about three weeks.'

 

'Isn't there any way we can do it more quickly?' she says.

 

'Change the type of wood,' says an undertaker, 'It's only twenty four hours from balsa.'

You're a bit slow with that one: posted 3 weeks ago.

 

[Lady Die 63]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Bloke were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was wee! ping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

[TLC 9]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Bloke were doing construction work on...

[snip]

"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

It's deja vu joke day, although the nationalities have been changed, so I guess that makes it a remix.

 

One day I will actually remember a good joke for long enough to add it to this topic.

[Handrejka 1,904]

What's the difference between Monika Lewinsky and a transvestite sailor?

 

With the sailor, the dress is on the seaman