Deathray 2,940 Posted July 20, 2014 My wife screamed when she found a tattered glossy magazine and used tissues under our son's bed. I told her not to be silly, all teenage lads are the same. I said 'let me guess, Razzle, Asian Babes, Readers Wives, that sort of thing?'. No, she whispered, 'Prince George is One souvenir pullout'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted July 20, 2014 My wife screamed when she found a tattered glossy magazine and used tissues under our son's bed. I told her not to be silly, all teenage lads are the same. I said 'let me guess, Razzle, Asian Babes, Readers Wives, that sort of thing?'. No, she whispered, 'Prince George is One souvenir pullout'. Er, yes Deathray I saw that one on Sickipedia too, well done. (Actually I'm just teasing I don't give a fuck, you can steal all the jokes from there you like, the sad cunts who seemingly dominate that site at the moment wouldn't know a good joke if it came up to them in the street and told them where Maddie was buried. Can you believe I posted a Hillsborough joke and a David-Cameron-is-a-cunt joke and they were both voted down in the last few days? That's proof they are all just utterly fucking nuts). 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted July 20, 2014 My wife screamed when she found a tattered glossy magazine and used tissues under our son's bed. I told her not to be silly, all teenage lads are the same. I said 'let me guess, Razzle, Asian Babes, Readers Wives, that sort of thing?'. No, she whispered, 'Prince George is One souvenir pullout'. Er, yes Deathray I saw that one on Sickipedia too, well done. (Actually I'm just teasing I don't give a fuck, you can steal all the jokes from there you like, the sad cunts who seemingly dominate that site at the moment wouldn't know a good joke if it came up to them in the street and told them where Maddie was buried. Can you believe I posted a Hillsborough joke and a David-Cameron-is-a-cunt joke and they were both voted down in the last few days? That's proof they are all just utterly fucking nuts). I know I was nearly gonna leave the see more on sickipedia bit in but it's going downhill. Sad thing is I remember when it was the bastion of black internet humour, this is the problem with things increasing in popularity - especially of the black humour aspect - they end up screwed by the "want to appear to be sick but don't want to offend anyone" brigade thank god deathlist is so small. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted July 20, 2014 I know I was nearly gonna leave the see more on sickipedia bit in but it's going downhill. Sad thing is I remember when it was the bastion of black internet humour, this is the problem with things increasing in popularity - especially of the black humour aspect - they end up screwed by the "want to appear to be sick but don't want to offend anyone" brigade thank god deathlist is so small. Really? Dunno about any of that. To me, judging by the limited nature and scope of some of the jokes, it just seems like it's (d)evolved into basically a domestic-violence-fan-club for football-shirt-wearing saddos, thinly disguising itself as a humor site, and that makes everyone who doesn't fit into that category want to leave. Whether your joke gets voted down or up often seems to be a complete lottery. I honestly never thought I'd see a Hillsborough joke voted down there, it was a good solid one. Utter wank, I may never bother posting another joke there and I've only been signed up about a month! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pistol Knight 49 Posted July 21, 2014 A chap knocked my front door today and asked me if I wanted my shed re-tard......I said no and went shopping...When I came back the shed had gone! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,646 Posted July 22, 2014 Dunno where else to place this mirthful story, about a 90 year old Sexpert who's got some cracking one-liners in his work: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-28353027 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,646 Posted July 29, 2014 And another one hard to place. Was I the only one who noticed the close call to calamity on the BBC's Commonwealth Games coverage last night? The action moved from the swimming pool back to Gabby Logan at Hampden Park, she made a comment about the finals coming "thick and fast" at which point we went out onto the track for one of the mens paralympic 100 metres categories. Granted, the particular disability was to do with levels of restricted movement, but probs not the best phrase Ms Logan could have chosen, eh? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pistol Knight 49 Posted August 8, 2014 No saying my wife is fat and overweight, but last night we were preparing for a night of passion and she lowered her panties below her knee......her arse was still in them! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted August 11, 2014 I've watched the movie Easy Rider about 5 times now, and I still can't figure out which one of them is Barnaby Wilde! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted August 14, 2014 What did Fonzie get when he opened his exam results? AAAAAAAA!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,136 Posted August 14, 2014 What did Fonzie get when he opened his exam results? AAAAAAAA!!!!! Eh? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted August 14, 2014 What did Fonzie get when he opened his exam results? AAAAAAAA!!!!! Eh? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,136 Posted August 14, 2014 What did Fonzie get when he opened his exam results? AAAAAAAA!!!!! Eh? That's what I said. Ehhhhhhhh 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted August 16, 2014 What did Fonzie get when he opened his exam results? AAAAAAAA!!!!! Eh? That's what I said. Ehhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted August 16, 2014 I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime. 8 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted August 18, 2014 I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. I only intended to rough him up a bit. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted August 18, 2014 Statistically, 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian Roulette. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galento 24 Posted August 18, 2014 I was devastated and heartbroken to find that the wife has been having an affair. However, i have found solace and comfort in religion. I have become an Islamist and we are stoning her to death in the morning. Fuck her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted August 18, 2014 Statistically, 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian Roulette. Meh, that is a rehash of. Statistically, 5 out of 6 people enjoy gang rape. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted August 19, 2014 I've decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It's just been gathering dust. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galento 24 Posted August 19, 2014 Has that joke not just been voted as the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Festival? It is in most of today's papers. Here's another old one..............Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted August 19, 2014 Has that joke not just been voted as the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Festival? It is in most of today's papers. Here's another old one..............Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "paedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary No idea, I haven't read the papers today Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted August 19, 2014 If you think Channel 4's "Benefits Street" couldn't possibly be any more divisive and controversial, wait until they introduce their new "character" in the next series: Black Dee. (wait wait....... I just googled it and apparently there is a black dee, fuck's sake....... that's what you get for making jokes about something you haven't watched) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Galento 24 Posted August 19, 2014 White Dee.....Black Dee.. Jack Dee.the only one worth mentioning is Simon Dee aka Cyril Henty Dodd,so who gives a toss about the others? But wait a minute .is White Dee the slag who was sacked by Birmingham City Council for stealing £13,000 and now has an agent and will probably walk away with £100.000 for being on a TV show? There are times when you ask yourself "Who the fuck decides these things? You couldn't make it up! And they say "Crime doesn't pay" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted August 25, 2014 All these celebs doing the ice-bucket challenge for ALS - I nominate Stephen Hawking next. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
