Room 101

[Windsor 2,233]

Salmond.

 

Give it a year or two, and they may be singing a different song.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Salmond.

 

Give it a year or two, and they may be singing a different song.

He really is a total W**ker.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

f*****g Halfords. f*****g rain. f*****g cars.

 

Traipse up town, in the freezing bastard rain, to bestow yet more f*****g money on my solicitor.

 

Traipse back up to my car, which I'd left at work because it was easier to walk into town than find a car parking space, still in the freezing bastard rain. Bastard bitch of a car wouldn't start. Had a fag. Tried again. Nothing. Call my brother, no reply. Call my dad, no reply. Look for my RAC card, realise it's on the bookshelf at home. Call my brother-in-law, who kindly comes out in the freezing pissing bastard rain and jumpstarts me.

 

Go home and have my tea. Whip over Halfords, buy a set of jumpleads for the morning, and also intended to buy a battery.

 

NINETY f*****g QUID.

 

They're having a f*****g laugh.

 

I'm still cold, still wet, still pissed off, forever skint, and the world can go and f**k itself with a big marrow.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

f*****g Halfords. f*****g rain. f*****g cars.

 

Traipse up town, in the freezing bastard rain, to bestow yet more f*****g money on my solicitor.

 

Traipse back up to my car, which I'd left at work because it was easier to walk into town than find a car parking space, still in the freezing bastard rain. Bastard bitch of a car wouldn't start. Had a fag. Tried again. Nothing. Call my brother, no reply. Call my dad, no reply. Look for my RAC card, realise it's on the bookshelf at home. Call my brother-in-law, who kindly comes out in the freezing pissing bastard rain and jumpstarts me.

 

Go home and have my tea. Whip over Halfords, buy a set of jumpleads for the morning, and also intended to buy a battery.

 

NINETY f*****g QUID.

 

They're having a f*****g laugh.

 

I'm still cold, still wet, still pissed off, forever skint, and the world can go and f**k itself with a big marrow.

...........but apart from that, have you had a good day?

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

f*****g Halfords. f*****g rain. f*****g cars.

 

Traipse up town, in the freezing bastard rain, to bestow yet more f*****g money on my solicitor.

 

Traipse back up to my car, which I'd left at work because it was easier to walk into town than find a car parking space, still in the freezing bastard rain. Bastard bitch of a car wouldn't start. Had a fag. Tried again. Nothing. Call my brother, no reply. Call my dad, no reply. Look for my RAC card, realise it's on the bookshelf at home. Call my brother-in-law, who kindly comes out in the freezing pissing bastard rain and jumpstarts me.

 

Go home and have my tea. Whip over Halfords, buy a set of jumpleads for the morning, and also intended to buy a battery.

 

NINETY f*****g QUID.

 

They're having a f*****g laugh.

 

I'm still cold, still wet, still pissed off, forever skint, and the world can go and f**k itself with a big marrow.

...........but apart from that, have you had a good day?

 

<insert smiley of insane-looking woman raising her middle finger>

 

[Paul Bearer 6,102]

<insert smiley of insane-looking woman raising her middle finger>

 

 

 

Your wish is my command.

 

Why didn't you top the battery up with distilled water and charge it up?

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

<insert smiley of insane-looking woman raising her middle finger>

 

 

 

Your wish is my command.

 

Why didn't you top the battery up with distilled water and charge it up?

 

 

Erm, because I'm a girl and don't know how to work anything that hasn't got nail varnish or kittens attached to it.

 

And thanks for the - I will use it wisely, and often.

[Phantom 2,533]

grrrr ebay's server decides to go exceedingly slow just when I'm trying to bid on an item. By the time I get connected to it, the auction has ended :smiley_f:

[CarolAnn 926]

Damn Texas high school band directors. Assholes. Especially the one who took the money from the freaking FINE ARTS bond election and managed to suck someone off into a brand new band hall while the choir - a program of over 200 kids - is crammed into a decrepit 1000 square foot choir hall.

 

Then he has the audacity to tell the choir director the parents in her program need to back off and "go through the chain of command" if they have a complaint.

 

Screw him. I pay his f*****g salary and I elected his bosses. I'm about to become his worst nightmare.

[honez 79]

... managed to suck someone off into a brand new band hall

I'm not sure I've got quite the right mental image here.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

... managed to suck someone off into a brand new band hall

I'm not sure I've got quite the right mental image here.

 

 

On the contrary, I think I've got exactly the right mental image here

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

McDonald's. Again.

 

Yesterday, at about 445, on my way home from Tesco's, I thought ooo I better have some tea before going out on the piss to avoid any empty-stomach-based bile mishaps later on. But the burger shop wasn't open yet. So, reluctantly, I had to opt for McDonald's. I pulled up to the drive-thru (through is the proper term, f*****g Yanks), perused the vast menu of offal-laden rubbish, but what I really fancied was a cheese and bacon burger. Now, on the menu, they had a cheese burger, or a chicken and bacon burger, but no cheese and bacon burger. So I politely asked the fuckwitted chav at the till 'please can I have a cheese and bacon burger'. She looked at me as if I had asked for her opinion on the theory of relativity, somewhat bemused. 'Oooooh, we don't do those', she replied. 'But you do a chicken and bacon burger, can't you just pop a piece of bacon in a cheeseburger?' 'Can't do that' 'Why not?' 'We haven't got a button on the till for a cheese and bacon burger'.

 

For f**k's sake.

 

I now had a choice. Jump out of my car and poke her in the eyes with my keys, or politely say 'OK, no problem, I'll just have a cheeseburger'.

 

I am not typing this from HMP Horfield, so you can safely assume I did the latter. Rather surprisingly.

 

I am now, right at this very minute, eating my own home-made cheese and bacon burger. So f**k you Ronald McDonald, you f*****g clown.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

 

McDonald's. Again.

 

Yesterday, at about 445, on my way home from Tesco's, I thought ooo I better have some tea before going out on the piss to avoid any empty-stomach-based bile mishaps later on. But the burger shop wasn't open yet. So, reluctantly, I had to opt for McDonald's. I pulled up to the drive-thru (through is the proper term, f*****g Yanks), perused the vast menu of offal-laden rubbish, but what I really fancied was a cheese and bacon burger. Now, on the menu, they had a cheese burger, or a chicken and bacon burger, but no cheese and bacon burger. So I politely asked the fuckwitted chav at the till 'please can I have a cheese and bacon burger'. She looked at me as if I had asked for her opinion on the theory of relativity, somewhat bemused. 'Oooooh, we don't do those', she replied. 'But you do a chicken and bacon burger, can't you just pop a piece of bacon in a cheeseburger?' 'Can't do that' 'Why not?' 'We haven't got a button on the till for a cheese and bacon burger'.

 

For f**k's sake.

 

I now had a choice. Jump out of my car and poke her in the eyes with my keys, or politely say 'OK, no problem, I'll just have a cheeseburger'.

 

I am not typing this from HMP Horfield, so you can safely assume I did the latter. Rather surprisingly.

 

I am now, right at this very minute, eating my own home-made cheese and bacon burger. So f**k you Ronald McDonald, you f*****g clown.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

 

McDonald's. Again.

 

Yesterday, at about 445, on my way home from Tesco's, I thought ooo I better have some tea before going out on the piss to avoid any empty-stomach-based bile mishaps later on. But the burger shop wasn't open yet. So, reluctantly, I had to opt for McDonald's. I pulled up to the drive-thru (through is the proper term, f*****g Yanks), perused the vast menu of offal-laden rubbish, but what I really fancied was a cheese and bacon burger. Now, on the menu, they had a cheese burger, or a chicken and bacon burger, but no cheese and bacon burger. So I politely asked the fuckwitted chav at the till 'please can I have a cheese and bacon burger'. She looked at me as if I had asked for her opinion on the theory of relativity, somewhat bemused. 'Oooooh, we don't do those', she replied. 'But you do a chicken and bacon burger, can't you just pop a piece of bacon in a cheeseburger?' 'Can't do that' 'Why not?' 'We haven't got a button on the till for a cheese and bacon burger'.

 

For f**k's sake.

 

I now had a choice. Jump out of my car and poke her in the eyes with my keys, or politely say 'OK, no problem, I'll just have a cheeseburger'.

 

I am not typing this from HMP Horfield, so you can safely assume I did the latter. Rather surprisingly.

 

I am now, right at this very minute, eating my own home-made cheese and bacon burger. So f**k you Ronald McDonald, you f*****g clown.

 

Someone on here already recommended that film to me a little while ago, I think it was after another rant about McDonald's. It is indeed my life. That film, not McDonald's.

 

Edit - in fact it was you that showed me that film, after another rant about cheese and bacon burgers. Which proves that the bitch in there today was twattish, because they managed to sell me a cheese and bacon burger in December, albeit forgetting to put the f*****g bacon in it. BASTARDS!

[Lady Grendel 139]

Self service tills in supermarkets, every time I use one I swear I never will again, but today I was in a hurry and at the normal tills available, it was like a queue for an execution . Firstly they forever stop the transaction and beep at you 'approval needed' because you are not using their crappy plastic bags and therefore do not need to put your shopping in their bagging area, meanwhile some worker is skiving off from the help area, so you stand there like a complete tool waiting for someone to help, then the same thing happens with the next item by which time the skiver has buggered off again. I went through this routine about 3 times today and then to cap it all, when it came to paying, I put my card into the reader and it wouldn't work, tried it 3 times, same thing, now I know there is nothing wrong with my card and there is money in the account, so I had to seek out the skiving worker yet again (why do they wear badges saying 'Happy to Help'?), who finally materialised and informed me 'yes, there's been something wrong with that card reader all day', WTF???? Why was the till even open then . She then had to take it to another till where the transaction went through first time, I nearly missed my bus home because of it . I wish I had missed my bus home though, Windsor if you ever had to suffer the 'student run' bus from Galashiels, you would never complain about your buses again, someone asked me today if I had heard of the '6 rules of separation', I said I had, she then told me with Borders folk there are only 2 rules of separation between them all, that is so true, they have inbreeding down to an art form and the best examples go to college in Galashiels.

 

Sorry to rant, but I'd had such a good day and was on a high after being given the best news I've had in a long time and then these feckers pissed me right off.

[Windsor 2,233]

Self service tills in supermarkets, every time I use one I swear I never will again, but today I was in a hurry and at the normal tills available, it was like a queue for an execution.

 

Here is a tip for you.

When you scan your items, DON'T put them in your pocket straight afterwards.

 

I did that, and it looked like I was shoplifting. Aparrently the bag bit has sensors, so if you don't put your items on the bag bit, it won't work.

[Lady Grendel 139]

Self service tills in supermarkets, every time I use one I swear I never will again, but today I was in a hurry and at the normal tills available, it was like a queue for an execution.

 

Here is a tip for you.

When you scan your items, DON'T put them in your pocket straight afterwards.

 

I did that, and it looked like I was shoplifting. Aparrently the bag bit has sensors, so if you don't put your items on the bag bit, it won't work.

 

I better abandon the 'Fagin' coat then .

[CarolAnn 926]

Self service tills in supermarkets, every time I use one I swear I never will again, but today I was in a hurry and at the normal tills available, it was like a queue for an execution.

 

Here is a tip for you.

When you scan your items, DON'T put them in your pocket straight afterwards.

 

I did that, and it looked like I was shoplifting. Aparrently the bag bit has sensors, so if you don't put your items on the bag bit, it won't work.

 

It does it by weight. The database behind the point of sale software in the self service checkout knows what everything weighs, so if you don't put the item in the bag or on the shelf it knows immediately.

[honez 79]

[...rant]

Sorry to rant, but I'd had such a good day and was on a high after being given the best news I've had in a long time

Be sure to post it in Room Lovely to balance the site out. It's developing a bit of a lean.

[Lady Grendel 139]

The thing is I did put them on the weighing bit in the bagging area, just not in a bag and the skiver told me what I was doing was right, the items are on the scale correctly, it just doesn't always seem to want to register, I did work that bit out a long time ago, but it always seems to f**k me up somehow, my concern is more for the fact that they assign one hapless kid to handle the computer that works the 8 or so tills and then said kid fecks off to chat up trolley boy outside .

[CarolAnn 926]

The thing is I did put them on the weighing bit in the bagging area, just not in a bag and the skiver told me what I was doing was right, the items are on the scale correctly, it just doesn't always seem to want to register, I did work that bit out a long time ago, but it always seems to f**k me up somehow, my concern is more for the fact that they assign one hapless kid to handle the computer that works the 8 or so tills and then said kid fecks off to chat up trolley boy outside .

 

If you really want to f up the scale, sit on it. It can't deal with that.

[DevonDeathTrip 2,358]

Auditors.

 

I have just spent two long, long days being audited by some tw@t who I'm sure wants me out of a job, demanding to see paperwork I've never completed or binned and cynically questioning just about everything I've done or haven't done over the last twelve months. My conscience is clear, but he was the sort of man who'd give a saint a guilt complex. I'm certain he would have been genuinely happy if he'd unearthed something that would have got me fired.

 

I'm not a violent man, but if another auditor walked in right now, I'd rip his f@cking head off.

 

Thanks for listening. I'm going to relax now with some intoxicating substances. The bastard drove me to it.

[honez 79]

Auditors. ...

I'm going to relax now with some intoxicating substances. The bastard drove me to it.

I hope you have receipts for them.

[Handrejka 1,904]

Nosebleeds, in-growing eyelashes and colleagues who blindly follow all their boss's orders without thinking them through.

[Banshees Scream 110]

and colleagues who blindly follow all their boss's orders without thinking them through.

Come on now ... at least Lincoln tried to free them slaves. What ever happened to ""life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?" If I could ever inspire people in this lifetime to do anything, it would be for them to think independently.