Room 101

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

f*****g McDonald's workers. Twats, every last one of them.

 

I rarely buy McDonald's, but tonight, after a particularly energetic night's sleep ( ) last night, I was too knackered to cook, so I thought I would grace my local drive thru with my presence. Finally get to the counter where they take my money and say, 'just wait over in the car park, we'll bring it over' - so I sit freezing my f*****g bollocks off for 10 minutes, doesn't seem long but in my world it's an age - so I jump out of the car, go into the store, and, quite stupidly I suppose on my part, pick the most gormless looking div in a hat I can find and say 'I've been waiting out there for ten minutes, can you get my order now please', and stomp back to my car. Within 30 seconds he's out with my order, and off I go home. You guessed it, get home and it's f*****g wrong. Now you tell me what is so hard about putting BACON in a CHEESE AND BACON BURGER? Where's my f*****g bacon? And there's no point going back to complain because I will only stab someone in the face for forgetting my bacon, and in the scheme of things, no bacon is probably better than 5 years inside for wounding with intent to MANGLE SOMEONE'S FACE FOR FORGETTING MY BACON! BASTARDS! I'm paying my f*****g council tax to educate these dumb f**ks that can't even get a basic f*****g burger right! AAAAAAAAARRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGHGH! I need to lay down.

 

And, and, if it's called McDonald's, with Mc, why is it called a Big Mac? Surely it should be a Big Mc. See, proves my theory that they're all thick as sh*t.

 

I've never seen that film, but just googled and read the plot - I want royalties, somebody nicked the story of my life. I'll watch it at the weekend, thanks AtJ.

[Boudicca 702]

People with more than 12 items in the express lane at the supermarket.

Selfish cnuts. Hanging's too good for them.

 

12 items or less checkouts.

 

Fewer fewer fewer fewer fewer fewer

 

And people who sneer at you for taking a trolley through them. I do have 11 items actually, the trolley is for the baby

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

People with more than 12 items in the express lane at the supermarket.

Selfish cnuts. Hanging's too good for them.

 

12 items or less checkouts.

 

Fewer fewer fewer fewer fewer fewer

 

And people who sneer at you for taking a trolley through them. I do have 11 items actually, the trolley is for the baby

 

I was once in a 10 items or less fewer supermarket queue, and the woman in front of me had about 15 items. When I pointed out the sign, she advised me, "Oh, some of these are for me, the rest are for my friend" (who of course wasn't even in the store). She then proceeded to make separate payments for her two purchases, one with (presumably her friend's) cash, and one with her own credit card.

 

Unbelievably, had I murdered her on the spot I'd have been the villain of the piece.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Am I allowed the famous "Any One Beatle"?

 

Yes, all of them.

 

John, the Working Class Hero in his Roller, sneering at the squares like the nasty small-minded little snob that he was.

 

George with his stupid Transcendental Meditation, Natural Law party and god-awful solo career where he blatantly nicked the only good song he ever recorded and had to be taken to court to admit it. He's So Fine indeed.

 

Ringo with his stupid f*****g trains and his stupid f*****g video message and his stupid little 'Peace and Luv'

 

Most of all, You, Paul McArtney.

 

No You were NOT the Avant-Garde Beatle. While John at least married one of the leading progressive artists of the day, you were shitting around making cakes with Jane.

So all your experimental tape loop collages were apparently lost and of course they were all so much better than Revolution Number Nine. f**k off were they. You'll be saying that "The dog ate them, Sir. Honest." next.

 

The Avant Garde was happening on the ESP label out of New York, Elektra in LA, any number of strange little sheds around the cultural capitals of Europe but be honest, Frog-Boy it wasn't happening in Abbey Road.

 

"Hey lads, just walk around banging things for 10 minutes while we've got some dead time before Ringo sobers up and George re-enters our astral plane"

 

sh*t off and Ob-La-Di yourself to death you stupid, miserly, self-aggrandising, mid-life crisising, failed plastic surgeried Monkey-f****r.

 

Carnival of Light?

Cavalcade of Shite more like.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Oh, and also sh*t off wireless broadband.

 

I'm writing this on my laptop which is oh so convenient other than the fact that it took about 4 evenings to set the arsing wireless upb.

Sweex? sh*t Off.

Virgin Broadband with your 'Buy our Wireless Transmitter for twice what one should costb, or it's almost impossible to get the settings correct? sh*t off.

Microsoft Windows? Obviously sh*t right off.

[Banshees Scream 110]

Am I allowed the famous "Any One Beatle"?

Anabeast The Jackal. Weird is a word substituted by others while observing those who refuse to be influenced. The relentless agression that you just demonstrated must have existed since you were a child. Do you see the global obsession with their talent as an abnormality?

 

I can sense the rage in that post. The limitless hatered. If possible you would erase their entire existence in time. You know what I see in that post? You know what I see? I see a psychopath. You brought it out. You know what else I see? A honest man. I can respect that. Not everyone does.

[deadtowrites 2]

Oh, and also sh*t off wireless broadband.

 

I'm writing this on my laptop which is oh so convenient other than the fact that it took about 4 evenings to set the arsing wireless upb.

Sweex? sh*t Off.

Virgin Broadband with your 'Buy our Wireless Transmitter for twice what one should costb, or it's almost impossible to get the settings correct? sh*t off.

Microsoft Windows? Obviously sh*t right off.

 

 

Tonight Matthew I'm going to be Deathlist Windsor.

 

Go on get it all of your chest, then sh*t off

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Oh, and also sh*t off wireless broadband.

 

I'm writing this on my laptop which is oh so convenient other than the fact that it took about 4 evenings to set the arsing wireless upb.

Sweex? sh*t Off.

Virgin Broadband with your 'Buy our Wireless Transmitter for twice what one should costb, or it's almost impossible to get the settings correct? sh*t off.

Microsoft Windows? Obviously sh*t right off.

 

 

Tonight Matthew I'm going to be Deathlist Windsor.

 

Go on get it all of your chest, then sh*t off

 

 

sh*t off is an excellent phrase, from Bo Selecta I believe - sh*t off, Stephen, said by the little specky bear. I say it regularly to my 11 year old. Her name isn't Stephen though.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

A little harsh there, dtw.

I know a fair bit about the old computemers, having built one from scratch for roughly £30 and 'found' parts which pisses on both my laptop and Dell PC. It's just a manual written in Chinglish, Virgin's nasty little surprise that meant all the DHCP settings had to be re-configured and the sheer illogicality of Mr Gates' baby that left me needing self-medication 3 nights in a row.

 

(

Tonight Matthew I'm going to be Deathlist Windsor.

 

Go on get it all of your chest, then sh*t off

[Madame Defarge 21]

Have you ever thought about selling some of your computers, Anubis? That way, when my friends are talking about how great their Macs are, I can say - over my shoulder, with equal parts pity and nonchalance- 'You still gotta Mac?? I just got myself a new JACKAL!'

[honez 79]

Have you ever thought about selling some of your computers, Anubis? That way, when my friends are talking about how great their Macs are, I can say - over my shoulder, with equal parts pity and nonchalance- 'You still gotta Mac?? I just got myself a new JACKAL!'

Maybe he should go into making Mac clones. An Apple Jackal has a certain ring to it.

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,684]

Am I allowed the famous "Any One Beatle"?

 

Yes, all of them.

 

John, the Working Class Hero in his Roller, sneering at the squares like the nasty small-minded little snob that he was.

 

George with his stupid Transcendental Meditation, Natural Law party and god-awful solo career where he blatantly nicked the only good song he ever recorded and had to be taken to court to admit it. He's So Fine indeed.

 

Ringo with his stupid f*****g trains and his stupid f*****g video message and his stupid little 'Peace and Luv'

 

Most of all, You, Paul McArtney.

 

No You were NOT the Avant-Garde Beatle. While John at least married one of the leading progressive artists of the day, you were shitting around making cakes with Jane.

So all your experimental tape loop collages were apparently lost and of course they were all so much better than Revolution Number Nine. f**k off were they. You'll be saying that "The dog ate them, Sir. Honest." next.

 

The Avant Garde was happening on the ESP label out of New York, Elektra in LA, any number of strange little sheds around the cultural capitals of Europe but be honest, Frog-Boy it wasn't happening in Abbey Road.

 

"Hey lads, just walk around banging things for 10 minutes while we've got some dead time before Ringo sobers up and George re-enters our astral plane"

 

sh*t off and Ob-La-Di yourself to death you stupid, miserly, self-aggrandising, mid-life crisising, failed plastic surgeried Monkey-f****r.

 

Carnival of Light?

Cavalcade of Shite more like.

Pete Best was alright.

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

Oh, and also sh*t off wireless broadband.

 

I'm writing this on my laptop which is oh so convenient other than the fact that it took about 4 evenings to set the arsing wireless upb.

Sweex? sh*t Off.

Virgin Broadband with your 'Buy our Wireless Transmitter for twice what one should costb, or it's almost impossible to get the settings correct? sh*t off.

Microsoft Windows? Obviously sh*t right off.

 

I had a problem with BT wireless broadband, and now have a big cable connecting the white BT "home hub" to the back of my laptop. So it's not exactly wireless, and I usually have to turn the computer, the hub, or both off and on at least once a week to re-set, but it does work most of the time.

 

If they can put a man on the moon, why can't......

 

Oh, wait, they didn't.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Ex-husbands. Every last one of them needs to be circumcised with a rusty switchblade, and made to eat the proceeds, and then be shot in the face. Who the absolute f**k do they think they are? Don't bother to see their kids for two whole f*****g months, then merrily text to say 'I'm having them tomorrow' - er, no you f*****g ain't sunshine, I have made plans, because actually, my whole life doesn't revolve around your sorry ass any more. Where do these twats get off! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH where's a f*****g gormless McDonald's worker when you need one!

 

 

AAAARRRGHGHGGH again! Then when you say 'but you are more than welcome to have them next weekend' they say 'can't, going out with my girlfriend!' - so your f*****g OAP girlfriend is more important than your kids! FOR f**k'S SAKE!

 

Do you know, if it weren't for the fact that I'm getting a semi-regular seeing to from a total babe, I would become a lesbian. Far less f*****g hassle.

 

I'm not bitter.

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

Fekin weathermen/women for getting it all wrong again.

 

Went to bed last night after watching the forecast which said blizzards, high winds, snow and hail. Woke up expecting to find 2 or 3 feet of snow. As I wearily shuffled to the window, what did I see? Not one single drop of the fekin white stuff.

 

Bollox, had to go into work today

[welshman 31]

People using their car indicators incorrectly.

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

People using their car indicators incorrectly.

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

People who actually use their cars and cant f*****g drive!!

So many w**nkers!!

I, of course, am f*****g brilliant behind the wheel.

[Slave to the Grave 26]

Whilst we're on the subject of drivers - VSPs (vehicules sans permits - cars which you don't need a licence to drive), lawnmowers driven by drunk old men in berets at 10 kph.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Whilst we're on the subject of drivers - VSPs (vehicules sans permits - cars which you don't need a licence to drive), lawnmowers driven by drunk old men in berets at 10 kph.

I really dont think that is anyway to to talk about your husband.

He is a spiffing chap.

[Banshees Scream 110]

Whilst we're on the subject of drivers - VSPs (vehicules sans permits - cars which you don't need a licence to drive), lawnmowers driven by drunk old men in berets at 10 kph.

Can you be more specific? Do the old men wave to you while joyriding on these lawnmowers or ..

 

I'll put suburban people who are obsessed with their front lawn into Room 101. One time there was this enormous woman with a Seinfeld accent who went mad dog on me for stepping on the edge of her lawn. She didn't have an off button.

 

She had this curly black hair and she spoke so loudly that you could hear her from across the street. The husband on the other hand almost spoke in a whisper. I recently heard he was on the verge of a major melt down and it doesn't come as a surprise either.

[Terminator 13]

She had this curly black hair...

What's the relevance of her hair - unless you're trying to imply something "racial"?

 

I recently heard he was on the verge of a major melt down and it doesn't come as a surprise either.

I'd guess he must be a neighbour of yours.....poor sod!

[Windsor 2,233]

The X-Factor.

 

Stop yer greetin' and get on with yer singin'!

 

Honestly - there is no need for it. It's not even a talent show. That guy Owen (can't be arsed with the Irish spellng) is going to win, and he isn't the best singer.

[Boudicca 702]

I think the Irish spelling of "Owen" is, "Eoeawieaiueioan".

 

Pound-shop Duffy aka Diana is out though Windsor, so cheer up, Laddie

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

I think the Irish spelling of "Owen" is, "Eoeawieaiueioan".

 

Pound-shop Duffy aka Diana is out though Windsor, so cheer up, Laddie

 

At last, someone else that thinks Diana was sh*t, and, along your lines, we've been calling her Happy Shopper Dido. I couldn't give a crap who wins, but I think Eggnog will.

[Windsor 2,233]

I think the Irish spelling of "Owen" is, "Eoeawieaiueioan".

 

Pound-shop Duffy aka Diana is out though Windsor, so cheer up, Laddie

 

Haha. She was more famous for her claw than her singing in the Windsor-extended-household. My 'step-nephew' thought it quite funny throughout the series. I'm not too fussed who wins either (I only watch it because I have a mother and sister who hog the main television). I don't want that Irish Owen to win. He plays to the cameras too much. He is about as genuine as Jordan's boobs (or her marriage). You only need to see Harry Hill's TV burb to realise that...

 

Anyway, I have found myself in a crisis on ebay.

I am the highest bidder in an auction which ends in about 14 hours and I've requested a bid retraction.

I have a good bit of money on an item which I am now pretty sure is fake. The reason I think it may be fake is that after placing the bid, I remembered that I had previously bought from that seller (3 years ago) -and that item turned out to be fake. So I have put the brakes on. It is my own fault for getting overexcited on ebay. I explicitly asked the seller if the item was genuine, he said yes - but then he said that the last time.

 

So I've like to put lying bastard sellers in Room 101.