harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted April 30, 2007 Good Evening/Afternoon/Morning, A quick googlecheck has told me what the keno is (a lottery of sorts?), and I must say it seems jolly exciting. Unfortunately, being a resident of the United Kingdom where we don't have such a competition, my information would be plucked purely from the ether, thus I'm afraid I can be of little help in the matter - however, I wish you all the fortune on earth, sir/madam. A tip for this weekend's 2,000 Guineas will be forthcoming after I've had a few words with my fellow on the inside, Knuckles McLaverty. Until then, au revoir, Armitage Shanks MBE 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,803 Posted May 1, 2007 My grandad once had a dream that he put everything he owned on a horse called Bread of Heaven, and it won, so of course ever since we have looked for a horse with that name. Never found one, but I did find one called Garden of Heaven, so I put a few pennies on it and won fifty quid! This was a while ago when I was a benefit-scrounging single mother, so I was rich and able to go and buy more fags and nappies. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madame Defarge 21 Posted May 1, 2007 I've just received a mysterious email from one Artemis Flanks who claims to be an acquaintance of Armitage Shanks now living stateside. Apparently Artemis was just coming off of a two week bender when he received an urgent long distance collect phone call from Armitage Shanks MBE asking him for a tip on the Kentucky Derby. Artemis was unable to respond properly at the time due to dropping his phone ( and his teeth ) out of the window of his hotel. Anyway, the message is: Artemis likes Street Sense on Derby Day. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted May 4, 2007 Anything for Walthamstow dogs on Saturday? Although if memory serves, you weren't too hot there. Armitage is currently in bed with a "hangover the size of f*****g Wales, my boy" but he's not one to let his public down and tells me that Wise Digger in race 10, the Colin Macabe Shifty Stakes, is a "canine with potential", whatever that means. He also wishes to thank his old pal Artie Flanks for his Kentucky Derby tip and Artie's friend Madame Defarge for passing the message on. He then started to ramble on about the time he and Mr Flanks went through the card at a cockfighting meet in Mexico City in '64, but I put the receiver down. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy Ronnie 78 Posted May 4, 2007 Anything for Walthamstow dogs on Saturday? Although if memory serves, you weren't too hot there. Armitage is currently in bed with a "hangover the size of f*****g Wales, my boy" but he's not one to let his public down and tells me that Wise Digger in race 10, the Colin Macabe Shifty Stakes, is a "canine with potential", whatever that means. He also wishes to thank his old mucker Artie Flanks for his Kentucky Derby tip and Artie's friend Madame Defarge for passing the message on. He then started to ramble on about the time he and Mr Flanks went through the card at a cockfighting meet in Mexico City in '64, but I put the receiver down. So, who does Army like in the 2,000 Guineas tomorrow? Gotta be US Ranger, surely (even though he's French). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted May 4, 2007 Anything for Walthamstow dogs on Saturday? Although if memory serves, you weren't too hot there. Armitage is currently in bed with a "hangover the size of f*****g Wales, my boy" but he's not one to let his public down and tells me that Wise Digger in race 10, the Colin Macabe Shifty Stakes, is a "canine with potential", whatever that means. He also wishes to thank his old mucker Artie Flanks for his Kentucky Derby tip and Artie's friend Madame Defarge for passing the message on. He then started to ramble on about the time he and Mr Flanks went through the card at a cockfighting meet in Mexico City in '64, but I put the receiver down. So, who does Army like in the 2,000 Guineas tomorrow? Gotta be US Ranger, surely (even though he's French). When I read the names out to him he groaned loudest when I got to Diamond Tycoon, so I think that's the tip (at about 8/1). Personally I reckon it's wide open with the late defection of Teofilo, and US Ranger has as decent a chance as any. Artemis Flanks's selection for the Run to the Roses, Street Sense, is on offer at 4/1. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy Ronnie 78 Posted May 5, 2007 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_spor...ing/6620143.stm How cool is it that the owner actually is the same Steve Harley? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted May 5, 2007 I've just received a mysterious email from one Artemis Flanks who claims to be an acquaintance of Armitage Shanks now living stateside. Apparently Artemis was just coming off of a two week bender when he received an urgent long distance collect phone call from Armitage Shanks MBE asking him for a tip on the Kentucky Derby. Artemis was unable to respond properly at the time due to dropping his phone ( and his teeth ) out of the window of his hotel. Anyway, the message is: Artemis likes Street Sense on Derby Day. Great call, Madame D (and Artemis of course). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madame Defarge 21 Posted May 7, 2007 I've just received a mysterious email from one Artemis Flanks who claims to be an acquaintance of Armitage Shanks now living stateside. Apparently Artemis was just coming off of a two week bender when he received an urgent long distance collect phone call from Armitage Shanks MBE asking him for a tip on the Kentucky Derby. Artemis was unable to respond properly at the time due to dropping his phone ( and his teeth ) out of the window of his hotel. Anyway, the message is: Artemis likes Street Sense on Derby Day. Great call, Madame D (and Artemis of course) Thank you Harry! Unfortunately I met Artemis after making my Derby Deadpool Selections. He's actually a bit shy regarding the Grim Reaper, however. I think it has something to do with an experience he had in New Mexico a long time ago. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted May 12, 2007 Ladies and Gentlemen, Awfully sorry, but it’ll have to be a quickie today, as I’m off to my barber to spruce myself up for a date with the delectable millionaire Ms Judith Keppel. Between you and me, I believe there’s a better than even money chance of Armitage giving the lady a jolly good rogering before the evening is over. Anyway, today’s selection is French Saulaie e/w in the 2.00 at Haydock. Ever yours, Armitage Shanks Esq. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest Posted May 12, 2007 Oh well done Shanks, you miserable shyster, finally got one right eh - it came 2nd at 7/1, a measly profit of about £2.50 on a £10 layout. Still, better than a poke in the eye... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Real Madron 6 Posted May 15, 2007 Lester Piggott in intensive care... (mods feel free to move to relevant threat, i cant find one!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,688 Posted May 15, 2007 http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_spor...ing/6620143.stm How cool is it that the owner actually is the same Steve Harley? The very man. Presumably he passes Mick Channon in the paddock now and again and strikes up a conversation with the words; 'Remember when I was number one and you were playing for England?' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted May 19, 2007 Armitage is big game hunting in Kenya at the moment, but he sent me a telegram which simply reads: Newmarket 3pm, Yossi. A man of few words is Mr Shanks, at least when he's paying by them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madame Defarge 21 Posted May 19, 2007 His friend Mr Artemis Flanks is a man of many, many words. Thing is, I couldn't understand most of them because Artie has not yet replaced his teeth which plummeted out of his hotel room window not long ago. I managed to make out a few syllables, ' Shree Shensh inna Preaknesh '. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted May 19, 2007 His friend Mr Artemis Flanks is a man of many, many words. Thing is, I couldn't understand most of them because Artie has not yet replaced his teeth which plummeted out of his hotel room window not long ago. I managed to make out a few syllables, ' Shree Shensh inna Preaknesh '. Close but no Cigar there, Artie. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 926 Posted May 20, 2007 His friend Mr Artemis Flanks is a man of many, many words. Thing is, I couldn't understand most of them because Artie has not yet replaced his teeth which plummeted out of his hotel room window not long ago. I managed to make out a few syllables, ' Shree Shensh inna Preaknesh '. Bummer. Curlin in the Belmont. I never thought Street Sense was strong enough to win the Belmont. Of course, I've been wrong before. I'm going to Lone Star park to watch the Belmont and have an absolutely fabulous buffet. Anyone who cares to may join me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted June 1, 2007 Good evening Ladies and Gents, Delightful to be back with you all again (and thanks to Mr McNally for the continued use of his good name). Ah, to be at Epsom on Derby Day, the sun beaming down and Shanksy here perusing all those lovely fillies in the paddock... and a good few of the horses are in tiptop condition too, I'll wager. Boom boom, as they say! Well, the Italian Stallion, Mr Dettori, is on the hot favourite Authorized, but as the little chap's failed in all 14 attempts to win the Derby, Armitage is looking elsewhere and there's a bit of value in Aqaleem at around 8/1 e/w, from the stable that produced last year's winner, Sir Percy (bless him, paid for a nice little trip to Naples for myself and Mrs S). Anyway, won't take up any more of your time, I'm off to the garage to give the Bugatti a once-over before tomorrow - simply wouldn't do to be conking out somewhere between Arundel and the track, eh. Splendid, cheerio you lovely people, and remember... COME RACING!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted June 2, 2007 Dettori victorious and loses bookies £50m. And just how much did Mr Shanks lose. Still got a shirt on yer back? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted June 2, 2007 Dettori victorious and loses bookies £50m. And just how much did Mr Shanks lose. Still got a shirt on yer back? Seems to me like Shanksy suggested an each way bet on the horse that finished third, which suggests a successful, if not particularly profitable, tip. Would you like me to explain what 'each way' means? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 926 Posted June 4, 2007 Seems to me like Shanksy suggested an each way bet on the horse that finished third, which suggests a successful, if not particularly profitable, tip. Would you like me to explain what 'each way' means? Betting to win and place on the same horse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted June 4, 2007 Seems to me like Shanksy suggested an each way bet on the horse that finished third, which suggests a successful, if not particularly profitable, tip. Would you like me to explain what 'each way' means? Betting to win and place on the same horse. Correct, so in this case the win bet is obviously void but the place bet is a winner, at either (depending on the type of race and the bookie you back with) a quarter or a fifth odds. Anyway, it won't be paying for a holiday for the despicable Mr Shanks, but he does still have a shirt on his back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,709 Posted July 21, 2007 Anyway, it won't be paying for a holiday for the despicable Mr Shanks, but he does still have a shirt on his back. Hello one and all, AP Shanks at your service, A holiday you say, Mr McNally?? As it happens I'm dictating this to my nubile personal assistant from the beach in Waikiki as I sip yet another Jose Collins - the result of one or two shrewd investments at Newmarket back in May. Cheers, hic! Not to beat around the bush, should you be looking for someone to knock that cocky Mr Woods off his perch at the Open in Scotland (brrrr) this weekend, may I suggest his compatriot Jim Furyk, currently 5th at the halfway stage and a damn fine player for a man with a swing like 'an octopus falling out of a tree'. Still available at around 10/1, though I had a few shillings at 25s early doors. Harold M tells me he's planning a shindig back in Blighty soon - well, Armitage will be first at the bar for the free drinks, believe me. And I'll offer a tempting 33/1 on any deaths occuring at a meeting which sounds like it could get quite out of hand. As for fisticuffs - well, that's odds on, of course. Must dash - the waves are picking up and my PA is about to give me my first surfing lesson. It looks like jolly hard work holding on to a glass while standing on one of those board thingies. Bye for now, and remember...COME RACING!!! Armitage P Shanks OBE 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Armitage P Shanks Posted September 15, 2007 That damned McNally has stopped me using his formerly-good name, but that's not going to stop me from pointing you wonderful people in the direction of the stoutly-named McArthur in the final Classic of the season, the St Leger at Doncaster this afternoon (3.15). Climb aboard at around 8-1 e/w and you'll be making merry this Saturday evening, I firmly believe. Toodle-oo, and remember... COME RACING!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Armitage Shanks Posted September 22, 2007 3.30 Ayr Gold Cup - Majestic Times e/w. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
