The Deathlist Christmas Special!

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,242]

f**k crimbo.

 

Saw the flyer for the villages New Year Ceilidh.

 

14 of January.

 

We still follow the Old Ways up here, none of your New Christian Gods

....The Wicker Man.....

[charon 4,943]

Pretty much... The hair is similar (but darker) to Christophers..

 

Fancy a night out LFN?

 

<vacancy in the Wicker>

[Toast 16,319]

 

f**k crimbo.

 

Saw the flyer for the villages New Year Ceilidh.

 

14 of January.

 

We still follow the Old Ways up here, none of your New Christian Gods

....The Wicker Man.....

 

 

Ahhhh! I was wondering what to watch this evening. That'll do nicely.

[YoungWillz 21,559]

Christmas Eve!

 

Will 2016 go out with a big name or maybe two? Or will it go out with a whimper?

 

Enjoy your holidays folks!!!!

 

At least one big name then...

 

I'm not ashamed to say I had a wee sob.

[charon 4,943]

 

Xmas for the Heathens is hard .

[rockhopper penguin 2,266]

Any Christmas eve traditions? Apart from getting pissed of course. Here, the little penguins like to hear 'A wish for wings that work' by Berkeley Breathed.

[YoungWillz 21,559]

Any Christmas eve traditions? Apart from getting pissed of course. Here, the little penguins like to hear 'A wish for wings that work' by Berkeley Breathed.

 

Porn on loud.

[Sir Creep 7,092]

A Happy Christmas / Merry Christmas unto all of you at DL.

Sir Creep

[rockhopper penguin 2,266]

Ho,ho,ho, Merry Christmas to each and every one.

[themaninblack 2,112]

Merry Christmas everyone...

[The Unknown Man 604]

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

 

Best regards,

TUM

[Death Impends 8,219]

Hoping everyone enjoys their Christmas!

[Joey Russ 7,323]

I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas. Also, hopefully the swear is finally fucking off. If not, everyone should still enjoy their Christmas.

[CarolAnn 926]

No Christmas happening in this neck of norther California. Just me and the spousal unit and the spaniel, sleeping in. Y'all enjoy, don't get too pissed, and if you do don't lose sight of where the Tylenol and Alka-Seltzer are.

 

Or just have another to kill the hangover. However you roll (I'm looking at you, LFN).

[Youwanticewiththat 611]

Wassail!

[Toast 16,319]

I lose interest once the solstice has passed.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,242]

I lose interest once the solstice has passed.

I just lose interest.

[charon 4,943]

Lol.

 

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/christmas-carol-service-mixup-accidentally-publishes-rap-song-hail-mary-tupac-columbo-sri-lanka-a7494956.html?cmpid=facebook-post

 

 

Some of the lyrics probably inappropriate for a Catholic service include the immortal lines “I ain’t a killer, but don’t push me/Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin’ p****" and “...Mama told me never stop until I bust a nut/“F*** the world if they can’t adjust, it’s just as well, Hail Mary.”

"Probably inappropriate "

[CarolAnn 926]

 

I lose interest once the solstice has passed.

 

I just lose interest.

You had interest to lose?

[RadGuy 1,625]

Twas the night before Christmas,

when all through the house,

one asshole was stirring,

ol' Ricky the Louse.

 

Ricky broke in,

and not for a snack,

but to steal presents

that he could then sell for crack.

 

The Smith family slept,

all tucked in their bed,

too cheap for alarms

that would alert them to dread.

 

Mommy and Daddy

passed out from the 'nog.

And Timmy hotboxed his room,

he's asleep in a fog.

 

So Ricky opened gifts,

when what did he see?

A Tiffany ring,

with a diamond... or three.

 

"Holy fuck", Ricky whispered,

"what a hell of a score!"

Ricky pocketed the box,

and kept looking for more.

 

When all of a sudden,

a sound on the lawn.

"What the fuck was that?"

Ricky said, his shiv was now drawn.

 

Carefully to the window,

he snuck just a peak.

"A sleigh? and some deer,

fuck, I'm startin' to tweak!"

 

"No, you're not, little Ricky,

I can assure you of that.

Now return that gift,

or you'll wear your ass as a hat."

 

Ricky spun and slashed,

but hit nothing but air.

"You'll have to be faster

to cut ol' St. Nick's hair"

 

Before him stood Santa,

as fat as he's tall.

"Fuck you, old man,

you don't scare me at all!"

 

"You're just some guy in a suit,

you think you're a hero?

I'll slice-cut your heart,

you fat fucking queer-bo!"

 

Santa just laughed,

and assumed a fighting stance.

"Come on motherfucker,

you want some? Let's dance!"

 

Ricky dove with his shiv,

but was caught by surprise.

Santa sidestepped

and landed a fist to the eyes.

 

Ricky was mad!

He jumped in a hurry.

He swung and he swung,

his blade just a flurry.

 

But Santa was calm,

he waited for him to slash,

he grabbed Ricky's wrist

and broke his right arm in a flash.

 

"Jesus Christ", Ricky cried

as he dropped to one knee.

"What in the fuck

do you want from me?"

 

"I fucking hate thieves,

and on Christmas, you prick?

Stealing presents is like taking

direct from St. Nick"

 

Santa leaned down

to grab the ring from his coat.

And that's when Ricky

swung for the throat.

 

Using his left,

he'd recovered the blade,

and dug it in deep,

Santa couldn't evade.

 

"Take that you old bitch,

guess Christmas is cancelled.

The legendary Santa Claus...

fucking dismantled!"

 

But Ricky's gloating

soon turned to shock,

as Santa removed the blade,

laughed, and said "suck my cock!"

 

"You can't kill me!

I'm fucking immortal.

Now say goodnight Ricky,

this B&E was your downfall."

 

Santa grabbed Ricky,

and like he was nothing,

tossed his ass thru the window,

now this next part's disgusting.

 

"Ricky, this is a situation

I could have diffused.

But you had to stab Santa,

and that won't be excused."

 

Into his sleigh for some rope

he did reach,

he tied Ricky's limbs to

a reindeer each.

 

Ricky begged and he pleaded

one last time not to die

"I promise I'll change!

No word of a lie!"

 

"This is one naughty list

that I will not revise.

Now pray to your God,

you'll be seeing him nigh."

 

"On Dasher! On Dancer!

On Prancer! On Cupid!

Now let's quarter this fucker

for being so stupid!"

 

The reindeer, they ran

in opposing directions

until Ricky was torn

into four different sections.

 

The ring was re-wrapped

and placed under the tree

And Santa was off,

but first one last decree:

 

"This could all have been avoided

if you'd just drop the knife.

Merry Christmas, you cunt,

I just ended your life!"

[Toast 16,319]

Christmas lights have been taken down. Yay! I hate it when they outstay their welcome, but can't get them down myself without a bit of assistance.

[rockhopper penguin 2,266]

Same here. Festivities over, work tomorrow.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,242]

Christmas lights have been taken down. Yay! I hate it when they outstay their welcome, but can't get them down myself without a bit of assistance.

You are a short arse then Toastie?

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,242]

Same here. Festivities over, work tomorrow.

As much as I dislike having to go to work I dislike even more the 'in work, off work, in work, off work' bullshit that is our Christmas/New year break.

I feel fat, fucking awful and just want somesort of normality to commence.

I hate feeling this way.

[Toast 16,319]

 

Christmas lights have been taken down. Yay! I hate it when they outstay their welcome, but can't get them down myself without a bit of assistance.

You are a short arse then Toastie?

 

 

I meant outside lights, but yes, and I am not very good with ladders unless I am 100% confident they are level and secure.