Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted January 24, 2015 The usual weekend check in. I'm seeing nowt I need to add to the scoreboard. But has some former mayor of a west country town died and been reported in his local paper, or owt? As you know, I live in a west cuntry town. One of the former mayors here was also one of our PE teachers. His surname began with B, so inevitably he was called Bummer B**** as he (as do all male PE teachers) had a reputation for (allegedly, law fans) perving on the boys in the communal shower. I once (well, not once, many times, but anyway) smacked a first year smartly over the back of the head whilst in the break-time cheese toastie queue, and Bummer B took me aside, and shouted right in my face, at which I leant back, waved my hand in front of my face and went 'POOOOOOOAAAAWWWW' at his rancid breath. Week's worth of break-time detentions for that, the bastard. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted January 24, 2015 The usual weekend check in. I'm seeing nowt I need to add to the scoreboard. But has some former mayor of a west country town died and been reported in his local paper, or owt? As you know, I live in a west cuntry town. One of the former mayors here was also one of our PE teachers. His surname began with B, so inevitably he was called Bummer B**** as he (as do all male PE teachers) had a reputation for (allegedly, law fans) perving on the boys in the communal shower. I once (well, not once, many times, but anyway) smacked a first year smartly over the back of the head whilst in the break-time cheese toastie queue, and Bummer B took me aside, and shouted right in my face, at which I leant back, waved my hand in front of my face and went 'POOOOOOOAAAAWWWW' at his rancid breath. Week's worth of break-time detentions for that, the bastard. It's amazing you turned out so well adjusted and reasonable Lardy, respect for that. I wasn't idly speculating on the west country mayor though. There is one such creature in the Deathrace line up, Tim Price is former mayor of Devizes. Still breathing, apparently. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted January 24, 2015 Well well, I've never heard of him, but having just looked him up, I may well be able to get some insider info on his condition.....I will report back presently..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,144 Posted January 24, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219 Posted January 24, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted January 24, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. This could be dangerous. I mean, we don't know if he's infectious or owt. Come in Lardy! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat O'Falk 3,290 Posted January 24, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... Who went out not wearing his trousers ... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted January 25, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. This could be dangerous. I mean, we don't know if he's infectious or owt. Come in Lardy! I am disappointed, nay ASHAMED to report that, in a professional capacity, I can find NOTHING on his condition whatsoever, but that leads me to believe that he's not actually THAT ill at the moment. The last item I can find in the newspaper regarding his trial over alleged sex offences is this http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/county_news/11737130.Apologetic_email_from_former_Devizes_mayor_a__gold_mine__to_alleged_sex_abuse_victim__court_hears/ He doesn't look at death's door to me, he just looks like a fat bastard. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219 Posted January 25, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. This could be dangerous. I mean, we don't know if he's infectious or owt. Come in Lardy! I am disappointed, nay ASHAMED to report that, in a professional capacity, I can find NOTHING on his condition whatsoever, but that leads me to believe that he's not actually THAT ill at the moment. The last item I can find in the newspaper regarding his trial over alleged sex offences is this http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/county_news/11737130.Apologetic_email_from_former_Devizes_mayor_a__gold_mine__to_alleged_sex_abuse_victim__court_hears/ He doesn't look at death's door to me, he just looks like a fat bastard. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a Baseball cap!! For that alone, he deserves locking up forever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted January 25, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. This could be dangerous. I mean, we don't know if he's infectious or owt. Come in Lardy! I am disappointed, nay ASHAMED to report that, in a professional capacity, I can find NOTHING on his condition whatsoever, but that leads me to believe that he's not actually THAT ill at the moment. The last item I can find in the newspaper regarding his trial over alleged sex offences is this http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/county_news/11737130.Apologetic_email_from_former_Devizes_mayor_a__gold_mine__to_alleged_sex_abuse_victim__court_hears/ He doesn't look at death's door to me, he just looks like a fat bastard. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a Baseball cap!! For that alone, he deserves locking up forever. For those who can't be bothered to click through: 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,219 Posted January 25, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. This could be dangerous. I mean, we don't know if he's infectious or owt. Come in Lardy! I am disappointed, nay ASHAMED to report that, in a professional capacity, I can find NOTHING on his condition whatsoever, but that leads me to believe that he's not actually THAT ill at the moment. The last item I can find in the newspaper regarding his trial over alleged sex offences is this http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/county_news/11737130.Apologetic_email_from_former_Devizes_mayor_a__gold_mine__to_alleged_sex_abuse_victim__court_hears/ He doesn't look at death's door to me, he just looks like a fat bastard. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a Baseball cap!! For that alone, he deserves locking up forever. For those who can't be bothered to click through: If they bring this fellas life story to the big screen, well, I reckon this chap would be the one to play him. He will need to eat a bit more, wear a baseball cap but you get the idea,right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,144 Posted January 25, 2015 All together now .... "There was an ex-mayor of Devizes" ..... I was going to suggest that she didn't forget her carving knife. This could be dangerous. I mean, we don't know if he's infectious or owt. Come in Lardy! I am disappointed, nay ASHAMED to report that, in a professional capacity, I can find NOTHING on his condition whatsoever, but that leads me to believe that he's not actually THAT ill at the moment. The last item I can find in the newspaper regarding his trial over alleged sex offences is this http://www.swindonadvertiser.co.uk/news/county_news/11737130.Apologetic_email_from_former_Devizes_mayor_a__gold_mine__to_alleged_sex_abuse_victim__court_hears/ He doesn't look at death's door to me, he just looks like a fat bastard. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh a Baseball cap!! For that alone, he deserves locking up forever. For those who can't be bothered to click through: I hope this trial is over quickly, so that he can get back to writing the next part of 'A Song Of Ice And Fire'. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 1, 2015 Am I missing owt or is the currently compromised health of Robert Schuller and Leslie Philips about as exciting as things have got with our dead pooling sprint in the last few days? 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 6, 2015 Has the tottering talent on our awesome masterlist been on a ginseng and nettle tea binge, or summat? Another deathless week and - ironically - I was talking to a funeral director friend this morning who was moaning about the veritable roadblock of stiffs currently cramming the crematorium diary. Did I miss owt, or am I likely to get a call from trading standards questioning my "sprint rather than a marathon" branding? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,586 Posted February 6, 2015 Has the tottering talent on our awesome masterlist been on a ginseng and nettle tea binge, or summat? Another deathless week and - ironically - I was talking to a funeral director friend this morning who was moaning about the veritable roadblock of stiffs currently cramming the crematorium diary. Did I miss owt, or am I likely to get a call from trading standards questioning my "sprint rather than a marathon" branding? We got of the starting grid quickly enough but now it looks like we ploughed straight into the back of service vehicle. There was a news item the other night that said the current deathrate in the UK is running well above the seasonal average. Someone has got to go soon surely. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 6, 2015 Has the tottering talent on our awesome masterlist been on a ginseng and nettle tea binge, or summat? Another deathless week and - ironically - I was talking to a funeral director friend this morning who was moaning about the veritable roadblock of stiffs currently cramming the crematorium diary. Did I miss owt, or am I likely to get a call from trading standards questioning my "sprint rather than a marathon" branding? We got of the starting grid quickly enough but now it looks like we ploughed straight into the back of service vehicle. There was a news item the other night that said the current deathrate in the UK is running well above the seasonal average. Someone has got to go soon surely. Well, yeah. I really liked the look of the masterlist as it took shape and was confident of carnage. Several jokers continue to mock our predictive powers, a scenario Sam Simon might have considered funny at one time. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gcreptile 10,978 Posted February 6, 2015 I think it's logical that there are a couple of quick hits at the very beginning. Those are the cases that are in the news during the last days of the old year. Everyone picks them because they're on everybody's minds, like Little Jimmy Dickens, and King Saud. But when those people in bad health at the end of the year don't die then things are a little quiet for a month. As an example, Michael Schumacher either dies quickly or not at all... for a couple of years. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 6, 2015 I think it's logical that there are a couple of quick hits at the very beginning. Those are the cases that are in the news during the last days of the old year. Everyone picks them because they're on everybody's minds, like Little Jimmy Dickens, and King Saud. But when those people in bad health at the end of the year don't die then things are a little quiet for a month. As an example, Michael Schumacher either dies quickly or not at all... for a couple of years. Aye, but what got my hopes up this year was the variety of - apparently - well chosen local heroes and picks who stayed unique. Hadn't a clue who some of them were but they looked exciting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 11, 2015 Jerry Tarkanien does us all a favour by helping us avoid a full deathless month. Did I miss any other stiff ones over the last few days? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,586 Posted February 18, 2015 When can I have my points for Pamela Cundell? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 18, 2015 When can I have my points for Pamela Cundell? Ooh, dunno. I mean, does the Telegraph obit count for our purposes? Bit bloody mainstream for the Deathrace. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/11418250/Pamela-Cundell-actress-obituary.html 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gcreptile 10,978 Posted February 20, 2015 Weird. I thought I had picked him, even for this race, he was on my list. Ah! I have solved my confusion, I picked him for my DDP team but forgot about it! I even forgot to include him in my signature. Edited now... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 21, 2015 Tark the Shark and Cundy Pam (as probably nobody called her) have provided a modicum of interest and ruffled the middle order a little, but turgidity reigns and most of our jokers continue laughing onwards to their next meal and a new day. The Grim Reaper may be taking his own half-term holiday, eh? Scoreboard: Death Impends - 1437 Devon Death Trip - 726 MSC - 716 Perfect Passing - 700 Sean of the Dead - 700 Estuarian Float - 686 Bibliogryphon - 670 Captain Chorizo - 352 Deadsox - 350 Maryportfuncity - 350 The Engineer - 350 Toast - 350 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
msc 18,476 Posted February 21, 2015 Katayama dead, on the 19th. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted February 21, 2015 Katayama dead, on the 19th. 315 points, puts you second and into four figures, respect! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
