Bird Flu

[Monoclinic 39]

Aberdeen University have sent out an email to all their students.

 

We are not to panic, because Aberdeen Uni has a contingency plan. I'm sorted, so f**k the lot of yous.

I suppose being in Scotland you really can justify running round and shouting the legendary Rab C Nesbits immortal line

"Swine that you are!"

 

I probably shouldn't be so confident in Aberdeen University's contingency plan.

During a rather bad outbreak of plague in the 1640s, Aberdeen University's 'contingency plan' was to move all their students to the doomed University of Fraserburgh. All they achieve in doing that was speading the disease from the city to the countryside...

 

I wouldn't worry Windy, I am sure they have stockpiled supplies of Tamiflu purchased with the gracious tax contibutions of a Lord Fellatio Nelson of Norfolk.

[Terminator 13]

John Stewart's The Daily Show announces "SNOUTGATE '09"

[Godot 149]

I've been thinking - the mask manufacturers are going to make a lot a money from this. They're bound to become this year's "must have" fashion accessory. What about a range of logoed masks, maybe even a Deathlist mask for the merchandise range?

 

We might see bling masks for rappers, red nose masks for the inevitable red nose flu appeal, England football masks with three lions on it, even a Jade Goody mask for those who want a punch in the face.

[Windsor 2,233]

I've been thinking - the mask manufacturers are going to make a lot a money from this. They're bound to become this year's "must have" fashion accessory. What about a range of logoed masks, maybe even a Deathlist mask for the merchandise range?

 

Maybe we should cash in on humanity's demise, and buy shares in the company that makes those masks?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I've been thinking - the mask manufacturers are going to make a lot a money from this. They're bound to become this year's "must have" fashion accessory. What about a range of logoed masks, maybe even a Deathlist mask for the merchandise range?

 

We might see bling masks for rappers, red nose masks for the inevitable red nose flu appeal, England football masks with three lions on it, even a Jade Goody mask for those who want a punch in the face.

I'll be fine, I've still got my '89 Altern-8 mask and half a ton of Vicks Vapo-rub. Anyone got any veras? Lovely.

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

From my local wannabe tabloid - this is the type of twattish town I live in - they don't care that they live beneath a great big f*****g chimney belching out crap from a local cement factory (albeit one that is shutting this week), they don't care that there has been a 50-ton pile of rubble the size of a Tesco's (because it was a Tesco's before it was a pile of rubble) in the town centre for nigh on 10 f*****g years, they don't even care about the fact that our town is over-run by drunken East Europeans committing murder every week - but they're all suddenly up in arms and fearing death because someone caught a cold in Mexico. f*****g idiots. I'm moving. To f*****g Mars where the IQ of residents is infinitely higher than where I live.

[Paul Bearer 6,117]

I don't think it'll come to much, I'm sure you can get some kind of oinkment for it, pretty hamless if you ask me!

[Paul Bearer 6,117]

And one of the first symtoms is a dose of the trots

[Boleyn 1]

And one of the first symptoms is a dose of the trots

 

Really? I heard you come out in rashers.

[Paul Bearer 6,117]

And one of the first symptoms is a dose of the trots

 

Really? I heard you come out in rashers.

 

 

With a pun like that, I reckon you're ready for the chop.

[Paul Bearer 6,117]

[themaninblack 2,112]

I just hope that anyone local who has the virus just stys away from me...

[time 8,628]

Swine flu hasn't made much of an impact in this locale (save for a few cancelled flights at Gatwck), but we did have this a few days ago.

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

Swine flu hasn't made much of an impact in this locale (save for a few cancelled flights at Gatwck), but we did have this a few days ago.

 

Mmmm, imagine the smell. Bulk tub of apple sauce, job's a good'un.

[Terminator 13]

Swine flu hasn't made much of an impact in this locale (save for a few cancelled flights at Gatwck), but we did have this a few days ago.

Probably just started as a lovers' tiff.....

[Geronimo 3]

Swine flu hasn't made much of an impact in this locale (save for a few cancelled flights at Gatwck), but we did have this a few days ago.

Police have been questioning the local piper about his missing son, Tom.

[Paul Bearer 6,117]

Talk about publicity seeking

[Windsor 2,233]

I'm told that the oil rig my brother-in-law is currently on is under quarantine.

 

He said that one of the people on the rig went to a fotball match with the guy that was Britain's first confirmed case. The friend is said to be feeling under the weather, and nobody is allowed off or on the rig until all their test results come back.

 

So that must be a barrel of laughs...

[Youth in Asia 1,087]

A couple of people have swine flu and everyone starts wearing masks.

Millions of people have AIDS and no one wears condoms.

[deadsox 894]

Swine flu hasn't made much of an impact in this locale (save for a few cancelled flights at Gatwck), but we did have this a few days ago.

 

This is actually just a redneck recipe for roast pork (take one pig, put him in the back of an old Chevy, add gasoline to taste........)

[Monoclinic 39]

In a similar vein to Godot's earlier question on how many deaths due to AIDS in Africa:

 

I was talking about the flu with a biologist friend of mine yesterday who was armed with some interesting statistics on malaria. I found this site to try to share this. Ignoring the debate on DDT, the fact he brought up was that 1 person dies from malaria every 12 seconds. That's ONE DEATH every 12 SECONDS and precisely how much media air time does this killer disease get? Precisely, it doesn't affect the rich occidental man so who cares. A few sniffles in the US and Europe and whambam media saturation. Epidemics come and go, it's like volcano eruptions or earthquakes. Live and let live. Même pas peur!

 

If I were the conspiracist type I'd say the only people benefiting from this is Roche, the makers of Tamiflu. Let's hope they put their ill gotten gains towards malaria research, in particular affordable solutions for the third world.

 

 

EDIT - topical game. No idea if it's in the slightest bit entertaining mind.

[Lady Grendel 139]

Closer to home there was an article in the Guardian during the week that highlights the fact there are an average of 9,000 deaths a year in UK hospitals due to MRSA and C difficile, the press aren't exactly up in arms over that, yet a bit of flu that most developed countries can easily cope with has them running round like headless chickens scaremongering the populace, it does make me wonder what is being kept off the front pages of the newspapers by this .

[Guest Cooder]

I phoned the swine flu help line.......all i got was crackling

[CarolAnn 926]

School is out for a week - kids don't have to make it up but are still expected to perform at the same level for final exams. Prom is postponed and I don't think #2 son is going to be able to get the same tux I paid for. Choir awards banquet is now the day before final exams and we can't get a decent locale because everything got pushed out.

 

The trip scheduled for the middle of the month may get cancelled which means the choir department will be out over $5000 of unrecoverable expenses.

 

This is a crock of sh*t. I have a list of people I'm not voting for. Morons.

[Boleyn 1]

Minor celebrity apparently likely to have swine-flu.

Singer held in isolation in Athens

 

She's part of N-Dubz.. who are currently number one in the singles chart.