Grim Up North 3,726 Posted March 6, 2018 BBC News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Raghead told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth". Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway. According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungWillz 21,053 Posted March 6, 2018 Another Russian spy has been found poisoned ... this time in Middlesborough. It is thought he was taking codes to Newcastle... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dalai Lama 10 Posted March 7, 2018 Dalai Lama is very funny for the World. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,142 Posted March 7, 2018 14 minutes ago, Dalai Lama said: Dalai Lama is very funny for the World. ODFOD, as they say on Mumsnet. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dalai Lama 10 Posted March 7, 2018 I’ m happy forever. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 7, 2018 1 hour ago, Dalai Lama said: I’ m happy forever. Yours a fucking twat forever. 2 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted March 8, 2018 why can't a easter bunny not hop Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Joey Russ 7,228 Posted March 9, 2018 41 minutes ago, Dalai Lama said: I’m a spammer. FTFY Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dalai Lama 10 Posted March 9, 2018 I love you Joey. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted March 9, 2018 Down the highway and not across the road. ^^ wise words, take heed Mr L. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted March 9, 2018 On 28/02/2018 at 17:56, bladan said: Cocks is a Finnish handball club based in the city of Riihimäki. Which reminds me of a joke: Q - Why did the pervert cross the road? A - He had his knob stuck in a chicken Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted March 10, 2018 5 hours ago, maryportfuncity said: Which reminds me of a joke: Q - Why did the pervert cross the road? A - He had his knob stuck in a chicken Which reminds me of my favorite comic book. It's about necrophilia Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted March 10, 2018 this reminds me of the joke about decorating corpses Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dalai Lama 10 Posted March 10, 2018 A joke a joke. I’m very beautiful, I’m mister Tibet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
En Passant 3,741 Posted March 10, 2018 4 minutes ago, Dalai Lama said: A joke a joke. I’m very beautiful, I’m mister Tibet. Deathray, whatever else he may be, makes interesting reading on occasion. Sent on a sabbatical. You. Still here.... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 11, 2018 14 hours ago, Dalai Lama said: A joke a joke. I’m very beautiful, I’m mister Twat. FIFY Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dalai Lama 10 Posted March 11, 2018 And 100. I’m very happy, let’s go the party my friends. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,398 Posted March 11, 2018 1 hour ago, Dalai Lama said: And 100. I’m very happy, let’s go the party my friends. "Hello mate, it's Tenzin. 'Fraid shit's hit the fan, I can't come this evening..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted March 11, 2018 1 hour ago, Wee Jum said: what happens if you take a madman and hit him in a head for half his life Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 14, 2018 It's Jamaican hairstyle day tomorrow in work. I'm dreading it. 4 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 14, 2018 Our wifi wasn't working last night so I decided to talk to the wife. I was surprised to hear she no longer works at Woolworths. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted March 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Paul Bearer said: It's Jamaican hairstyle day tomorrow in work. I'm dreading it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat O'Falk 3,290 Posted March 14, 2018 What with Jim Bowen croaking it's time for the old darts joke: A monk and a nun are playing darts in a monastery. The monk throws his first dart and gets double top. Throwing the second dart he gets double top again. He throws the third dart, it hits the wire, bounces off and hits the nun right between the eyes. A voice from above booms "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY". 1 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
