Room 101

[Monoclinic 39]

The VAT "cut" to 15%. At lunch today I picked out some high quality earphones which had "£2" marked right on them, went to the till, handed over £2 and was presented with four deathly dull, brown coins, and a receipt for £1.96. I had just managed to spend up my last coppers on a sandwich, and had only shiny, silver change in my pocket.

 

Does anyone want four pence?

 

Stick them in whatever charity box is on the counter, I believe that is their intended purpose. Now I am not saying I am a paragon of virtue. I guess this could be a room 101 thing too. Men have it so easy, they just take change handed to them and put in pocket, leaving before the next person gets extremely impatient. Perhaps the rate determining step is the obligatory check in the pocket whilst the hand is there to ensure everything is present and correct . We on the other hand have to fiddle around with purses and bags, leaving little time to separate the wheat from the chaff thus ending up with zillions of the dull brown coins mixed in with the shiny silver ones and the nuggets. Leaving no time to feel remotely charitable with our shrapnel.

 

This of course is not helped by the fact that so far in the French-speaking world I find that the cashiers don't wait until you have finished packing to serve the next customer who incidentally has been standing on your heels the whole time you've been queueing up. Thankfully chip and pin lets you control when the cashier can serve the next person, much to their disgust and gallic huffs. It also circumvents the copper paradox.

[Windsor 2,233]

Stagecoach buses. I've had a shitty day because of their shitty service.

I turned up for my bus as usual at 7.40AM, waiting for it to arrive at 7.45AM. Unfortunately the bus never showed up. So I waited for the next one which should have come at 8.05AM. It didn't - that came trailing round the corner at 8.20AM. So basically I was standing in the cold like an idiot for 40 minutes, along with other people and two poor old ladies.

When I got on the bus, I wasn't exactly amused. The first thing I noticed was the breath leaving my mouth - it was so bloody cold inside the bus that you could see it. Anyway, I wasn't going to complain as at least we were moving. According to the bus driver the bus I had originally been waiting for had broken down.

Anyway, 10 miles into our journey we reached the small village of Strichen. The bus came to a halt, and after 10 minutes of the bus not moving we had to reach our own conclusions on what was going on as the driver didn't bother to tell us that the bus was not road worthy - the indicaters were broken or something. We arrived in Strichen at about 8.35, and we had to wait for the next bus to come 10 miles to pick us up. We waited in Strichen in that freezing bus until 9.20AM. In otherwords, instead of sending out an extra bus to pick us up, we had to wait for the next timetabled bus to come through. I finally reached Aberdeen at 10.20AM. I usually arrive in Aberdeen at 9.00AM.

 

Given that the bus broke down in Strichen, I was tempted to go round to Alex Salmond's house to ask him to have a word with his pal, Brian Souter...

 

Its a bloody disgrace!

 

(End of rant).

[Windsor 2,233]

RE above.

 

I now have the cold.

[honez 79]

RE above.

 

I now have the cold.

At least you didn't catch the gay.

[Windsor 2,233]

RE above.

 

I now have the cold.

At least you didn't catch the gay.

 

Give it a day or two.

 

I was at Fraserburgh Panto last night.

[Monoclinic 39]

RE above.

 

I now have the cold.

At least you didn't catch the gay.

 

Give it a day or two.

 

I was at Fraserburgh Panto last night.

All together now: Oh no you weren't

[Terminator 13]

Handy, you know when boys pull girls hair and tease them because, really, they like them but are to shy and immature to say so?

Well, perhaps Terminator.....................................

 

 

He must really have the horn for BS then?

The Horn?! Why Handy, thats language i didnt think, for one moment, was part of your extensive vocabulary.

Im quite shocked and, well, a tad excited, actually..

Keep the filthy language coming!!

 

I was loathe to even show any recognition of the responses as it would probably throw "oil on the fire". Luckily, I was sufficiently p*ssed off by a Chelsea supporter tonight.

 

Nice input from a couple of birds.....probably a full moon on 14 December (90th anniversary* of deregulating the "real" vote).....no surprises, lads....

 

* A chick will probably explain (though it may well ramble...)

 

Actually, apart from what I may just have written, I don't know where Handrejka developed her personal paranoia against me(?) I am quite frankly bemused that she feels she may be "the one". Get over it. Have you trawled back through my contributions? As my unfailing chat-up to the birds goes, "You are not the first; but neither will you be the last."....

 

If I have in any way offended you, I apologise. But, as I haven't, I can't.

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

That bloody overrated Hallelujah song. But it's a modern classic, you say? Pah. Didn't rate it when grumpy Len did it, when dead Jeff did it, when gnarly Bob did it and I sure as shite don't rate it when some Beyonceyesque no-mark does it. I'm going to wear earplugs for the next month just in case I hear it.

 

Humbug.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Cale the Drone did a nice version though.

[Dave to the Grave 11]

That bloody overrated Hallelujah song. But it's a modern classic, you say? Pah. Didn't rate it when grumpy Len did it, when dead Jeff did it, when gnarly Bob did it and I sure as shite don't rate it when some Beyonceyesque no-mark does it. I'm going to wear earplugs for the next month just in case I hear it.

 

Humbug.

I agree, but it still stands up well against the other so called 'classics' we are supposed to love, such as American Pie, Bohemian Rhapsody and, I shudder as I type this, Layla.

 

I think where these talent shows go wrong is having Mariah-Jackson-Beatle nights. A level playing field is needed. One that doesn't pander to the warbling Whitney Houston's and Justin Timberlake's. I would suggest a Doug Anthony Allstars Night. If you can sing

and still have people discussing the quality of your voice, you know you have the X-Factor. I think

is a classic. A song about my favourite shape, playwrite and musical instrument. Definite Christmas number one.

[Windsor 2,233]

When my grandma died a couple of years ago, we forgot to close her bank accounts.

Thus all her bank statements continued to go to her former residence.

I went to her bank today to close her account.

Turns out in March of this year, the bank replaced her old cash card, sending a new one to her former address.

It would appear that the residents of her former address have been helping themselves to her money since the new card was sent to them.

 

They were probably guessing that a lady who had been dead for two and a half years would not make a fuss about it.

They did not bank on the fact that her grandson was a tight-fisted student.

[CarolAnn 926]

When my grandma died a couple of years ago, we forgot to close her bank accounts.

Thus all her bank statements continued to go to her former residence.

I went to her bank today to close her account.

Turns out in March of this year, the bank replaced her old cash card, sending a new one to her former address.

It would appear that the residents of her former address have been helping themselves to her money since the new card was sent to them.

 

They were probably guessing that a lady who had been dead for two and a half years would not make a fuss about it.

They did not bank on the fact that her grandson was a tight-fisted student.

 

OK - this really isn't meant to be snarky. I'm genuinely confused as to how you forget to close out her accounts.

[Windsor 2,233]

When my grandma died a couple of years ago, we forgot to close her bank accounts.

Thus all her bank statements continued to go to her former residence.

I went to her bank today to close her account.

Turns out in March of this year, the bank replaced her old cash card, sending a new one to her former address.

It would appear that the residents of her former address have been helping themselves to her money since the new card was sent to them.

 

They were probably guessing that a lady who had been dead for two and a half years would not make a fuss about it.

They did not bank on the fact that her grandson was a tight-fisted student.

 

OK - this really isn't meant to be snarky. I'm genuinely confused as to how you forget to close out her accounts.

 

Yes - looking back on it, it was a stupid thing to forget. But I suppose there was just no rush for the money, so we didn't get round to it.

[welshman 31]

Double rant (a Christmas present to myself)

The neighborhood cats peeing and worse in my garden

Children in pubs being allowed to run around like it is nursery, it's not.

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

That bloody overrated Hallelujah song. But it's a modern classic, you say? Pah. Didn't rate it when grumpy Len did it, when dead Jeff did it, when gnarly Bob did it and I sure as shite don't rate it when some Beyonceyesque no-mark does it. I'm going to wear earplugs for the next month just in case I hear it.

 

Humbug.

 

Christmas songs in general, but specifically The Twelve Days of Christmas. A candidate for the most annoying song ever. It was mildly entertaining the first time you ever hear/sing it, now making it through all the gay leaping lords and lezzer milk maids is just a war of attrition. And how exactly does your true love give you other humans as a present, unelss he/she is a slaveowner?

[welshman 31]

That bloody overrated Hallelujah song. But it's a modern classic, you say? Pah. Didn't rate it when grumpy Len did it, when dead Jeff did it, when gnarly Bob did it and I sure as shite don't rate it when some Beyonceyesque no-mark does it. I'm going to wear earplugs for the next month just in case I hear it.

 

Humbug.

 

Christmas songs in general, but specifically The Twelve Days of Christmas. A candidate for the most annoying song ever. It was mildly entertaining the first time you ever hear/sing it, now making it through all the gay leaping lords and lezzer milk maids is just a war of attrition. And how exactly does your true love give you other humans as a present, unelss he/she is a slaveowner?

lezzer milk maids? Are you sure?

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Right, one last rant before the year's end.

 

f*****g solicitors.

 

Having been told a month ago that I would not need to pay a court fee to file my divorce petition, they have just phoned me to say 'sorry, we got our sums wrong, and we need three hundred pounds on Monday'.

 

Actually, it's not even worth ranting about, as everyone knows that all solicitors are Grade A w**nkers. That's why I'm studying law right now

 

So, answers on a postcard - how do I raise three hundred quid by Monday?

[Articus 0]

Can't stand clowns, pigeons and flies although I recognise the purpose of flies but what I really hate are people who put out signs along the roadside or roundabouts informing the world that it is Don or Rosie's 30th birthday or ruby wedding or the cat's 2nd litter I DON'T CARE. Also can't someone make some new Christmas songs? As much as I have enjoyed the hits of the 70's/80's the years pass more quickly so it seems like I am in a perpetual 'Merry Christmas Everyone' hell.

[The Miser 18]

Right, one last rant before the year's end.

 

f*****g solicitors.

 

Having been told a month ago that I would not need to pay a court fee to file my divorce petition, they have just phoned me to say 'sorry, we got our sums wrong, and we need three hundred pounds on Monday'.

 

Actually, it's not even worth ranting about, as everyone knows that all solicitors are Grade A w**nkers. That's why I'm studying law right now

 

So, answers on a postcard - how do I raise three hundred quid by Monday?

 

 

You guys should get rid of soliciters; lawyers are cheeper.

[CarolAnn 926]

Actually, it's not even worth ranting about, as everyone knows that all solicitors are Grade A w**nkers. That's why I'm studying law right now

 

So, answers on a postcard - how do I raise three hundred quid by Monday?

 

You guys should get rid of soliciters; lawyers are cheeper.

 

Cheeper? I don't want to discuss what my divorces cost, and they were uncontested and over 15 years ago.

 

LB, I can't think of anything aside from taking your solicitors' kids hostage and demanding ransom.

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

Right, one last rant before the year's end.

 

f*****g solicitors.

 

Having been told a month ago that I would not need to pay a court fee to file my divorce petition, they have just phoned me to say 'sorry, we got our sums wrong, and we need three hundred pounds on Monday'.

 

Actually, it's not even worth ranting about, as everyone knows that all solicitors are Grade A w**nkers. That's why I'm studying law right now

 

So, answers on a postcard - how do I raise three hundred quid by Monday?

 

 

You guys should get rid of soliciters; lawyers are cheeper.

 

Jeez miser, your sig is soooooo last year

 

(DDP: Christodoulos; Sydney Pollack; Patriarch Pavle of Serbia; George Steinbrenner; Pete Doherty; Bobby Robson; Amy Winehouse; George T.D. Moore; Zeljko Sturanovic; Janez Drnovsek; Ron Springs; Edmund Hillary; Eunice Kennedy Shriver (joker); Princess Galyani Vadhana; Paul Shan Kuo-hsi; Bo Diddley; Yves Saint-Laurent; Maria del Carmen Bousada; Suzanne Pleshette; Doku Umarov)

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

The new VW golf ad, where a German has a fight with ten different versions of himself, using car parts, to a death rock sound track. It doesn't help that they show it during every single ad break on Sky Sports 3. The Audi one where they make a car out of cardboard isn't much better. I blame humourless Jerry advertising agencies.

[Lady Grendel 139]

Bloody NHS 24, I've spent most of the last hour on the phone to them trying to get an emergency doctor out to see to my mum, who's taken a turn for the worse tonight after a week and a half of being ill and a bad fall that resulted in her being hospitalised last weekend . They asked me just about every question under the sun apart from my bra size, then I had to be phoned back by a 'nurse advisor', whom, after speaking to my mum on the phone decided she was 'top priority' and a medical team should be with us in the next couple of hours . What happened to the simple phone calls where you stated you needed an emergency Dr. and one appeared within an hour. Sorry to rant but I'm worried sick, bastards .

[honez 79]

Bloody NHS 24, I've spent most of the last hour on the phone to them trying to get an emergency doctor out to see to my mum, who's taken a turn for the worse tonight after a week and a half of being ill and a bad fall that resulted in her being hospitalised last weekend . They asked me just about every question under the sun apart from my bra size, then I had to be phoned back by a 'nurse advisor', whom, after speaking to my mum on the phone decided she was 'top priority' and a medical team should be with us in the next couple of hours . What happened to the simple phone calls where you stated you needed an emergency Dr. and one appeared within an hour. Sorry to rant but I'm worried sick, bastards .

Sorry to hear about your mum, LG. I hope things turn out well. But you should have realised by now that the N in NHS refers to ENglish. The "National" border ends at Hadrian's Wall to the north and Offa's Dyke to the west. It always has and always will.

[Windsor 2,233]

Bloody NHS 24, I've spent most of the last hour on the phone to them trying to get an emergency doctor out to see to my mum, who's taken a turn for the worse tonight after a week and a half of being ill and a bad fall that resulted in her being hospitalised last weekend . They asked me just about every question under the sun apart from my bra size, then I had to be phoned back by a 'nurse advisor', whom, after speaking to my mum on the phone decided she was 'top priority' and a medical team should be with us in the next couple of hours . What happened to the simple phone calls where you stated you needed an emergency Dr. and one appeared within an hour. Sorry to rant but I'm worried sick, bastards .

Sorry to hear about your mum, LG. I hope things turn out well. But you should have realised by now that the N in NHS refers to ENglish. The "National" border ends at Hadrian's Wall to the north and Offa's Dyke to the west. It always has and always will.

 

Funny that. If you asked an Englishman, he would tell you the exact opposite. You may wish to compare the NHS in England, and the NHS in Scotland, then decide who has the better deal.

I think the main problem is this NHS 24 which has been proven to be an unreliable service. They have the deaths of several people on their hands already.

 

Sorry to hear about your mum, LG. I'm sure she'll be fine now that proper medical assistance is on its way.