Room 101

[time 8,599]

Timpson's. Just a load of thieving bastards!

 

While away to attend a wedding my watch battery conked out. Asking at hotel reception if they knew anywhere I could get a new one, I was directed to two branches of Timpson's in the vicinity.

 

They quoted me £12.95. Yes TWELVE POUNDS NINETY-FIVE!!!!! For one watch battery! I told them that at that price they could keep it.

 

Luckily,heading back to the hotel, I found an independent shop (offering many of the same services as Timpson's) who fitted it for a fiver.

[Rotten Ali 600]

Timpson's. Just a load of thieving bastards!

 

While away to attend a wedding my watch battery conked out. Asking at hotel reception if they knew anywhere I could get a new one, I was directed to two branches of Timpson's in the vicinity.

 

They quoted me £12.95. Yes TWELVE POUNDS NINETY-FIVE!!!!! For one watch battery! I told them that at that price they could keep it.

 

Luckily,heading back to the hotel, I found an independent shop (offering many of the same services as Timpson's) who fitted it for a fiver.

 

Some time ago...

I needed a watch battery (size AG6) could not find any for love or money on the high street, so looked on eBay and got supply of a hundred of the little critters for I'm sure about £3. Current price being £4.74 still with free delivery...

[Dr. Zorders 1,271]

I've got two questions here. Has anyone else had any problems with chavs/pikeys equipped with loudspeakers? That might sound like a weird question but read on. Also, the other one is, has anyone else had problems with demented, batty relatives/family members as bad as I have? I really doubt you have. Specifically, it's my mum driving me up the wall again and it's not even remotely funny, or possible to shrug it off/file it under "general grievance" with everything else she does, this time.

 

Apparently at about 2PM today some shameless chavs/pikeys (whatever) were driving slowly around in a pick-up truck with a bunch of (quite presumably stolen) scrap metal in the back, either trying to buy some more from people on our suburban street, or sell some of it to us, I'm not sure. And believe it or not they had a bizarre fucking loudspeaker system going, with some weird, really loud noise coming out of it, that sounded like some religious chanting or something (and I don't think they even realised that's what it sounded like). I guess they must have been shouting "scrap metal" but the speaker was so fucking primitive it just sounded like some weird chanting. And it was incredibly loud. It was like a bizarre, hellish version of an ice cream van that travels around Mordor selling gritty choc-ices spiked with razor blades and nails. Or something out of one of the Mad Max movies or something.

 

I know this because I she videotaped it and then phoned the police about it. God bless all the people who decided to put video cameras in every phone because now every sheltered, clueless middle class twat out there thinks they're a cop or a journalist. She openly stood out on the street and videotaped these feral, inbred weirdos, instead of keeping out of the way (or at least making at least SOME FUCKING EFFORT to make the filming covert, like any sensible, vaguely world-aware person would do).

 

Seemingly the demented, loony old bat must have seriously believed that they would see her and think "OH NO, LOOK, IT'S AN UPSTANDING CITIZEN WITH A CAMERAPHONE! RUN!" instead of just laughing at her (which is what they probably did). So I guess I'm now sitting here waiting for them to come back and take some sort of revenge. I guess she must think the guys from New Tricks will come round and save her if anyone tries to get revenge on her because she seems very calm considering what an incredibly twatty thing she did. If they actually got picked up by the police, then no doubt they'll get a fixed penalty notice for noise disturbance or something and then the first thing they'll do is head straight back here looking for us. I'm just wondering if it will be limited to egging us, or they will try and stick something through the door or whatever. Hopefully the former, obviously.

 

Does anyone else think I'm being paranoid? I just want to know, I'm probably not gonna actually change my mind even if you do think I'm paranoid or I'm a "pussy" or whatever. Because if you had heard how loud this thing was, you would be as apprehensive about these people as I was. If they're confident enough to go around making this much noise then they're probably not very afraid of the police, and probably very aware that policemen these days seem to think their duty ends when they've said "We'll look into it", then hang up the phone and go back to their extended coffee break. The worst part is the fucking sheltered, ignorant, clowntastic, Lord-Peter-Wimsey-reading cow actually thinks that she's smarter than me and she knows more about the world than those of us in this family who actually deal with it. I can't even tell my dad what happened today because we have a sort of "policy" of not telling him stressful things if we don't have to, because he has high blood pressure. So I can't even get him to tell her off and try to talk some sense into her.

 

And even if you think I'm being needlessly scared, you should know that this wouldn't actually be the first time my mother has casually endangered our lives in the last few months and then refused to apologise for it. This weird little incident has rather changed the urgency of my goal of not-living-with-my-parents-anymore from being a "by the end of the year" thing to a "by the end of the fucking day, if possible" thing.

[charon 4,943]

 

Put on a Barbour wax jacket, a stern expression and wander out holding a notepad. Flash any photo id you have saying "HMRC" and watch the fuckkers bolt.

 

Or shoot out their tyres.

 

Or them.

 

Or their kids.

 

Or all of the above.

 

Hth......

[Dr. Zorders 1,271]

haha....... the HMRC one is probably my best bet........

 

Well in case you can't tell I was really fucking spooked by that. The only time you usually hear a noise like that coming from a car driving that slow is when some religious nut is telling everyone the end is nigh or something. The weirdest shit I can remember happening in this neck of the woods in a long time. I'm sure everybody's had "pikeys at the door" trying to sell you stuff but never seen anything like that. I mean was that just a complete one-off or do they now go around trying to blast everyone's ears off and that's the first time I've heard of it?

[Handrejka 1,904]

Having to pretend to be pleased for someone when they get the job you wanted.

[charon 4,943]

 

 

Depends....

 

Scrap laws up for no cash in scotchland, don't know down Mexico way. Pretty aggressive looking for scrap just now up here.

 

Seriously. Shoot at them.

 

If you don't have a gun , two litres of petrol is only a fiver.

[Bibliogryphon 9,579]

Not sure this is the right place to post this but I am going to propose Tatoos.

 

Before those of you adorned with body art protest I am not damning all tatoos but particularly those where an "inspirational" phrase is tatooed on the body in a prominent position. These may read great to the individual getting the tat but they should think how else this could be construed.

 

I saw a young lady on the tube who had the phrase For every man his hour on her upper arm. Fortunately I was too polite to ask whether there was a booking form that needed to be completed or whether the hour could be taken whenever it was convenient. At least it wasn't on her thigh.

 

I do hope said young lady is not a Deathlister as she will be very upset about her really cool tatoo.

[Tempus Fugit 214]

This one goes out to a certain Desk Officer.

 

[Bibliogryphon 9,579]

In a recent copy of Metro that I picked up I noticed that there is an advert inviting people to apply to be in the studio audience for ITV's unholy resurrection of Surprise, Surprise with Holly Willoughby.

 

There is a lot of TV that I don't like but my reaction to that is not to watch it but SS I really hate. It is so emotionally manipulative and cringe worthy that I feel angry that everyone else seems to think it is so lovely.

 

I still think a Deathlist show would be less tasteless.

 

The only consolation is that I almost dislike HW as much as I dislike SS.

[Dr. Zorders 1,271]

In a recent copy of Metro that I picked up I noticed that there is an advert inviting people to apply to be in the studio audience for ITV's unholy resurrection of Surprise, Surprise with Holly Willoughby.

 

There is a lot of TV that I don't like but my reaction to that is not to watch it but SS I really hate. It is so emotionally manipulative and cringe worthy that I feel angry that everyone else seems to think it is so lovely.

 

I still think a Deathlist show would be less tasteless.

 

The only consolation is that I almost dislike HW as much as I dislike SS.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqaARDsiJv4

 

and also this

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW1Uc-grcMs

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

In a recent copy of Metro that I picked up I noticed that there is an advert inviting people to apply to be in the studio audience for ITV's unholy resurrection of Surprise, Surprise with Holly Willoughby.

 

There is a lot of TV that I don't like but my reaction to that is not to watch it but SS I really hate. It is so emotionally manipulative and cringe worthy that I feel angry that everyone else seems to think it is so lovely.

 

I still think a Deathlist show would be less tasteless.

 

The only consolation is that I almost dislike HW as much as I dislike SS.

I would think that the kind of shite that is on TV at the moment has more to do with creating a vehicle for the "star" than entertaining the public.

Holly is, without question, utterly talentless and were she flat chested and married to a Dustman, would be working in Tescos.

Having said that, attending that show would give you the opportunity to assess whether here breasts were REALLY that big and finally nail the myth that she is good looking.

I think, in real life, her looks are more gargoyle than Marilyn Monroe, or summat.

Anyway, spare the dislike for the saps that want their 5 mins of fame by getting their faces onto such fecal matter.

If there were less wannabes there would be less crap like SS on the TV.

Right?

[themaninblack 2,112]

Be thankful they're not reviving Blind Date...

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

In a recent copy of Metro that I picked up I noticed that there is an advert inviting people to apply to be in the studio audience for ITV's unholy resurrection of Surprise, Surprise with Holly Willoughby.

 

There is a lot of TV that I don't like but my reaction to that is not to watch it but SS I really hate. It is so emotionally manipulative and cringe worthy that I feel angry that everyone else seems to think it is so lovely.

 

I still think a Deathlist show would be less tasteless.

 

The only consolation is that I almost dislike HW as much as I dislike SS.

I would think that the kind of shite that is on TV at the moment has more to do with creating a vehicle for the "star" than entertaining the public.

Holly is, without question, utterly talentless and were she flat chested and married to a Dustman, would be working in Tescos.

Having said that, attending that show would give you the opportunity to assess whether here breasts were REALLY that big and finally nail the myth that she is good looking.

I think, in real life, her looks are more gargoyle than Marilyn Monroe, or summat.

Anyway, spare the dislike for the saps that want their 5 mins of fame by getting their faces onto such fecal matter.

If there were less wannabes there would be less crap like SS on the TV.

Right?

 

I'd fuck her.

[Bibliogryphon 9,579]

In a recent copy of Metro that I picked up I noticed that there is an advert inviting people to apply to be in the studio audience for ITV's unholy resurrection of Surprise, Surprise with Holly Willoughby.

 

There is a lot of TV that I don't like but my reaction to that is not to watch it but SS I really hate. It is so emotionally manipulative and cringe worthy that I feel angry that everyone else seems to think it is so lovely.

 

I still think a Deathlist show would be less tasteless.

 

The only consolation is that I almost dislike HW as much as I dislike SS.

I would think that the kind of shite that is on TV at the moment has more to do with creating a vehicle for the "star" than entertaining the public.

Holly is, without question, utterly talentless and were she flat chested and married to a Dustman, would be working in Tescos.

Having said that, attending that show would give you the opportunity to assess whether here breasts were REALLY that big and finally nail the myth that she is good looking.

I think, in real life, her looks are more gargoyle than Marilyn Monroe, or summat.

Anyway, spare the dislike for the saps that want their 5 mins of fame by getting their faces onto such fecal matter.

If there were less wannabes there would be less crap like SS on the TV.

Right?

 

I'd fuck her.

 

That would give her a Surprise Surprise!

[themaninblack 2,112]

Moral maze ladies and gentlemen...

 

After the best part of a year on the dole, I finally get a job (temporary, natch) working in the same office space as a man who called me a cunt (apropos of nothing), five years ago...

 

What does one do? Turn the other cheek, have a word in his shell-like or risk a quick sacking by punching the snidey bastard in the face?

[Rotten Ali 600]

Moral maze ladies and gentlemen...

 

After the best part of a year on the dole, I finally get a job (temporary, natch) working in the same office space as a man who called me a cunt (apropos of nothing), five years ago...

 

What does one do? Turn the other cheek, have a word in his shell-like or risk a quick sacking by punching the snidey bastard in the face?

 

Congratulations on the new job.

Well if you do chose to punch him, make sure it is done away from the work place, arranged or not.

[Magere Hein 1,400]

After the best part of a year on the dole, I finally get a job (temporary, natch) working in the same office space as a man who called me a cunt (apropos of nothing), five years ago...

 

What does one do? Turn the other cheek, have a word in his shell-like or risk a quick sacking by punching the snidey bastard in the face?

 

These are not times to take employment lightly, so option 3, tempting as the thought is, doesn't seem wise. Turning the other cheek is, so I'm told, what a Xian is supposed to do. I don't see much in it, though. There's little satifaction in moral superiority and it migth even encourage the cunt-sayer to do it some more.

 

Option 2 can work if you do it with carefully chosen words (preferably dark and menacing), but I don't think there's much gain there and it may still get you in trouble.

 

Perhaps there's a fourth way: do your job and wait until the little shit presents an opportunity to show in public what a prick he is. They always do. With some luck you may even get him sacked. Keep, if you can, an eye on his email and other Internet activity. Perhaps he watches NSFW flicks on the web; he might have the hots for a one-legged transsexual on a dating site; maybe he's even a member of some ghoulish web forum. Perhaps we can make up some compromising "facts"... Being called one, you might just as well act like a cunt.

 

Of course if the job doesn't work and you won't get permanent employment, you can always punch the snidey bastard in the face.

 

Oh yeah, and conga rats on the new job. I know how hard it is to get one.

 

regards,

Hein

[themaninblack 2,112]

The thing is he is right on my line of sight and I'm fairly sure he knows its me as he's being rather furtive. However, I think I'll let this slide and see what happens. I'm hoping to keep my cool and smoke the bugger out by dropping a few subtle hints in his direction which he will earwig.

Of course he might decide to set the record straight himself as it was quite a bizarre outburst. I was out with work colleagues and drunkenly managed to latch on to his group via some girl I quite liked the look of. He was sat there preening like a cat before saying "I think you are a cunt. Yes, hmm, a cunt." Just like that, with an expression that was like butter wouldn't melt. Fortunately at the time I took the message well, as I'm a genial drunk and made my excuses and left pronto.

One way or another I'm determined to have the last word on this...

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

The thing is he is right on my line of sight and I'm fairly sure he knows its me as he's being rather furtive. However, I think I'll let this slide and see what happens. I'm hoping to keep my cool and smoke the bugger out by dropping a few subtle hints in his direction which he will earwig.

Of course he might decide to set the record straight himself as it was quite a bizarre outburst. I was out with work colleagues and drunkenly managed to latch on to his group via some girl I quite liked the look of. He was sat there preening like a cat before saying "I think you are a cunt. Yes, hmm, a cunt." Just like that, with an expression that was like butter wouldn't melt. Fortunately at the time I took the message well, as I'm a genial drunk and made my excuses and left pronto.

One way or another I'm determined to have the last word on this...

 

If you speak to him about it, he will think 'wow, I really must have affected him for him to be talking about it five years later.' And you don't want him to think that he is that important in your life.

 

If you nut him, you will lose your job.

 

Fuck with his mind. Don't even acknowledge the fact that you remember him. Or if that's not possible, don't acknowledge that you remember he called you a cunt. Show him that that is how insignificant in your life he is. Treat him with the very minimum of civility you can get away with, but take the opportunities that may arise to make him look like a twat within the confines of your job. You're an intelligent guy, use it to make him squirm!

[themaninblack 2,112]

Good advice, Lard. I'll ignore the cunt. In these times, I cannot afford to risk my employment wreaking revenge on some twat. I'm just going to have to take it on the chin. The key thing about why it lingers was not just what he said, it was the way that he said it. That's what got me, the arrogance of it. And as far as I can make it out, in the office he just buggers around shifting files, hardly a shooting star...

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Good advice, Lard. I'll ignore the cunt. In these times, I cannot afford to risk my employment wreaking revenge on some twat. I'm just going to have to take it on the chin. The key thing about why it lingers was not just what he said, it was the way that he said it. That's what got me, the arrogance of it. And as far as I can make it out, in the office he just buggers around shifting files, hardly a shooting star...

 

Oh I totally understand what you mean. Someone said something to me nearly 20 years ago, something really derogatory and downright nasty about my (at the time) 6 month old daughter. This person is now a nurse, looking after other people's children, which makes me puke. Every day I yearn to go and rip her fucking head off and shit down her neck.

[charon 4,943]

4th option.

 

 

Get someone else to do the skinhead moonstomp.

 

 

 

Difficult situ tmib, you never mentioned if he was a temp too. If he is he may be wary himself.

[themaninblack 2,112]

I reckon he is temp, charon. Indeed in the three weeks I've been there I'm struggling to work out who isn't a temp!

 

I suspect what will happen is it'll be like cats on each others territory, with a few growls exchanged before we get on with whatever we do (which is boring)...

[Toast 16,140]

Years ago there used to be a regular small ad in Private Eye. You sent them a name and address, and for a remuneration they would dispatch a box containing shit to the person concerned. With a little card saying "Someone, somewhere, thinks you're a shit".

 

I wish they were still operating. There's a business opportunity for somebody.