Guest Guest_Armitage Shanks_* Posted February 3, 2008 Well, hello boys and girls! My dear American chum Artemis Flanks has sent a telegram to let me know that there's a rather important game of what the Yanks call 'football' being played today. I'll gladly confess to not knowing the difference between a tight end and a skinny post pattern (rugger's more my sport, you know), but Artie assures me that while the Patriotic New Englanders will defeat the New Jersey Giants, they will only do so by a mere 3 points, thereby "not covering the spread". (Dear old Art, he does talk in riddles - two countries separated by a common language and all that, eh). So, log in to your Betfair account and have a small wager - Mr Flanks is not one to give a bum steer to a hopeful punter, believe me. Best of British, and toodle-pip, Armitage Shanks Esq. DSM QC. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest artemis flanks Posted February 4, 2008 Dang it, Armitage, the clerk at the western union musta been deef, i said giants by 3 pernts. whats with that six digit code code for gests , numbers kept shiftin on me, else I woulda hollered sooner. Dang. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Armitage Percival Shanks Posted February 14, 2008 If only this foolish chap and this queer cove had purchased a copy of that excellent tome Shanks's Pony: How to Fleece and Not Get Fleeced (£9.99 at all good retailers) they wouldn't have found themselves in such a pickle. Cheerio and mwah. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted February 14, 2008 Angus Loughran needs to get hold of one of those double quick! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,669 Posted February 23, 2008 A lucky bastard shrewd punter has won a cool million for a 50p stake on an eight-race accumulator bet, instigated by a horse called Isn't That Lucky and completed by one named A Dream Come True. I'm sure it won't make him happy in the long run. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest_Armitage Shanks_* Posted March 10, 2008 Good Evening, Ah, the Cheltenham Festival, the four most glorious days in the racing calendar... but a minefield for the punter. Fear not, for AP Shanks is here to point you towards profit. Two tips per day, gratis - one cannot say fairer than that. Without further ado... Tomorrow's big race, the Champion Hurdle at 3.15, should be heading the way of Irish challenger Sizing Europe, while the rain is bound to help Ring the Boss land the Arkle Chase at 2.35. Best of luck to all, Armitage Shanks Esq. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DevonDeathTrip 2,338 Posted March 10, 2008 Don't suppose you'd provide odds on DDP winners, Mr Shanks? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 110 Posted March 10, 2008 I think Armitage Shanks should log in. That's what I think. And as far as the probability of where the masters of DDP will stand at it's end ... there is no truth to that question until we get there. Analyzing the current statistics and visualizing the probable outcome is the only link to any knowledge at this point in the competition. If you live by facts, this approach is common sense. Then again, death is unlimited. The prospects who are improbable just might defy their general expectation at any given time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest_Armitage Shanks_* Posted March 11, 2008 Ah well, not the best of starts but as that lovely 1990s combo The Dreamers once sang, things can only get better! Let's recover those losses with Starzaan in the Sun Alliance at 2.35 and Voy Por Ustedes in the Champion Chase at 3.15. Don't suppose you'd provide odds on DDP winners, Mr Shanks? Mr DeathTrip, my dear old thing, I must confess I find the concept of gambling on the likelihood of a chap's demise a trifle unsavoury, but I've had a little peek at this 'DDP' of yours and I'd say that a team entitled The Living End would be my idea of a likely winner. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I'm afraid it's just not really old Armitage's area of expertise. Cheerio all, AP Shanks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest_Armitage Shanks_* Posted March 12, 2008 Well well, no losers tipped today. Admittedly the racing was cancelled because of the inclement weather, but one must take the crumbs wherever they fall. That means 10 (!) races tomorrow. Oh dear. We'll stick with the two original selections, I think. Now, where's that dashed brandy bottle... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest_Armitage Shanks_* Posted March 14, 2008 It's been a somewhat financially-challenging week, so if Kauto Star doesn't see off Denman in the Gold Cup then yours truly may well be heading for the Clifton Suspension Bridge later today. "Come on Denman!", I hear you cry? Oh, now that's below the belt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted March 14, 2008 It's been a somewhat financially-challenging week, so if Kauto Star doesn't see off Denman in the Gold Cup then yours truly may well be heading for the Clifton Suspension Bridge later today. "Come on Denman!", I hear you cry? Oh, now that's below the belt. I hope the water wasn't too cold. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest AP Shanks Posted March 14, 2008 It's been a somewhat financially-challenging week, so if Kauto Star doesn't see off Denman in the Gold Cup then yours truly may well be heading for the Clifton Suspension Bridge later today. "Come on Denman!", I hear you cry? Oh, now that's below the belt. I hope the water wasn't too cold. My dear old fruit, your concern is most touching. Fortunately a beast with the unlikely name of Nenuphar Collonges nipped in at 16-1 in the 2.50 to save the Shanks bacon. We live to fight another day, what ho! It's been my pleasure and I'll be back to steer you towards the poorhouse anon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Hortense Shanks (Mrs) Posted April 4, 2008 Hello Deathlisters, I'm Armitage's long-suffering spouse and I'm here to let you know that the fat blighter's feeling a little under the weather, so you'll be spared his Grand National tip this year. I, however, shall be delighted to help using the tried and trusted pin-stickers method - it can't be worse than my lardarsed hubby's efforts, surely. The pin says: McKelvey and Mr Pointment. Good luck everyone, Hortense Shanks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Grendel 139 Posted April 5, 2008 (edited) Hello Deathlisters, I'm Armitage's long-suffering spouse and I'm here to let you know that the fat blighter's feeling a little under the weather, so you'll be spared his Grand National tip this year. I, however, shall be delighted to help using the tried and trusted pin-stickers method - it can't be worse than my lardarsed hubby's efforts, surely. The pin says: McKelvey and Mr Pointment. Good luck everyone, Hortense Shanks. A bum steer Mrs. S., I took your advice and went for Mr. Pointment who kept me on the edge of my seat for most of the race, only to lose , I managed to win a consolation £6 on Snowy Morning though, just as well I only enter the bookies once a year. Edit: I see your other choice, McKelvey, had to be put down after a fall . Edited April 5, 2008 by Lady Grendel Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted April 5, 2008 I trust you all went for Comply Or Die as a suitably named horse for the National.......coz I certainly did! GET IN!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rotten Ali 600 Posted April 5, 2008 <--- in the money on my office sweep stake with King Johns Castle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest Posted April 5, 2008 Edit: I see your other choice, McKelvey, had to be put down after a fall . Unseated rider, carried on and ran into a barrier, sadly. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/other_spor...ing/7330079.stm Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted April 5, 2008 <--- in the money on my office sweep stake with King Johns Castle. My mum chose that one. Our family had a good day after some barren years... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DevonDeathTrip 2,338 Posted April 6, 2008 There was an alternative Grand National in Devon yesterday. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,789 Posted April 7, 2008 There was an alternative Grand National in Devon yesterday. I've been there, and seen those sheep race, and it's actually funnier than you would think. A jolly good day out for a family with youngish children if you're in the area. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Armitage P Shanks Posted May 3, 2008 Ho! What a glorious morning it is here down at Shanks's Acres, with my old Eton chum Boris in the London hotseat at last. I could tell you a few juicy tidbits about the unkempt and randy fellow, but who knows where lawyers lurk these days. More importantly, at Newmarket the first classic of the season, the 2000 Guineas, gets under way at 3.25 and I rather fancy Godolphin's Ibn Khaldun to get the better of the favourite New Approach at 4/1-ish odds. Happy punting, Cheerio, Armitage. (PS - Artemis old boy, can you point the good people towards a Kentucky Derby winner, there's a good chap. Hope the liver transplant operation went swimmingly and that the gout's not too bad) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest artemis flanks Posted May 3, 2008 Armitage: A sorryier conglomeration o' beasts i never did see. however my moneys on denis of cork. Hoping yer rash has cleared up, Artemis Flanks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BrunoBrimley 85 Posted May 3, 2008 In other news in The annual run for the roses or something like tjhat The Kentucky Derby took place today and Eight Belles, the only filly in the race was off to a good start. She came in second! That's the ggood news. Big Brown won by 5 lentghts-----which was also good but predicted news. Then the bad and the sad and the tragic. Eight Belles broke both front ankles/legs. Compound fractures and she was euthanized on the track. A sad day for horses everywhere and Larry Brown. May 3, 6:26 PM EDT Favorite Big Brown wins Kentucky Derby LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) -- Big Brown won the Kentucky Derby on Saturday, living up to his status as the pre-race favorite. Filly Eight Belles was second, but she broke down as the 20-horse field galloped out past the finish line. She was later euthanized on the track. Newspaper article on Eight Belles Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,669 Posted May 18, 2008 Big Brown wins the Preakness in a hack canter and is on course to be the first horse since Affirmed in 1978 to win the Triple Crown. Since then, ten have gone to the Belmont with a chance and all have failed. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites