Perfect Passing 277 Posted December 22, 2013 Dear all, Please accept without obligation...express or implied... these best wishes for an environmentally safe...socially responsible... low stress...non addictive...and gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday as practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice ...(but with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others...or for their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) and further for a fiscally successful...personally fulfilling... and medically uncomplicated onset of the generally accepted calendar year ...(including... but not limited to... the Christian calendar...but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures). The preceding wishes are extended without regard to the race...creed...colour...age...physical ability...religious faith...choice of computer platform...or s*xual preference of the wishee(s). Very best regards, Perfect Passing If offence is given in any of the above, by error or omission, you can go and f**k yourself!! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest droosy Posted December 22, 2013 I´m driving home for Christmas with Chris Rea and his pancreatic cancer in remission Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted December 22, 2013 I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit!! Still I suppose its my fault for marrying her. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted December 22, 2013 "Only 37 more sleeps to Christmas" said the excited narcoleptic. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted December 24, 2013 Reet, I'm away for two days of adoring the cats and chillin' with the family. Be back in circulation to enter the relevant dead pools (teams are sorted assuming Billy Graham makes it past Christmas Day). Go well! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted December 24, 2013 Reet, I'm away for two days of adoring the cats and chillin' with the family. Be back in circulation to enter the relevant dead pools (teams are sorted assuming Billy Graham makes it past Christmas Day). Go well! Seeya the other side mate, have a good Xmas. Hope if/when the relatives come over it isn't too reminiscent of the Father Ted episodes "Hell" (the caravanny bit anyway) or "Entertaining Father Stone". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Droosy Posted December 24, 2013 I spent Christmas being online on Deathlist, crossing fingers for Billy Graham´s or Jaruzelski´s demises. I cannot imagine a better X-mas Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted December 24, 2013 I spent Christmas being online on Deathlist, crossing fingers for Billy Graham´s or Jaruzelski´s demises. I cannot imagine a better X-mas And you used Boxing Day to invent a time machine? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Droosy Posted December 24, 2013 I spent Christmas being online on Deathlist, crossing fingers for Billy Graham´s or Jaruzelski´s demises. I cannot imagine a better X-mas And you used Boxing Day to invent a time machine? In my country we celebrate X-mas on the eve of 24th December with eating christmas dishes and giving and getting presents!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted December 24, 2013 Could be an Aussie doc, anyhoo... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 926 Posted December 24, 2013 Well, my birthday on the 20th was marked by one of my oldest friends dying. It's gone downhill from there. Hope y'all have a better time of it than I am having. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Unknown Man 584 Posted December 25, 2013 Just here to wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Body Snatcher 44 107 Posted December 25, 2013 Merry Christmas Deathlisters, hope everyone has a memorable one. For what it's worth, I will be spending it not with my family, but with my ragtag bunch of misfit mates, who (for one reason or another) aren't spending it with their families either. As far as the deathlist is concerned here is a gift for your enjoyment, from Australia. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rotten Ali 600 Posted December 25, 2013 Merry Christmas one and all... Don't eat too much turkey, really, it could kill you. http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2013/08/02/09/56/man-dies-in-chair-at-dinner-table Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted December 25, 2013 Hippy crumble deathlisters. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
msc 18,477 Posted December 25, 2013 Aye, and a Merry Christmas to all of you at home too, as William Hartnell once said. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
the_engineer 1,415 Posted December 25, 2013 merry christmas everyone hope you're all having a wonderful day . I just finished my roast dinner and can't hardly move. I have lamb because it's my favourite and i don't like turkey , blasphemy I know!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Perfect Passing 277 Posted December 25, 2013 Merry Christmas fellow Deathlisters, I hope your all having a good one where ever you all are! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Death Impends 7,977 Posted December 25, 2013 Hope everyone's been having a great Christmas! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted December 26, 2013 Thank goodness it's all over we can now all concentrate on dead pooling. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Grendel 139 Posted December 28, 2013 Had a very quiet and nice Christmas in my house, bit strange as it is the first year without my dad being here but we hung a santa hat on his chair and raised a glass to him. Weirdest present was an anoymous present I received through the post a couple of weeks ago, addressed to me using my proper name, not the one I go by online, and marked 'Not to be opened till Christmas', so I duly obliged and opened it on Christmas Day. When the parcel arrived in mid December my dog was going daft, it crinkled, so I thought it was a surprise present for him, I have doggy friends that have sent him treats and toys in the past so I thought no more of it. On Christmas Day I brought out the mysterious parcel and opened it in front of my mum and brother, lets just say nobody knew Lady Grendel could turn that shade of red, embarrassment went off the scale as I unwrapped a dildo 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Perfect Passing 277 Posted December 30, 2013 Christmas Elf & Safety Procedures The Rocking Song Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; We will lend a coat of fur, We will rock you, rock you, rock you, We will rock you, rock you, rock you: Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative. Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences. Jingle Bells Dashing through the snow In a one horse open sleigh O'er the fields we go Laughing all the way A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. While Shepherds Watched While shepherds watched Their flocks by night All seated on the ground The angel of the Lord came down And glory shone around The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory. Little Donkey Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights. We Three Kings We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar Field and fountain, moor and mountain Following yonder star Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher. We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw him, you would even say it glows. You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place. It's official, the world has finally gone mad! ;-) 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,586 Posted December 9, 2014 Whilst putting up the Christmas tree this weekend my daugher put a NOW Christmas album on her iPod. I distracted myself by thinking up a Christmas songs DDP team Vera Lynn Stevie Wonder Roy Wood Mike Batt Noddy Holder Gary Glitter Chris de Burgh Chris Rea Cliff Richard Shane McGowen David Bowie Kylie Minogue Bob Geldof Johnny Mathis Doris Day Tony Bennett Brenda Lee Elton John Bruce Springsteen Paul McCartney There doesn't that make walking round the shops at this time of year more bearable 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,141 Posted December 9, 2014 Whilst putting up the Christmas tree this weekend my daugher put a NOW Christmas album on her iPod. I distracted myself by thinking up a Christmas songs DDP team Vera Lynn Stevie Wonder Roy Wood Mike Batt Noddy Holder Gary Glitter Chris de Burgh Chris Rea Cliff Richard Shane McGowen David Bowie Kylie Minogue Bob Geldof Johnny Mathis Doris Day Tony Bennett Brenda Lee Elton John Bruce Springsteen Paul McCartney There doesn't that make walking round the shops at this time of year more bearable Why do you never hear any recentish Christmas songs in the shops? It always feels like I've been whisked back to the 1970s like the dude in 'Life On Mars'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted December 9, 2014 Most recent(ish) Christmas songs are shite Toastie. Apart from this year, Ive always enjoyed being transported back to the 70s with Slade, Wizzard, power cuts and Austin Allegros. We wernt as demanding then, were we. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
