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Lord Fellatio Nelson

DL Status Updates: Statements, Obsevations & Verbal Tennis

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21 minutes ago, ladyfiona said:

 

-In comes my dad with a Lakeland spider catcher to hoover it up-

I rather like coexisting with nature, especially eight-legged critters as they rid the environment of horrible insects. I've two decades of experience studying spiders (autistic fascinations have no limits) and I will happily leave them be.

 

A few summers back we had an absolutely titanic spider living under our steps in the back (he was abnormally huge even by large domestic spider standards - this was Incy Wincy's tough older brother), and he genuinely felt like another pet. 

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I am so glad I grew up watching Monty Python. I was listening to NPR this morning on the way to work, and they said they would be speaking to Professor Theodore Schwartz of Stanford University. The first thing that came to my mind was, “May I call you Teddy Baby?“ 

SC

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I've just witnessed a new way of dealing with annoying fuckwits who play extremely loud music through speakers on public transport. They were politely asked to stop by a few passengers, including one man who made a very valiant attempt to peacefully reason with these braindead specimens to no avail. After many stops, with us feeling resigned to our suffering, up stepped the man of the hour who yanked the stereo out of their hands and hurled it off the tram as he departed. It was an impressively good throw as well, he could be a serious contender for the hammer throw title at the next Olympics if he stays in shape.

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Nothing fills me with dread more than people asking what I want for my upcoming birthday. I can never decide how much of their money I'm willing to spend. 

 

The restaurant that I have been going to every birthday for a couple of decades has become unsupportable because they have introduced robots to bring the food out, which on principle I can't agree with because it does people out of work. I am quite disappointed by this, I'm a creature of habit and don't like being forced to deviate from what is an ingrained custom.

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2 hours ago, Master Obit said:

Nothing fills me with dread more than people asking what I want for my upcoming birthday. I can never decide how much of their money I'm willing to spend.

 

I wish people would ask more often.  Surprises are overrated.  And near misses are frustrating, when you get something you want but the wrong sort.

As for spending their money, I'm tired of couples who think it's OK to give me one present between them, when I've bought them each a decent present on their birthdays.

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I have no use for presents at all, far rather just visit people and go out and do whatever floats our collective boats, meals, a day trip, pissed in a series of pubs, whatever. Those memories are worth more to me these days than 'things'.

As toast points out surprises are overrated and just sit in a cupboard at best.

 

Maybe it's my age and to some degree 'privilege' I suppose (though I'm an awfully long way from rich), but honestly there's nothing I want or desire for present money amounts that I didn't already buy and the same is true for everyone I know. Further, in this day and age it's hardly green to just pile up more stuff.

 

xmas is even worse, it's for kids and retailers. Bah humbug.

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34 minutes ago, Toast said:

 

I wish people would ask more often.  Surprises are overrated.  And near misses are frustrating, when you get something you want but the wrong sort.

As for spending their money, I'm tired of couples who think it's OK to give me one present between them, when I've bought them each a decent present on their birthdays.

The issue I have is that the material things I would really value most nowadays are either extremely hard to get or too expensive for it to be reasonable for me to expect someone to buy them for me. The thing I care about most is time now, and all my friends know that I much prefer them to put some time in to writing me a nice message in a card and making time to see me as opposed to feeling it necessary to get me something at this specific time. Their time is my present. The best physical presents are when people get you something at a random time in the year because they saw it and thought of you in the moment. For family that insist on getting me something, I struggle more and more each year in suggesting things.

 

Christmas is even worse. I don't like that society imposes a belief that it's required to tokenistically shove a present at someone when you never bother making time to see them ordinarily.

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16 minutes ago, En Passant said:

I have no use for presents at all, far rather just visit people and go out and do whatever floats our collective boats, meals, a day trip, pissed in a series of pubs, whatever. Those memories are worth more to me these days than 'things'.

As toast points out surprises are overrated and just sit in a cupboard at best.

 

Maybe it's my age and to some degree 'privilege' I suppose (though I'm an awfully long way from rich), but honestly there's nothing I want or desire for present money amounts that I didn't already buy and the same is true for everyone I know. Further, in this day and age it's hardly green to just pile up more stuff.

 

xmas is even worse, it's for kids and retailers. Bah humbug.

 

I've been on holiday 7 times in the last year (mostly solo because i don't like other people all that much). In that time I've bought 2 t-shirts and a pair of jeans. I've also taken about 1/3rd of my possessions to the dump and another third to charity.

 

I like presents which are edible. People can spend as much as they like. A fiver on a box of Celebrations is grand. Sometimes I get a voucher for a restaurant, which is a great opportunity to bring people together with the common benefit of cheap scran.

 

I come from a long line of hoarders and I've seen what my parents have done with 30 years of fancy useless trinkets. It feels great when a present doesn't go up the loft but rather into my belly.

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30 minutes ago, Master Obit said:

The issue I have is that the material things I would really value most nowadays are either extremely hard to get or too expensive for it to be reasonable for me to expect someone to buy them for me. The thing I care about most is time now, and all my friends know that I much prefer them to put some time in to writing me a nice message in a card and making time to see me as opposed to feeling it necessary to get me something at this specific time. Their time is my present. The best physical presents are when people get you something at a random time in the year because they saw it and thought of you in the moment. For family that insist on getting me something, I struggle more and more each year in suggesting things.

 

Christmas is even worse. I don't like that society imposes a belief that it's required to tokenistically shove a present at someone when you never bother making time to see them ordinarily.

awwwwwww 

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43 minutes ago, Master Obit said:

 The best physical presents are when people get you something at a random time in the year because they saw it and thought of you in the moment.

 

I do that, but usually keep it for birthday or Christmas.

Christmas is a good time to set a price limit on presents, eg £3.  It's more doable than people think, while still getting something the recipient will like. I don't rule out charity shop buys.

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Just now, Toast said:

 

I do that, but usually keep it for birthday or Christmas.

Christmas is a good time to set a price limit on presents, eg £3.  It's more doable than people think, while still getting something the recipient will like. I don't rule out charity shop buys.

The issue is that I have normally bought everything I'd like from the charity shops before anyone else could find them. I am a serial charity shop frequenter.

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I actively dislike birthdays, and people asking me what I want are met with "for you to save your money". If I want something, I buy it for myself. Cards are an unnecesary use of money and materials. Attention is only appreciated if I've achieved something; let's just assume that surviving another year isn't a notable achievement until I'm 90, so birthdays don't count. Don't mark the occasion, I don't want it. After several years of hammering this point home to people in my life, they've only just started listening.

 

That might paint me as a miserable cunt but I fucking love Christmas. It's an excuse, whether you attach any meaning to it or not, to round off the year on a positive note, whether it be acts of kindness, celebration, relaxation, gluttony or whatever. Gift-wise, literally anything that raises a smile is a nice token. Or something liquid and lethal. Functional things though, I've got covered, so don't.

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TBH for a decade now my birthdays have been "excuse to eat pizza" more than anything.

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Haven't actively celebrated my birthday in over a decade. Nobody in the family bar dad, wean, wife really remembers it and I mostly lack the ego to remind folk. Presents are basically ebooks that are paid for by me (on behalf of the wean) so I never need to worry about people asking me what I'd want.

 

On the contrary I love Christmas which was the time for getting together as family. Due to COVID, and COVID, and people's health problems, and family dying, and COVID again, and last Christmas me catching stupid norovirus I couldn't shift, we've not had a family Christmas since 2019 and this year looks unlikely. That's life for you.

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Yeah, that question "what do you want..." has been redundant round these parts ever since I started earning a wage - if I want something, I buy it. Consequently I'm not big on presents (Christmas, birthdays or any other occasion) except if its either little kids (no longer applicable) or an adult 'milestone'.

 

For my birthdays, its sufficient that people just wish me happy birthday, maybe buy me a pint.

 

Having said that, when someone does buy me a present or do something nice completely unexpectedly, I love that they have, but feel that somehow I need to reciprocate.

 

 

 

P.S. 11 days till my birthday. No obligation.:D

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To turn it round, I love giving people presents. It gives me great pleasure to find something that they would like.

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3 hours ago, TQR said:

I actively dislike birthdays, and people asking me what I want are met with "for you to save your money". If I want something, I buy it for myself. Cards are an unnecessary use of money and materials. Attention is only appreciated if I've achieved something; let's just assume that surviving another year isn't a notable achievement until I'm 90, so birthdays don't count. Don't mark the occasion, I don't want it. After several years of hammering this point home to people in my life, they've only just started listening.

I actually love birthday cards, I keep them in a box and occasionally reread them when I'm feeling a bit down. I've got no chance of getting to 90 with my family's cardiac history so I'm enjoying the love while I can. I think I'll start recognising half-birthdays if I reach 70, and maybe quarter-birthdays if I reach 80 because it will be such a phenomenal achievement seeing as how no direct male ancestors of mine have reached that age.

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1 hour ago, Master Obit said:

I actually love birthday cards, I keep them in a box and occasionally reread them when I'm feeling a bit down. I've got no chance of getting to 90 with my family's cardiac history so I'm enjoying the love while I can. I think I'll start recognising half-birthdays if I reach 70, and maybe quarter-birthdays if I reach 80 because it will be such a phenomenal achievement seeing as how no direct male ancestors of mine have reached that age.

 

Just keep as healthy as you can be and maybe once a year get a health check up. It's my dad getting a health check up that his prostate cancer was diagnosed very early and didn't need chemo.

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24 minutes ago, ladyfiona said:

 

Just keep as healthy as you can be and maybe once a year get a health check up. It's my dad getting a health check up that his prostate cancer was diagnosed very early and didn't need chemo.

I think I'll stick to just being stubborn, it seems to have worked so far. I'm also a good few decades off my sixties so probably have some time to go before I need to worry about serious health ailments (he says, having been in A&E last year for heart trouble). I'm a great believer in stubbornness as a solution to problems.

 

Also, was it you who posted a while back about dating a Brexiteer? Did that work out? I feel we never got a conclusion to that debate.

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1 hour ago, Master Obit said:

Also, was it you who posted a while back about dating a Brexiteer? Did that work out? I feel we never got a conclusion to that debate.

 

Wasn't dating. More so a fling and I realised we were not compatible due to lots of reasons. Including being such a gamer that he takes his gaming set up away on holidays (hiking holiday), so he doesn't miss out on certain events.

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Guy in my profile picture has picked the time just after my birthday to need urgent, expensive dental treatment. Love the guy to bits so I'll happily shell out so he isn't in pain, I just hope that there are no complications. He's high up in age now (he was 17 earlier this year, so he's beaten about 80% of cats by getting there) so these things worry me more than they might have done in the past. 

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2 hours ago, Master Obit said:

Guy in my profile picture has picked the time just after my birthday to need urgent, expensive dental treatment. Love the guy to bits so I'll happily shell out so he isn't in pain, I just hope that there are no complications. He's high up in age now (he was 17 earlier this year, so he's beaten about 80% of cats by getting there) so these things worry me more than they might have done in the past. 

 

Oh no, poor little guy, I hope everything goes well and he is with you for a few more years yet.

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I'm currently in Derby ahead of a Doctor Who convention tomorrow, it's an incredibly run down place in my opinion apart from a massive shopping centre that seems to have had the entire city's budget funnelled into it. Might see if I can find this famous 'dead pool' while I'm here.

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Just booked my car in at the garage. I always do words for letters over the phone when giving the registration, eg my last car was DHM (Don't Hurt Me).

Current car has a slightly saucy phrase which gave the chap some amusement.

Unfortunately I ended the call by inadvertently saying "See you next Tuesday" :facepalm:

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On 01/08/2022 at 16:51, Clorox Bleachman said:

4 weeks ago, a woman walked into the cycle lane and knocked my dad off his bike. Major trauma to his hip/pelvic region. Got put back together with plates and screws. Lost 4 pints of blood. Was sent on his merry way as soon as he could walk on crutches. Came back in 3 days later in a cold sweat, deteriorated rapidly and went on ventilator and induced coma. He'd only went and got sepsis. Kidneys and liver shut down. Legs swelled right up and looked ready to fall off. Spent a fortnight in critical care. Underwent 4 more surgeries and had 10 more blood transfusions.

 

And that's where we are now. He's in a ward on IV antibiotics for the next 6 weeks. It's traumatic, but life goes on, and I've told the story 100 times.

 

We were about to spend some time unwinding in the South of France. Next thing I was thinking about his funeral. Cause I've seen how things go from reading the forum, and even the ICU nurses called him the "sickest man in the hospital". He survived, though, but it wasn't his fault that all of this happened. This woman stepped in front of him without looking, and yelled at him whilst he was lying on the road. Then she fled. Not sure if it was a compo scam gone wrong. We'll never know who she is. There are good people out there who have helped us though.

 

Clorox Sr. was discharged from hospital 2 years ago today :party:

 

It would be wrong to say he's made a miraculous recovery. He's now 2 inches taller on his right side and is in constant pain. He almost certainly has PTSD and tried to self-medicate (hopefully it was a phase).

 

Things got even worse after I made that post. I said goodbye to him, expecting never to see him again, about 5 times. You can't un-imagine that. I know I still have nightmares, and I wasn't the one who spent months being poked, prodded, cut open and drugged! It's frankly a miracle of modern medicine that he's not six feet under, even with his life expectancy shortened by 20 years.

 

He returned to full-time WFH 6 months after the accident. Right now he's sunbathing and partying with my maw in Ayia Napa. Oh, and he started cycling again a few weeks ago. He loves cycling. It's as happy of an ending as we're going to get, really.

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