Memento Mori 12 Posted September 19, 2010 The heading is a little ambiguous. Is it a poetry corner that's crap or a corner for crap poetry? It's important to know when considering one's possible contribution. Poetry that's crap or poetry with crap as a subject matter - makes no difference really, whatever floats your boat! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,596 Posted September 19, 2010 Been up and about since dawn's early light,then had to contend with a shedload of shite. Got soaked to skin, lost my wallet again, and didn't get home until well after ten. Wish I could say I'd been out getting pissed, but my social life has been crossed off the list. With so much to do and with so little time, this is the first shot I've had at a rhyme. So apologies to everyone for beginning this thread and then having to run. Put this ditty to the Football anthem "Your not singing anymore" "You are Yvonne, you are Yvonne, you are Yvonne in disguise" "You are Yvonne in disguise....." Appologies for any spelling mistakes, its the Bacardi wot did it guv. PS; Can we not just copy and paste all of Ted Hughes old chod on here? At school, we all thought his poetry was utter shite. Football anthem? Welshman will be spinning in his grave! If we're nominating established poetry rather than our original works (the heading is a little ambiguous ), William McGonagall gets my vote. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 125 Posted September 19, 2010 'twas the seventeenth of September in the year of two thousand ten, that Kayla announced her decision to delight many women and men, by instigating a thread for poems which were crap, thus filling the deathlisters' hearts with glee and making them clap. And Windsor racked his brains and wrote with all his might, finally producing a poem which was indeed truly shite. And filled the peoples hearts with delight, who promptly resolved their own crap poems to write. And the people began with all their might, faecal poems to write and ones which were shite, apart from Banshees Scream who thankfully remained nowhere to be seen. but none could equal Windsor's entreaty his shite to bite. ALL HAIL TO WINDSOR! Let the people say! For he is surely the shitest poet of the modern day. And champion of ministers and bishops that are gay, filling the Boys' Brigade officers' hearts with dismay. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madame Defarge 21 Posted September 19, 2010 .... I have no intention in engaging in childish behaviour or penning love sonnets to ailing celebs. Very well, but someone has to do it. Love Song to an Ailing Celeb Oh my darling Kim Jong il Do with me what e're you will, Whilst I caress thy turnip head, And trembling, lead thee to my bed. Wait a minute , don't you dare!! You know I'm still a virgin there! For all your brass, you're just a churl And I am not that kind of girl!! And look at this, of all the nerve! Thou loathsome wrinkled dried up perv, You've left a hickey on my thigh What will I tell the other guy? In fact, I really wish you'd die, Kim Jong Il. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted September 19, 2010 'twas the seventeenth of September in the year of two thousand ten,that Kayla announced her decision to delight many women and men, by instigating a thread for poems which were crap, thus filling the deathlisters' hearts with glee and making them clap. And Windsor racked his brains and wrote with all his might, finally producing a poem which was indeed truly shite. And filled the peoples hearts with delight, who promptly resolved their own crap poems to write. And the people began with all their might, faecal poems to write and ones which were shite, apart from Banshees Scream who thankfully remained nowhere to be seen. but none could equal Windsor's entreaty his shite to bite. ALL HAIL TO WINDSOR! Let the people say! For he is surely the shitest poet of the modern day. And champion of ministers and bishops that are gay, filling the Boys' Brigade officers' hearts with dismay. I may have to print this off and frame it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Madame Defarge 21 Posted September 19, 2010 'twas the seventeenth of September in the year of two thousand ten,that Kayla announced her decision to delight many women and men, by instigating a thread for poems which were crap, thus filling the deathlisters' hearts with glee and making them clap. And Windsor racked his brains and wrote with all his might, finally producing a poem which was indeed truly shite. And filled the peoples hearts with delight, who promptly resolved their own crap poems to write. And the people began with all their might, faecal poems to write and ones which were shite, apart from Banshees Scream who thankfully remained nowhere to be seen. but none could equal Windsor's entreaty his shite to bite. ALL HAIL TO WINDSOR! Let the people say! For he is surely the shitest poet of the modern day. And champion of ministers and bishops that are gay, filling the Boys' Brigade officers' hearts with dismay. I may have to print this off and frame it. I wrote one for you too. NAP's effort is obviously top shite in the Windsor category, but here it is : The sun rose blazing purple and the sky was minty green Windsor got a letter from her Majesty the Queen. Tripping over hedgehogs, He ran out in the rain The buses were all broken So he had to take the train. When he got to London A happy crowd was there Crying out his name And trying to touch his hair. As pigs flew in the clouds above And townsfolk cheered and cried, The palace doors did open And Windsor went inside. Hear the trumpets blaring! See the banners roll. For Windsor’s been inducted to The Order of the Troll. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted September 19, 2010 'twas the seventeenth of September in the year of two thousand ten,that Kayla announced her decision to delight many women and men, by instigating a thread for poems which were crap, thus filling the deathlisters' hearts with glee and making them clap. And Windsor racked his brains and wrote with all his might, finally producing a poem which was indeed truly shite. And filled the peoples hearts with delight, who promptly resolved their own crap poems to write. And the people began with all their might, faecal poems to write and ones which were shite, apart from Banshees Scream who thankfully remained nowhere to be seen. but none could equal Windsor's entreaty his shite to bite. ALL HAIL TO WINDSOR! Let the people say! For he is surely the shitest poet of the modern day. And champion of ministers and bishops that are gay, filling the Boys' Brigade officers' hearts with dismay. I may have to print this off and frame it. I wrote one for you too. NAP's effort is obviously top shite in the Windsor category, but here it is : The sun rose blazing purple and the sky was minty green Windsor got a letter from her Majesty the Queen. Tripping over hedgehogs, He ran out in the rain The buses were all broken So he had to take the train. When he got to London A happy crowd was there Crying out his name And trying to touch his hair. As pigs flew in the clouds above And townsfolk cheered and cried, The palace doors did open And Windsor went inside. Hear the trumpets blaring! See the banners roll. For Windsor’s been inducted to The Order of the Troll. Ah excellent. I'm not framing NAPs one anymore. I'm going to start collecting them to make a book of poems. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungWillz 21,034 Posted October 8, 2015 On the Eighth of October National Poetry Day Thirty nine were still standing Eleven passed away. The record was close Within touching distance And yet some would question The Committee's brilliance. Though it's true to say Including Bill Maynard Would seem to have been A bit of a wild card. And as for Mr Large First name is Eddie There is no sense of danger He's still going steady. The low hanging fruit It seems to be Far from falling away Is still stuck to the tree. Clive James is still living Val Harper's still fine And a rhyme for the Thai King? Well he's Rama IX. There just isn't a sign Joost Van Der Westhuizen Is going anywhere yet (Tho he may suffer some bruisin'). Billy Graham won't die "He'll live to one hundred!" Or so says his son "Here, the Reaper has blundered!" de Havilland, de Cuellar Prince Philip and Schmidt Despite their ages Are still grooving with it. Wouk is still writing Vera and Doris still singing Of Henry Kissinger Sounds like he is still Kissing. Crowe, Molinaro And still plenty more Are likely to die Before Zsa Zsa Gabor. Before we forget Let us all still remember There's plenty of days 'Til the end of December. So be of good cheer All you Listers and guests While there's still breath in your lungs And hearts beat in your chests. We shall beat the record Of that I am sure Just as death is a certainty There is simply no cure. Join with me comrades! Let us all pump our fists! For if they live this year They'll be on next year's lists! 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Creep 7,070 Posted October 8, 2015 On the Eighth of October National Poetry Day Thirty nine were still standing Eleven passed away. The record was close Within touching distance And yet some would question The Committee's brilliance. Though it's true to say Including Bill Maynard Would seem to have been A bit of a wild card. And as for Mr Large First name is Eddie There is no sense of danger He's still going steady. The low hanging fruit It seems to be Far from falling away Is still stuck to the tree. Clive James is still living Val Harper's still fine And a rhyme for the Thai King? Well he's Rama IX. There just isn't a sign Joost Van Der Westhuizen Is going anywhere yet (Tho he may suffer some bruisin'). Billy Graham won't die "He'll live to one hundred!" Or so says his son "Here, the Reaper has blundered!" de Havilland, de Cuellar Prince Philip and Schmidt Despite their ages Are still grooving with it. Wouk is still writing Vera and Doris still singing Of Henry Kissinger Sounds like he is still Kissing. Crowe, Molinaro And still plenty more Are likely to die Before Zsa Zsa Gabor. Before we forget Let us all still remember There's plenty of days 'Til the end of December. So be of good cheer All you Listers and guests While there's still breath in your lungs And hearts beat in your chests. We shall beat the record Of that I am sure Just as death is a certainty There is simply no cure. Join with me comrades! Let us all pump our fists! For if they live this year They'll be on next year's lists! Lol it's sad you've been holding back to reboot this thread Well done Y-Dub SC 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted October 8, 2015 There's some really questionable rhyming pairs in that YW. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungWillz 21,034 Posted October 8, 2015 There's some really questionable rhyming pairs in that YW. I know, that's why it's in this thread, the scans are all over the place too. Knocked it up in 10 minutes tbh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Creep 7,070 Posted October 8, 2015 There's some really questionable rhyming pairs in that YW. I know, that's why it's in this thread, the scans are all over the place too. Knocked it up in 10 minutes tbh. There's some really questionable rhyming pairs in that YW. I know, that's why it's in this thread, the scans are all over the place too. Knocked it up in 10 minutes tbh. Don't let the critics dissuade you from your passion for couplets bursting from your heart. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted October 8, 2015 There's some really questionable rhyming pairs in that YW. I know, that's why it's in this thread, the scans are all over the place too. Knocked it up in 10 minutes tbh. your poetry was so beautiful it made me cry 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,645 Posted October 8, 2015 When you far On a plastic chair The vibrations go... Fuckin' everywhere! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted October 9, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted October 9, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead beautiful Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted October 9, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead beautiful L F N When when when Will you write A post that's not shite? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,132 Posted October 9, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead LFN's elegant verse brought to mind another poetic genius 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted October 9, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead LFN's elegant verse brought to mind another poetic genius Ah yeah!! Classic!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted October 9, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead beautiful L F N When when when Will you write A post that's not shite? Oh Lardy Arse so large When you bend over You block the moon and the stars 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deadsox 894 Posted October 10, 2015 Roses are red violets are blue the prose here all sucks and the poetry too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted October 10, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead beautiful L F N When when when Will you write A post that's not shite? Oh Lardy Arse so large When you bend over You block the moon and the stars My bum's so big And my tits are too And I've even got a bigger Cock than you 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
themaninblack 2,112 Posted October 10, 2015 Those two soooo want to get it on it's unreal... 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted October 10, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead beautiful L F NWhen when when Will you write A post that's not shite? Oh LardyArse so large When you bend over You block the moon and the stars My bum's so bigAnd my tits are too And I've even got a bigger Cock than you isn't really hard to tell your a coupleLFN+lb= sex and a baby oh wait there's something I'm forgetting oh yeah they are a couple Why don't you just admit you are in love And this is fake love this is true love Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted October 10, 2015 Ode to the NRA Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang You are all dead beautifulL F NWhen when when Will you write A post that's not shite? Oh LardyArse so large When you bend over You block the moon and the stars My bum's so bigAnd my tits are too And I've even got a bigger Cock than you isn't really hard to tell your a coupleLFN+lb= sex and a baby oh wait there's something I'm forgetting oh yeah they are a couple Why don't you just admit you are in love And this is fake love this is true love Oh no you have found out Who it is I dream about Alas my wildest fantasy lingers Because there's no way I'd get it on with a man with webbed fingers And anyhow you are wrong About who it is I long On my feelings I can no longer keep a lid I want to bone you, Morbidkid 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
