Onan the Barbarian

[maryportfuncity 10,655]

Maybe someone with more medical knowledge than the rest of us can indicate whether a guy of 100 years old can still arise. 

 

Speaking of which - my first gross out post of the day - I once overheard a conversation from two young women one of whom was discussing the work done by her mum (a carer). The carer and her workmate had visited a 92 year old man who, when they arrived, was clearly involved in pleasuring himself. The carers main concern being that they only got around 15 mins for that visit and their dilemma being how long they'd have to wait for a result and whether they had time to properly wash him afterwards. Dunno how the whole thing ended because the park and ride bus reached my stop before the lassie got to the end of the story. 

[gcreptile 10,979]

2 hours ago, maryportfuncity said:

Maybe someone with more medical knowledge than the rest of us can indicate whether a guy of 100 years old can still arise. 

 

Speaking of which - my first gross out post of the day - I once overheard a conversation from two young women one of whom was discussing the work done by her mum (a carer). The carer and her workmate had visited a 92 year old man who, when they arrived, was clearly involved in pleasuring himself. The carers main concern being that they only got around 15 mins for that visit and their dilemma being how long they'd have to wait for a result and whether they had time to properly wash him afterwards. Dunno how the whole thing ended because the park and ride bus reached my stop before the lassie got to the end of the story. 

Thanks for sharing!

So at least 92 year old men can still arise.

[paddyfool 379]

1 hour ago, maryportfuncity said:

Maybe someone with more medical knowledge than the rest of us can indicate whether a guy of 100 years old can still arise. 

 

 

Depends entirely on the state of his heart and blood vessels. He might well require help, though (eg medications this message board marks as spam).

[Paul Bearer 6,102]

10 hours ago, maryportfuncity said:

Maybe someone with more medical knowledge than the rest of us can indicate whether a guy of 100 years old can still arise. 

 

Speaking of which - my first gross out post of the day - I once overheard a conversation from two young women one of whom was discussing the work done by her mum (a carer). The carer and her workmate had visited a 92 year old man who, when they arrived, was clearly involved in pleasuring himself. The carers main concern being that they only got around 15 mins for that visit and their dilemma being how long they'd have to wait for a result and whether they had time to properly wash him afterwards. Dunno how the whole thing ended because the park and ride bus reached my stop before the lassie got to the end of the story. 

Hopefully she's a "member" and she can enlighten us. 

[Toast 16,150]

11 hours ago, maryportfuncity said:

Maybe someone with more medical knowledge than the rest of us can indicate whether a guy of 100 years old can still arise. 

 

Speaking of which - my first gross out post of the day - I once overheard a conversation from two young women one of whom was discussing the work done by her mum (a carer). The carer and her workmate had visited a 92 year old man who, when they arrived, was clearly involved in pleasuring himself. The carers main concern being that they only got around 15 mins for that visit and their dilemma being how long they'd have to wait for a result and whether they had time to properly wash him afterwards. Dunno how the whole thing ended because the park and ride bus reached my stop before the lassie got to the end of the story. 

 

That reminds me of this.

 

[gcreptile 10,979]

35 minutes ago, ladyfiona said:

 

If it wasn't for the circumstances this sounds like something from few hundred years ago where kings and queens were in the closet and to keep their partner in favour they promoted them to a high ranking status.

The Queen has an affair with the Captain? I can believe it!

[Bentrovato 1,089]

5 minutes ago, gcreptile said:

The Queen has an affair with the Captain? I can believe it!

As long as they do not film themselves getting down and dirty and then a disgruntled member of staff releases it onto Pornhub. 

[TQR 14,402]

10 minutes ago, Bentrovato said:

As long as they do not film themselves getting down and dirty and then a disgruntled member of staff releases it onto Pornhub. 

That’s a challenging wank.

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

1 hour ago, The Quim Reaper said:

That’s a challenging wank.

Is there any such thing as a challenging wank?  Surely ‘empty house, what shall I do?’ is enough, and bingo, spaff time. 
 

Oh.  Just me then. 

[TQR 14,402]

10 minutes ago, Lard Bazaar said:

Is there any such thing as a challenging wank?  Surely ‘empty house, what shall I do?’ is enough, and bingo, spaff time. 
 

Oh.  Just me then. 

 

I live alone, my bollocks are like the very last knockings of a toothpaste tube.

[Miracle Aligner 249]

30 minutes ago, The Quim Reaper said:

  

 I live alone, my bollocks are like the very last knockings of a toothpaste tube.

 

Get the internet up....

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I'm sure Tom and his folks/supporters would be chuffed to see where his thread has headed.

 

Do we actually have a specific wanking thread btw? If not, we should have in these, er, difficult times.

 

Maybe Tom said he'd he'd wank round his garden 100 times and people just misheard?

[Miracle Aligner 249]

1 hour ago, harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy said:

I'm sure Tom and his folks/supporters would be chuffed to see where his thread has headed.

 

Do we actually have a specific wanking thread btw? If not, we should have in these, er, difficult times.

 

Maybe Tom said he'd he'd wank round his garden 100 times and people just misheard?

 

He's a 100 year old, reasonably fit and active bloke in self-isolation. I guarantee you we all know the first thing he did when he got introduced to the internet....

 

Given the whole fundraising campaign was a massive self-indulgent publicity wankfest for his family the way this threads went seems more than appropriate.

[maryportfuncity 10,655]

2 hours ago, harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy said:

I'm sure Tom and his folks/supporters would be chuffed to see where his thread has headed.

 

Do we actually have a specific wanking thread btw? If not, we should have in these, er, difficult times.

 

Maybe Tom said he'd he'd wank round his garden 100 times and people just misheard?

 

Oh aye, and - that thread - we don't, as far as I'm aware

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

Just now, maryportfuncity said:

 

 

D'ya know what - the western world is losing global influence during this pandemic and the post above just sparked a thought

 

If wanking were an international competitive event - we could line up every country on the planet and give a prize for the oldest competitor in each who could "generate fluid" 

 

Reality TV gold, basically. 

 

That's a reward for good health care, half-decent diets and the like, and the countries that saw themselves bossing the planet after WW2 and before Covid-19 threatened their sense of self-worth might do well. 

 

Like I said earlier on today somewhere hereabouts - beats me why I was sacked from every job in development production I ever had!

 

Good evening, I'm Roger Mellie and welcome to It's a Cockout!

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

How about TV word quiz show Cuntdown?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

(Edit: this was originally the thread-opening post, since when it has been preceded by squatters from elsewhere)

 

Has lockdown affected your filthy habits? Anyone died/injured from their exertions?

 

This thread could well be a pile of toss - i'm sorry. But with so many wankers on the forum, it could have legs.

 

Hey admins, has the thread subtitle function gone now?

 

 

Edited May 23, 2020 by harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy
It's a long story

[Paul Bearer 6,102]

8 hours ago, Lard Bazaar said:

How about TV word quiz show Cuntdown?

Cum dancing?

[Youth in Asia 1,087]

Wanking with Chris Eubank

[Grim Up North 3,727]

Best Wanks with a View with Julia Bradbury

 

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

Hey hey, there's now a proper thread for all your wank fantasies and punnery.

 

Cum visit Onan. No, not Oman or even Oban.

[TQR 14,402]

Just to be clear, this is a thread about masturbatory matters? Excellent.

 

In any case, it’s good to see a Mitchell & Webb skit 

[time 8,618]

We can't have a wanking thread without Ivor...

 

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

20 minutes ago, time said:

We can't have a wanking thread without Ivor...

 

 

Plenty of odes to the art too, from the men - Buzzcocks (naturally) and the ladies - Divinyls.

 

https://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/10-songs-about-wanking-2337042

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

Moving on to art, Dali was always at it.