Docter Docter!

[Handrejka 1,911]

Had a nasty accident on a barbed wire fence about 4 years ago. Needed a tetanus jab.

 

How did this happen? Were you running in the darkness while you were drunk?

 

 

 

I was hiking with some German friends ( a quick walk they said. turned out to be a four hour hike). We hiked over what used to be the East/West border and I got electucuted on some barbed wire

[Banshees Scream 110]

Had a nasty accident on a barbed wire fence about 4 years ago. Needed a tetanus jab.

 

How did this happen? Were you running in the darkness while you were drunk?

 

 

 

I was hiking with some German friends ( a quick walk they said. turned out to be a four hour hike). We hiked over what used to be the East/West border and I got electucuted on some barbed wire

 

Sounds like something you would hear in a 5 star movie.

 

I'm amazed.

[Dr Hackenslash 25]

Me and a couple of mates were putting on a fake wrestling sketch a good few years back that went wrong.

 

The seat of the chair had been rigged to pop out - as long as it was brought down over my head with enough force.

 

Sadly, the chap wielding the chair held in the wrong way round.

 

I had to spend the next half-hour or so listening to people tell me how they were impressed that they couldn't see me adding the fake blood.

 

Of course, when I did it again everyone was expecting to see the old claret, but it wasn't forthcoming, so I had to use a blade just under the hairline. The problem with that is cutting enough to get a decent amount of blood without overdoing it so a chairshot splits your head wide open.

 

I've calmed down since...

[Godot 149]

Me and a couple of mates were putting on a fake wrestling sketch a good few years back that went wrong.

 

The seat of the chair had been rigged to pop out - as long as it was brought down over my head with enough force.

 

Sadly, the chap wielding the chair held in the wrong way round.

 

I had to spend the next half-hour or so listening to people tell me how they were impressed that they couldn't see me adding the fake blood.

 

Of course, when I did it again everyone was expecting to see the old claret, but it wasn't forthcoming, so I had to use a blade just under the hairline. The problem with that is cutting enough to get a decent amount of blood without overdoing it so a chairshot splits your head wide open.

 

I've calmed down since...

For self-inflicted pain among friends (non-sexual) can I recommend breaking wallnuts with the forehead. You put a wallnut on a table then break it with your nut. It works really well when the nut breaks (sometimes a little bit of blood from shell splinters) but, if the nut doesn't break, prepare for a wallnut-sized lump. There are some (not me) who can break hazel nuts in this way. But I have yet to hear of someone managing a Brazil. This works best among a group of blokes who have drunk too much, have got fed up with arm wrestling and yet still yearn for something a bit macho for the purposes of showing off. The trick is to go for it as if the nut wasn't there, as if you are really nutting the table. It's hugely satisfying when it works and you get to eat the nut.

[Slave to the Grave 26]

For self-inflicted pain among friends (non-sexual) can I recommend breaking wallnuts with the forehead. You put a wallnut on a table then break it with your nut. It works really well when the nut breaks (sometimes a little bit of blood from shell splinters) but, if the nut doesn't break, prepare for a wallnut-sized lump. There are some (not me) who can break hazel nuts in this way. But I have yet to hear of someone managing a Brazil. This works best among a group of blokes who have drunk too much, have got fed up with arm wrestling and yet still yearn for something a bit macho for the purposes of showing off. The trick is to go for it as if the nut wasn't there, as if you are really nutting the table. It's hugely satisfying when it works and you get to eat the nut.

For my favourite pub 'pain game', all you need is a beer mat.

 

Bring the ends of the thumb and index finger of your left hand together to form a circle, then balance the beer mat on this 'circle'. Now form a fist with the other hand, with the little finger extended. Next plunge the rigid little finger through the beer mat. Easy, if you don't think about it, (beer helps this process) and you know the technique.

[Banshees Scream 110]

Me and a couple of mates were putting on a fake wrestling sketch a good few years back that went wrong.

 

The seat of the chair had been rigged to pop out - as long as it was brought down over my head with enough force.

 

Sadly, the chap wielding the chair held in the wrong way round.

 

I had to spend the next half-hour or so listening to people tell me how they were impressed that they couldn't see me adding the fake blood.

 

Of course, when I did it again everyone was expecting to see the old claret, but it wasn't forthcoming, so I had to use a blade just under the hairline. The problem with that is cutting enough to get a decent amount of blood without overdoing it so a chairshot splits your head wide open.

 

I've calmed down since...

 

Wrestling - I turn on Monday Night Raw every now and then. I remember years back my cousin did similar stunts as you. His involved a ladder, chairs, tables, and so on.

[Six 23]

I've got a nasty, dry cough.

 

 

Seems that just as the baby is closing her eyes to fall asleep, the damn cough starts up. No sleeping babies in my house at the moment.

[Banshees Scream 110]

I've got a nasty, dry cough.

 

 

Seems that just as the baby is closing her eyes to fall asleep, the damn cough starts up. No sleeping babies in my house at the moment.

 

No music, TV, or eating either. The crisp of a potato chip or the crunch of a cookie could clearly wake the baby up.

[Boudicca 702]

My frozen shoulder / painful arc is not responding to anti-inflammatory pills and I'm pretty much in pain all day and night. As I've said, the pain isn't THAT bad, but the fact that there is no let up is starting to annoy me.

 

Perhaps it's time for a cortisone injection.

 

Given that Lady G, of all people, warned me that it's very painful, I can safely say that I'm a bit apprehensive about it

 

Had the injection yesterday, and it's every bit as bad as I was led to believe. Is it too early to get stuck into the vodka, d'you think?

 

Got talking to, (well I was lipreading), a lady with throat cancer who had her voicebox removed. She was telling me off about smoking. It did give me a fright, though. I was so stressed, I had to go outside for one immediately

[Lady Die 63]

Had the injection yesterday, and it's every bit as bad as I was led to believe. Is it too early to get stuck into the vodka, d'you think?

It's never too early for a vodka. I think you deserve a double.

[Godot 149]

My frozen shoulder / painful arc is not responding to anti-inflammatory pills and I'm pretty much in pain all day and night. As I've said, the pain isn't THAT bad, but the fact that there is no let up is starting to annoy me.

 

Perhaps it's time for a cortisone injection.

 

Given that Lady G, of all people, warned me that it's very painful, I can safely say that I'm a bit apprehensive about it

 

Had the injection yesterday, and it's every bit as bad as I was led to believe. Is it too early to get stuck into the vodka, d'you think?

 

Got talking to, (well I was lipreading), a lady with throat cancer who had her voicebox removed. She was telling me off about smoking. It did give me a fright, though. I was so stressed, I had to go outside for one immediately

 

Top tip: Try nutting a wallnut Bou. It would help to mask the pain in your shoulder.

[maryportfuncity 10,718]

Busting for a piss but struggling through whilst I add a crucial column of figures. This is a recipie for disaster. I'll let you know in a second if the figures or my underwear come to grief.

[maryportfuncity 10,718]

Result all round, close mind.

[DevonDeathTrip 2,366]

During the England B international last night, the Norwich goalkeeper, Robert Green, sustained a RUPTURED

GROIN whilst taking a goal kick. That must have hurt like hell.

[Lady Die 63]

During the England B international last night, the Norwich goalkeeper, Robert Green, sustained a RUPTURED

GROIN whilst taking a goal kick. That must have hurt like hell.

Even after seeing the action replay I couldn't work out how it happened. He just seemed to land a bit awkwardly on his left heel.

[Captain Oates 21]

I'm covered in bites!

 

This week I have been living with a colony of bedbugs. We moved into a rented flat last weekend and have been bitten and bloodsucked and rendered itchy all over. So this weekend we move to another flat, which has been sprayed in advance by the anti-bug company.

 

If there is a deathlist for bedbugs, I know the address (but not names) of several hundreds -and their families- that I can commend to its attention.

 

 

 

I could do you some booklice as well, if required.

[Guest Guest_Madame Defarge_*]

I'm covered in bites!

 

This week I have been living with a colony of bedbugs. We moved into a rented flat last weekend and have been bitten and bloodsucked and rendered itchy all over. So this weekend we move to another flat, which has been sprayed in advance by the anti-bug company.

 

If there is a deathlist for bedbugs, I know the address (but not names) of several hundreds -and their families- that I can commend to its attention.

 

 

 

I could do you some booklice as well, if required.

 

No thanks. I don't think bed bugs would have their own deathlist,though; they'd be included in a general sort of deathlist for the animal kingdom. The only critters to be banned from nomination would be animals

like sloths, opossums etc. because it's too hard to tell.

[Six 23]

I wonder how Bruno Brimley is doing? He posted all over the place yesterday about being 'tubed' today - 9am to be accurate! I wonder what it's all about? You may think I'm being nosey ( which I am ) but he forced my interest by discussing it everywhere.

So, BB, where, and how, are you?????

[maryportfuncity 10,718]

Aye Bruno, tell us......we care.

 

Incidentally, there's a guy a work been going on about his piles for a while now. Told me today that he ditched the ointment, went down the healthfood shop, bought some high fibre biscuits and it's sorted!

 

Just thought I'd share that, like.

[Magere Hein 1,400]

Incidentally, there's a guy a work been going on about his piles for a while now. Told me today that he ditched the ointment, went down the healthfood shop, bought some high fibre biscuits and it's sorted!

 

Just thought I'd share that, like.

Did he mention how he used those biscuits?

 

regards,

Hein

[Boudicca 702]

I've been tubed. They don't actually put the camera down your throat. It goes up and down your nose!

 

Presumably, this is a cunning way of foiling the gag reflex. I tried telling my doctor I don't have one, but he wasn't having any of it.

 

It isn't painful, but it isn't pleasant. Same goes for the barium meal I had three months after the "tubing".

 

Another, (CT? / CRT?) scan to follow in July.

 

A whole year and I'm still waiting to find out what's wrong with me. Bloody NHS!

 

Good luck, Bruno. Hope you have decent medical insurance.

[Canadian Paul 97]

On Saturday, I was hit over the head with a lead pipe. It hurt a hell of a lot less than I would have expected it to.

 

And believe me, I've been expecting something like that for quite some time now.

[Star Crossed 33]

On Saturday, I was hit over the head with a lead pipe.

 

By Colonel Mustard, in the library?

[Boudicca 702]

On Saturday, I was hit over the head with a lead pipe.

 

By Colonel Mustard, in the library?

 

[BrunoBrimley 86]

Time for the details I suppose, and thanks to Boudicca for asking me to mention it here (although I had just mentioned it elsewhere)

Also thanks to Six, Maryport, Not-a-Spud and others who have expressed concern.

 

 

Now to the gory details.

 

My digestive tract has been acting funny and some weight was lost and then I went to the doctor who sent me to a specialist who decided an endoscopy was in order and a cat scan (CTscan) as well. The Endoscopy involves a light anesthetic and supposedly I was awake during the procedure, but I cannot recall it. Anyway it's a tube into the mouth and down the throat to check the piping and the stomach and according to this pamphlet also the very first part of the small intestine. I have been told results are somewhat inconclusive and a biopsy was done on an odd looking area the results of which are not yet in. With regards to tubing through the nose, oh I have had a couple of those as well, not at all nice, I was completely alert for those and the tube jammed the first time on the first run and they pulled out the tube and started again.

 

For right now I am more concerned with what to do with all this booze which I have been told to avoid at all costs for at least a week or until the results come in from the biopsy.

 

 

I heard that StarCrssed has been missing me almost as much as a Yukon winter.....