Phantom 2,552 Posted March 10, 2015 The CEOs of some of the major corporations around the world met on Sunday with leading feminists as part of recognition for International Women's Day. The CEOs have declared that they fully acknowledge that there is a glass ceiling and vowed to remedy the situation and replace it with something that's easier to clean. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted March 10, 2015 Can you imagine if major retailers started making their own condomsand kept the same tag-line.......... Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste betterTesco Condoms - Every little helpsNike Condoms - Just do itPeugeot Condoms - The ride of your lifeGalaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silkKFC Condoms - Finger licking goodMinstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your handsSafeway Condoms - Lightening the loadAbbey National condoms - because life is complicated enoughCoca Cola condoms - The real thingEver Ready condoms - keep going and goingPringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stopBurger King Condoms - Home of the whopperGoodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wideF CUK condoms - no comment requiredMuller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the painHalfords condoms - we go the extra mileRoyal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of youAndrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very longRenault condoms - size really does matter!Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tinRonseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutesDomestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reachCarlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the worldAA Condoms - for the 4th emergency servicePolo condoms - the condom with the hole Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal!!!! John Smiths condoms - No nonsense Xbox live condoms - It's fun to play together McDonalds condoms - I'M LOVIN' IT! Intel condoms - Intel inside! Frosties condoms - They're grrrreat Ariston condoms - On and on with Ariston 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted March 10, 2015 Can you imagine if major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line.......... Sainsbury Condoms - Making life taste better Tesco Condoms - Every little helps Nike Condoms - Just do it Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk KFC Condoms - Finger licking good Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough Coca Cola condoms - The real thing Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide F CUK condoms - no comment required Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long Renault condoms - size really does matter! Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service Polo condoms - the condom with the hole Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal!!!! John Smiths condoms - No nonsense Xbox live condoms - It's fun to play together McDonalds condoms - I'M LOVIN' IT! Intel condoms - Intel inside! Frosties condoms - They're grrrreat Ariston condoms - On and on with Ariston Levi's condoms - Quality never goes out of style iMax condoms - Think big! FedEx condoms - When there is no tomorrow Holiday Inn condoms - Pleasuring people around the World. Yellow Pages condoms - Let your fingers do the walking. Taco Bell condoms - Think outside the bun Honey Buckets of Oats condoms - It's like a mouthful of joy Courage Tavern Ale condoms - It's what your right arm is for Dunlop condoms - Fit Dunlop and be satisfied Bounty condoms - The taste of paradise. Greggs condoms - Ready when you are. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted March 11, 2015 Also on the condom list Bic condoms - Flick your Bic Dairylea condoms - Kids will do anything for a Dairylea Birds Eye Frozen Condoms - Come home to Birds Eye CountryBoddingtons condoms - The cream of Manchester.Black Velvet condoms - Feel the velvet Bisto condoms - Ahh! Bisto Benson & Hedges condoms - Pure gold British Gas condoms - Don't you just love being in control? Colgate condoms - The Colgate ring of confidence Duracell condoms - You can't top the copper top Gillette condoms - The best a man can get. Hyundai condoms - Prepare to want one Lilt condoms - The totally tropical taste.Cadbury's Fudge condoms - A finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,682 Posted March 11, 2015 Also on the condom list Bic condoms - Flick your Bic Dairylea condoms - Kids will do anything for a Dairylea Birds Eye Frozen Condoms - Come home to Birds Eye Country Boddingtons condoms - The cream of Manchester. Black Velvet condoms - Feel the velvet Bisto condoms - Ahh! Bisto Benson & Hedges condoms - Pure gold British Gas condoms - Don't you just love being in control? Colgate condoms - The Colgate ring of confidence Duracell condoms - You can't top the copper top Gillette condoms - The best a man can get. Hyundai condoms - Prepare to want one Lilt condoms - The totally tropical taste. Cadbury's Fudge condoms - A finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat. I prefer the Martini condom Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted March 11, 2015 Also on the condom list Bic condoms - Flick your Bic Dairylea condoms - Kids will do anything for a Dairylea Birds Eye Frozen Condoms - Come home to Birds Eye Country Boddingtons condoms - The cream of Manchester. Black Velvet condoms - Feel the velvet Bisto condoms - Ahh! Bisto Benson & Hedges condoms - Pure gold British Gas condoms - Don't you just love being in control? Colgate condoms - The Colgate ring of confidence Duracell condoms - You can't top the copper top Gillette condoms - The best a man can get. Hyundai condoms - Prepare to want one Lilt condoms - The totally tropical taste. Cadbury's Fudge condoms - A finger of fudge is just enough to give your kids a treat. I prefer the Martini condom Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere Mr. Kipling condoms - Mr Kipling makes exceedingly good condoms Tia Maria condoms - Over ice, after dark Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,682 Posted March 11, 2015 Coca Cola Condoms - Things go better with coke Dr Pepper Condoms - What's the worst that could happen? and for those less fortunate, AXA PPP condoms - Little Things Mean a Lot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted March 11, 2015 Wrigley's condoms - Double your pleasure….. double your fun Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,803 Posted March 11, 2015 Always Ultra condoms - have a happy period. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Valar Morghulis Posted March 11, 2015 Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will be a pizza history. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 11, 2015 Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will be a pizza history. Wasn't that chef a member of the McAroni clan? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,690 Posted March 11, 2015 Electrolux condoms because...Nothing sucks like an Electrolux. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,942 Posted March 11, 2015 Pringles Condoms - once you pop the fun doesn't stop. Guiness Condoms - Good things come to those who wait Magners Condom - nothing added but time Dogs Trust Condoms - never put a healthy dog down This works for almost anything - that last one excepted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,690 Posted March 14, 2015 The Canadian Tire Company used to have a Christmas slogan that read: Give like Santa, save like Scrooge. I'm seeing those words splashed over a big condom ad in which you see a bloke squeezing the contents of a condom into a big jar! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Creep 7,071 Posted March 16, 2015 How many feet of pavement can one old lady clean in 5 minutes? About 80' if you hit her just right SC http://m.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-31911949 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted March 19, 2015 One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room, the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.He ran up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled up in the bed, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?""Yes," was his incredulous reply, half shouting.The smile remained, "Well, today I didn't do it." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted March 20, 2015 A friend of mine entered his dog at Crufts. He got 2 years. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,241 Posted March 20, 2015 They said it would be safe to watch the solar eclipse if we used a colander. I tried it, but strained my eyes. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,272 Posted March 22, 2015 Anyone heard the rumours Captain Scarlet is autistic? He's definitely somewhere on the spectrum anyway. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted March 23, 2015 I had to leave my job as the census taker at a sheep farm. I kept falling asleep. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,690 Posted March 26, 2015 FFS there's some awful puns masquerading as jokes in the last few posts. Speaking of which...is it right that One Direction have been renamed 0.8 Direction? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungWillz 21,247 Posted March 26, 2015 FFS there's some awful puns masquerading as jokes in the last few posts. Speaking of which...is it right that One Direction have been renamed 0.8 Direction? Nah, it's just a Malikious rumour. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,241 Posted March 26, 2015 FFS there's some awful puns masquerading as jokes in the last few posts. Speaking of which...is it right that One Direction have been renamed 0.8 Direction? Nah, it's just a Malikious rumour. They were originally going to be called New Direction, until someone must have noticed what else that sounds like. True. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted March 27, 2015 On board the plane the Captain had just finished his announcement about the landing due to happen shortly and forgetting to turn the intercom off he turned to the co-pilot and said "as soon as we land I am going for the most almighty shit and then I'm going to grab that new stewardess with the big tits and fuck the arse off her" Realising what was being said over the loudspeaker, the stewardess made a dash for the front of the plane to tell the captain to turn off the intercom but she tripped and went full length on the floor landing just in front of an old dear sitting in an aisle seat who leaned over and said "it's alright love no need to hurry, he's going for a shit first" 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungWillz 21,247 Posted April 4, 2015 Ed Miliband has promised to pay for 125,000 new homes for first time buyers. These houses will have no gardens. Ed doesn't want to be seen as beholden to hedge funds. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
