maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted July 21, 2020 I made a vegetable bake yesterday. I left him out in the sun. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 24, 2020 Why did the semen cross the road? Because you put on the wrong socks 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miracle Aligner 249 Posted July 25, 2020 Got myself a face mask in line with the new Covid guidelines, the shops will be fine with this right? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted July 25, 2020 7 hours ago, Miracle Aligner said: Got myself a face mask in line with the new Covid guidelines, the shops will be fine with this right? I have seen someone wearing one of those in Lidl and no one said anything. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,586 Posted July 25, 2020 4 hours ago, torbrexbones said: I have seen someone wearing one of those in Lidl and no one said anything. It was probably the manager 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 27, 2020 "I'm great on the keyboard but I suck on the organ" - Elton John Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted August 1, 2020 Some gags from Guardian feature on jokes that were part of shows prepared for 2020 Edinburgh Festival I transition my summer dresses into winter simply by being depressed in them - Olga Koch I bought a porn magazine called Barely Legal Russia but when I opened it, there was just pictures of men holding hands - Bobby Mair I live with my boyfriend and my brother, both of whom I love very much but in very different ways. The only thing they have in common is they've both shared a bath with me at some point in their lives. One was a very erotic experience and the other, he did a poo whilst we were still sat in. It ruined Valentine's Day - Maisie Adam 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted August 5, 2020 You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,398 Posted August 5, 2020 14 minutes ago, maryportfuncity said: You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! I got one this morning with that same photo that said “How big was that fucking jacket??” 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted August 5, 2020 1 hour ago, The Quim Reaper said: I got one this morning with that same photo that said “How big was that fucking jacket??” There was another good one-liner on Sickipedia that said what a shame to destroy all that lovely devastation around the port area! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted August 13, 2020 Being Biden's VP, Kamala Harris will have to accept her hair being sniffed for the next 4 years. Still, a better deal than what Ivanka got... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,398 Posted August 14, 2020 ABBA are disappointed to announce that, due to new Department for Education algorithms, they will now be known as CDDC. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted August 15, 2020 Don't worry too much about the 4pm deadline to leave France... The dingies are still running. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted August 17, 2020 Dont forget that today is the start of National Diarrhoea Awareness. Runs till Friday... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MightyMoose 10 Posted August 19, 2020 (edited) Manchester United are delighted to announce a new sponsor for the coming season, they've signed a deal with V I A G R A as they can't get past a semi. Thanks to LFN for the SPAM alert Edited August 19, 2020 by MightyMoose FUCKWITTERY Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted August 19, 2020 SPAM Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted August 19, 2020 Just now, Lord Fellatio Nelson said: SPAM V I A G R A 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted August 23, 2020 I've started dating two anorexics girls Two birds, one stone. 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Charlotte's Controller 195 Posted August 24, 2020 And in other news, ACDC have been upgraded to ABBA. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted August 24, 2020 Whats the difference between a nun and a woman in the bath? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Great Uncle Bulgaria 1,284 Posted August 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Kenny McCormick said: Whats the difference between a nun and a woman in the bath? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole. I can remember being told that joke at school in the late 70s... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,141 Posted August 24, 2020 15 minutes ago, Great Uncle Bulgaria said: 1 hour ago, Kenny McCormick said: Whats the difference between a nun and a woman in the bath? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole. I can remember being told that joke at school in the late 70s... Also the two nuns in a bath one. "Where's the soap?" "Yes, doesn't it!" 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,398 Posted August 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Great Uncle Bulgaria said: I can remember being told that joke at school in the late 70s... The only nun joke I had at school (in the mid-late 00s) was: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
En Passant 3,741 Posted August 24, 2020 2 hours ago, Toast said: Also the two nuns in a bath one. "Where's the soap?" "Yes, doesn't it!" This, I remember. Also, corny as heck but done well in that over-excited style darts refs have then it just about passes muster (if not, then not, well not for me). First dart hits 20 Second dart hits treble 20. Third dart bounces off the wire flies back into the audience and hits a nun square between the eyes. Cue ref: "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY!!!!" Probably the same vintage as the "Where's the soap?" one. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
