Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted February 23, 2010 This load of shit This is supposed to be poetry? My 16 year old daughter is apparently having to learn this for one of her exams. Is this the sort of utter bollocks that they teach kids today? It apparently sparked a conversation, IN HER ENGLISH LESSON, about necrophilia! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY? I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,617 Posted February 23, 2010 This load of shit This is supposed to be poetry? My 16 year old daughter is apparently having to learn this for one of her exams. Is this the sort of utter bollocks that they teach kids today? It apparently sparked a conversation, IN HER ENGLISH LESSON, about necrophilia! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY? I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE! What sort of bollocks would you prefer they teach? (Just asking.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,144 Posted February 23, 2010 Question 9 might be: What does this poem tell us about Carol Ann Duffy? Now my rant for today. Bloody Waterstones. Someone gave me a £10 gift card at Christmas, and grateful though I was, I really struggled to find anything I wanted that couldn't be found much cheaper elsewhere. Anyway - placed an order, came to £15, filled in all the particulars as required including gift card serial number etc. The items eventually arrived (one was apparently out of stock, so they wouldn't send the other one on its own, bastards). Aaaaand today my credit card bill has arrived, and you guessed it, they've charged me for the lot, not just the extra fiver. Tossers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted February 23, 2010 This load of shit This is supposed to be poetry? My 16 year old daughter is apparently having to learn this for one of her exams. Is this the sort of utter bollocks that they teach kids today? It apparently sparked a conversation, IN HER ENGLISH LESSON, about necrophilia! FOR FUCK'S SAKE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS COUNTRY? I THINK MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE! What sort of bollocks would you prefer they teach? (Just asking.) For a start, something that's not going to start a debate amongst 16 year olds about shagging corpses. Secondly, something that is actually going to stand her in good stead for her adult life, something that might be of some use to her when she enters the workplace. Now, unless she's going to get a job doing those weird pervy movies, I can't see how necrophilia is going to fit into her CV. Thirdly, this is another good excuse for me to have a rant about the shower of shit that passes for the school that she attends. Fourthly, I'd like them to reinforce the morals and decency I have taught her - I do not expect my 16 year old (and a very immature 16 year old at that, she has some learning difficulties) to come home telling me how she 'learnt all about necrophilia today'. Fifthly, I'd like them to sort out their crappy, inaccurate computerised attendance record - she gets letters home accusing her of skiving when she's been sat taking exams in their hall, for fuck's sake. Sixthly, the headmaster is a twat. Seventhly, I realise I have gone slightly off on a tangent. Eightly, I think I should go to bed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Monoclinic 39 Posted February 23, 2010 For a start, something that's not going to start a debate amongst 16 year olds about shagging corpses. Secondly, something that is actually going to stand her in good stead for her adult life, something that might be of some use to her when she enters the workplace. Now, unless she's going to get a job doing those weird pervy movies, I can't see how necrophilia is going to fit into her CV. Thirdly, this is another good excuse for me to have a rant about the shower of shit that passes for the school that she attends. Fourthly, I'd like them to reinforce the morals and decency I have taught her - I do not expect my 16 year old (and a very immature 16 year old at that, she has some learning difficulties) to come home telling me how she 'learnt all about necrophilia today'. Fifthly, I'd like them to sort out their crappy, inaccurate computerised attendance record - she gets letters home accusing her of skiving when she's been sat taking exams in their hall, for fuck's sake. Sixthly, the headmaster is a twat. Seventhly, I realise I have gone slightly off on a tangent. Eightly, I think I should go to bed You have my sincere support. How can one expect to take HaviSHAM seriously with such gratuitous use of comic sans. I hope you have managed to tell your daughter that anything written in that font should be disregarded as bollocks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689 Posted February 23, 2010 For a start, something that's not going to start a debate amongst 16 year olds about shagging corpses. Secondly, something that is actually going to stand her in good stead for her adult life, something that might be of some use to her when she enters the workplace. Now, unless she's going to get a job doing those weird pervy movies, I can't see how necrophilia is going to fit into her CV. Thirdly, this is another good excuse for me to have a rant about the shower of shit that passes for the school that she attends. Fourthly, I'd like them to reinforce the morals and decency I have taught her - I do not expect my 16 year old (and a very immature 16 year old at that, she has some learning difficulties) to come home telling me how she 'learnt all about necrophilia today'. Fifthly, I'd like them to sort out their crappy, inaccurate computerised attendance record - she gets letters home accusing her of skiving when she's been sat taking exams in their hall, for fuck's sake. Sixthly, the headmaster is a twat. Seventhly, I realise I have gone slightly off on a tangent. Eightly, I think I should go to bed You have my sincere support. How can one expect to take HaviSHAM seriously with such gratuitous use of comic sans. I hope you have managed to tell your daughter that anything written in that font should be disregarded as bollocks. I feel proud to have written 1,000+ posts' worth of bollocks and will do my level best to keep up the good work. I'm sad to say that some of my early ones may have been written in sensible font in threads that are now closed - if a kindly mod could re-open them I promise to go back and change them to CS. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted February 24, 2010 There was an awkward two minutes today where I was travelling through a building with some girl going in the same direction as me. We had to pass though about 6 doors in quick succession to get to where we were going. Obviously, being a gentleman, I held the door open for her as I was leading. She said thank you. Then came the second door. Again I held it open and she said thank you again with a nervous laugh. Then came the third door...etc. Do you say thank you for the third, fourth and fifth door? Do you make conversation with the person knowing that there will be a third, fourth, fifth and sixth door? Do you make a small polite joke about the situation? It was very awkward, and I chose to say nothing. As it happens I do have a strategy for that particularly annoying system of doors. If the door is held open for me (ie if I am following someone) I generally say thank you at the first door and the last door - but not the ones in between. Unfortunately that girl didn't know of my system and this caused the awkwardness. Isn't life so very complicated... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted February 24, 2010 I believe the correct DL etiquette would be to hold the doors open for her as you proceed through them. Whether she thanks you or not is irrelevant. After having built up an expectation of trust over the first five, you should let the sixth slam in her face. This would help build up her feelings of distrust for blokes stalking her in the future. You will thereby help her help herself to avoid potentially life-threatening encounters henceforth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted February 24, 2010 Today's addition to Room 101 must be Gerard Kemkers, coach of Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer, for stupidity beyond the call of duty. An angry Kramer tosses his sunglasses away after Kemkers gives him the bad news After 7000 of Kramer's Olympic 10,000m race Kemkers had a brain fart and made Kramer skate two consecutive inner lanes. The referees had no choice but to disqualify Kramer after a race that would have won him his second gold. [Edit to add: I see Tomb raider already posted about this event -- MH] regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted March 8, 2010 Jamie Bulger's mother. She needs ro realise that the world doesn't owe her a favour. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,144 Posted March 8, 2010 His name was James. Not Jamie. I can remember his parents making it clear at the time that they did not call him 'Jamie'. To no avail. The gutter media had already decided otherwise. Presumptuous and lazy hacks have ensured that the poor kid even lost his name. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted March 8, 2010 His name was James. Not Jamie. I can remember his parents making it clear at the time that they did not call him 'Jamie'. To no avail. The gutter media had already decided otherwise. Presumptuous and lazy hacks have ensured that the poor kid even lost his name. What can I say. I didn't know him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youth in Asia 1,087 Posted March 9, 2010 I was tricked into joining a gay orgy. They said it was a fishing trip. I fell for it hook line and sphincter. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,617 Posted March 9, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs. More specifically, the self-service check-outs at the branch of Morrison's I use. If its not bad enough that the recorded voice repeats 'Please put the item in the bag' after EVERY bleedin' item, after every other item, the system hangs up and tells you to 'Please remove the last item' and 'Please wait, an assistant is coming'. It does this every time I use them, without fail. Today it excelled itself and told me to remove the last item even before I'd put it in the bag. At this point you may be asking why I keep on using them (I ask myself every time); its quite simple - i) even with all the stopping and starting, its still generally quicker than waiting for a manned checkout! and ii) its now my aim in life to get through without having to 'Please wait'. Once I've acheived that, I'll start shopping at Tesco. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 9, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs. More specifically, the self-service check-outs at the branch of Morrison's I use. If its not bad enough that the recorded voice repeats 'Please put the item in the bag' after EVERY bleedin' item, after every other item, the system hangs up and tells you to 'Please remove the last item' and 'Please wait, an assistant is coming'. It does this every time I use them, without fail. Today it excelled itself and told me to remove the last item even before I'd put it in the bag. At this point you may be asking why I keep on using them (I ask myself every time); its quite simple - i) even with all the stopping and starting, its still generally quicker than waiting for a manned checkout! and ii) its now my aim in life to get through without having to 'Please wait'. Once I've acheived that, I'll start shopping at Tesco. The ones at Tesco aren't any different Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
welshman 31 Posted March 9, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs. More specifically, the self-service check-outs at the branch of Morrison's I use. If its not bad enough that the recorded voice repeats 'Please put the item in the bag' after EVERY bleedin' item, after every other item, the system hangs up and tells you to 'Please remove the last item' and 'Please wait, an assistant is coming'. It does this every time I use them, without fail. Today it excelled itself and told me to remove the last item even before I'd put it in the bag. At this point you may be asking why I keep on using them (I ask myself every time); its quite simple - i) even with all the stopping and starting, its still generally quicker than waiting for a manned checkout! and ii) its now my aim in life to get through without having to 'Please wait'. Once I've acheived that, I'll start shopping at Tesco. The ones at Tesco aren't any different Sorry but I LOVE self-service checkouts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,904 Posted March 9, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs. More specifically, the self-service check-outs at the branch of Morrison's I use. If its not bad enough that the recorded voice repeats 'Please put the item in the bag' after EVERY bleedin' item, after every other item, the system hangs up and tells you to 'Please remove the last item' and 'Please wait, an assistant is coming'. It does this every time I use them, without fail. Today it excelled itself and told me to remove the last item even before I'd put it in the bag. At this point you may be asking why I keep on using them (I ask myself every time); its quite simple - i) even with all the stopping and starting, its still generally quicker than waiting for a manned checkout! and ii) its now my aim in life to get through without having to 'Please wait'. Once I've acheived that, I'll start shopping at Tesco. The ones at Tesco aren't any different Sorry but I LOVE self-service checkouts. I quite like them too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted March 9, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs. More specifically, the self-service check-outs at the branch of Morrison's I use. If its not bad enough that the recorded voice repeats 'Please put the item in the bag' after EVERY bleedin' item, after every other item, the system hangs up and tells you to 'Please remove the last item' and 'Please wait, an assistant is coming'. It does this every time I use them, without fail. Today it excelled itself and told me to remove the last item even before I'd put it in the bag. At this point you may be asking why I keep on using them (I ask myself every time); its quite simple - i) even with all the stopping and starting, its still generally quicker than waiting for a manned checkout! and ii) its now my aim in life to get through without having to 'Please wait'. Once I've acheived that, I'll start shopping at Tesco. The ones at Tesco aren't any different Sorry but I LOVE self-service checkouts. I quite like them too. Isn't love too strong a word to use in relations to self-service checkouts? Gravy they are not. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,617 Posted March 9, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs. More specifically, the self-service check-outs at the branch of Morrison's I use. If its not bad enough that the recorded voice repeats 'Please put the item in the bag' after EVERY bleedin' item, after every other item, the system hangs up and tells you to 'Please remove the last item' and 'Please wait, an assistant is coming'. It does this every time I use them, without fail. Today it excelled itself and told me to remove the last item even before I'd put it in the bag. At this point you may be asking why I keep on using them (I ask myself every time); its quite simple - i) even with all the stopping and starting, its still generally quicker than waiting for a manned checkout! and ii) its now my aim in life to get through without having to 'Please wait'. Once I've acheived that, I'll start shopping at Tesco. The ones at Tesco aren't any different Sorry but I LOVE self-service checkouts. I quite like them too. Isn't love too strong a word to use in relations to self-service checkouts? Gravy they are not. Actually, as a rule, I quite like self-service checkouts; but these Morrison's check-outs have to be experienced to be believed. In my experience, Sainsbury's run a close second to Tesco. Morrison's are a distant 3rd. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest David Posted March 10, 2010 Spending the day shivering in your office because the heating has packed in just when you're coming down with flu, no doubt it'll be worse tomorrow when the sneezing really kicks in . Believe me, if you have got the flu, you shouldn't be at work. Half the porters on our ward have got it because one of us - (no, not me) came to work when she had the flu. It shot round the ward. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted March 10, 2010 Morrison's. Specifically the self-service check-outs etc. The ones at Tesco aren't any different Sorry but I LOVE self-service checkouts. I quite like them too. Isn't love too strong a word to use in relation to self-service checkouts? Gravy they are not. Actually, as a rule, I quite like self-service checkouts; but these Morrison's check-outs have to be experienced to be believed. In my experience, Sainsbury's run a close second to Tesco. Morrison's are a distant 3rd. "Quite like" is more like it. I have become conditioned to those at Waitrose although it took some time, kept forgetting to beep stuff and still struggle with the debeep switch. Now, when everything is in place, when I don't forget anything like green shopping bags, wallet etc.I find it reasonably satisfying getting through to Go. But I still miss the empty boxes they used to leave by the tills. A bag isn't a box even though the bags are box-like which I "quite like". But I lurve boxes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted March 10, 2010 Spending the day shivering in your office because the heating has packed in just when you're coming down with flu, no doubt it'll be worse tomorrow when the sneezing really kicks in . Believe me, if you have got the flu, you shouldn't be at work. Half the porters on our ward have got it because one of us - (no, not me) came to work when she had the flu. It shot round the ward. Wise words Dave. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,617 Posted March 10, 2010 Spending the day shivering in your office because the heating has packed in just when you're coming down with flu, no doubt it'll be worse tomorrow when the sneezing really kicks in . Believe me, if you have got the flu, you shouldn't be at work. Half the porters on our ward have got it because one of us - (no, not me) came to work when she had the flu. It shot round the ward. Wise words Dave. ...even if 5 months too late! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Grendel 139 Posted March 10, 2010 Spending the day shivering in your office because the heating has packed in just when you're coming down with flu, no doubt it'll be worse tomorrow when the sneezing really kicks in . Believe me, if you have got the flu, you shouldn't be at work. Half the porters on our ward have got it because one of us - (no, not me) came to work when she had the flu. It shot round the ward. Wise words Dave. ...even if 5 months too late! Indeed, just a tad late there David, but a bit spooky you mention this now, as I had the flu again last week, although not the suspected swine flu (GP reckons it was, but they'd stopped testing for it by then) I had in October. Just to reassure you, I did not infect any of my colleagues on either occasion as I did take time off work, quite a few days in October and 1 day last week, my boss would have sent me home immediately if I'd turned up sneezing and coughing, she's very insistent we don't come to work if we feel at all ill, which I find very strange after spending years working for lawyers who insist you are fit to work unless you are not breathing. I once circulated this joke to the staff in the legal firm I worked for: TO: ALL EMPLOYEES SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY * SICKNESS No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. * AN OPERATION We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. * DEATH 1. Other than your own, this is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence. 2. Your own: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement. ALSO Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. We appreciate your cooperation, THE MANAGEMENT One secretary actually believed it and came to me in an absolute panic, which tells you all you need to know about the kind of people I've worked for in the past . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest David Posted March 17, 2010 Spending the day shivering in your office because the heating has packed in just when you're coming down with flu, no doubt it'll be worse tomorrow when the sneezing really kicks in . Believe me, if you have got the flu, you shouldn't be at work. Half the porters on our ward have got it because one of us - (no, not me) came to work when she had the flu. It shot round the ward. Wise words Dave. ...even if 5 months too late! Sorry, acute comp failure. And I'm just back from a holiday in Sydney. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
