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You Write The Headlines . . .

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On 8/7/2015 at 09:46, gcreptile said:

Javier Perez de Cuellar - dies

I see you did a John Demjanjuk with that.

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Bishop Desmond Tutu:  'Continent Mourns: Regrets it wasn't fucking Robert Mugabe.'

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Liz Dawn should be either Dawn of the Dead or The End of a Vera (which also works for Vera Lynn)

For Leslie Phillips I was thinking For Whom The Bell Tolls - Ding Dong!

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1 minute ago, Bibliogryphon said:

Liz Dawn should be either Dawn of the Dead or The End of a Vera (which also works for Vera Lynn)

 

Try not to spoil all my future Crowdsourced puns in advance! :lol:

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Billy Graham: Proof the Mandela affect is real. 

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9 minutes ago, theoldlady said:

Billy Graham: Proof the Mandela affect is real. 

I feel like that would be better for Desmond Tutu, as Mandela was a good friend of his.

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31 minutes ago, Drewsky1211 said:

I feel like that would be better for Desmond Tutu, as Mandela was a good friend of his.

Not really, my husband and many others I know remember Billy Graham's funeral in 2000; some think it was in the mid-2000s. No one I have met have believed that Tutu has already died and had a funeral in the past, but many insist Billy has been dead a long time. (Many also remember Mandela dying in prison a long, long time ago - then he was suddenly back in the lime-light. Wierd! Also I have seen an old text-book from the USA  where the South won the war.)

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I'll Try With Pre-1997 Hits.

 

1987:

Andres Segovia: Se-gone-ia!

 

1988: The Year that Never Was

 

1989:

Salvador Dali: Dali's Internal Clock Melts! (Reference to his Painting The Persistence of Memory)

Sugar Ray Robinson: TKO

Ray Moore: Ray No Moore!

 

1990:

Terry-Thomas: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (One of the movies he starred in)

Greta Garbo: Garbo No Longer Talks! (One of the scenes from Anna Christie)

Jill Ireland: Jill Die-rland!

 

1991: Absolutely Nothing

 

1992:

Jim Joel: Joel Finally Falls!

Michael Havers: Disorder in the Court!

Marlene Dietrich: Marlene Dies-trich

Kitty Godfree: Kitty Got Free

Dan Maskell: Wimbledon Loses Its Voice!

 

1993:

Rudolf Nureyev: No More Dancing for Nureyev

Audrey Hepburn: Audrey Hep-burned

Arthur Ashe: Ashes to Ashes

Les Dawson: Deadpan

Bill Bixby: HULK SMASH!

 

1994:

Brian Johnston: Cricket to Heaven

Telly Savalas: Telly's Not on the Telly Anymore

Derek Jarman: The Last of Jarman (Reference to his film The Last of England)

John Curry: On Thin Ice

Richard Nixon: Nixon Resigns

Erich Honecker: Erich Honecker Had a Great Fall (Financed the building of the Berlin wall)

Kim Il-Sung: Kim Ill Sung

Roy Castle: Record Broken (5 was the original record, this year had 9 deaths)

Burt Lancaster: Burned Lancaster

 

1995:

Rose Kennedy: Rosebud

Kenny Everett: House of Death (reference to his film Bloodbath at the House of Death)

Ginger Rogers: Falling Down Astaires (She had a partnership with Fred Astaire)

Dilys Powell: Breaking News!

(No Idea for Harold Larwood)

Alec Douglas Home: Alec Douglas Isn't Home

Paul Eddington: Paul Deaddington!

Jackie Mann: Released

Dean Martin: That's No-more! (Reference to his song That's Amore)

 

1996:

Francois Mitterand: Ooh La La!

Simon Cadell: Bye-de-Bye!

George Burns: George Burned

(No idea for Tim Gullikson)

Timothy Leary: "L"eary "S"uddenly "D"ies

Glyn Worsnip: That's Death! (Reference to his appearances on That's Life!)

(No idea for Andreas Papandreou)

 

 

 

 

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Henry Kissinger: Real Evil ( millions died because of his policies)

Robert Mugabe: natural born killer

MRS. Robert Mugabe: Mrs. Natural Born Killer

Billy Graham: Exploiter of gullable wankers

Charles Taylor: yet another natural born killer 

Rodney Alcala: the face of evil

Kirk Douglas: cunt if he actually did rape Natalie Wood (if not, Sorry)

Jerry Lee Lewis: cunt ( what are the odds of having 2 wives dying of heroin overdoses)

Ryan O`Neal: cunt (makes a pass at own daughter Tatum, did not recognize her.)

Robert Wagner: cunt if he let Natalie Wood drown (if not, Sorry)

Yoko Ono: evil step-mother

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1 hour ago, theoldlady said:

Kirk Douglas: cunt

Jerry Lee Lewis: cunt

Ryan O`Neal: cunt

Robert Wagner: cunt

 

Ladies and men, please welcome the editor of Tourette's Weekly.

 

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It's not easy to write headlines. If I have to judge last year:

 

1)Mary Tyler No Moore: Well, we already knew this. It's good, but largely expected. 6/10

2)Joost Over the Line: Oh, this is genius! Funny and appropriated for rugby. Great. 9/10

3)Rockefeller has given his all: That's not funny and makes me think they tried and tried to come up with something good, but Rockefeller was so boring it was all vane.      3/10

4)No Moors Mr. Nice Guy: Well played and funny, not original, but still not banal though. 8.5/10

5)Gone With Noakes: very very predictable. 6/10

6)Summer Wine corked: I did not like it. Where's the calembour? 4/10

7)Christie out for The Count: Banal headline for a boxer. Could have been better. 4/10

8)Tombstone Cowboy: Now that's pure absolute genius! The perfect headline. 10/10

9)Didn't he do well? So so. I expected it to be better. 5/10

10)Reign ends for the King of Comedy: That's just awful. No jokes here, nothing to see. 3/10

11)Clock runs out for La Motta: Another bad boxer headline. Again. 4/10

12)From Dawn to Dust: Good and funny. 8/10

13)Boothanasia! That's a bit exaggerated to be considered funny. 6/10

14)Hef in Hell?! I remember this was originally "The Playboy man's done" and the former is fairly better In fact Hef in Hell?! has been one of my favourite headlines. 8.5/10

15)Tragically RIP: Another one which was written a long time ago. Too predictable. 6/10

16)Domino's toppled: Short and funny. I liked it.  8/10

17)Taking the Mickey: not so good. Bucharest in Peace was muuuch better. 5/10

 

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4 hours ago, theoldlady said:

 

Kirk Douglas: cunt if he actually did rape Natalie Wood (if not, Sorry)

Robert Wagner: cunt if he let Natalie Wood drown (if not, Sorry)

 

The bits in bold is what really makes the list.

 

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Mugabe's obit pun will have to be some sort of "the land reclaims Bobby" wordplay, hopefully he'll stay alive long enough for me to nail it.

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The only downside to handing over the Crowdsourced Deathlist to Joey for next year is some of the terrible puns and headlines I will not be able to inflict on you all. I might PM him the best ones.

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5 hours ago, theoldlady said:

Kirk Douglas: cunt if he actually did rape Natalie Wood (if not, Sorry)

 

I'd love to see this one on the front page of a newspaper!

 

5a897b4318c6d_ScreenShot2018-02-18at13_08_54.thumb.png.afad2175078158276abbc72ca3ae04b4.png

 

 

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I'm sure I can come up with some terrible puns myself when I make the obituaries for anyone who dies in 2019 and beyond. :D 

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"Dole strong-armed by the Reaper"
"Stiller never been stiller"
"Doris Day, corpus night"
"Reaper short sells Greenspan"
"Novel by Clive James with an Afterward by the Reaper"
"Pallbearers better be good to Tina Turner"
"This fake headline has more chance being published than a Clegg QO"
 

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Olvia De Haviland - Gone like the Wind.

Jimmy Carter- Farmed his last Peanut.

Doris Day-  Darling moved over.

Gordan Banks - No more catching.

Dick Van Dyke - Mov ove Guvnor.

John Mcricik- The odds were in our favour

Loretta Lynn or Vera Lynn - (If they die the same year whoever is second). Double Lynn.

Larry King- The King is dead.

Nobby Stiles- The final dance.

 

The end of a Vera I can see being used for Vera Lynn - it fit well with how her death will be reported and tributes paid.

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12 minutes ago, The Old Crem said:

Olvia De Haviland - Gone like the Wind.

Jimmy Carter- Farmed his last Peanut.

Doris Day-  Darling moved over.

Gordan Banks - No more catching.

Dick Van Dyke - Mov ove Guvnor.

John Mcricik- The odds were in our favour

Loretta Lynn or Vera Lynn - (If they die the same year whoever is second). Double Lynn.

Larry King- The King is dead.

Nobby Stiles- The final dance.

 

I'm sorry old crem but you list doesn't have nowhere near enough cunts.

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Shane MacGowan Won't See Another One

 

Doctors Fail to Save Gordon Banks

 

And for Honor Blackman - Pussy Passes

 

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1 hour ago, ImissMontpellier said:

Tina Turned to Dust

Simply To Rest.

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2 hours ago, Grim Up North said:

And for Honor Blackman - Pussy Passes

 


That one was special.  

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