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Lord Fellatio Nelson

DL Status Updates: Statements, Obsevations & Verbal Tennis

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Confused by lfns post re the old duffer who's deaf and a phone line... What's the fucking point?

 

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9 minutes ago, charon said:

Confused by lfns post re the old duffer who's deaf and a phone line... What's the fucking point?

 

 

Perhaps he uses it for the internet. Netflix & chill.

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40 minutes ago, charon said:

Confused by lfns post re the old duffer who's deaf and a phone line... What's the fucking point?

 

Well, he can hear a little bit and he has a careline which, to him, is the lifeline or summat.

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Or old people <shiver>porn</shiver>

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Am I the only one who hates Saint Patrick's Day? At least the way Americans celebrate it.

 

It's so fucking childish. Tee-hee-hee leprechauns and clovers and wearing green and pots of gold. Tee-hee-hee "luck" of the Irish even though they all died in a potato famine. 

 

I hate to defend the country that brought us Catherine Nevin and Morbidkid, but it's so frustruating that all that these people know about Ireland is fucking ginger-bearded magic-dwarves. 

 

And the fucking "Oh, I'm Irish cause my great-grand-pawpaw was" types are the worst.

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9 minutes ago, RadGuy said:

Wearing green

I can't tell you the amount of times I've been pinched on St Patrick's Day...

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Ahhh, it's one of my friends' birthdays today, I always thank St Paddy for reminding me (he's away travelling atm, so not even having to buy a birthday present).

 

I do find it strange how it's celebrated in Glasgow, I always have a fear about the sectarian side of things (it's the disease of the West of Scotland in my opinion). I did have rather a lovely St Patrick's Day in Brighton years ago though, booze on special and the people couldn't have been nicer.

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4 hours ago, YoungWillz said:

Ahhh, it's one of my friends' birthdays today, I always thank St Paddy for reminding me (he's away travelling atm, so not even having to buy a birthday present).

 

I do find it strange how it's celebrated in Glasgow, I always have a fear about the sectarian side of things (it's the disease of the West of Scotland in my opinion). I did have rather a lovely St Patrick's Day in Brighton years ago though, booze on special and the people couldn't have been nicer.

Yes, most of us are nice down here, apart from me, I'm horrible.

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On 15/03/2017 at 11:12, Lord Fellatio Nelson said:

Well, he can hear a little bit and he has a careline which, to him, is the lifeline or summat.

I know you know this, but in case anyone else doesn't, it's an alarm button you wear round your neck or on your wrist linked to a phone line so if you have a fall or need help you press your button and it dials a contact centre who can despatch help.  You can also have buttons that have sensors in them so if you fall and knock yourself out the button senses the fall and dials them automatically.  There is all sorts of gadgetry that can be linked to them - speakers and timers and sensor mats and pressure pads so if confused Doris gets out of bed at night and doesn't return within a specified time the centre is automatically alerted and they would then speak to her through her speakers to check if she was ok.  Door sensors so if the front door is opened and not closed after a time the contact centre would be alerted just in case Doris has wandered off down the road.  Some really good technology going on for the safety of our elderly folk.  You should try it LFN! 

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6 hours ago, RadGuy said:

And the fucking "Oh, I'm Irish cause my great-grand-pawpaw was" types are the worst.

 

A few of my own "great-grand-pawpaws" did come from Ireland, but I agree, it's weird to base your heritage on stuff which happened 100 years ago (or more) in a country you never visit, in most of these cases! I'm only Scottish.

 

Folk should just be honest and say they like St Pats because it gives them a chance to be drunk as they believe in stereotyping nations.

 

Mind you, probably just as well it's only the drinking stereotype they pick to emulate...

 

 

5 hours ago, YoungWillz said:

Ahhh, it's one of my friends' birthdays today, I always thank St Paddy for reminding me (he's away travelling atm, so not even having to buy a birthday present).

 

I do find it strange how it's celebrated in Glasgow, I always have a fear about the sectarian side of things (it's the disease of the West of Scotland in my opinion). I did have rather a lovely St Patrick's Day in Brighton years ago though, booze on special and the people couldn't have been nicer.

 

From experience, people mostly use it as an opportunity to get drunk.

 

In other words, in America, it's considered St Patricks Day, but in Glasgow, it was Friday.

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10 hours ago, Lard Bazaar said:

I know you know this, but in case anyone else doesn't, it's an alarm button you wear round your neck or on your wrist linked to a phone line so if you have a fall or need help you press your button and it dials a contact centre who can despatch help.  You can also have buttons that have sensors in them so if you fall and knock yourself out the button senses the fall and dials them automatically.  There is all sorts of gadgetry that can be linked to them - speakers and timers and sensor mats and pressure pads so if confused Doris gets out of bed at night and doesn't return within a specified time the centre is automatically alerted and they would then speak to her through her speakers to check if she was ok.  Door sensors so if the front door is opened and not closed after a time the contact centre would be alerted just in case Doris has wandered off down the road.  Some really good technology going on for the safety of our elderly folk.  You should try it LFN! 

I will kill myself before I get to that stage.

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22 hours ago, joeyruss said:

I can't tell you the amount of times I've been pinched on St Patrick's Day...

First person who pinches me kisses asphalt.

 

My first husband's birthday is today. So is my sister's first husband's birthday. Same year and everything. Should have told us something.

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7 hours ago, Lord Fellatio Nelson said:

I will kill myself before I get to that stage.

My mother in law had one. She only used it to try to get the people at the other end to call her pastor. It got to the point where we couldn't make her understand that it wasn't a pager for her pastor, at which point she went into the nursing home.

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I'm getting an idea of a dead pool focused around musicians, but probably won't run it I unless a lot of people like the idea. 

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This morning I took a ferry from the West of Town across The River Great Ouse to the Town centre. I have never been on it before and such a simple little journey had me suppressing a fucking large grin.

I then went through town to the bus station to get a bus, yes a BUS home!!!!!!!!!

:D

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20 hours ago, Lord Fellatio Nelson said:

This morning I took a ferry from the West of Town across The River Great Ouse to the Town centre. I have never been on it before and such a simple little journey had me suppressing a fucking large grin.

I then went through town to the bus station to get a bus, yes a BUS home!!!!!!!!!

:D

What's a bus?

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1 hour ago, CarolAnn said:

What's a bus?

A vehicle that I do not wish to make a habit of using.

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On Spring Break as of now.

 

It's a beautiful 80° day but supposed to be rainy the rest of break. 'Course those who can afford to travel to Flor'da don't have to worry about that.

 

Aunt's getting married tomorrow, and after that I have a week to chill out and get baked. 

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Am I the only one who couldnt give a flying fuck for that festering pile of dog excrement they call 'Comic Relief'?

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Last time I saw Comic Relief, Rik Mayall appeared as Alan B'stard in a sketch about then PM Margaret Thatcher.

 

Might have been a few years ago now.

 

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Didn't even realise it was on until you posted LFN. 

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Checked the schedule on Radio Times now I know it's on: Peter Kay, Johnny Vegas, James Corden, David Walliams, Miranda Hart...

 

Fucking hell, I bet Michael McIntyre's on it and all.

 

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Synch Mr Nelson, synch. I heard the trailer and almost started a 'charities that are SHITE' thread about an hour ago.

 

r, I give to RNLI ,+ McMillan's. I don't give to shite like Help for Heroes or Cancer Research. They can fuck themselves.

 

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17 hours ago, charon said:

Synch Mr Nelson, synch. I heard the trailer and almost started a 'charities that are SHITE' thread about an hour ago.

 

r, I give to RNLI ,+ McMillan's. I don't give to shite like Help for Heroes or Cancer Research. They can fuck themselves.

 

 

 

Some of them can no longer fuck anything, let alone themselves - so I do give in that direction occasionally

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I'll not start my rant on Lenny Henry, so instead I'll leave this:

 

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