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Things To Do While Waiting For Death

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2 minutes ago, Lard Bazaar said:

I don’t pray, but I’ll laugh my cock off when someone finally puts a hole between Trump’s eyes.

Yeah coz then someone can stick their cock into it and try and fuck some sense into him.:D

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Here's something we can do - help me come up with a new email disclaimer paragraph.  You know the thing after your signature that nobody ever reads?  Yeah, that thing.  Here is my current one:

 

"NOTE:  This disclaimer exists for precisely one reason—to make this email appear more professional. This disclaimer shall not be construed as a guarantee of actual professionalism on the part of the sender. Any actual professionalism contained herein is purely coincidental and is in no way attributable to the presence of this disclaimer. While the sender of this email likes to think the professionalism with which she approaches her work speaks for itself, this disclaimer constitutes (i) begrudging acquiescence to the industry standard, or at least a superficial imitation thereof, and (ii) begrudging acceptance of the paradoxical reality that people who exchange emails with her both expect to see, and pay no attention to, legal disclaimers. If you aren’t reading this, then this disclaimer has done its job. Its sad, pointless job. THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT INTENDED TO BE IRONIC."

 

I'm good and tired of it and hope you wits can give me some new ideas.  And yes.  This was stolen from someone else.  

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On 27/10/2020 at 20:18, GirlSarcastic said:

Here's something we can do - help me come up with a new email disclaimer paragraph.  You know the thing after your signature that nobody ever reads?  Yeah, that thing.  Here is my current one:

 

"NOTE:  This disclaimer exists for precisely one reason—to make this email appear more professional. This disclaimer shall not be construed as a guarantee of actual professionalism on the part of the sender. Any actual professionalism contained herein is purely coincidental and is in no way attributable to the presence of this disclaimer. While the sender of this email likes to think the professionalism with which she approaches her work speaks for itself, this disclaimer constitutes (i) begrudging acquiescence to the industry standard, or at least a superficial imitation thereof, and (ii) begrudging acceptance of the paradoxical reality that people who exchange emails with her both expect to see, and pay no attention to, legal disclaimers. If you aren’t reading this, then this disclaimer has done its job. Its sad, pointless job. THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT INTENDED TO BE IRONIC."

 

I'm good and tired of it and hope you wits can give me some new ideas.  And yes.  This was stolen from someone else.  

 

 

"NOTE: This disclaimer was written by a complete stranger who was bored at work, as I completely lack the mental capacity for creative writing, or indeed I couldn't be bollocksed to write my own. God I'm useless. Not that this is necessary, of course; who actually has a disclaimer at the end of their email? Since when has that been a thing? Is this another thing Americans do to look clever or important? I mean, I've heard of people casually slipping in their job title and maybe a hand-written signature in a feeble attempt to self-aggrandise, but a disclaimer? That's taking the fucking piss. Disclaimers are a complete waste of space, as are their owners. Sure, this is a disclaimer of sorts, and yes, it's having an existential crisis, but what's the most remarkable thing here: the fact that this is a wholly unnecessary and yet self-conscious paragraph of bollocks or the fact that you're still reading it? Anyone who reads these things is clearly a pervert. Yes, you. You're a pervert. This disclaimer is on to you. We know what you've done. We have access to your hard drive. You sicken me. The authorities will know about this. Pack your things, assume a false identity, forge a new passport and hide for the rest of your miserable, unfulfilling, pointless life in the arse end of Tierra Del Fuego or somewhere, and die a scared, lonely death, mulling over all of your poor life choices, you fucking waste of piss and wind. Now get to fuck, you disgusting little cunt.

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On 30/10/2020 at 07:11, The Quim Reaper said:

 

 

"NOTE: This disclaimer was written by a complete stranger who was bored at work, as I completely lack the mental capacity for creative writing, or indeed I couldn't be bollocksed to write my own. God I'm useless. Not that this is necessary, of course; who actually has a disclaimer at the end of their email? Since when has that been a thing? Is this another thing Americans do to look clever or important? I mean, I've heard of people casually slipping in their job title and maybe a hand-written signature in a feeble attempt to self-aggrandise, but a disclaimer? That's taking the fucking piss. Disclaimers are a complete waste of space, as are their owners. Sure, this is a disclaimer of sorts, and yes, it's having an existential crisis, but what's the most remarkable thing here: the fact that this is a wholly unnecessary and yet self-conscious paragraph of bollocks or the fact that you're still reading it? Anyone who reads these things is clearly a pervert. Yes, you. You're a pervert. This disclaimer is on to you. We know what you've done. We have access to your hard drive. You sicken me. The authorities will know about this. Pack your things, assume a false identity, forge a new passport and hide for the rest of your miserable, unfulfilling, pointless life in the arse end of Tierra Del Fuego or somewhere, and die a scared, lonely death, mulling over all of your poor life choices, you fucking waste of piss and wind. Now get to fuck, you disgusting little cunt.

 

Ouch!  And yes, this is something that I think only Americans do.  It's ridiculous and pervasive.  Or perverted.  You may be on to something there.

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On 11/11/2020 at 09:04, Spade_Cooley said:

Clap.

 

 

Soooo last lockdown

 

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Currently going through the old Kirk Session registers which have recently been put online. 

 

Having a great time finding out about all the hoor-maisters I'm descended from. Clearly I come from a long line of bastards...

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Complain to your family about how awful the finale of the TV series The Office was, only to have it fall on deaf ears.

 

Endings can be disappointing.  Just ask the boys’ family.

 

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