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The Pilot and the Priest A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? ' The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston .' Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.' Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom. 'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be? 'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. ' When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'

I didn't realize the BBC forced "the poor" to own a TV.

Which James Cameron movie is that from?

Time to repeatedly pester the Guardian's NFL correspondent with Jack Pardee questions?

Although there is an argument this could be within the Time Added thread, to be fair there is 8,000,000 threads about music, so why not two about football. Some of those interested enough would have noticed my posts on early deaths of World Cup Players - but this is Deathlist and DDP ideas are wanted, I am sure and it is unlikely Emile Heskey, Paolo Wanchope and Philippe Lahm are going to be on many death pools. In time, I& will try and do all the pre-1962 surviving players, but for now, I will round up the 1950 players and pre-1938 - of which there is only one, Rene Llense, who is near 100 (EDIT Now dead). He was however a squad player who never played. Of the 1950 players, there are a maximum of 40 alive. However that World Cup saw a lot of South American teams, whose players are virtual unknowns, so the likelihood is that more Mexicans, Chilean, Bolivian and Paraguyan players are dead. 1954 and 1958 should be slightly more accurate. Some famous names on there though and some certainly worth a stab on the DDP. This will also be where other World Cup Players' deaths can be posted - and why not start as I mean to go on, with the death of Jan Zlocha, who played for the Czechoslovakian team in 1970 - 7 of their squad dead already. http://www.cas.sk/cl...ntant-cssr.html (IN Czech) Note the below is only who played, not squad members (like Llense); Switzerland||| Player ||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age -|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||Adolphe Hug|||||||||||||||(1923-09-23)23 September 1923 (aged 26) Yugoslavia||| Player||||||||||||||||||||||||||| DoB/Age 13||||||||||||||||||||||||Željko Čajkovski|||||||||(1925-05-05)5 May 1925 (aged 25) Mexico|||||||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age 1|||||||||||||||||||||||||Antonio Carbajal||||||(1929-06-07)7 June 1929 (aged 21) 16|||||||||||||||||||||Carlos Guevara|||||||||1930 8||||||||||||||||||||||||||Héctor Ortiz||||||||||||||||(1928-12-20)20 December 1928 (aged 21) 9||||||||||||||||||||||||||Mario Pérez||||||||||||||(1927-02-19)19 February 1927 (aged 23) 7|||||||||||||||||||||||||Carlos Septién||||||||||(1923-01-18)18 January 1923 (aged 27) England||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age -|||||||||||||||||||||||Roy Bentley||||||||||||||||||||(1924-05-17)17 May 1924 (aged 26) Chile||||||||||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/ Age -4|||||||||||||||||||||Manuel Álvarez Jiménez|||||||||||||(1928-05-23)23 May 1928 (aged 22) 2||||||||||||||||||||||Arturo Farías|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1927-11-01)1 November 1927 (aged 22) 15|||||||||||||||||||Carlos Ibáñez|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1931-11-30)30 November 1931 (aged 18) 8||||||||||||||||||||||Luis Mayanés|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1925-01-15)15 January 1925 (aged 25) 9|||||||||||||||||||||Manuel Muñoz|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1928-04-28)28 April 1928 (aged 22) 12|||||||||||||||||||Andrés Prieto|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1928-12-19)19 December 1928 (aged 21) 3|||||||||||||||||||||Fernando Roldán||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1921-04-01)1 April 1921 (aged 29) USA|||||||||||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age 6|||||||||||||||||||||Walter Bahr||||||||||||||||||(1927-04-01)1 April 1927 (aged 23) Sweden||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age 9|||||||||||||||||||||Karl-Erik Palmér||||||||(1929-04-17)17 April 1929 (aged 21) Italy||||||||||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age 8|||||||||||||||||||Giampiero Boniperti||||||||(1928-07-04)4 July 1928 (aged 21) 14|||||||||||||||||Osvaldo Fattori||||||||||||||||(1922-06-22)22 June 1922 (aged 28) -2||||||||||||||||||Attilio Giovannini|||||||||||||(1924-07-30)30 July 1924 (aged 25) 17||||||||||||||||Egisto Pandolfini|||||||||||||||(1926-02-19)19 February 1926 (aged 24) Paraguay||||||||Player||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age 8|||||||||||||||||||||||||Atilio López||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1925-02-05)5 February 1925 (aged 25) 9|||||||||||||||||||||||||Darío Saguier||||||||||||||||||||||||||(1926-09-11)11 September 1926 (aged 23) Bolivia|||||||||||Player|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||DoB/Age -4|||||||||||||||||||||Antonio Greco||||||||||||||||(1923-09-17)17 September 1923 (aged 26) 24 survivors (who played a game) **Note this (being alive) is presumed in the case of 3 teams*** There's also only a few others who might be alive that were a squad member: Switzerland: Friedlander, Lusenti, Siegenthaler, Beerli, Gyger Yugoslavia: Zlatkovic Mexico: Cuburu, Cordoba, M Gutierrez Chile: Rojas Italy: Caprile Paraguay: Berni, Paredes, Canete, Cantero Bolivia: a lot of them but I think they've all gone

Amateur ornithologist Nancy Tanner, aged 96. Perhaps the last living person ever to have seen an Ivory-Billed Woodpecker.

No, because that would be clearly flouting your own rules

Happy Independence Day to all our American Posters.

A military coo

What do you usually do with the cat eggs you find in your garden?

If the toggle for desktop doesn't show, internet options, and untick "load mobile page view" or somesuch, and reload page. You can bookmark the new page, and change setting back if you need to for other places. That is for stock Android browser, but others should be similar. Hopefully though, you have the desktop toggle.

Re 'The poor'. The current BBC licence fee is £145.50. That's the equivalent of 40 pence per day. Less than the price of one glass of wine/pint of beer/alcopop per week. If there is anyone so poor that they can't afford this, they should sell their TV and buy some food.

Yeah hopefully they will kill the fucker. Fuck the Halibut Brotherhood trying to turn every state in the Middle East into Saudi Arabia. I'm so glad the people (and the military) of Egypt did this I was not expecting Morsi to be unseated at all.

"The apartheid struggle icon" What a crappy bit of journalese. Why not simply say "Mr Mandela".

Good call, this thread...

Well I have decided to strip bollock naked, spray paint my genitalia in a vibrant shade of lime green, and run around my local Poundstretcher singing Puff the Magic Fucking Dragon until I'm tasered by the local PCSO. And nobody gives a shit about that either.

Following the success of channel 4's documentary, 'The man with 10 stone testicles' the next programme about John Terry's mum, 'The woman with the 15 stone cunt' will be screened on August 8th!!

Watch some multis be blown up, and hope there are a few junkies left inside. http://news.sky.com/story/1109688/dundees-landmark-tower-blocks-demolished

Forget where we had a discussion of Naveena Sine, who was attempting "to prove that people don't need to eat to live", but she's given up her quest on day 45, because she's realised that it's "dangerous".

The McCann's biggest problem is that they do not come across as very sympathetic individuals and the elephant in the room (Why did you leave them alone in the first place?) seems to be considered an unfair question when presented with their tragic (sic) plight. Also they have had their side of the story published in a best selling book (and people call the DL ghoulish) but go to extreme lengths to stop somebody publishing an alternative point of view. I for one would be quite interested (public library, not £19.99) to read it. However without a body there is no evidence against anybody and everyone will continue to think as before. But I will leave you with one thought. If the McCanns had been in any way guilty and this had come out then the whole British media would have to admit to have been taken in to an extraordinary degree which may have had more of an impact than the Levison enquiry.

That didn't stop us from locking Mrs Chamberlain up, Lady Die. If it wasn't for those liberal do-gooders and their pesky facts/retrials and stuff, she'd still be fitted up and on the inside, Prisoner Cell Block H style. I wonder who'll play Kate & Gerry in the movie? I was thinking maybe Kate Winslet & Brad Pitt.

That didn't stop us from locking Mrs Chamberlain up, Lady Die. If it wasn't for those liberal do-gooders and their pesky facts/retrials and stuff, she'd still be fitted up and on the inside, Prisoner Cell Block H style.