Leaderboard

Might have been the one I worked at.

He doesn`t look like he goes for many stroles these days:P

This one still makes me laugh: Letter from Tesco Dear Mrs. Marsh, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr Joseph Marsh has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and have considered banning your entire family from shopping in any of our stores nationwide. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our workers are attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr Marsh have been compiled and are listed below: Memo: re – Mr Joseph Marsh Complaints - Things Mr Joseph Marsh has done while his wife was shopping in our store: 1. June 22: Took 18 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolley’s when they weren't looking. 2. July 4: Set all the alarm clocks in household department to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. July 9: Made a trail of tomato ketchup on the floor leading to the toilets. 4. July 21: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 5' in fruit and veg..... and then watched what happened. 5. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 17: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in for a cup of tea if they would bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. September 29: When a shelf stacker asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and demands, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?” 8. October 31: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose in a disgusting fashion. 9. December 2: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme tune. 10. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled “Pick me! Pick me!” 11. December 23: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the foetal position and screams, “NO! NO! It's those voices again!” And; last, but not least! 12. December 24: Went into a fitting room in the clothing department, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" Please shop elsewhere. Yours, etc.

If you pay enough they will. regards, Hein

Still waiting Harvey.

Perhaps they want to buy one? regards, Hein

Yeah, but if it's good enough for an admin...

James Last has said that his concerts in April will be his.....Last

Legend, they should have employed him.

http://translate.google.co.uk/translate?hl=en&sl=no&u=http://www.dagbladet.no/2015/02/12/nyheter/politikk/litteratur/innenriks/37662624/&prev=search Tancred Jr , of the Ibsen dynasty, dead at 93.

On a point of pedantry, it landed so it's a meteorite and not a meteor. By the way PB, chocolate or vanilla stick of rock; I'm not fussy.

Old joke but... Alright girls, it's eleven o' clock, candles out please. Pop! Pop! Pop! etc.

Aye, but did you back your hunch with an entry into the Deathrace where the obit-counting sets a lower bar and Tark the Shark has just netted 323 lovely points for Estuarian Float?

Alright. So Bobbi Kristina is going to be taken off of life support tomorrow to coincide with the anniversary of Whitney's death date. Our sources were telling me that the Brown family was conflicted but realized that it was for the best. Of course, Brown's lawyer denies this but we have sources from Whitney Houston's family telling us that it's true. Sincerely, Harvey Levin TMZ Note: This is an EXCLUSIVE briefing for the DeathList. I love reading the website when I'm not producing TMZ Live and TMZ on TV and I wanted you guys to have the inside scoop.

From somewhere in the depths of facefuck...First laugh I think I've ever had from that nonsense. Apocryphal naturally, but still. Mr Wynd has been banned from Tesco's, but he didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday he was at his local Tesco's in Fakenham buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for his bitch 'Sheba' and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind him asked if he had a dog. What did she think he had an elephant? So, since he's rather silly & has little to do, on impulse he told her that no, he didn't have a dog, he was starting the Winalot diet again. He added that he probably shouldn't, because he ended up in hospital last time, he'd lost 2 stone before he woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IV's in both arms. He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and he was going to try it again. ( practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with his story.) Horrified, she asked him if he ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned him, he told her no, he stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit him. The guy behind her nearly had a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Mr Wynd is now banned from Tesco's for disrupting other customers.

Put my age as 60, slight exaggeration as I am not officially that age until August but it is weighing on my mind. Oh, the futility of life....