DL Members' Secrets

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Once, during my heady bachelor days, I managed to lure a suitably attractive lady back to my flat & er...did the dirty deed.

 

Having drunk a copious amount of alcohol I later woke from a deep slumber to discover that the bed was soaking wet & realised that I had obviously wet it. Slowly, the dreams of firemen's hoses, waterfalls & faulty plumbing began to make sense.

 

Being a gentleman I woke the beauty beside me (who had also been very much under the influence- hence her sharing duvet avec moi, no doubt) & complained that she had pissed in my bed. To this day the memory of her bursting into tears, apologising & then begging me not to tell anyone wracks me with guilt. Although perhaps not quite as much as the stern talking to I then proceeded to give her about the perils of drinking too much & warning her that getting into such a state as to succumb to incontinence was the first step of falling into a life of alcoholic destitution.

 

I occasionally still see her from time to time, on the arm of her latest beau & I still feel shame when I see the colour draining from her face as she frets over whether I'll stagger over & blurt out her dirty secret.

 

Thanks, Bald Rick, for providing this chance to unburden my soul- although having spoken to several mates & acquaintances over the years I know that I am not the first drunken, bed wetting cad to employ this dastardly tactic.

 

Cheers,

 

BHB

[Octopus of Odstock 2,194]

I broke into a ceramics shop in Greece with girlfriend L**** C***** (name protected for legal reasons), stole two plate & jug sets (well c'mon, there was no money on the premises & it was a tacky touristy ceramic shop), hotwired a jeep outside & drove into the hills above the resort. After a bit of *ahem* with the Irish minx (this was, after all, both our last days in resort), we caught the plane home, smuggling the plates out in our luggage, and giving them to our grateful, but unsuspecting mothers.

 

I haven't been back to Greece yet in case the charge of breaking & entering, theft x2 & illegal smuggling is reignited once I step on their idyllic shores again. If I am arrested, then I will blame it all on L****, whose idea it not only was, but was blond, drunk and horny, an impossible state of affairs for any man to turn a blind eye to.

 

Think that's the worse, but there might've been others where drink has erased the memory.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

[TLC 9]

I have been known, on several occasions, to laugh at dinnerladies.

 

Please try not to think any less of me as a person as a result of this, and I hope that by starting this topic off on such a low note, it will encourage others to add their confessions. Well, it can't get any worse.

 

Can it?

Now I really do have a suitable person to use the ignore button on. If you'd have said to me before your admission 'make a sentence out of these three words; dinnerladies, at & laugh' I'd have drawn a blank.

 

If it's any consolation, it would be difficult for me to think any less of you already so you've not gone down in my estimations much!

 

I'm sure I've already confessed most of my worst stuff on various DL threads, mostly involving alcohol and weddings.

 

But on the bedwetting theme, I think I can beat that. If I get extremely drunk, I occasionally sleepwalkpiss. Yes, that's right, not content to ruin my own bed in privacy, I have on at least half a dozen documented occasions (and presumably a few times more when I've not been caught) got up in the night, headed for the toilet and then take a wrong turning and either pissed up someone's bedroom door (about 4 times), just inside their bedroom (once) and the frontroom door of someone else's flat on my first (and last) visit there (once). The first five were committed against a variety of my flatmates' doors at three different properties over about 5 years. I have not even a shred of recollection of any of these events, it makes it hard to manage a genuine looking apology when it may as well have been someone else that did it as far as my memory is concerned...

 

I sent flowers & chocolate to the girl whose house I dampened; she still speaks to me but mostly to recount the tale to any of her friends/family that haven't already heard it. Fair enough I suppose.

 

Still, it's not all bad, at least I don't laugh at dinnerladies; that'd be the final step of shame to take me tumbling over the edge of the cliff.

[To die for 3]

I have been known, on several occasions, to laugh at dinnerladies.

That's brave....some of the dinnerladies at my school were terrifying.

 

We used to call one Hitler.

Not much of a confession,I know

[Handrejka 1,903]

 

I have been known, on several occasions, to laugh at dinnerladies.

That's brave....some of the dinnerladies at my school were terrifying.

 

We used to call one Hitler.

Not much of a confession,I know

 

You must have gone to the same school as me.

[Harvester Of Souls 40]

Hitler taught French at my school... Imagine the irony.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Along the bedwetting theme, I always piss myself when I'm puking after a night on the ale - after two children my flaps are wilting under the strain, and the exertion of heaving my guts up into the bucket kindly placed by Mr LB beside the bed always leaves a wet patch on the duvet. In fact, I don't actually have to be drunk - a particularly hefty sneeze will often do the trick.

 

I'd love to confess something involving an ex-wife and a burglar, but I'm too scared that someone much more technoskilled than me will trace my IP thing and find me out and tell the cops.

[Winfield 8]

Until today, I was formerly known as "That Unregistered Bloke", but now I'm registered, that ain't strictly true any more...

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Shouldn't you now be 'That Registered Bloke?'

 

 

 

Welcome anyway Winfield. I beleive I used to wear your trainers.

Until today, I was formerly known as "That Unregistered Bloke", but now I'm registered, that ain't strictly true any more...

[Lady Die 63]

I once dressed as a Nazi (I must be Prince Harry's role model) at a company "jolly", not knowing that the MD from our German office would be there.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Along the bedwetting theme, I always piss myself when I'm puking after a night on the ale - after two children my flaps are wilting under the strain, and the exertion of heaving my guts up into the bucket kindly placed by Mr LB beside the bed always leaves a wet patch on the duvet. In fact, I don't actually have to be drunk - a particularly hefty sneeze will often do the trick.

 

I'd love to confess something involving an ex-wife and a burglar, but I'm too scared that someone much more technoskilled than me will trace my IP thing and find me out and tell the cops.

 

What a post! You sound like the classy sort of bird I like, wilting flaps n'all.

 

I think you should divulge your crime of passion involving the ex-wife and burglar though. Try to think of the Death List as a confessional booth, where your anonymity is guaranteed.

 

Besides, no-one will grass you up round 'ere- I suspect we're all guilty of something, so there's honour amongst thieves.

 

Go on, Lard, spill the beans....

 

Cheers,

 

BHB

[TLC 9]

I once dressed as a Nazi (I must be Prince Harry's role model) at a company "jolly", not knowing that the MD from our German office would be there.

Don't tell me, he turned up in the same gear as you...

[Olveres 8]

I once dressed as a Nazi (I must be Prince Harry's role model) at a company "jolly", not knowing that the MD from our German office would be there.

Don't tell me, he turned up in the same gear as you...

 

You could have tried to claim you were David Bowie?

[Lady Die 63]

I once dressed as a Nazi (I must be Prince Harry's role model) at a company "jolly", not knowing that the MD from our German office would be there.

Don't tell me, he turned up in the same gear as you...

No. In fact he looks more like Napoleon Boneparte than a Nazi.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Along the bedwetting theme, I always piss myself when I'm puking after a night on the ale - after two children my flaps are wilting under the strain, and the exertion of heaving my guts up into the bucket kindly placed by Mr LB beside the bed always leaves a wet patch on the duvet. In fact, I don't actually have to be drunk - a particularly hefty sneeze will often do the trick.

 

I'd love to confess something involving an ex-wife and a burglar, but I'm too scared that someone much more technoskilled than me will trace my IP thing and find me out and tell the cops.

 

What a post! You sound like the classy sort of bird I like, wilting flaps n'all.

 

I think you should divulge your crime of passion involving the ex-wife and burglar though. Try to think of the Death List as a confessional booth, where your anonymity is guaranteed.

 

Besides, no-one will grass you up round 'ere- I suspect we're all guilty of something, so there's honour amongst thieves.

 

Go on, Lard, spill the beans....

 

Cheers,

 

BHB

 

It's not that exciting, but it is something that I probably shouldn't have done. Mr LB got divorced from his first wife as she was shagging all the local teenagers. Sadly he couldn't just cut all ties as they have a son together. When I met him, they had been split up a fair time, but she made life really difficult for Mr Lard in terms of seeing his boy and always moaning and trying to cause trouble (I don't sound like a bitter and twisted second wife at all, do I? ) She really is a bitch, and she's ginger. Anyway she married one of the scrawny twats that she'd been knobbing, and when they were on holiday, I accidently told one of the local hoodlums that she was away. Well, you can imagine my surprise when they returned only to find that they had been burgled! What a bummer.....I didn't even get a percentage of the takings.

[Winfield 8]

Mr LB got divorced from his first wife as she was shagging all the local teenagers.

 

Hmm, there could be a story here somewhere...

 

She really is a bitch, and she's ginger.

 

So...Ginger Rogers?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I like glam rock. Not just the ‘good’ glam like Bolan, the Dolls, Bowie and Slade, but the naff Chinnichap/Martin & Coulter stuff on Bell and RAK like Arrows, the Rollers, Hello, the Sweet, Kenny, Suzi Q and even, dare I admit, Gary and his Glitter Band.

 

Wait, there's worse. Wanting a nice little compilation, I trawled through Amazon and ended up buying this, which thankfully came wrapped in brown paper. So now, not only do I own songs by many of the above, I also have Donny Osmond's Puppy Love and Paper Lace's anti-war MOR monstrosity Billy Don't Be a Hero. I'll get help, I promise, though at least I've so far refrained from putting up the David Cassidy poster above my bed.

 

Anyway, back to the pet-burying and cardboard boxes, everyone.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Hmmm, thanks for bringing this thread to life again, I'd forgotten all about it. It's given me some ideas for the now ex-Mr LB's new bitch.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

I did actually consider getting this Album, God help me.

Im far too nostalgic.

[themaninblack 2,112]

I like glam rock. Not just the ‘good’ glam like Bolan, the Dolls, Bowie and Slade, but the naff Chinnichap/Martin & Coulter stuff on Bell and RAK like Arrows, the Rollers, Hello, the Sweet, Kenny, Suzi Q and even , dare I admit, Gary and his Glitter Band.

 

Wait, there’s worse. Wanting a nice little compilation, I trawled through Amazon and ended up buying this, which thankfully came wrapped in brown paper. So now, not only do I own songs by many of the above, I also have Donny Osmond’s Puppy Love and Paper Lace’s anti-war MOR monstrosity Billy Don’t Be a Hero. I’ll get help, I promise.

 

Anyway, back to the pet-burying and cardboard boxes, everyone.

 

Funny you should mention Glam Rock, I'm right now listening to Be Bop Deluxe's 1974 album 'Axe Victim'!

[Lady Grendel 139]

I like glam rock. Not just the ‘good’ glam like Bolan, the Dolls, Bowie and Slade, but the naff Chinnichap/Martin & Coulter stuff on Bell and RAK like Arrows, the Rollers, Hello, the Sweet, Kenny, Suzi Q and even, dare I admit, Gary and his Glitter Band.

 

Wait, there's worse. Wanting a nice little compilation, I trawled through Amazon and ended up buying this, which thankfully came wrapped in brown paper. So now, not only do I own songs by many of the above, I also have Donny Osmond's Puppy Love and Paper Lace's anti-war MOR monstrosity Billy Don't Be a Hero. I'll get help, I promise, though at least I've so far refrained from putting up the David Cassidy poster above my bed.

 

Anyway, back to the pet-burying and cardboard boxes, everyone.

 

Cheers for that 'arry, great songs on there. I love glam rock, much to the amusement of many people I have met that were teenagers in the early '70s. I remember one girl telling me most of them thought it a joke at the time, I don't remember it that way, mind you I didn't hit my teens until 1980.

 

Anyway a little bit of Kenny for the uninitiated. I really loved that song, I can even remember ancient old aunties up on the dance floor at family weddings doing 'The Bump', if only we'd had video cameras back then. I always thought it odd that 'get them on the dancefloor interactive stuff like The Slosh (is that a Scottish thing only?) and The Locomotion have survived for years but The Bump died out.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

I like glam rock. Not just the ‘good’ glam like Bolan, the Dolls, Bowie and Slade, but the naff Chinnichap/Martin & Coulter stuff on Bell and RAK like Arrows, the Rollers, Hello, the Sweet, Kenny, Suzi Q and even, dare I admit, Gary and his Glitter Band.

 

Wait, there's worse. Wanting a nice little compilation, I trawled through Amazon and ended up buying this, which thankfully came wrapped in brown paper. So now, not only do I own songs by many of the above, I also have Donny Osmond's Puppy Love and Paper Lace's anti-war MOR monstrosity Billy Don't Be a Hero. I'll get help, I promise, though at least I've so far refrained from putting up the David Cassidy poster above my bed.

 

Anyway, back to the pet-burying and cardboard boxes, everyone.

 

Cheers for that 'arry, great songs on there. I love glam rock, much to the amusement of many people I have met that were teenagers in the early '70s. I remember one girl telling me most of them thought it a joke at the time, I don't remember it that way, mind you I didn't hit my teens until 1980.

 

Anyway a little bit of Kenny for the uninitiated. I really loved that song, I can even remember ancient old aunties up on the dance floor at family weddings doing 'The Bump', if only we'd had video cameras back then. I always thought it odd that 'get them on the dancefloor interactive stuff like The Slosh (is that a Scottish thing only?) and The Locomotion have survived for years but The Bump died out.

.......and i thought you had excellent taste.

Im crushed

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Glam rock titans, accept no substitutes.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Glam rock titans, accept no substitutes.

Yay!!

Now that takes me back.

I would be a liar if I didnt confess to getting that one up on the tube now and again.