Pistol Knight 49 Posted February 23, 2016 Just found out why I have been unable to get comfortable in bed, and have a good nights sleep for the past few weeks. My memory foam mattress is suffering from dementia. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted February 23, 2016 Q. What were Kurt Cobain's last words? A. Hole's going to be big. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted February 28, 2016 A friend of mine is hoping to get his name in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the most number of concussions. He lives really close to me, just a stone's throw away. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 1, 2016 What happens when U2 find what they are looking for? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 1, 2016 At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy. I loved that wheelchair. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 1, 2016 At birth my fairy godmother gave me a choice.... Long memory... Or long penis... I forget my reply. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 3, 2016 When I was younger, my dad used to beat me with a camera.I still get flashbacks. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Scraggy Taters 290 Posted March 5, 2016 I had a Tarka curry last night. It's like a Tikka but a little otter. 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted March 7, 2016 Two young lads were sitting in tree when suddenly they see a naked women in the windows. The youngest of the two runs away scared. The other guy goes after him and asks him what happened. He said his mom told him if he ever saw a naked women he would turn into stone. He then screams oh shit! I already feel something getting hard. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 7, 2016 Anger as Southend bakery launches Hot Cross Buns WITHOUT ‘offensive’ cross My favourite comment so far has to be Betty's Buns | Here at Betty’s Buns we are proud to make traditional hot cross buns with the sign of the cross thereon. Furthermore we are also baking batches with the Islamic Crescent along with several versions using Pagan symbols. We will be producing plain buns for Atheists and a version with a question mark for Agnostics. EDL falls for “hot cross buns without ‘offensive’ cross” satire website 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 7, 2016 Anger as Southend bakery launches Hot Cross Buns WITHOUT ‘offensive’ cross EDL falls for “hot cross buns without ‘offensive’ cross” satire website Cockwombles. That's about right. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 7, 2016 "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She can scream all she wants, I'm keeping the umbrella. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,941 Posted March 7, 2016 A boy and is mum are having the birds and the bees chat. "A boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina - when they're locked together for extended periods of time a child is formed inside mummy, which mummy then gives birth to about nine months later." "Ok, I think I understand." A few days later the boy sleeps in mum and dads room because he's frightened after daddy's separated from mum and not their to protect him. The next morning when he wakes up he asks his mum: "Didn't you say a few days ago girls didn't have penises?" "Yes that's right." The mum replies in bemusement, "So mummy, why did I find yours under your pillow last night?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Mad Hatter 1,092 Posted March 7, 2016 A boy and is mum are having the birds and the bees chat. "A boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina - when they're locked together for extended periods of time a child is formed inside mummy, which mummy then gives birth to about nine months later." "Ok, I think I understand." A few days later the boy sleeps in mum and dads room because he's frightened after daddy's separated from mum and not their to protect him. The next morning when he wakes up he asks his mum: "Didn't you say a few days ago girls didn't have penises?" "Yes that's right." The mum replies in bemusement, "So mummy, why did I find yours under your pillow last night?" that's creepy you weirdo sister fucker. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,941 Posted March 7, 2016 A boy and is mum are having the birds and the bees chat. "A boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina - when they're locked together for extended periods of time a child is formed inside mummy, which mummy then gives birth to about nine months later." "Ok, I think I understand." A few days later the boy sleeps in mum and dads room because he's frightened after daddy's separated from mum and not their to protect him. The next morning when he wakes up he asks his mum: "Didn't you say a few days ago girls didn't have penises?" "Yes that's right." The mum replies in bemusement, "So mummy, why did I find yours under your pillow last night?" that's creepy No it's not. It's a very very very old joke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 7, 2016 A boy and is mum are having the birds and the bees chat. "A boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina - when they're locked together for extended periods of time a child is formed inside mummy, which mummy then gives birth to about nine months later." "Ok, I think I understand." A few days later the boy sleeps in mum and dads room because he's frightened after daddy's separated from mum and not their to protect him. The next morning when he wakes up he asks his mum: "Didn't you say a few days ago girls didn't have penises?" "Yes that's right." The mum replies in bemusement, "So mummy, why did I find yours under your pillow last night?" that's creepy . No it's not. It's a very very very old joke. Speaking as a coffin dodger, I agree. It's a very, very old joke 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Predictor 1,018 Posted March 7, 2016 What does flour and Morbidkid have in common? Both are inbred. Hahahahahahahaha. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 8, 2016 To acknowledge International Women's Day, I'm going to refrain from sexist comments. The chicks really dig that. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,618 Posted March 8, 2016 http://nationalproofreadingday.com/ It's also natinal profreeding day. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat O'Falk 3,290 Posted March 8, 2016 http://nationalproofreadingday.com/ It's also natinal profreeding day. I hop the Kyd takes mote. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted March 8, 2016 http://nationalproofreadingday.com/ It's also natinal profreeding day. Is it a coincidence that today's also International Women's Day? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,534 Posted March 8, 2016 Did you know you can't run through a campsite ? You can only "ran" - it's past tents. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted March 8, 2016 Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze. 1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. ' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?' 1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!' 2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin ' machines!' 1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?' 2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.' 1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?' 3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no dick!! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
