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The death of Jackie Collins reminded me of this one, I think it is best if we set this joke maybe about 30 years ago when Joan Collins was on Dynasty. Joan Collins goes to a plastic surgeon because she was afraid her lady bits were drooping a little too much and that some vaginaplasty would tidy her up. The doctor agreed and suggested that she has the surgery. Joan says, ok we can do it next week, but no-one can know about it, it has to be a complete secret. The doctor agreed and they did the operation. After Joan recovered they wheeled her back to her room and it was filled with bouquets of flowers. The room was full of them. She was furious because she thought the doctor had not kept her secret. She summoned him to her room and started yelling at him. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT MY SURGERY!" The doctor said, "Sorry Joan I only told one person and I had to tell him. Read this card." The card read "Hi Joan, Get Well Soon and Thanks For the Ears, Love Niki Lauda

I'm not one to defend David Cameron but is it really the kind of question you'd ask a prospective candidate? As a service to the nation though, perhaps we should come up with a list of questions that should be put before all those considering throwing their hat in the ring - starting with have you ever thrown your hat in a ring?

Nasty little post. "Happy birthday" would have been sufficient.

Not necessarily. Superfast is a bit of a con trick, unless you need a high speed for data/music downloading or your broadband speed is mega shite but a provider will offer you superfast to compensate it, don't bother. My landline STILL don't work. You are fucking joking!!!!! I'm fucking not. They refuse to fix it. Insist it's my fault. Costs me a fortune to keep ringing them from my mobile, and it's causing me so much grief I've stopped bothering, it boils my fucking piss so much each time I try and speak to them that I'll have a fucking coronary soon. I've taken to gobbing on every Openreach van I see Its not down to Openreach, its down to your provider. They only refuse to send us out to fix it because you refuse to pay. Your best bet is to contact Ofcom and tell them what a bunch of fucktards your provider is. Its Talk Talk, isnt it? They are the worlds worst, I cannot even begin to understand how they are still a functioning business, every customer Ive ever been to that's had them has exclaimed 'Never Again! No it's BT, and I will never use them again once I can get out of this contract, I have five cunting months left and I'm seriously considering just not fucking paying any more and letting the cunts take me to court, fuck knows how I'm going to watch MotoGP but I will not give them a single penny more after my contract is up, they are crooks and their customer service is fucking abysmal, most of them can't speak English in a way that anyone outside of Bombay understands, and the ones that can are fucking rude, I've never had more fucking total RAGE than when I've had to speak to them. In fact I'm raging now just talking about it.

Would probably have been bigger tbh. Fitted in with 'icons' etc. Though, given his colour , he might not want to have been associated with being a torch singer .

Not as late as the pig

It's not even midnight in New Zealand (half an hour left), but I won't be on later today, so I've got to do this now: Happy 53rd and last birthday, Martin! Make sure to party like there's no tomorrow (because for you, there likely isn't).

A curious parallel to the last day that had a truly significant death, which, in my opinion was the 30th of August with Oliver Sacks and Wes Craven: Both Oliver Sacks and Brian Sewell were gay intellectuals probably on many deathpoolers' shortlists - and both Jackie Collins and Wes Craven kept their cancer a secret.

Principal owner of the Chicago Bears Virginia Halas McCaskey born 1923. She doesn't look too ill in pictures, but owning and running a major sports team like the Bears can't be very good for your heath, especially a 92 year old

S'cuse me splitting hairs but...since when were those two things mutually exclusive?

So what? Zsa Zsa received the last rites a couple of years ago and she is, sadly, still with us 5 years 1 month and still waiting FYI !!!!!

I am sure you are used to it by now.

If he lives, he might celebrate by making an album with Wilko Johnson!

Im sure there are but, ya know, the whole point of starting a topic, even if its shite like this, is to keep the place alive and ticking over etc. Very nice link but............. Its for the good folk of DL to come up with ones, right? OK, how about this one: Caitlyn Jenner and Suzie Dent. I don't know which one I feel more sorry for. Well one of them hangs out with a bunch of annoying nerds all day, who administer a very dull form of entertainment that is showing the strain and many people think it should be put to bed. And the other one probably can't afford to live in Hollywood on her Channel 4 salary.