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Prince Philip: "No, Harry, that's not what getting something for Black Friday means..."

Everton.

Donald Trump didn't reject shit.

Times Person of the year is clearly Taika Waititi, and I will fight anyone that disagrees with me.

Azelia Banks- The base of 212 was from some Belgian DJ,without that hook she is nobody. Paul McCartney- Without Martin,Lennon,Harrison and Ringo he would be selling meat out of a freezer right now. Kirk Douglas-The Weinstein of the 50's,lucky for him all the victims are now old or dead.

Him and Leah Bracknell then. To be fair - her hold on life as of late November is confounding some of our online experts hereabouts. He's DL top 50 gold in 2018, assuming he makes the start line, surely

Jesus how bad are things are you, even an abaris for someone who drinks spirits like water and smokes 60 a day came back at 40. Calculator says I'll live until 80 and I'm not a very healthy person. (They think I could add 20 years to my life by making some changes but 80 is long enough in my book).

According to FIFA.com he was on the bench for both games. According to a flimsy google search, subs were first allowed at the 70 World Cup?

Indeed. There's a fair few of the old timers hanging on - enough for a theme team. Trelles is the oldest known to be still about though.

I’m not sure what they’re even complaining about. Why wouldn’t they replace Lord Jesus with a sausage roll when Lord Jesus spelt backwards is susejd rol.....?!

That's what TMIB did the year I forgot to name a joker!

That would be last september smartass.

A delightful anniversary, I might add, in addition to aforementioned rather annoying formal celebrations me and Liz took ourselves off to our palace bedroom and celebrated more traditionally, in the human nature historic sense. We might be old but the whips and chains still do the business, she's been a lot more willing in that department since I bought her 50 shades of grey for Christmas. Onwards and forwards, perhaps, if only she could also retire so we can enjoy some quality time together.

They should have put him on Channel 666 just for a laugh

You can rest assured I intend on going absolutely nowhere. I might be growing tired in my elderly age, but any fucker would if they had to inject themselves with the blood of the youthful twenty somethings they knew to keep themselves alive three times a day. My doctor says another ten years, regardless of the earthling suit failing, the reptile body has years in it. I will just morph to a new all powerful being, when the time comes. I quite fancy the Australian High Commissioner, a much nicer climate, or perhaps US President.

Prince Philip looked really old and worn out at the Cenotaph ceremony yesterday...... looking more and more like his days are numbered!

James Corden

The only highlight of the 2015 election night was seeing him spar with Dimbles (for what we all thought was one last time!) at six in the morning...

Well if he's in good enough condition to go on holiday he should be fine.

This isn't the place for you to boss people around.

Fuckin ell mate, is it rag week or summat? Calm yer tits!