Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,181 Posted February 17, 2015 Being a woman.But you do get all the best jobs and better pay.... ...oh wait. At least you get into clubs for free on a Friday night whereas us blokes have to pay. On average women live a few years longer than geezers. I don't know how much fun those years are, living with faulty plumbing. regards, Hein I can't remember the last time I went into a club - it was probably about 3 years ago. It was full of pissed-up, middle-aged, mutton-dressed-as-spam slags looking to get fingered in the park on the way home......oh wait..... Fingered? You are in Wiltshire Lardy, that's going to be 14 fingers and retro Casio digital special going elbows in there. Anyway, while we are on the "oh woe is me coz I is a wimmin" bollocks, a woman at work has just given birth to her second child. Now how long has she got off for that then? How about ELEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,075 Posted February 18, 2015 Being a woman.But you do get all the best jobs and better pay.... ...oh wait. At least you get into clubs for free on a Friday night whereas us blokes have to pay. On average women live a few years longer than geezers. I don't know how much fun those years are, living with faulty plumbing. regards, Hein I can't remember the last time I went into a club - it was probably about 3 years ago. It was full of pissed-up, middle-aged, mutton-dressed-as-spam slags looking to get fingered in the park on the way home......oh wait..... Fingered? You are in Wiltshire Lardy, that's going to be 14 fingers and retro Casio digital special going elbows in there. Anyway, while we are on the "oh woe is me coz I is a wimmin" bollocks, a woman at work has just given birth to her second child. Now how long has she got off for that then? How about ELEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that is way too short a time. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,753 Posted February 18, 2015 Being a woman.But you do get all the best jobs and better pay.... ...oh wait. At least you get into clubs for free on a Friday night whereas us blokes have to pay. On average women live a few years longer than geezers. I don't know how much fun those years are, living with faulty plumbing. regards, Hein I can't remember the last time I went into a club - it was probably about 3 years ago. It was full of pissed-up, middle-aged, mutton-dressed-as-spam slags looking to get fingered in the park on the way home......oh wait..... Fingered? You are in Wiltshire Lardy, that's going to be 14 fingers and retro Casio digital special going elbows in there. Anyway, while we are on the "oh woe is me coz I is a wimmin" bollocks, a woman at work has just given birth to her second child. Now how long has she got off for that then? How about ELEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come back and complain when you've squeezed a watermelon out of your jap's eye and had someone chewing on your nipples for six months straight, and have had no proper sleep for the last four months of your pregnancy because you're the size of a fucking airship and can't turn over in bed without help from the local fire brigade, and then no sleep for the next three years because your lazy ass twat of a husband pretends to be asleep every time the baby screams, and then the one and only time he DOES get up in the night to take the baby downstairs to feed her, he comes and wakes you up to tell you PRINCESS DIANA HAS FUCKING DIED. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,941 Posted February 18, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,753 Posted February 18, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching. Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,941 Posted February 18, 2015 Good, we agree. Childbirth is pretty much one ear blocked with wax in the pain stakes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,181 Posted February 18, 2015 Being a woman.But you do get all the best jobs and better pay.... ...oh wait. At least you get into clubs for free on a Friday night whereas us blokes have to pay. On average women live a few years longer than geezers. I don't know how much fun those years are, living with faulty plumbing. regards, Hein I can't remember the last time I went into a club - it was probably about 3 years ago. It was full of pissed-up, middle-aged, mutton-dressed-as-spam slags looking to get fingered in the park on the way home......oh wait..... Fingered? You are in Wiltshire Lardy, that's going to be 14 fingers and retro Casio digital special going elbows in there. Anyway, while we are on the "oh woe is me coz I is a wimmin" bollocks, a woman at work has just given birth to her second child. Now how long has she got off for that then? How about ELEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come back and complain when you've squeezed a watermelon out of your jap's eye and had someone chewing on your nipples for six months straight, and have had no proper sleep for the last four months of your pregnancy because you're the size of a fucking airship and can't turn over in bed without help from the local fire brigade, and then no sleep for the next three years because your lazy ass twat of a husband pretends to be asleep every time the baby screams, and then the one and only time he DOES get up in the night to take the baby downstairs to feed her, he comes and wakes you up to tell you PRINCESS DIANA HAS FUCKING DIED. That's given me the right fucking 'orn!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,503 Posted February 18, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching. Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted February 18, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching. Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,941 Posted February 18, 2015 I had to google that. At first I thought it was just your shorthand for a Kleenex tissue that "somehow" had become rock hard... 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Youwanticewiththat 611 Posted February 18, 2015 I had to google that. At first I thought it was just your shorthand for a Kleenex tissue that "somehow" had become rock hard... Bleuuuuugh Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,503 Posted February 18, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching.Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. That only hurts if you step on it with your heel. Personally I'd rather step on a K'Nex rod than a Lego brick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted February 18, 2015 I had to google that. At first I thought it was just your shorthand for a Kleenex tissue that "somehow" had become rock hard... Thanks for that mental image of down the back of your bed mate... In all seriousness I haven't laughed that hard for ages. Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching.Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. That only hurts if you step on it with your heel. Personally I'd rather step on a K'Nex rod than a Lego brick. The little grooves down the side can hurt just about anywhere and if there's a connector attached you've really had it. At least with a lego brick you know what you're getting, the K'Nex connectors turn it into a bit of a lucky dip. A while since I've had either though... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,753 Posted February 18, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching.Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. When me and my sister lived at home, we shared a bedroom, and she did tapestry for a hobby. One day I stepped on a tapestry needle that she'd obviously lost or dropped, and it went RIGHT IN MY FOOT ABOUT A CENTIMETRE, and I had to stand there trying not to vom while she pulled it out. Now that fucking hurt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 5,853 Posted February 19, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching. Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe. treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. When me and my sister lived at home, we shared a bedroom, and she did tapestry for a hobby. One day I stepped on a tapestry needle that she'd obviously lost or dropped, and it went RIGHT IN MY FOOT ABOUT A CENTIMETRE, and I had to stand there trying not to vom while she pulled it out. Now that fucking hurt. I once had a paper cut. :-( 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,503 Posted February 19, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching.Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe.treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. When me and my sister lived at home, we shared a bedroom, and she did tapestry for a hobby. One day I stepped on a tapestry needle that she'd obviously lost or dropped, and it went RIGHT IN MY FOOT ABOUT A CENTIMETRE, and I had to stand there trying not to vom while she pulled it out. Now that fucking hurt. I once had a paper cut. :-( Carboard cuts hurt like buggery. I sliced my finger while opening a laser printer toner cartridge box. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,162 Posted February 19, 2015 Standing barefoot on an upturned plug is waaaaaaay worse, so quit your bitching.Or stubbing your little toe, and then doing it again an hour later on the exact same toe.treading on a lego brick in the middle of the night while barefoot is no joke either. Nout compared to stepping on a K'Nex rod. When me and my sister lived at home, we shared a bedroom, and she did tapestry for a hobby. One day I stepped on a tapestry needle that she'd obviously lost or dropped, and it went RIGHT IN MY FOOT ABOUT A CENTIMETRE, and I had to stand there trying not to vom while she pulled it out. Now that fucking hurt. I once had a paper cut. :-( Carboard cuts hurt like buggery. I sliced my finger while opening a laser printer toner cartridge box. My friend Douglas hit me on the forehead with a golf club when I was 11. He said it was an accident. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,398 Posted February 19, 2015 Back to toys attacking at night: I stepped on a model car once. It started to roll, I lost my footing, fell and banged my head on a table. I'm not sure if the table was part of the conspiracy. My foot hardly hurt. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,162 Posted February 19, 2015 Back to toys attacking at night: I stepped on a model car once. It started to roll, I lost my footing, fell and banged my head on a table. I'm not sure if the table was part of the conspiracy. My foot hardly hurt. regards, Hein That sounds like something I would've liked to witness. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,753 Posted February 19, 2015 My sister once actually did that standing on a rake thing. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,753 Posted February 20, 2015 And, I stabbed Martin Penny in the face with a pencil when I was six. Just missed his eye. He was fucking me right off, I think he secretly fancied me. I'm enjoying this topic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,162 Posted February 21, 2015 I once smashed my friends head off the concrete ground whilst pretending to be a power ranger when I was about 8. Another time I was throwing stones at an arsehole called Brian. He was a dick. Anyway, one hit him on the mouth and he started bleeding profusely. It was only later that I learned he had undergone surgery on his mouth a week or so earlier for his speech impediment or something. However another time I decided to have a go at a bigger kid by threatening him with a stick with nails in it. He pulled some kind of spiderman mask over his face, pulled the stick out of my hands, cutting them with the nails. I was left howling. Not my finest moment. I was 23 . This is why I have been banned from cafes... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,270 Posted February 21, 2015 I could have sworn there was a Sky news "reporter" (lol) named Martin Penny. But I googled it and nothing came up. =/ Well anyway......... when we was all 10 & 11 me and a couple of friends used to kick each other in the balls a lot....... er, that's all I guess. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,753 Posted February 21, 2015 I spelt Martin Penny slightly differently to the actual Martin Penny that I stabbed, just in case he googles his own name, thus uncovering my identity and revealing that in real life I'm Wee Jimmy Krankie. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deathray 2,940 Posted February 22, 2015 Inconsistencies in soaps treatment of children's mental capabilities. We're supposed to buy that a ten or eleven year old wouldn't recognise a dead body and be capable of deducing that the music box he just whacked off her head while she was fully mobile was responsible for that dead body yet believe that a seven year old is capable of conspiring to and being an active participant in murdering her own grandmother purely so her dad can inherit some money? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
