Godot 149 Posted July 3, 2008 The 'Custard Cream Incident' is perhaps a misleading name, but it refers to.... etc etc Windsor, that and the trolley story must be contenders for post of the year. Have you ever thought of writing a Basil Fawlty-type sitcom based on your care home experiences? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted July 3, 2008 The 'Custard Cream Incident' is perhaps a misleading name, but it refers to.... etc etc Have you ever thought of writing a Basil Fawlty-type sitcom based on your care home experiences? I'll give it a go - the scripts write themselves in that place. I'm working with the Trolley girl again this weekend so there may well be more 'incidents' to report soon. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted July 3, 2008 So who got to eat the spunky biscuit in the end then? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,100 Posted July 3, 2008 So who got to eat the spunky biscuit in the end then? Biscuit got it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted July 3, 2008 So who got to eat the spunky biscuit in the end then? For f**k's sake, that's two days in a row my dinner has nearly made a return journey. Just take a minute to genuinely and seriously imagine in your mind's eye eating a spunky custard cream - go on, really imagine it, imagine the taste, the smell, the texture - and I defy you not to feel at the very least slightly nauseous. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Monoclinic 39 Posted July 3, 2008 So who got to eat the spunky biscuit in the end then? For f**k's sake, that's two days in a row my dinner has nearly made a return journey. Just take a minute to genuinely and seriously imagine in your mind's eye eating a spunky custard cream - go on, really imagine it, imagine the taste, the smell, the texture - and I defy you not to feel at the very least slightly nauseous. I hate custard creams too LB. Could explain why they're always a "granny's favourite" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,100 Posted July 3, 2008 I hate custard creams too LB. Could explain why they're always a "granny's favourite" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted July 3, 2008 I hate custard creams too LB. Could explain why they're always a "granny's favourite" NNNNOOOOOOOOOO that vision in my mind is even worse now! My granny would never do such a thing! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted July 3, 2008 That reminds me: I remember my dad eating a pile of nuts off the mantlepiece when my grandma was living with us, only to find they had been chocolate-coated hazelnuts that my gran couldn't crunch without her false teeth so she'd just sucked off the chocolate. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted July 3, 2008 I confess, I had never heard of the custard cream wankfest. Just one question. Lardy, do all the males in your neck of the woods suffer from premature ejaculation? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,903 Posted July 3, 2008 I always thought the preferred biscuit for that particular game was a digestive (if so spunk probably improves the taste) but then I've also heard the whole thing is an urban myth. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted July 3, 2008 I confess, I had never heard of the custard cream wankfest.Just one question. Lardy, do all the males in your neck of the woods suffer from premature ejaculation? How should I know, I haven't had a shag in ages Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Boudicca 702 Posted July 4, 2008 Cards. Greetings cards as they say in America. What a bloody waste of time, money and trees! Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, Valentines, Engagements, Weddings, New Baby cards, I've had and sent thousands over the years and do I still own any? Nope - straight in the bin and off they f**k. Worst of all are Hallmark Holiday cards. Who decided a few years ago that grandparents should get one from your children on Mothering Sunday and Father's Day? My sister gave my Dad a card and mug from her kids saying, "Happy Father's Day Grandad!"* Josef Frizl was still in the news at the time. *Do these sell well in Cumbria MPFC? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 926 Posted July 5, 2008 Cards. Greetings cards as they say in America. What a bloody waste of time, money and trees! Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, Valentines, Engagements, Weddings, New Baby cards, I've had and sent thousands over the years and do I still own any? Nope - straight in the bin and off they f**k. Worst of all are Hallmark Holiday cards. Who decided a few years ago that grandparents should get one from your children on Mothering Sunday and Father's Day? My sister gave my Dad a card and mug from her kids saying, "Happy Father's Day Grandad!"* Josef Frizl was still in the news at the time. *Do these sell well in Cumbria MPFC? eCards are the only way to go. Set 'em all up at the beginning of the year and they send out automatically. If you want to send one to someone for the hell of it you can do that too. I lovies them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 110 Posted July 6, 2008 What a bloody waste of time, money and trees! Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, Valentines, Engagements, Weddings, New Baby cards, I've had and sent thousands over the years and do I still own any? Nope - straight in the bin and off they f**k. I agree with you, Bou. I've always felt that if people spoke their hearts out on the best occasions of our lifetimes "Hall Mark" cards would definitely go out of buisness. If you really think about it, all these greeting cards are substitutes for people exploiting their true feelings durning conversation. People will end up throwing cards away, but the words you speak to them will forever live in their memory. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty In Pink 1 Posted July 6, 2008 Irresponsible dog owners who litter the streets with barkers eggs for me to step in and bring home to decorate the carpets. I love dogs and have 2 myself but I can always manage to clean up after them! Shame the same can't be said for all owners! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 110 Posted July 6, 2008 It's couinsidential that you bring up dog owners who who feel it's sanitary to let their pets sh*t all over the place so you can sink into it with your brand-new walking shoes. The other day I was out by edgewater which overlooks New York City. It's an amazing place to live if you have money and my example of it is "It's like the best of Florida in Jersey" Anyway, it's required in that area to leash and pick up after your pet. It's illegal to have them running loose and on first warning you could receive up to a $200 fine. Minutes after I see the warning sign, I see some guy with his two dogs running passed me with him holding the dog leashes. I didn't say hello to him or anything. I just sort of pointed at him. About 90 seconds after I see the guy going after his dogs, I see a cop car going right down his way. I thought it was pretty funny. People pay way to much in that area to be walking home from work and then have to step in dog sh*t. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,233 Posted July 7, 2008 People pay way to much in that area to be walking home from work and then have to step in dog sh*t. All the more reason to leave it on their door-step. What causes the most environmental damage? Dog sh*t or plastic bags (which most people use to pick up after their dogs)? By leaving it, you're helping to save the environment. (Having said that I do pick up after my dog (I have a pretty bad record when it comes to stepping in sh*t)). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Grendel 139 Posted July 8, 2008 Irresponsible dog owners who litter the streets with barkers eggs for me to step in and bring home to decorate the carpets. I love dogs and have 2 myself but I can always manage to clean up after them! Shame the same can't be said for all owners! I'm with you on this one sez44, I always picked up after mine. Up here you can be fined for not doing so, although since that law came into practice 4 years ago I've only heard of one person being fined. I was talking to a policeman a couple of months ago about it and he told me he refuses to walk his dogs now as picking up after them is 'disgusting', gets his wife to do it instead, so I suppose with that attitude it's understandable there aren't many people being fined . What causes the most environmental damage? Dog sh*t or plastic bags (which most people use to pick up after their dogs)? By leaving it, you're helping to save the environment. You can get biodegradable dog sh*t bags W, check with your local council, some hand them out free. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted July 8, 2008 Even more bizarre is the fairly common practice of clearing up the dog-eggs into a plastic bag and then chucking the bag into a hedge, thus preventing Fido's Faecal Fudge from actually bio-degrading naturally. Being a self-righteous dog-owner I'm totally in agreement with the Honorable Member for Fraserburgh. People pay way to much in that area to be walking home from work and then have to step in dog sh*t. All the more reason to leave it on their door-step. What causes the most environmental damage? Dog sh*t or plastic bags (which most people use to pick up after their dogs)? By leaving it, you're helping to save the environment. (Having said that I do pick up after my dog (I have a pretty bad record when it comes to stepping in sh*t)). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty In Pink 1 Posted July 8, 2008 Irresponsible dog owners who litter the streets with barkers eggs for me to step in and bring home to decorate the carpets. I love dogs and have 2 myself but I can always manage to clean up after them! Shame the same can't be said for all owners! I'm with you on this one sez44, I always picked up after mine. Up here you can be fined for not doing so, although since that law came into practice 4 years ago I've only heard of one person being fined. I was talking to a policeman a couple of months ago about it and he told me he refuses to walk his dogs now as picking up after them is 'disgusting', gets his wife to do it instead, so I suppose with that attitude it's understandable there aren't many people being fined . What causes the most environmental damage? Dog sh*t or plastic bags (which most people use to pick up after their dogs)? By leaving it, you're helping to save the environment. You can get biodegradable dog sh*t bags W, check with your local council, some hand them out free. Didn't know you could get biodegradable bags Lady Grendel, I'll be sure to buy them next time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pretty In Pink 1 Posted July 8, 2008 Even more bizarre is the fairly common practice of clearing up the dog-eggs into a plastic bag and then chucking the bag into a hedge, thus preventing Fido's Faecal Fudge from actually bio-degrading naturally. Being a self-righteous dog-owner I'm totally in agreement with the Honorable Member for Fraserburgh. I saw a bag of barkers eggs hanging on the arm of a park bench recently with a bin only yards away! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deadtowrites 2 Posted July 8, 2008 Even more bizarre is the fairly common practice of clearing up the dog-eggs into a plastic bag and then chucking the bag into a hedge, thus preventing Fido's Faecal Fudge from actually bio-degrading naturally. Being a self-righteous dog-owner I'm totally in agreement with the Honorable Member for Fraserburgh. Isn't this just proof that we never really grow out of the hiding things under your bed approach to having to tidy your room? We're an odd lot humans, it never worked when we were 5, yet still I bet we all have drawers and cheaply priced Ikea storage spaces full of crap, most likely in non-biodegradable plastic bags too. OCDers exempted. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarolAnn 926 Posted July 9, 2008 Keeping on the dog theme (which is easy to do with me)... Why don't people realize that dogs require interaction with people and other dogs? The amount of damage done when a dog isn't socialized is immense. My current foster, Skipper, is the result of what happens when you tie up a dog outside and don't show it any affection or attention. He's unsocialized and aggressive, he can't function in a group of other dogs, he misreads cues and attacks rather than adapts. He almost went after my husband last night. On the other hand he's got a ton of personality, he's funny, he's affectionate when he's not scared....there's so much wonderful in Skipper that unfortunately goes out the window when he's afraid. If we don't turn a corner with him soon I will have to have him euthanized and he will have never had a chance to be the dog I know he can be. His owner dumped him at the animal shelter because they wanted a Boston Terrier instead. Steven and I have tried to save him but I'm not sure he can be rehabilitated. I've never failed to rehabilitate a cocker spaniel. If I have to I will take him to the vet and hold him while he dies, then I will take a picture of his dead body and nail it to the front door of his former owner's house. Sometimes I really hate people. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted July 9, 2008 And staying on the topic of sh*t, why is it that dog owners are generally required to pick up their dog's crap, but horse owners aren't? I live on an estate where horses are regularly ridden on the roads and footpaths, and many is the time I have had to negotiate a huge pile of steaming crap on the path - why shouldn't the riders have to pick it up, the same as dog owners? GET OFF YOUR HORSEY ASSES AND PICK UP THE sh*t! It's just as horrid to step in horse sh*t as dog sh*t when you're wearing your best white trainers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
