Room 101

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

What, the big flying buggers or little crawling sh*ts?

Ants.

[Guest TDF]

What, the big flying buggers or little crawling sh*ts?

Ants.

Doesn't matter. Nasty crawling, flying, biting, entirely indestrucible bastards!! They've taken up residence and made an entire city in my lawn. I've put that much ant powder down that the grass looks like its been sh*t on by the Devon seagulls. I'm thinking of buying a flame thrower and just torching the whole lot!

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

My late Grandfather used to run a logging business. He used the same approach to ridding his woods of wood ants.

 

An army surplus flame thrower.

 

He once took out a whole unwanted hedge in our garden in about 30 seconds. As a small boy watching, this was obviously the Best Thing Ever!

 

Unfortunately, I think this was carefully disposed of when he died, so I can't lend it to you for the weekend

 

What, the big flying buggers or little crawling sh*ts?

Ants.

Doesn't matter. Nasty crawling, flying, biting, entirely indestrucible bastards!! They've taken up residence and made an entire city in my lawn. I've put that much ant powder down that the grass looks like its been sh*t on by the Devon seagulls. I'm thinking of buying a flame thrower and just torching the whole lot!

[Pretty In Pink 1]

What, the big flying buggers or little crawling sh*ts?

Ants.

Doesn't matter. Nasty crawling, flying, biting, entirely indestrucible bastards!! They've taken up residence and made an entire city in my lawn. I've put that much ant powder down that the grass looks like its been sh*t on by the Devon seagulls. I'm thinking of buying a flame thrower and just torching the whole lot!

 

My Dad always used boiling water on the ants in our garden but I don't think that will do the lawn any favours!

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

The stupid cow who last night set a new record in urban thoughtlessness by actually having her bicycle with her inside the mini Sainsbury's near my house. When I suggested using one's bicycle the block the entire entrance area to a shop probably wasn't the best of plans, especially with a purpose built bike rack twenty yards away, she got in one of those self-righteous huffs that London cyclists seem to specilaise in.

[honez 79]

What, the big flying buggers or little crawling sh*ts?

Ants.

Doesn't matter. Nasty crawling, flying, biting, entirely indestrucible bastards!! They've taken up residence and made an entire city in my lawn. I've put that much ant powder down that the grass looks like its been sh*t on by the Devon seagulls. I'm thinking of buying a flame thrower and just torching the whole lot!

I've got these little bastards in my garden and I can confirm their bite is definitely worse than any bee or wasp sting I've ever had. I poured petrol down their nest and torched 'em -- which is what earned me the bite, but it got rid of most of them.

[Lady Grendel 139]

I don't know where the main fuse box is to turn the lights back on. I wonder if anyone knows what causes this?

It's probably because it's dark. It might be best if you use a torch to find it. Let me know if that helps.

 

To stop future torch-reliance, you might like to consider the composition of your clothing; friction from man-made fibres, tights, what the soles of your shoes are made of, whether the floor is carpeted (especially man-made fibres again) and (not that I'm suggesting this is the case here, LG,) thigh-rubbing and foot-shuffling when walking have a huge potential for static electricity build up and subsequent discharge. You may wish to test this out experimentally by spending a day at home naked, walking around on tip-toes with your legs wide apart. Be sure to let us know how you go.

 

Ah, a torch, now why didn't I think of that, could be I couldn't be arsed to wander round the house looking for one(in the dark) . As for the rest, clothing is possible, although tights???!!!!! Haven't worn tights in years, nasty uncomfortable things, I much prefer stockings. I can completely rule out 'thigh-rubbing and foot shuffling', I may be not be thin but I'm not that fat and I have been told I have the 'tread of an elephant', sadly many of my boots over the years can testify to that, stilletto heels break about half way down after a few months of me walking on them. Very good suggestion about the experiment but I'll take a raincheck on that for the time being, so there won't be any photos AtJ and I won't need someone to record it for research either LFN .

[Gunjaman5000 30]

What, the big flying buggers or little crawling sh*ts?

Ants.

Doesn't matter. Nasty crawling, flying, biting, entirely indestrucible bastards!! They've taken up residence and made an entire city in my lawn. I've put that much ant powder down that the grass looks like its been sh*t on by the Devon seagulls. I'm thinking of buying a flame thrower and just torching the whole lot!

I've got these little bastards in my garden and I can confirm their bite is definitely worse than any bee or wasp sting I've ever had. I poured petrol down their nest and torched 'em -- which is what earned me the bite, but it got rid of most of them.

That's the Mick Jagger method of pest eradication; Jumping Jacks + Gas, gas, gas = Flash.

 

 

 

Nearly, but not quite.

[Terminator 13]

And staying on the topic of sh*t, why is it that dog owners are generally required to pick up their dog's crap, but horse owners aren't? I live on an estate where horses are regularly ridden on the roads and footpaths, and many is the time I have had to negotiate a huge pile of steaming crap on the path - why shouldn't the riders have to pick it up, the same as dog owners? GET OFF YOUR HORSEY ASSES AND PICK UP THE sh*t! It's just as horrid to step in horse sh*t as dog sh*t when you're wearing your best white trainers.

 

You could always move away from it all...........into the 20th/21st century?

 

 

I don't get it - you're implying that I'm living in the 19th century, why? Because I don't like stepping in sh*t? I'm obviously missing the point somewhere.

 

I think (s)he is implying that you move away from the tranquil, beautiful, idyllic countryside of Wiltshire and move to a crowded, polluted sewer that calls itself a city where the odds of dying from a chav inflicted stab wound are vastly increased. (Portsmouth is not too far away, should you decide to heed this advice. I doubt they'd even be able to identify a horse at 20 paces let alone spell it)

 

I was merely musing that, within the context of your comments, the gripe about horse sh*t could have been pulled from a Thomas Hardy novel.

 

I'm also amazed that I'm still perceived as asexual.......hmmmmm

[Godot 149]

F*****g sunshine.

[Terminator 13]

F*****g sunshine.

 

Thank you, Godot.

 

I agree entirely....I had eye laser correction therapy in the dark ages (early 90s) and I am ultra-photosensitive these days. This sunight is really painful for me. I do believe they've moved on leaps and bounds since then, but sunlight is truly my continuing curse. (Or was it the vampire bite I got in Transylvania?)

 

Anyhow, harsh sunlight is definitely in Room 101 for me.

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

F*****g sunshine.

 

Thank you, Godot.

 

I agree entirely....I had eye laser correction therapy in the dark ages (early 90s) and I am ultra-photosensitive these days. This sunight is really painful for me. I do believe they've moved on leaps and bounds since then, but sunlight is truly my continuing curse. (Or was it the vampire bite I got in Transylvania?)

 

Anyhow, harsh sunlight is definitely in Room 101 for me.

 

I guess I won't meet you in Las Vegas in August then? Anybody else going?

[Madame Defarge 21]

F*****g sunshine.

 

Thank you, Godot.

 

I agree entirely....I had eye laser correction therapy in the dark ages (early 90s) and I am ultra-photosensitive these days. This sunight is really painful for me. I do believe they've moved on leaps and bounds since then, but sunlight is truly my continuing curse. (Or was it the vampire bite I got in Transylvania?)

 

Anyhow, harsh sunlight is definitely in Room 101 for me.

 

I guess I won't meet you in Las Vegas in August then? Anybody else going?

Why don't you just come to New York instead? It's just as hot in August and you can lose your money just as fast here.

[Paul Bearer 6,101]

Why don't you just come to New York instead? It's just as hot in August and you can lose your money just as fast here.

 

I'd love to, but the plane will be landing in Philadelphia (spelling?) then on to Vegas. Was in NY last year for a few hours, nice airport.

[Handrejka 1,903]

The fact that was 35 years this weekend that the Summerland Fire disaster happened and there was no mention in the news. I bet once the 35th anniversary of Kings Cross comes round there'll be loads of stories. Sodding southern-centric news sites

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/s...000/2526967.stm

[Guest Welcome to Philly]

... the plane will be landing in Philadelphia ...

That sounds yummy! Are Ryvita and celery allowed as hand luggage?

[Windsor 2,233]

This morning I'd like to put 'some knob at work' in to Room 101.

 

He is 20 years old and his mother had a late pregnancy earlier on in the year. Unfortunately she lost the baby a couple of weeks ago having a still birth. Anyway, yesterday the knob in question came in to work after some time off. We could deal with his constant whining but then he did something that sickened most of the staff. He went through his phone to a certain picture saying only 'look at this'. So the person would look at the picture. It was the chef who told me as he had been shown this picture. The chef then asked the knob what exactly he was looking at.

The knob replied, 'my baby sister'. Yes, the knob was going about showing the staff a picture of his dead baby sister without warning them what he was about to show. It is probably worth mentioning that the chef has his own baby born at the end of last month.

 

Sick f****r.

[TAFKAG 70]

The BRIT School, a hellish production line responsible for churning out such cackheads as Katie Melua, Kate Nash, Adele, Dane Bowers, Leona Lewis, Athlete, The Kooks and Imogen Heap, as well as a certain well-known Camden-dwelling skaghead. Lily Allen and KT Tunstall must have failed the entrance exam.

 

Come friendly bombs and fall on Croydon.

[Lady Grendel 139]

Banks or more specifically the Bank of Scotland, or HBOS as it's now known. They managed to bugger up my account 3 months ago by accidentally putting it on the list for closure, which resulted in BACS payments being rejected and my having to get a new bank card, which should have been simple. Despite repeated requests for a new card, nothing happened, I finally got a nice young man in my local branch to sort it out a couple of weeks ago and the card arrived this week. All I needed was a new PIN no., that arrived yesterday much to my relief, all sorted so I thought until I opened the letter and pulled back the strip to reveal the PIN only to discover it was blank, this means another trip to the bank tomorrow to order a new one .

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Banks or more specifically the Bank of Scotland, or HBOS as it's now known. They managed to bugger up my account 3 months ago by accidentally putting it on the list for closure, which resulted in BACS payments being rejected and my having to get a new bank card, which should have been simple. Despite repeated requests for a new card, nothing happened, I finally got a nice young man in my local branch to sort it out a couple of weeks ago and the card arrived this week. All I needed was a new PIN no., that arrived yesterday much to my relief, all sorted so I thought until I opened the letter and pulled back the strip to reveal the PIN only to discover it was blank, this means another trip to the bank tomorrow to order a new one .

Take a cattle prod with you, threaten to zap em in the wotsits if they dont move their arses.

Go on LG, do it, you will be doing what we have all wanted to do, at one time or another, to a branch employee

On another note, It is generally accepted that the Inland Revenue would have a seat in the most prominent position in Room 101.

In view of this, I am sorry to tell you that, at this moment in time, they are wonderful.

I was recently informed by the money grabbing scum bags that they had relieved me of too much tax, however, no sooner had I received that nugget through my letter box, I then received a nice fat juicy cheque. What service!

That Inland Revenue lot are much maligned and misunderstood....

[honez 79]

It is generally accepted that the Inland Revenue would have a seat in the most prominent position in Room 101.

In view of this, I am sorry to tell you that, at this moment in time, they are wonderful.

I was recently informed by the money grabbing scum bags that they had relieved me of too much tax, however, no sooner had I received that nugget through my letter box, I then received a nice fat juicy cheque. What service!

That Inland Revenue lot are much maligned and misunderstood....

You do realise that this money was yours in the first place before they incorrectly overcharged you? In order to work out that they'd charged you too much, it cost them time and money (yours) and it has cost them more to actually give it back to you. So the money that you earned they took away, they charged you to do it, then they charge you more to pay it back at a much later date. And I doubt very much that you would get any interest that would have accredited on this money in the mean time.

If a private individual or, say, a bank did this to you, then there would likely be criminal proceedings involved.

You are quite correct when you say the Inland Revenue lot are much maligned and misunderstood; some people don't think of them as thieving criminals.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

It is generally accepted that the Inland Revenue would have a seat in the most prominent position in Room 101.

In view of this, I am sorry to tell you that, at this moment in time, they are wonderful.

I was recently informed by the money grabbing scum bags that they had relieved me of too much tax, however, no sooner had I received that nugget through my letter box, I then received a nice fat juicy cheque. What service!

That Inland Revenue lot are much maligned and misunderstood....

You do realise that this money was yours in the first place before they incorrectly overcharged you? In order to work out that they'd charged you too much, it cost them time and money (yours) and it has cost them more to actually give it back to you. So the money that you earned they took away, they charged you to do it, then they charge you more to pay it back at a much later date. And I doubt very much that you would get any interest that would have accredited on this money in the mean time.

If a private individual or, say, a bank did this to you, then there would likely be criminal proceedings involved.

You are quite correct when you say the Inland Revenue lot are much maligned and misunderstood; some people don't think of them as thieving criminals.

Yep, Honez, I did say that with my tongue firmly lodged in my cheek.

I just thought it was so utterly nice, efficient and honest of them to return to me what was mine all along.

I was glad to have been of service in allowing them to rip me off and, no doubt, countless others, giving them the opportunity to earn a nice healthy interest on the stack of money before handing it back to its rightful owners.

It feels so good to be helping the Country out in its time of need.

[honez 79]

People yacking on their mobiles where they shouldn't. On public transport, in cinemas, in restaurants, etc. Basically anywhere within five metres of me

Anyway, this gadget would help them shut up like they're supposed to. If it worked on iPods/walkmen it'd be a shoo-in for must-have product-of-the-year.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

Pol Pot singing Nessun Dorma.

[Terminator 13]

"Customer services" on any railway platform/tube station. I've been on the tube only to hear an announcement that an incomprehensible station was closed....it was one of those few eye-meeting moments when everyone was trying to work out what station that might translate to....no-one had any clue.

 

All I'll say is that the platform staff (outside of the rush hour) at Clapham Junction may have some grip of basic Englsih, but can't be arsed to even try.

 

Fair enough, they're probably cheap. However, what's their point if they are inarticulate(?)