Room 101

[Paul Bearer 6,100]

I pick up any that are in the firing line from feet and move them to safer places like a wall or under a bush etc.

 

And then when you're out of sight a big fekin crow dives down and eats the fekin snail

[Monoclinic 39]

Warning do not read if you are American and easily offended.

 

I'd like to put proof reading in to room 101. It is officially the most dullest past time known to Man (and no weak lemon drink is provided). Just got an article back from my old boss to proof read the draft and lo and behold a bastard yank editor has gone through and changed all the British spelling to American English. Pernickety arseholes.

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

e to say tho, the most frightening thing occoured about 3 months ago. There was I up a pole in a forest when I heard this horrific noise.

I won't ask.

[Grammar Police]I believe Pole is a proper noun.[/Grammar Police]

Is that specific to Pole as in Telephone Pole or specific to Pole as in Polish, native of Poland.

As I didnt specify what kind of "Pole" I was up, could you please clarify for me Honez?

Surely you meant a native of Poland?

I mean, climbing a telegraph pole in a forest is plainly absurd; whereas engaging in sexual congress with an Eastern European in heavily shrubbed woodlands, is something almost everyone will experience at some stage or other.

 

However, the experience of sexual congress with an Eastern European is unlikely to be accurately encapsulated by the phrase 'up a Pole' in every case, even in a context where we are enjoined to celebrate diversity. Some, surely, will only be able to experience having a Pole up them.

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

 

Just think of the slugs you might be slaying, without hearing them scream or even splinter.

[Windsor 2,233]

Accidently treading on snails. I seem to be doing it alot at the moment. Just walking along wishing no harm to anything and suddenly my peace is polluted by a sickly molluscan crunch. It must be a horrible way to die. I always instinctively apologise "Oh I'm sorry", like that does the poor mashed creature any good.

 

Just think of the slugs you might be slaying, without hearing them scream or even splinter.

 

Slugs are worse than snails - especially the big ones.

The problem with large slugs is that when you step on them, you tend to slide and end up nearly falling on your arse.

 

Or is that just me?

[Lady Grendel 139]

Slugs are easily killed with a large dose of salt, just shake it all over them and watch them liquify. Not that I do that, I 'relocate' them into next doors garden using a postcard or some such to lift them up, next doors garden is the local Catholic church and I hope they survive the 6 foot fall. I am with DDT and PiP I watch where I am going so I don't stand on snails and have been known to move them off pathways to leafier climes, well away from HCW's 'big feckin crows'!

[CarolAnn 926]

Warning do not read if you are American and easily offended.

 

I'd like to put proof reading in to room 101. It is officially the most dullest past time known to Man (and no weak lemon drink is provided). Just got an article back from my old boss to proof read the draft and lo and behold a bastard yank editor has gone through and changed all the British spelling to American English. Pernickety arseholes.

 

Your prejudices are starting to show, M - time to adjust the hemline.

[themaninblack 2,112]

Warning do not read if you are American and easily offended.

 

I'd like to put proof reading in to room 101. It is officially the most dullest past time known to Man (and no weak lemon drink is provided). Just got an article back from my old boss to proof read the draft and lo and behold a bastard yank editor has gone through and changed all the British spelling to American English. Pernickety arseholes.

 

Your prejudices are starting to show, M - time to adjust the hemline.

 

Yes, that was a very off-color remark Mono...

[Monoclinic 39]

Okay put it this way, it works both ways. I am sure there'd be a group of annoyed US authors who found on submitting an article that some snooty British editor had, for instance, decided to add an extra i in aluminum or changed the f for ph in sulfur or gone through an entire 30+ page manuscript replacing all the z's for s's just because it suited their whim. Both versions are acceptable in the English language, it's anal to change it, that's all. It put me off trying to find out the real typos and errors, seeing as I am the only anglophone on the paper it's mainly down to me to do it.

[Captain Oates 21]

Warning do not read if you are American and easily offended.

 

I'd like to put proof reading in to room 101. It is officially the most dullest past time known to Man (and no weak lemon drink is provided). Just got an article back from my old boss to proof read the draft and lo and behold a bastard yank editor has gone through and changed all the British spelling to American English. Pernickety arseholes.

 

Your prejudices are starting to show, M - time to adjust the hemline.

 

Yes, that was a very off-color remark Mono...

 

Somewhere along the line, this proof-reading task has been ill-defined; someone has not used their brain before requesting the work and has thereby caused frustration and irritation. We are all aware that American English and British English are two different languages - the spelling is different as is some of the usage and grammar.

 

Which brings me to my offering for Room 101: Bosses and other "superiors" (do inverted commas invert the meaning of the enclosed word!) who waste their employees' time by providing wrong, insufficient or misleading information. As an example, I have recently worked for a company who paid me at a rate based on the use of data and equipment which they said they would provide and then refused to provide. Cheats and robbers!

 

I'm not very surprised that this happens (deliberately?) in the work that I do (low-paid, no option but to do the work or starve) but I see no reason why Mono should not complain loudly when it happens in the way she has described. There should be no excuse for such communication problems at the level of intellectual endeavour in which I understand her to be involved. And the Editors should also know better or be sacked.

[honez 79]

And the Editors should also know better or be sacked.

Or fired, depending whether you are from the east or west of the pond. I think to sack someone might have a slightly different interpretation in North America.

Which makes me think that if British workers get sacked when they blow at the job, North Americans would too. Well, nearly.

[Pretty In Pink 1]

I pick up any that are in the firing line from feet and move them to safer places like a wall or under a bush etc.

 

And then when you're out of sight a big fekin crow dives down and eats the fekin snail

 

A big fekin crow ate some little baby blackbirds out of a nest in my garden this spring!

[Windsor 2,233]

Is anyone else getting bored of the sheer volume of puns being used by the media reporting on the Iceland banking crisis.

 

A new cold war? Frosty relations? Icy relations? Freezing assets? For Christ sake, Newsnight went to the trouble of freezing money as a backdrop to their reporting.

 

Note to self - don't buy any tabloids tomorrow...

[Monoclinic 39]

Warning do not read if you are American and easily offended.

 

I'd like to put proof reading in to room 101. It is officially the most dullest past time known to Man (and no weak lemon drink is provided). Just got an article back from my old boss to proof read the draft and lo and behold a bastard yank editor has gone through and changed all the British spelling to American English. Pernickety arseholes.

 

Your prejudices are starting to show, M - time to adjust the hemline.

 

Yes, that was a very off-color remark Mono...

 

Somewhere along the line, this proof-reading task has been ill-defined; someone has not used their brain before requesting the work and has thereby caused frustration and irritation. We are all aware that American English and British English are two different languages - the spelling is different as is some of the usage and grammar.

 

Which brings me to my offering for Room 101: Bosses and other "superiors" (do inverted commas invert the meaning of the enclosed word!) who waste their employees time by providing wrong, insufficient or misleading information. As an example, I have recently worked for a company who paid me at a rate based on the use of data and equipment which they said they would provide and then refused to provide. Cheats and robbers!

 

I'm not very surprised that this happens (deliberately?) in the work that I do (low-paid, no option but to do the work or starve) but I see no reason why Mono should not complain loudly when it happens in the way she has described. There should be no excuse for such communication problems at the level of intellectual endeavour in which I understand her to be involved. And the Editors should also know better or be sacked.

 

Thank-you CO, you make my work sound all very high-brow, it's really just an excuse to prolong a carefree nomadic (I have no hat ergo no home?) lifestyle. I'll have to go back to the UK one of these days I'm sure, just holding out for those house prices to fall even further!

 

If the government has put a freeze on Icelandic companies does this mean Kerry Katona's adverts are over? (Sorry if they've been off air for ages, see above re. nomad)

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

Is anyone else getting bored of the sheer volume of puns being used by the media reporting on the Iceland banking crisis.

 

A new cold war? Frosty relations? Icy relations? Freezing assets? For Christ sake, Newsnight went to the trouble of freezing money as a backdrop to their reporting.

 

Note to self - don't buy any tabloids tomorrow...

 

Tomorrow 'Sun' headline: 'Ice Creamed'. You read it here first.

 

Note to self: buy a tabloid occasionally, but never, EVER buy one with a red top.

[Windsor 2,233]

Its nice to see that Scotland's nationalist 'Government' is taking the economic crisis seriously! Arseholes.

 

Bunch of timewasters.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Its nice to see that Scotland's nationalist 'Government' is taking the economic crisis seriously! Arseholes.

 

Bunch of timewasters.

Tell you what, you can have her bones back, you can even have all the Scotish people living in England back ( lots of them) and, in return, can we have all that money back that is handed over every year to allow the Scottish people all the freebies us English have to pay for, like your f*****g education Windsor.

Stop bleating and thank your lucky stars that you are being spoon fed by the likes of hard working English taxpayers like ME!!!!

Now thats a rant sonny.

PS: This is not an anti scottish rant ( LG would have my guts for garters if it was) I actually believe in the Union.

I dont, however, believe that things are overly fair.

[Windsor 2,233]

Its nice to see that Scotland's nationalist 'Government' is taking the economic crisis seriously! Arseholes.

 

Bunch of timewasters.

Tell you what, you can have her bones back, you can even have all the Scotish people living in England back ( lots of them) and, in return, can we have all that money back that is handed over every year to allow the Scottish people all the freebies us English have to pay for, like your f*****g education Windsor.

Stop bleating and thank your lucky stars that you are being spoon fed by the likes of hard working English taxpayers like ME!!!!

 

 

Yes, I know. Its great isn't it? We are practically Royalty - living the good life thanks to you English taxpayers.

God forbid that the Scots actually contribute to the exchequer.

 

Anyway - you best be off to bed now as its after half nine. You best get a good nights sleep before starting another day of work to support young sawney here.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Its nice to see that Scotland's nationalist 'Government' is taking the economic crisis seriously! Arseholes.

 

Bunch of timewasters.

Tell you what, you can have her bones back, you can even have all the Scotish people living in England back ( lots of them) and, in return, can we have all that money back that is handed over every year to allow the Scottish people all the freebies us English have to pay for, like your f*****g education Windsor.

Stop bleating and thank your lucky stars that you are being spoon fed by the likes of hard working English taxpayers like ME!!!!

 

 

Yes, I know. Its great isn't it? We are practically Royalty - living the good life thanks to you English taxpayers.

God forbid that the Scots actually contribute to the exchequer.

 

Anyway - you best be off to bed now as its after half nine. You best get a good nights sleep before starting another day of work to support young sawney here.

Proportionately, the contribution is f**k all. That monstrosity of the "Parliament" Building would have had you all eating Fag ends and living in cardboard boxes if it hadnt been so heavily subsidised.

Its also comforting to know that should I wish to put my daughter through University, I will need to sell my arsehole to do it, however, I can put young Hamish Mctavish through the full Monty, at any Scottish University, for free. How nice.

Its quite gratifying to see so many Nationalists screaming for independence knowing full well that It will never happen.

I mean, what would they do if it did?

sh*t themselves.

PS: I can go to bed at whatever time I want. You, however, are barely old enough to have pubes around your scrotum and, perhaps, its you that needs to be tucked into bed nice and early.

[Windsor 2,233]

Its quite gratifying to see so many Nationalists screaming for independence knowing full well that It will never happen.

I mean, what would they do if it did?

sh*t themselves.

 

I agree with you on that point. It was looking good for Salmond until the current banking crisis. The 'arc of prosperity' he was banging on about all of last year has fallen apart over the last month. Can you imagine if Scotland was independent? Her two largest banks up sh*t creek and not enough capital to prop them up? I don't pretend to be an economist, but even I can see that doesn't bode well. Also didn't Salmond say that he would have proped HBOS up with £100bn? Where is he getting that money from?

 

But then according to some, I'm wrong. Something about oil revenues which we will be saving up from day one of independence (Christ knows how we are going to prop up our large public sector when we are saving all this money, especially as we are supposed to be emulating the low-tax Celtic Tiger). Then they generally say something about wind and wave farms?

 

Anyway, with regards to University fees - I do agree with you (I'm not really that arrogant). Rather than have a system where all Scots get their education paid for - and all English students do not - I think a fairer national solution should be met. The poorest families - regardless of which side of the border they live - should be given assistance. I do sometimes question free University education for all Scots when a good proportion of students come from fairly affluent backgrounds. But then perhaps I'm just getting over idealistic.

 

PS: I can go to bed at whatever time I want. You, however, are barely old enough to have pubes around your scrotum and, perhaps, its you that needs to be tucked into bed nice and early.

 

I'll take it that you were a late developer then?

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Its quite gratifying to see so many Nationalists screaming for independence knowing full well that It will never happen.

I mean, what would they do if it did?

sh*t themselves.

 

I agree with you on that point. It was looking good for Salmond until the current banking crisis. The 'arc of prosperity' he was banging on about all of last year has fallen apart over the last month. Can you imagine if Scotland was independent? Her two largest banks up sh*t creek and not enough capital to prop them up? I don't pretend to be an economist, but even I can see that doesn't bode well. Also didn't Salmond say that he would have proped HBOS up with £100bn? Where is he getting that money from?

 

But then according to some, I'm wrong. Something about oil revenues which we will be saving up from day one of independence (Christ knows how we are going to prop up our large public sector when we are saving all this money, especially as we are supposed to be emulating the low-tax Celtic Tiger). Then they generally say something about wind and wave farms?

 

Anyway, with regards to University fees - I do agree with you (I'm not really that arrogant). Rather than have a system where all Scots get their education paid for - and all English students do not - I think a fairer national solution should be met. The poorest families - regardless of which side of the border they live - should be given assistance. I do sometimes question free University education for all Scots when a good proportion of students come from fairly affluent backgrounds. But then perhaps I'm just getting over idealistic.

 

PS: I can go to bed at whatever time I want. You, however, are barely old enough to have pubes around your scrotum and, perhaps, its you that needs to be tucked into bed nice and early.

 

I'll take it that you were a late developer then?

Lol, Ok, ok Winny.

We actually agree on things.

How unusual!!

[Guest David]

One of my work colleagues, Roger. He drives me up the wall for the following reasons:

 

1) He is totally incapable of doing his job

 

2) He is incapable of admitting when he is wrong (which is 99% of the time)

 

3) He NEVER says thank you when you help him

 

4) He is the reason our team meetings last for 6 hours at a time (there are only 4 of us in the office!)

 

5) He thinks he knows everything

 

6) He smells

 

7) He thinks the world owes him a favour

 

8) He has no sense of humour

 

9) He has a herd of cows he doesnt look after properly - strange but true

 

10) When he gets angry, he turns a violent shade of purple and stares at his desk refusing to speak. No - he's not a toddler, he's in his 50's.

 

I'm sure I'll think of some more reasons why Roger should be in Room 101. If you met him, you'd understand.

 

Can we please moderate the language on the Forum, please? My girlfriend often reads this and she doesn't like swearing.

[Guest David]

Assistants in shoe shops who try and sell you cleaner/protecter/anti-slip soles etc.

 

I've worn my high-heeled sandals all summer, and haven't slipped and broken my kneck once, despite the dire predictions of the woman who sold them to me (because I didn't buy the 12 euro non slip things to stick on the bottom). Have just been promised a similar fate in relation to the boots I bought this morning, I've also been warned that they will shrivel up in no time at all because I didn't invest in the 15 euro tub of shoe cream. Grrrrrr

 

Can we put annoying TV commercials in Room 101? If we can, can I pleae put in that dire Night Nurse ad from a few years ago with the bloke in the bus queue? I knew him from school in Glasgow - he was the school bully. Aw, tough luck, mate - the only job you can get's in a dire ad like that. However the girl who plays the driving instructor in the Lemsip ad from last year certainly can't go into Room 101 - she's my girlfriend. Well done, sweetheart. I'm proud of ya. Love ya pet.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

Cock Off, you f*lchsp**ning Fanny Madger.

[Monoclinic 39]

Assistants in shoe shops who try and sell you cleaner/protecter/anti-slip soles etc.

 

I've worn my high-heeled sandals all summer, and haven't slipped and broken my kneck once, despite the dire predictions of the woman who sold them to me (because I didn't buy the 12 euro non slip things to stick on the bottom). Have just been promised a similar fate in relation to the boots I bought this morning, I've also been warned that they will shrivel up in no time at all because I didn't invest in the 15 euro tub of shoe cream. Grrrrrr

 

Can we put annoying TV commercials in Room 101? If we can, can I pleae put in that dire Night Nurse ad from a few years ago with the bloke in the bus queue? I knew him from school in Glasgow - he was the school bully. Aw, tough luck, mate - the only job you can get's in a dire ad like that. However the girl who plays the driving instructor in the Lemsip ad from last year certainly can't go into Room 101 - she's my girlfriend. Well done, sweetheart. I'm proud of ya. Love ya pet.

 

Yawn

 

I haven't seen the advert, I've been away. In fact the last time I saw one, Lemsip was sorting the men out from the boys. So what are you David, a man or a boy? Or is she just too tired from all that "instructing" when she comes in to sort you out?

 

Please pass on our regards to Scott, we sure have missed him.