The Next Tory Leader

[TQR 13,409]

I know, I know, it’s a bit like choosing the location about your person for a malignant tumour. But one of these people, like it or not, will be our next PM for up to two years.

 

EDIT 12-07 18:00: I have chopped the poll down to the eight arseholes who’ve made the ballot.

 

I’m gonna punt for a relative outsider, Tom Tugendhat.

[msc 18,038]

You notice how many are picking Penny Mordaunt as their darkhorse tip, as Ben Wallace is too obvious, and it makes them look dull and unimaginative?

 

Well, Mordaunt's my tip.

[Paul Bearer 5,853]

I went for the 'other' option.  A new upcoming politician Jorris Bohnston. 

[Sean 6,086]

Sunak.

[Bibliogryphon 9,071]

At the moment I am saying Wallace. However many names on that list won't even make the first MPs ballot. So I will give a more reasoned commentary when the nominations close

[Redrumours 837]

Mark Francois of course.

[The Old Crem 3,311]

I’m going to predict that if either Wallace or Truss make the membership they win - if it’s both of them then it be quite close I think.

 

I think the press will have a big impact. May was respected and backed by nearly all of the Tory press - I’m not sure Mordaunt or Tugendhat will be.

[Deadboy999 160]

Sunak.

[Toast 15,390]

Nadine Dorries

[gcreptile 10,447]

Michael Heseltine

[theoldlady 2,107]

Patel: Why?: Female, child of immigrants. Too bad she is not a lesbian or transgender and have a disability, then she would have been the perfect candidate for the New World Order.

[MortalCaso 1,471]

I went with Penny Mordaunt. In my limited knowledge of UK politics, she seems like the right fit. I can't think of anyone who is more well endowed. 

[Redrumours 837]

Wallace and Gromit as deputy.

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1 hour ago, Toast said:

Nadine Dorries

*shudders*

[Philip 120]

Tom Tugendhat, can't imagine a current cabinet member winning 

[Philip 120]

Nadine Dorries would make history as the first prime minister to have eaten animal genitals in a jungle on television.

[Toast 15,390]

1 hour ago, Redrumours said:

Wallace and Gromit as deputy.

 

Rory Stewart isn't currently a Tory MP though. 

 

56 minutes ago, Philip said:

Nadine Dorries would make history as the first prime minister to have eaten animal genitals in a jungle on television.

 

That we know of.

[Great Uncle Bulgaria 1,159]

Surely Sunak and Truss are the two with the most name awareness and have to be the early favourites.

Think the fact that both Sunak and his wife are filthy rich will make it hard to sell him as a man of the people in red wall seats.

Voted Truss but it will probably be whoever Murdoch wants.

[The Old Crem 3,311]

22 minutes ago, Great Uncle Bulgaria said:

Surely Sunak and Truss are the two with the most name awareness and have to be the early favourites.

Think the fact that both Sunak and his wfe are both filthy rich will make it hard to sell him as a man of the people in red wall seats.

Voted Truss but it will probably be whoever Murdoch wants.

Which could be Wallace or Truss but Braverman seems to be picking up support but maybe not enough to make the ballot. 

[The Old Crem 3,311]

The leaked dates for the handover are when I’m out of the country. So I would be leaving under one PM and returning after another.

[TQR 13,409]

BrexitHardManSteve Baker has decided not to run. Maybe he’s too hard. Grrr. Hard man. 
 

Kemi Badenoch has launched her bid so I’ve put her name where BrexitHardManSteve Baker was.

 

Nadine Dorries is considering a run too. Can’t see it happening and frankly I’m laughing too hard at the prospect to add her name to the poll yet. I’ll leave her under ‘Other’ for now.

[Bibliogryphon 9,071]

Unfortunately the MP's voting round is when I am on holiday so it will be interesting to see what happens.

 

Sir Charles Walker has already said he hopes some of the without a chance brigade think again to streamline the process

[maryportfuncity 10,239]

 

Still considering my choices here but the honourable member for Romford would be interesting, maybe with  Charles Pincher as deputy!

 

[YoungWillz 19,872]

Must not be a millionaire.

Must not be public school educated.

Must not be Oxbridge educated.

Must not represent a London/Home Counties seat.

Must not be a banker, hedge fund person or ever been a CEO/Director of a "large" (more than 250 employees) company.

Must never have had a photo op involving a food bank.

Must never have had a photo op dressed in hi-viz or a hard hat.

Must never have campaigned or voted for the exemption from the rule of law of any person/group of people, such as Northern Ireland veterans or Owen Patterson, for example.

 

And, just to rule out everyone else, must not be a cunt.

 

Otherwise, fill your boots.

[TQR 13,409]

33 minutes ago, YoungWillz said:

Must not be a millionaire.

Must not be public school educated.

Must not be Oxbridge educated.

Must not represent a London/Home Counties seat.

Must not be a banker, hedge fund person or ever been a CEO/Director of a "large" (more than 250 employees) company.

Must never have had a photo op involving a food bank.

Must never have had a photo op dressed in hi-viz or a hard hat.

Must never have campaigned or voted for the exemption from the rule of law of any person/group of people, such as Northern Ireland veterans or Owen Patterson, for example.

 

And, just to rule out everyone else, must not be a cunt.

 

Otherwise, fill your boots.

Er…this isn’t ‘Who do you WANT to be next Tory leader’. I WANT every single one of their Pinocchio noses fed through a mangle before getting shoved into the Job Centre queue.

 

In terms of who you THINK will be next Tory leader, whoever it is will contravene at the very least a couple of your shopping list of requirements.